Author: Lim Bei Ling

There is a high chance that there is someone within your social circles with some sort of kinky sex secret hidden behind the face of innocence. 

Surprise, Singaporeans are hooking up.

If you are a Singaporean millennial, you probably would have been living under a rock if you are unaware of how common it is for our generation to sleep around by now.

We all know that the hooking up culture exists in Singapore. 

We know of friends, or friends of friends who have had One-Night Stands (ONS), Friends With Benefits (FWBs), and even orgies. Nonetheless, seeing the way we react with the initial disbelief that quickly transforms into excitement, one would think that we had just won the lottery whenever someone spills tea on someone hooking up with someone. 

However, despite this awareness, casual sex and promiscuity remain an open secret only discussed in closed circles and in hushed whispers. 

It’s an irony, because while our society has grown to be a lot more open to traditionally promiscuous behaviours, there is still a lot of shame attached to these behaviours. 

As a Redditor best puts it, our society is one where we can do it “not openly la, [but] secret-secret ok.”

We’re The Amalgamation Of Conservative Singapore & Western Liberals

When it comes to promiscuity, we are a perplexing generation to understand. 

Perhaps it’s because of the way we were brought up. Our parents and grandparents are people who would wear the chastity belt with pride, but chastity and abstinence are not values that we celebrate. In fact, it’s the contrary: we see it as prudish. 

I believe a big part of this has to do with the way we are exposed to content from the West, the influences from Hollywood and American television since our primary school years. I find it hard to imagine us having the same perspectives as we have today should we have grown up with heavy influence from the East (like China) instead. 

Overseas exchange trips that some of us have had the opportunity to go for also allowed us to experience the different cultures across the globe. 

All of these collectively contributed to our general acceptance of liberal views in Singapore. 

As such, we are the generation that grew up trying to make sense of the conservative boundaries surrounding sex that our elders drew for us. Out of curiosity and the desire to ‘rebel’ a little, we dip our toes into these boundaries. As a result, we become increasingly liberal with sex while we still grapple with innately conservative values embedded in us from a young age. 

On a thread discussing promiscuity in Singapore, another Redditor commented: “We're definitely fine with sex, but we've been brought up in quite a conservative environment where open discussion about sex is frowned upon, so everyone seems like they're very pure.”

The Need To Keep Up ‘An Image’ To Prevent Being Shamed

Also ironically, despite our knowledge of a hookup culture in Singapore, we seem to still have a sex shaming culture as well. 

A large part of our society remains highly conservative, and I dare say that most millennials would feel uncomfortable with being 100% truthful to their parents about their views on sex and promiscuity. The reason: We either fear incurring their wrath in suggesting something so blasphemous, or we know there’s no point in even trying. 

In our society, there’s still a significant amount of shame that’s tied to traditionally promiscuous behaviours, which is pretty much engaging in any kind of sexual activities with anyone else besides our partner. 

I spoke to two millennials who opened up about having had multiple sex partners. Despite their belief that it’s okay to have casual sex, both shared the same sentiments that this ‘lifestyle’ is not something that they will flaunt because they are not confident that society, as a whole, will be able to accept their behaviours.

It isn’t so much of a fear of not being accepted by people, but it is the subtle ‘shade’ and shame that comes with being openly promiscuous that they would rather avoid. 

26-year-old Lynn*, said: “There are always moments where I judge myself. I think part of it is because we have always been taught that sex is all about love and should only be done in a committed relationship. Another thing is that people will definitely judge you as well, especially if they themselves strongly believe that sex is an act of love.”

27-year-old, Tony*, who revealed that he has had sex with around 36 women, added that it’s important to learn how to separate making love and having sex. “Sometimes I feel [bad] because it’s like a transaction, as if [sex] is the only thing we can offer. But on the other hand, it’s also a human need.” 

Despite all the shame and stigma however, there have been noticeable changes in our society. 

For instance, Swinging Communities are more prevalent these days, and Swingers are completely open about satiating their sexual desires through ‘unusual’ arrangements like swapping spouses and even sex parties (orgies)—yes, these happen in Singapore. These communities are a lot more accessible today, and you can easily surf forum threads that detail these experiences and join communities like Undertable—Singapore & ASIA Swingers Community.

Screen capture taken from Undertable

We’re becoming more receptive of the concept of promiscuity, and some would argue that this is eroding our traditional Asian values. But if we were to look at this objectively, it really isn’t necessarily bad. 

It isn’t as if promiscuous behaviours are a new fad. And sure, there’s a growing acceptance in the pursuit of promiscuous lifestyles today. However, it’s also a fact that people are more willing to open up today, which is great because being able to talk about it helps us understand more about sex. 

This is also a positive progression because on the other end of the spectrum, there are many who struggle with the guilt of doing something wrong whenever we pander to our sexual desires. I know this because I’ve struggled with it myself. 

This fear, guilt, and shame is also what deters us from talking about our struggles, or about sex even, which is really important in helping us understand more about something that is at the end of the day, really just human nature. 

It helps to take away a lot of guilt and shame that we really don’t need. And let’s be honest: having casual sex is inherently hedonistic, and we know it. 

Importantly, We Need To Know The Difference Between Acceptance Vs. Glorifying

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating for Singapore to be more (or less) promiscuous. Instead, what I’m proposing is for us to think about how much we are talking about sex and how we are talking about it.

Ultimately, I think we need to establish the difference between accepting and glorifying sex and promiscuity. It’s one thing to be more open-minded and to encourage a more liberal society, and another to promote or encourage mindless promiscuity. Let me assure you that I am not gunning for the latter. Neither am I promoting the idea of polygamy or cheating, or for every conversation to be about sex.

What I’m saying is that it’ll do us good to have more acceptance.  

Something I’ve learnt from reading up about the Undertable Community is the need to have mutual respect and non-judgment.

