Millennial Voices

Confessions Of A Self-Professed Slut

“Am I slutty?”

I ask myself this question all the time.

I even ask it to my friends, “Do you think I’m very slutty?” I genuinely want to know.

They tell me no, your sex drive is just high; no, you’re only a slut if you hit double digit; no, you’re single, it’s fine! Some of them genuinely mean what they say, but some of them, I can tell, are just trying to make me feel better; they’re just saying that. Maybe they think it’s a trick question. While I don’t care what strangers think of me, them, I do.

Do I see myself as slutty? Well, yeah. What else do you call a woman who sleeps around with people they’re not in relationships with, who makes out with strangers in clubs and sends nudes to boys just because they asked? I’ve slept with some guys I haven’t been attracted to in the slightest. I sleep with them because I wanted sex, and they were available.

If a slut is someone who has many casual sexual partners, then I’m guilty as charged.

The Young Slut

There was a time in my life when I was bothered by this label. I was 17 and studying in polytechnic. I was hooking up with different boys from school, sending photos of my body when innocent text conversations turned suggestive. I thought I was an awful person. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but I also wondered why.

It felt good, not just physically. It felt good to be wanted. To have your body be desired. Why shouldn’t I do it? It was my choice after all, wasn’t it?

When I was in school, people would call me a slut behind my back and it hurt to come to know. Gossip like this spreads fast, and the further it spread, the more warped it becomes such that once it came back around, it was completely different from what had actually happened.

Back then, I’d get these looks from schoolmates as I walked past. You knew they were talking about you, that they knew about you or have been told some wildly distorted version of the truth. You could tell they’ve been talking about you.

It’s a confusing environment for a young woman who’s just finding out who she is and what she believes.

One time, the mother of one of the boys I hooked up with caught us in the act and yelled at us. She told me I was a loose woman, that I had no respect for their family. She didn’t call me a slut exactly, but “loose woman”, is just another way of saying “slut”.

These days, a few years and many experiences later, the label no longer bothers me. These days, I try to embrace who I am, what I believe and what I want, even if they’re different from those of others.

I try to embrace the fact that I am a woman who loves sex in a society where it’s indecent for a woman to show any overt signs of wanting it. I try to embrace the fact that I am someone who will go to every extent to get what I want, to satisfy my sexual needs. I try to embrace my beliefs that long-term relationships and monogamy isn’t for me—at least at this stage in my life. I try to embrace all this in spite of the knowledge that many Singaporeans will not approve of it.

So What If I Am, So What If I’m Not?

These days, with shifting perceptions and attitudes towards relationships, sex and bodies, with Tinder, Grindr, and all that becoming a normal part of our dating experiences, people are less judgmental towards non-committal sex and casual relationships. But still, there is a group that thinks differently, a majority group that will still call the type of woman I am “slutty” as if they were morally above me.

They judge me, think I would give it up for anyone, open my legs for anyone. They think I don’t value myself enough. But that’s not true, I am doing exactly what I want.

Sometimes, hearing things like that makes me second guess my choices, my lifestyle. It has me wondering if their judgment of me is more accurate than my judgment of myself. But the honest truth is despite everything I know or have been told, this is what I choose. With full clarity of mind, this is what I want.

There was a time when I felt ashamed of being a slut, but in the last 7 or 8 years, I’ve learnt that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t define me. Maybe I am a slut, maybe I’m not. The important thing is that’s not all I am, and because I know who I am outside of these labels, I am not ashamed.

This Is Me

Everyone chooses how they live their lives. This is how I’ve chosen for mine. This is my body and I have the right to do what I want with it. I don’t agree with monogamy but I don’t go around telling couples they’re making a mistake; is there right or wrong when it comes to relationships? I don’t think so.

What I do think is that this choice fits me now. Maybe a few years down the road, I will think differently; maybe then, I’ll choose differently. But that is for me to find out later on. This? This fits me now. This is who I am at this point in time, and I will not apologize and feel ashamed for any part of it.

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