With all that said, there are still behaviours that I don’t agree with. But that doesn’t mean that I expect other people to believe in my belief. I’d agree to disagree, because just like how I wouldn’t want others to judge my (sex) life, I believe there’s no win in judging others just  for their sex drive. 

Despite being inherently conservative, I’d say ‘it’s your life.’ Do whatever you want as long as you keep yourself safe, and you don’t affect anyone who isn't willing. 

So What’s Good For Our Society?

These days, there’s no more clear definitions of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ as lines are blurred. More often than not, we know that behind cases of infidelity is also very likely a complicated history between two adults. 

As the generation that grew up with a mix of Eastern and Western values, we are one that are increasingly receptive of liberal perspectives while we continue to police ourselves with morals of fidelity and monogamy. 

Some may think that we are becoming desensitised or that we are normalising promiscuous behaviour and to a certain extent, we are. However, I don't think that this is necessarily a bad thing. It’s just growth. And being part of a society in a first-world nation, I think growth is good. 

Going forward, it's probably also one of the things that is going to change a good deal in several generations' time. 

* Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals.

Also read: Is There A Need For Better Sex Education That’s More Than STDs And Abstinence?.

(Header Image Credit: Marvin Meyer on Unsplash)

In the earlier days of his training, going home with cuts and bruises were nothing. Because when one is training in a sport that employs everything from punches and kicks to chokes and throws to achieve dominance in combat, injuries are inevitable.

For the uninitiated, the bloodied faces and broken bones that accompany Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fights paint the sport as violent or even brutal, but for 26-year-old Niko Soe, it is also one that drastically changed his life path.

The professional MMA fighter was exposed to the world of martial arts when his mother sent him to Silat classes at 8-years-old. However, it was not until he discovered MMA at 15 when martial arts became more than a pastime.

“My friend showed me some videos of different martial arts versus different martial arts. Then, when I looked at them, I thought ‘Woah, interesting!’”

He was particularly fascinated with how powerful MMA is but back then, martial arts weren’t as widely taken up in Singapore, and it took him a year before he decided to hit search on Google for ‘MMA gyms in Singapore’.

That search led him to his first martial arts gym, where he would meet one of the coaches that played an integral role in guiding him in his pursuit of a career in martial arts.  

Parents Disapproved, But He Stood Firm

Although his parents always worried for his safety, his dad gave him money for the classes in the end because “they just wanted me to do something, as I had stopped Silat for a year at that point.” 

However, the initial support soon turned into aversion when it became a new norm for Niko to return home with cuts, bruises, sprains, and stitches. 

“They started telling me to stop, but I’m not willing to stop. I want to continue training.” And the more he learnt, the deeper he ‘fell into the rabbithole’.

Niko showing me some moves when I met him at Impact MMA

“It’s fun lah,” he told me later on when I asked him ‘why MMA’, “it’s the reason why I’m still doing this after 10 years.”

He understood his parents’ concern for him, but explained that the worst part of getting injured isn’t so much the pain or the impact it has on his body, but in having to put a pause on something he has so much passion for.

“When I get these injuries, I'm sad not because I got a cut or anything. I'm sad that I cannot train because of that cut.”

These injuries are just some of the sacrifices that Niko has learnt to deal with. We’re talking martial arts after all—a sport that relies heavily on one’s physical ability to fight, as well as the mental capacity to overcome its corresponding tribulations.

Refusing to give up on his passion and not wanting to rely on his parents to fund his MMA pursuit, Niko took up a part-time job after he completed national service. 

You Want To Be A Full-Time Fighter, You Gotta Fight For It

On top of juggling work and MMA trainings, he also enrolled in a part-time diploma course in hospitality management. Because back then, Niko never fathomed being a full-time fighter. In fact, he had planned to work in the hospitality industry.

It all changed when Niko had his first Sanda fight which his head coach then, Bruce, a Singapore mixed martial arts pioneer, had signed him up for. 

“Honestly, that match was terrible because there was no game plan. My objective was just to beat him up, But it was a turning point because the adrenaline I felt there reminded me of why I started doing MMA in the first place.”

Something clicked within Niko. Subsequently, MMA wasn’t just a casual pursuit to him anymore. Neither were the matches: “I started to know how to think properly, know how to control my mind properly, how to prepare for a fight.”

It was a pivotal moment.

After the Sanda match, he went on to his first MMA fight in Malaysia
Image Credit: Niko Soe

However, survival in this industry goes beyond knowing how to fight in the cage. 

“Money-wise, the beginning definitely wasn’t easy.” 

His weeks were packed to the brim: Every day, he’d train in the morning and afternoon, then head to school or to work at night. This went on for a year.

“So when people say they got no time [for their dreams], that's crap,” he quipped.

Eventually, he switched over from his part-time job in a hotel to teaching martial arts—a step towards making a sustainable career out of his passion. Subsequently, he was also signed by Impact MMA and is one of the youngest trainer there today. 

Despite his age, this Singaporean millennial is also one of the most experienced MMA practitioners around and is signed with ONE Championship. When he made his debut at the ONE Championship stage in 2016, he scored an impressive submission victory. He was also highly lauded for his second victory in the 2019 ONE: Roots of Honor.

Niko defeated wrestling ace Eko Roni Saputra via TKO in the 2019 ONE: Roots of Honor.
Image Credit: ONE Championship

Looking back on more than 10 years of his journey, he talked about how he had, in pursuing what he loves, popped his knee and elbows, lost his ability to walk or even sit properly for almost 3 months due to a very bad back injury, sacrificed time with friends and even the relationship with his family. 

“So, I mean, it's how bad you want it lah,” 

To Niko, the people in his gym are his family: “They're the ones who have seen the hardship.”

It’s A Life-Changing Sport

Many would see MMA as a violent sport. Some would even argue that it’s just ‘glorified fighting’. To which Niko acknowledged, “Yes and no. It is fighting, but it is also life changing.”

Speaking about the many students he had seen starting out uncoordinated, slow, and shy, he highlighted that the important thing is that these students didn’t give up: “Now, you see them move flawlessly and they have so much more confidence in themselves.”

“A lot of people, when it's too hard in training or if it gets too tiring, they just give up. They don't want to do it again. Or if they get injured, they stop and they say they cannot do it.”

For Niko, perseverance is what got him to where he is today. And despite his admirable accomplishments, he remains rooted to his goals not of achieving fame, but to be the best in the sport. 

“That's what I've been working on since I was younger, and that’s what I [still] train hard for [today].”

For Niko, his end goal is simply, to be the best MMA fighter.

Though, when I asked about his thoughts on being able to be recognised on such an established stage like ONE, Niko shared something that I didn’t expect to hear from a pro-MMA fighter who loves what he does.

“Fighting is a chore,” he said, “because after you finish, suddenly it’ll feel a bit lighter.”

He explained that behind every fight is a considerable amount of preparation for these matches. Not only is it a sacrifice on his own time and money, it is the time and, often literally, also the blood and sweat of the team of coaches and partners that train him. 

“Everybody's really doing this as a team. It's for the team.”

To Aspiring Fighters: Persevere, But Don’t Do It For Fame Or Glory

There are two types of fighters in Singapore: The one that wants others to know that they are a fighter, and the one that just wants to win. 

For those who want to be a fighter, it's not about all the fame and glory, but it's all the hardship and whether you can take it. Niko emphasised, “it's a lot of sacrifice.”

“Don't give up. No matter how slow you are, don't give up. Persevere. Of course, you have to be consistent as well, but persevere.”

Also read: Look At My Ability, Not Disability: This S’porean Plays Tennis Despite Being Blind.

It’s terrifying to think about what would be in 10 or 20 years time. 

In 10 years time, I would be my late thirties—an age where I can no longer pretend to pass off as a zeh zeh (older sister). I would also probably be constantly reminded of the youth I have lost as I play catch up to the energy of my children. 

What’s even scarier is the realisation that my parents would be in their early seventies. That puts them in the ripe old age of retirement, with only slightly more than 10 years left, assuming that they live up to Singapore’s mortality age of 85. 

Am I prepared for that? No. And I’m scared. 

Will I Be Good Enough?

I’m scared because I don’t know if I can afford to support my parents through the financial perils of old age.

The Seedly Community conducted a survey early this year, where they found out that 81% of Singaporeans give their parents a monthly allowance. More importantly, the survey showed that out of 85 responses, 51 (60%) gave their parents less than 20% of their take-home pay. 

Image Credit: Seedly

There's no 'right' answer to this as it really depends on an individual's earning power, how much our parents need, and most of all, our individual priorities. 

I’m glad that my parents never dictated the amount of allowance I have to give them every month, but I have always felt that I am not giving enough.

On one hand, it’s comforting to know that I measure up to most Singaporeans in terms of the monthly allowance I give to my parents (slightly above 10% my take-home pay). On the other hand, I feel guilty for not being good enough to afford the luxuries that my parents deserve.

Because I am only giving them what I can afford, there are often times I question myself if the few hundred dollars I give is enough and there’s always a small part of me that beats myself over not being able to give more.

A recent ad by NTUC Income perfectly encapsulates the predicament I, and possibly many young Singaporeans, am in.

https://www.facebook.com/NTUCIncomeInsurance/videos/502278017200144/

Just like the NTUC Income’s ad, many of us turned out normal. We get by with hard work and discipline, but we struggle with having to make difficult decisions simply because we cannot afford The Best.

Coming from a middle-income family and having friends who come from both ends of the spectrum, I knew what were luxuries and what I should be grateful for. Most of all, I know my parents worked hard to provide. 

I know I have been given the best that my parents can afford because I have never had to live a day on a hungry stomach, wear torn shoes to school, or borrow textbooks to study. We could even afford the occasional vacations. 

There are so many other signs that I cannot possibly list. The fact that my parents are so still so readily available to be my safety net after 28 years is telling enough.

Because of all the love that they have poured into me, there's this unspoken sense of responsibility that goes behind me wanting to give them a cut of my salary every month, and in wanting to support them when they are, in my eyes, in a stage of their life where they should just enjoy life.

Knowing them, my parents are the kind of people who would rather carry the weight of supporting themselves on their shoulders than burden others (their children). But I see their livelihood in retirement a responsibility I hold myself accountable for.

Some call it filial piety, a virtue that has earned a pretty bad rep for causing a lot of guilt and unhappiness. But I want to be filial not because it's 'right' or because I'd feel guilty otherwise, but because I truly appreciate what they have done for me.

If anything, I feel guilty because as much as I want to be a filial daughter, I don’t know if my best will be enough.

The ‘Guilt’ Of Not Giving Them The Best

Stressful is an understatement when you are sandwiched between having to care for ageing parents and the responsibility to contribute to the ever-decreasing fertility rates (having children), while juggling the pressure of working in an ultra-competitive working landscape, and living in a place that’s internationally recognised as one of the most expensive cities to live in in the world.

The pressure is suffocating if one were to look at all the numbers.

Take for instance this chart from Moneysmart, which budgeted the potential costs of living in Singapore per month. 


Screen Capture taken from Moneysmart

Let’s assume that the accommodation costs for rental are costs for house bills (utilities, internet, etc.) and for insurance instead. A ‘cheapskate’ lifestyle will set you back at almost $1200 a month.

Assuming that you earn $3,000 a month, you will be taking home $2,400 after CPF deductions. After the monthly expenditures, you will be left with around $1,200. 

If you were to set aside just 10% of your take-home pay as an allowance for your parents, that will take another $240 off, leaving you with $960.

At first glance, $960 seems like a considerable amount of savings a month, but we haven’t taken into consideration many other expenses. Food alone will easily take up another $100 to $300 for most average Singaporeans, depending on lifestyle.

We haven't included any travel expenses. Neither have we taken into consideration all the birthdays, weddings, housewarmings, and baby showers that we will probably spend more on as our generation edges into marriage and parenthood. 

Even if one is highly disciplined in saving that $960 every month, that adds up to only about $11,500 a year. Which, if we look at the numbers that SmartParents put together, is enough to get us through a pregnancy with $3,500 to spare.


Image Credit: SmartParents

However, these are meagre sums compared to the amount of money you would need to spend on raising a child.

Image Credit: SmartParents

To put things in perspective, one would need to save diligently for 12 months just to comfortably afford giving birth to a child. Subsequently, the costs will continue to increase as the child grows, which by SmartParents’ estimation, will cost around $670,000 to raise one child in Singapore. 

Of course, these are all estimates and in reality, whether it's the costs of a wedding, a new home or of having children would have been split between a couple. But these are all still very scary numbers. 

Which brings me back to the pressure of providing. Especially when we are sandwiched between having enough to build a family of my own and supporting our ageing parents through their retirement.

I Don’t Even Know Where To Start

Admittedly, I am sheltered, because my parents never bothered me with their retirement plans.

Nonetheless, I am concerned and wish to help.

However, I don’t even know where to start because I struggled to make sense of financial planning and of things like insurance myself. Even if I had that knowledge, it is such a difficult conversation to initiate.

Our culture isn’t one where we talk about difficult topics, like money. We don't have the vocabulary to discuss such topics and it is because of this history that makes it hard to go "mum/dad, let's talk about your retirement." It’s awkward and feels a little too heavy to talk about. 

Another colleague faced a similar problem, where no matter how much he wants to help his mum plan for her retirement, she just don’t seem to be comfortable enough to be honest about what she had planned.

Even with persistent persuasion to find out more, his mum brushed him away whenever he asked, assuring him that she’s got it settled. This only makes him worry more because in the event that anything happens to her, it will still be his responsibility to be there and to support her.

“I don’t need to plan for her, but at least I can put in the figures and help her project into the future, then at least, we can start now and be better prepared for the future,” he explained. 

Passion Vs. Practicality

It also doesn’t help when many of us struggle with making a decent living while trying to chase our passions.

Our generation is the generation that has been brought up to believe that the world is our oyster. Many of us are dreamers or at the very least, we are a generation who do not wish to ‘settle’. We prioritise job satisfaction and fulfillment over a high salary. 

That is exactly how I have led my life for the most part: Going for jobs that I feel passionate about, not too concerned about the pay I get as long as I can get by. 

I lived my life in that ‘passion bubble’ and I've spent my youth proudly announcing my pride in chasing passion. But it was the wedding and home ownership bills that made me realise how misguided I have been. The harsh reality is that at the end of the day, money is important.

Reality of Being The Sandwiched Generation

Just ask around and you’ll realise how many young Singaporeans have become disenchanted by the reality of life in Singapore, not only because of the constant and consistent grind for money, but because we become increasingly aware of the pressure to live up to expectations; To provide.

I’ve seen how my mother had painstakingly saved up not just for herself and my dad, but also for my brother and I. And it is my mother’s financial prudence that I wish to emulate, but I don't know if I can when everything is so expensive.

I do not wish for my inability to earn, save, or plan to become a problem for my partner or children. And I certainly do not want my existence, should I become physically incapable of caring for myself, to become a financial burden for my loved ones in the future.

Although, looking at all the numbers that is required to support my parents, myself, and my future children, I worry about not being able to achieve that.

I want to be a filial daughter to my parents and a role model to my children. I want to give my loved ones the best that they deserve, but it's a constant struggle to know whether my best is enough.

Also read: Work To Live, Or Live To Work? Why So Many Singaporeans Feel Lost In Life.

(Header Image Credit: Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash)

Is it your fault if you buy a gift for a friend, only to realise later that your friend has no use for the gift you bought?

In the case where hundreds of donated food supplies are left to waste in a poor, elderly person’s home, is it then the recipient’s fault for not consuming those foods, or the donors fault for giving the man supplies that he does not use?

A recent Straits Times feature shone the spotlight on the effectiveness of volunteer and social welfare efforts in addressing the needs of the poor. Although most of us probably don’t have access to the full (premium) story, the images were alarming enough.

It is hard to fathom that a 78-year-old man had “hundreds of instant noodle packets and more than 50 bottles of soy sauce stacked to the brim” of his one-room rental flat, despite those being donated goods from volunteers. 

It painted a very ugly picture of social welfare efforts on the ground. And it was very easy for many to jump on the narrative that this is the result of lackadaisical efforts made by charities and social welfare groups who are just not doing enough.

Screen Capture from: Straits Times Facebook page

I spoke to 28-year-old, Kevin. A full-time social worker who has been working with low-income families for close to five years, he attests that there are cases of mismatch between what’s donated and what the poor needs. Though, the mismatch has never reached that scale. 

Social workers and volunteers often take into account feedback from their beneficiaries as well as their general observations, to determine the kind of supplies that goes into subsequent food distribution drives.

Although, for this to happen, “a lot lies in education, with the people we work with (beneficiaries) and also our volunteers.”

Why Baked Beans And Sardines?

This is exactly the question that Kevin, along with his colleagues at the voluntary welfare organisation (VWO) he worked with for more than three years, always aimed to answer. Not just as a reminder for themselves but to educate volunteers on the purpose of their actions. 

‘Why are they giving out canned food?’

He explained quite matter-of-factly, that it is a matter of practicality. The long shelf-life of canned food, and ease of transportation and distribution are what makes it, and other foods like instant noodles and sauces, among common choices for food distribution exercises. This is especially so when many organisations have the heavy responsibility of rendering support to a large number of beneficiaries. 

“It really depends on the extent of the help you want to achieve.”

Often, cases of mismatch happens when there’s a need to standardise food distribution packages. Standardised packages help organisations and volunteers achieve convenience and scale in distribution exercises—can you imagine the logistical nightmare of purchasing, packing, and delivering 1000 packages that are personalised to each beneficiary’s needs?

With that said, both Kevin and Yong Shin (a long-time volunteer with Youth Corps Singapore), shared that volunteers and social workers always try to have a better understanding of their beneficiaries’ needs.

Yong Shin: “We will usually conduct a needs analysis in the community we want to serve in to prevent wasting resources and [end up] not addressing the community’s needs.”

For example, in one of the projects that she worked on, the team switched from their initial plan of a food donation drive to a house-cleaning exercise after surveying and finding out that that was what the residents needed more

Kevin echoed these sentiments, “If it’s not [to achieve] scale, then we would always try to have a better understanding of their needs by creating a relationship, speaking to them.”

It Takes Two Hands To Clap

I’ve had the opportunity to meet and speak to many Singaporeans who are active in social work; full-time social workers, long-time youth volunteers, and also the occasional volunteers who participate in ad-hoc stints like home refreshing projects or donation drives. All of them tell the same tale, which is how they leave with memories of the interactions they had with beneficiaries. The bonds that they formed and the smiles of the people they worked to improve the lives of are what they will remember. 

Which brings us back to the point of building relationships. 

Giving is a good act, but the conversation needs to go both ways for social welfare efforts to work.  

“The elderly should also feedback to us, but likewise, it’s always a constant check in. That’s why we always challenge volunteers [and ourselves] to open up our eyes and ears.” 

“When seniors open up their homes, there are usually very telling signs of what they need. You look at how functional their kitchens are.” 

Another way that Kevin often employs is asking his seniors how they settle their three meals.

“This is a very simple, conversational question that tells a lot,” because it helps him understand more about the senior’s lifestyle and how to complement that lifestyle. 

For example, it was only after getting to know a Malay family better when Kevin realised that the healthier olive oil that the team has been giving them wasn’t ideal. Instead, what the family needed was something they can use for frying, which is actually a cheaper, vegetable oil.

“We try to make decisions for them by putting ourselves in their shoes,” Kevin said, “but just imagine how it feels like if someone else does your grocery shopping for you.”

After working with low-income families for five years, Kevin also shared that many of these people have better budgeting skills than we give them credit for. Most of them prefer to get their meals from the coffeeshop, simply because the $3.50 economic rice is more cost-efficient than the gas, water, and amount of resources they would use just to cook one meal for one person. This also means that for some beneficiaries, even food supplies like rice or fresh produce would do no good for them. 

Again, Kevin stressed that even though social workers try to make the effort to understand the needs, the fact of the matter is that they are often too overwhelmed by the scale of work that they do not have enough time to have such quality conversations with everyone, all the time. 

At the end of the day, it is a conversation that can only happen if it is embraced by both sides. 

The biggest disconnect is when this conversation doesn’t even happen. 

The Importance Of Conversations 

Take for instance Meals on Wheels—a service that many has suggested under the comments section of Straits Times’ Facebook post

Unbeknownst to many, we have quite a few Meals on Wheels service providers in Singapore. The Willing Hearts soup kitchen prepares, cooks and distributes about 5,000 daily meals to over 40 locations islandwide, and there’s a whole list of other Meals on Wheels service providers on Singapore SilverPages.

A list of Meals on Wheels service providers
Screen Capture from: Singapore SilverPages

Through the conversation with Kevin, I understand that there are many seniors who are covered by this service, but "if you ask these seniors, many of them are not great fans of the food."

“It’s a great service, but the disconnect happens when their dinner is being dropped off at their doorstep at 3pm.”

Without the human interaction, what is supposedly a very noble and practical help for the needy or elderly becomes a cold service. It becomes nothing but a KPI that needs to be fulfilled by a philanthropic organisation. 

This brings us back to the case which ST featured: Should we ‘blame’ volunteers or charity organisations for giving our poor, elderly canned food and unhealthy packets of instant noodles?

(Comments are unrelated to each other)
Screen Captures taken from: Straits Time Facebook page

It is very easy to jump on accusing the volunteers of blindly donating for the sake of it, In all fairness, it is truly alarming for the case to have reached a point where hundreds of supplies have been stockpiled.

It is not just wasted effort, but wasted opportunities as there are many other families who could have benefitted from these supplies. At the very least, these supplies could have been easily shared with the food bank or with neighbours.

Nonetheless, the onus is on both parties—the volunteers and the recipient—for the lack of communication. Social workers or volunteers have to help educate and encourage beneficiaries, and likewise, beneficiaries need to help the organisations help them. 

We have plenty of social welfare resources in place to help the poor, the elderly and the underprivileged. It isn’t perfect. It’s flawed, and the same goes for the people who make these social welfare efforts possible. 

Behind all those efforts are volunteers and workers who are trying their best to make a difference. And if we ever stop to think about the magnitude of work that they do, and the emotional stresses they face in having to be on the ground, dealing with all the financially poor individuals, while also working with limitations, we would understand better than to shit on them for giving our seniors canned food and instant noodles.

Also read: 65-Year-Old Mdm Rebecca’s Life: A Look At The Reality Of Singapore’s Privilege Gap.

(Header Image Credit: The Straits Times)

We all love to travel, but you’ve got to admit that sometimes, travelling can be a huge pain in the ass too. And one of the times you will feel that pain the most is when you try to travel with your other half. 

Somehow, exploring beautiful, new places together brings out the not so beautiful parts of people. But it is also why there’s a gazillion articles out there promoting the benefits of travelling as a couple: It’s the best way to test one’s relationship. 

While it’s no secret that travelling is a big test, the bigger test for couples is going on a road trip together. 

Why Road Trip? 

We’ve seen many stories of couples dropping everything to road trip around the world and it’s really envy-inducing. A road trip is fun, but it isn’t easy at all. 

Road trips are not only more challenging to plan, it’s challenging to do the actual road trip, especially if you have never done one before. For a couple, each stop you make on your road trip can also be a test for the both of you, and your relationship! 

Take for instance a road trip in Perth, Western Australia (WA)—a popular travel destination for Singaporeans for its affordability, location, ease of communication, and variety of attractions. (Not forgetting how easily you can snag a cheap flight ticket there from Scoot.) 

#1 - The ‘Stress Test’

There are a lot of factors to stress over when you travel. Even details like an ideal parking spot can easily be a reason for couples to bicker while on vacation. The real test, however, is when you're facing a challenge, and on a road trip, navigation alone is enough to tip the scales. 

It’s easy to get lost, especially if it is your first time driving around in Western Australia. Thankfully, we live in a time where resources are easily accessible through our mobile—there’s always the GPS and road trip guides online.

Another kind of stress test is when you push each other out of your comfort zones, like walking 40 metres above the forest floor in Western Australia’s Southern Forests

Walk among the majestic giant jarrah, karri, marri and tuart trees on the Valley of the Giants Tree Top Walk. It’s even ‘better’ if you fear heights, as the stress from feeling vulnerable will help to bring the two of you closer as you overcome the fear (or the nerves) together! 

Valley of the Giants: Enjoy magnificent views of the natural landscapes as you walk on treetops

Alternatively, Perth’s marine playground, Rockingham, offers a variety of other thrilling experiences like kitesurfing, jet skiing, wakeboarding and even jet packing! Otherwise, you can dive into the marine world through snorkelling, or enjoy an incredible eco-tourism experience—swimming with wild dolphins!

Swim with the dolphins at Rockingham!
Image Credit: Sightseeing Pass Australia 

Home to the finest displays of wild sealife and birdlife, the Shoalwater Islands Marine Park will also give you numerous opportunities to see the little penguins and sea lions! 

#2 - The ‘Money Test’ 

Money is the root of all evil and it’s the same in a relationship. Financial management is important, and this can become a big issue for couples, especially on long-haul trips. 

Fortunately, there are several travel options for couples on a budget, and Perth (or Western Australia in general) is one of the most affordable destinations for Singaporeans. Located slightly over five hours away by plane, flight tickets to Western Australia are usually cheaper than other states. 

Those potential savings can be put to better use, like treating your partner and yourself to a romantic stay at one of the many accommodation choices in Perth, or in shopping—one of the vacation must-dos! And when you talk about shopping in Perth, there’s one place that you have to put in your itinerary: Westfield Carousel

Image Credit: Westfield Carousel

Otherwise as Perth's largest shopping centre, the shopping paradise houses more than 250 shops and features a wide range of fashion outlets, dining spots, and multiple entertainment options. With so many opportunities for pampering and indulgence, it’s easy to get caught up with ‘retail therapy’, only to realise that you have spent a little too much for a day when you return to your campervan. 

This is the perfect scenario to test not only your financial management skills individually and as a couple, it also helps to cultivate your understanding and respect for each other. After all, you guys are on vacation, and that means knowing how to ‘live a little’ without breaking the bank. 

#3 - The ‘Appreciation Test’ 

It’s important to appreciate the little things but amidst our busy lives, we tend to forget what we have. 

Take the chance to slow things down with a relaxing walk at Kings Park and Botanic Garden. One of the world’s largest inner-city parks, the park boasts a wide range of flora and fauna, including over 70 bird species! 

Slow down and appreciate the beauty nature has to offer at King’s Park and Botanic Garden Image Credit: Sightseeing Pass Australia

King’s Park’s stunning location lets you admire the panoramic views of Perth City, and take a stroll around the park after, and watch out for the 750-year-old, mighty boab tree! 

‘Gija Jumulu’, The Giant Boab tree at King’s Park
Image Credit: Botanic Gardens and Parks Authority

Alternatively, pack some sandwiches and have a picnic there instead! And when the sun sets, imagine lying on the picnic mat and gazing at the stars together—simple pleasures in life, and so romantic!

#4 - Remembering The Romance 

Wrapping up the list of tests is a challenge for the both of you to return to the first day of your relationship: To test how you romanced each other from the start. 

Oftentimes, romance between long-time couples fizzes out as each person starts to lax on simple gestures like dressing up or on compliments. Some couples may also find themselves communicating lesser as the years go by, as it will seem like there’s nothing else to talk about after so many years. 

Road trips are the best way to fix this. As the both of you are confined in a metal box for hours at a time, driving from place to place, you’ll find yourself having quality conversations with your partner that you rarely get to have on an average day. The panoramic views of the clear, blue 

skies, the seas, the greenscapes, the mountains, and the wildlife along the drive helps set the mood for such conversations. 

There are plenty of romantic destinations within Perth as well. For example, the 19 metropolitan beaches of Perth’s Sunset Coast are beautiful places to catch an Indian Ocean sunset. 

Catch the sunset against the vast Indian Ocean
Image Credit: Destination Perth

The glorious coastline encompasses the Cities of Stirling, featuring popular Scarborough Beach. Stop by Joondalup for Hillarys Boat Harbour, where you can enjoy a romantic dinner by the marina.

Enjoy the peace and serenity as you dine beside the marina
Image Credit: Hillarys Boat Harbour

Don’t forget to stop by one of the most iconic landscapes in Western Australia, The Pinnacles! Head there during sun set because when night falls, the place transform into a perfect stargazing spot. Nothing’s more enchanting than looking at the stars and the magnificent views of the Milky Way with your other half!

Enjoy the brilliance of the milky way at The Pinnacles

Perth’s iconic Swan River is another romantic spot for couples. 

Park your ride and take a cruise down Swan River instead! Set against the lights of Perth’s cityscape, the various tours from operators like Little Ferry Co and Captain Cook Cruises offers romantic evening cruises down the river, with options for dinner aboard. 

For an even more enchanting experience, Gondolas on the Swan will transport you back in time as you sail down the river on a Venetian Gondola, with romantic Mandolin music in the background to boot. 

Fall in love again aboard a Venetian Gondola
Image Credit: Gondolas on the Swan

There are plenty of other places in Perth that offers you a chance to connect with your partner through different activities. For example, the famed Margaret River region is the perfect starting point to go on an indulgent tasting journey, where you can enjoy marron, trout, and venison fresh from the farms, as well premium wines, boutique beers, crisp ciders, indulgent truffle and cheeses. 

Located offshore, Rottnest Island is a paradise of island activities for couples. Go for a cycle around the island and keep you eyes peeled for the happiest animals of earth—quokkas! 

Meet the Quokkas: The Happiest Animal on Earth! 
Do something new together, like stand-up paddling at Rottnest Island! 

You can also spend a night at one of the dreamy beachfront glamping tents. If you’re there at the right season, you may even catch the sight of majestic whales out Indian Ocean! 

Scoot To Perth With Bae!

Road trips are a lot more challenging but that also means that it will be extra fulfilling when you get down to doing it. For what it's worth, a road trip will help you grow closer with your better half and leave the both of you with a treasure trove of memories. 

As we approach yet another year-end, take the opportunity to scoot away for a couples’ retreat! 

To help with your planning, you can find some recommended itineraries in Western Australia here!

Scoot will be having a special promo from 4 - 17 September: Fly to Perth from just $129! Find out more about the promo here.

Need more help in planning your road trip in Western Australia? Visit Tourism Western Australia’s website here for more information on the various places of interests.

(This article was written in collaboration with Tourism Western Australia and Scoot.)

Remember when our value was tied to how well we fared in exams? To the A’s or B’s that we got in our subjects? Well this is all going to change for our children. 

In an unprecedented move, our Ministry of Education had announced that they will be making several changes to exams and assessments in school. Some of these changes include removing weighted assessments (including class tests, group projects) and exams for Primary 1 and 2 students. Mid-year exams will also be removed for Primary 3 and 5, as well as Secondary 1 and 3 students.

These are bold changes, as Singaporeans have long questioned the effectiveness of our education system and the emphasis we seem to place on academic grades. 

It’s a move welcomed by many, but along with these changes are several other concerns. For one, when we take away one of the major means of gauging a students understanding and proficiency of a subject, what yardstick are we going to assess them with moving forward?

Speaking at a recent forum with parents and students, Education Minister Ong Ye Kung posed the question back to parents: What is the yardstick that they will use to measure their success as a parent?

It’s a difficult question to answer, because all our life up till the point where we start working, we have been measured by the A’s, B’s, or C’s from our performance on test and exam papers. These grades have inadvertently transformed into something our society uses to define our worth. It is why we have a society that deems students in the ‘normal’ stream as of a lower calibre than those in the ‘express’ stream. 

These cliched perspectives are so deeply entrenched in our society that it is hard for us to envisage how else we can measure the success of a student if it is not through exams and grades. 

Are Exams Important?

In a quick poll I did on Instagram, 33 out of 41 respondents actually voted that exams are good for students. 

Respondents are largely in their twenties or thirties—an age group of people that will soon become parents themselves

These are the same group of people who, through my understanding of our generation, have complained about how we have wasted so much time in our earlier years learning and being tested in subjects that have no relevance to our lives today. 

However, 80% of them maintained that exams are still important, because it helps to assess a student’s grasp of a subject.

“Exams provide feedback. Its replacement must still critique a student.”

It is because of the kiasu culture we have in Singapore that have turned it into a competition of grades rather than a way to assess a student’s progress, as parents want their kids to ace exams to get into better schools, which they believe will give their child a better shot at success. 

This is further egged on by the disparity in which we judge and treat people of different academic backgrounds. It lies in the way scholars are said to enjoy a faster career progression, and in the way some we tend to compare the quality of students based on their alma mater. 

Even if you and I don’t judge people by their academic level, the society will. We still compare schools and we still regard graduates from esteemed schools, like Harvard, with higher respect.

How Do We Measure Somebody’s ‘Worth’ Without Grades? 

The purpose of removing exams is to reduce the emphasis on academic results, but more importantly, what are we replacing it with?

One 27-year-old, Vic, explained that it’s less of abolishing exams than changing our perspectives: “I think students’ education or knowledge can still be measured with tests but the stigma of failing a test should be abolished. What I'm proposing is a mindset change.”

She also proposed for an abolishment of a grading system, which is one of the changes implemented by MOE, where details like grades and class position will be removed from end-of-year assessments. Secondary school students will also be streamed according to subjects instead of the ‘Express’ or ‘Normal’ streams that we had in our time. 

In this case, the changes are also a way to free up time for students to pursue non-academic interests. In order to get there, however, schools and teachers need to be able to create a wholesome environment that enables students to achieve that.

On the aspect of achieving academic rigour, suggestions I got from respondents include challenging students with problem-based assignments to cultivate in them analytical and critical thinking abilities which will help them in the future. 

Some of the suggested ways to assess a student without relying on exam papers and grades

Other suggestions include group projects or learning trips that allow students to explore a broader range of non-academic interests. These are alternatives that will help expose students to both academic and non-academic areas of interest. 

Unsurprisingly, most of the (serious) suggestions given were centered around the idea that a student should be prepared to handle the intricacies of real-world and work situations, more so than acing exam papers. 

The problem lies in our obsession with the ten-year series, which is characteristic of students who are more preoccupied with learning how to ace exams than learning the concept of what’s being taught in each subject. 

One respondent, who’s currently assisting her father in running her family’s F&B chain, said: “A lot of students just learn how to deal with exam questions, instead of understanding the concept of how the content or solution work. Knowing and understanding how things work goes a longer way than knowing how to score in exams.”

At some point, all of us would have talked about how there are many things we learnt in school that have absolutely no relevance to our lives today. I, for one, have no idea how to apply pythagoras theorem to my life or line of work—not that I can even remember the concept today.

With that said, it was my decision to pursue a career that does not require proficiency in math. There are plenty of other professions that requires one to apply maths at work, like engineers. 

Subjects like maths or history will not necessarily help us in our jobs, nonetheless, I see them as a foundation that sets the base for us to further pursue our preferred vocations in our tertiary years. If anything, these valuable general knowledge help us form a more well-rounded view and understanding of the World. Let’s not forget that Singapore’s education system is seen by outsiders as one of the best in the world, and perhaps it is for these knowledge we are armed with that makes us ‘superior students’ to the rest of the world. 

Though, arguably, having to study all those ‘foundational subjects’ means a longer route to success. In comparison, Koreans (for instance) can start training in K Pop from as young as 11. Then, at 17 or 18 where an average Singaporean would have just gotten the opportunity to start pursuing vocational studies, these K Pop trainees would have already made their debut in the industry. 

Which brings us back to the question of whether Singapore, as a whole, is capable of embracing students with non-academic passions.

Mindsets Have To Change

If a student wishes to pursue career paths in performing arts or culinary arts, will schools and educators be able to offer resources to nurture this student in those areas? 

Should there already be programmes and resources in place, will parents and by extension, our society, be able to accept and encourage a child to pursue such non-conventional pathways at the tender age of 11?

At the end of the day, this all depends on what we, Singaporeans, want to place value in: In achieving academic excellence before attempting a vocation, or in embracing a more progressive education that not only allows, but encourages students to explore beyond the English, Math, and Sciences, from a young age. 

Regardless, these changes are a work in progress, and whether our children in the future reaps the benefits of this system is heavily dependent on how we, as future parents, react to the changes that MOE has rolled out. 

For as long as we have kiasu parents around, the competition to be The Best will always be there. 

At the end of the day, it boils down to what we want to instil in our 15, 10, or even 3-year-olds. If grades are not the way forward, what do we want to teach and assess our kids with? 

With qualities like kindness and compassion? With communication skills like speaking and presenting? Or with a mix of soft and vocational skills to help them navigate the complexities of the world? 

Also read: Is There A Need For Better Sex Education That’s More Than STDs And Abstinence?.
(Header Image Credit: Wikipedia)

There seems to be a sudden increase in the number of environmental advocates among us, at least, ever since the Amazon fires came to light. 

For the longest time, advocates have been campaigning for more environmental awareness among the masses, and all it took was news of the Amazon fires for people to suddenly develop a deep concern for our Earth.

Don’t get me wrong. We should be concerned about the Amazon fires and I am heartened to know that people still care, but it is amusing to see people turning into overnight environmental advocates because of the Amazon fires.

If you think about it, there’s always been many occurences of forest fires in the past, not only Amazon, but also in many other forests in the world. For example, we’ve felt the effects of air pollution (haze) when Indonesia battled forest fires from illegal logging, but you hear more people complaining about the haze than being concerned about Mother Earth back then. 

Now we are worried, and for a forest that’s 18,435km away. 

The lungs of the Earth are in flames,” and “Amazon produces 20% of our planet’s oxygen,” are among the most common phrases prompting people to take action. 

I’ve seen friends reposting on IG Stories, posts from accounts that claim that they will donate $1 for every “like” or “share”. And I applaud all of those who shared with a genuine intention of wanting to help in the little ways that they can. 

At the same time, it’s exasperating to see that this is as far as many of us will go to to ‘save our environment’, despite claiming to be so passionate about a cause. 

The worst of the lot are the people behind the IG profiles that claim to be raising funds to help the Amazon. One such account even doctored images to ‘prove’ that the funds they have received have been paid to the Amazon Conservation Team. 

If you’ve been watching your friends’ IG stories, you would have stumbled upon this

If you haven’t caught on yet, it was a scam, and when I checked last night, their gofundme campaign was receiving a substantial amount of money, donated by people all over the world.

As of 11.30am today, this IG profile had already been removed.

I’m not even going to talk about the immorality of riding on a calamity to scam people. Because on the other hand, I’d question if the donors even knew the purpose of the money they donated. If one had read up on the current predicament Brazil is facing with its president Jair Bolsonaro, you’d laugh at the relevance of money as a solution to the Amazon fires. 

To be fair, even if we had really wanted to help, none of us would have known how. Besides, the magnitude of the problem isn’t one that can be solved by an average Singaporean. 

However, there are plenty of other things we should be concerned about back at home. 

Do We Honestly Care About Climate Change?

Here we are moaning the loss of a forest, ‘our planet’s lungs’, when there are so many other things we can actually do to make an impact. 

Singapore has long been driving the messages of climate change and the importance of leading a ‘greener’ lifestyle, and it’s not like a lot of us care about it.

Singapore designated 2018 as the Year of Climate Action, and this year, in line with Singapore’s aim of being a zero-waste nation, our leaders had designated it as the Year Towards Zero Waste. But how many of us are even aware of this, and even if we are, do we even know what this means or what it encompasses?

I, for one, didn’t have a clue, besides the message that our government is currently working on it.

Take for example the simple movement we have here, where for the past year of so, we’ve been encouraged to switch out single-use plastics for eco-friendly alternatives like metal straws and reusable shopping bags. 

More companies are adopting this, and we’ve seen how many F&B outlets are removing straws or even offering discounts to people who bring their own containers for takeaways. 

But judging from personal experience, there’s still a large number of Singaporeans that aren’t on board. And even if we do switch out to our metal straws and reusable bags, how much is that going to help?

If you think that these metal straws and reusable bags are going to save the environment, you will be disappointed. Because these supposed eco-friendly products aren’t going to do much except make you feel better about yourself. 

In an article that dived into the environmental repercussions of such products, it’s even shown that you have to use the green bag (reusable shopping bag) “at least 104 times to make a difference to the environment.” None of us knew this when we bought into the movement.

A lot of us are so absorbed with the action of cutting plastics that we don’t realise what we are even trying to achieve.

Lastrina, a youth environmental advocate who co-founded Singapore Youth Climate Action, shared an example with me awhile back, about how an organisation was trying to launch a programme where they were encouraging people to bring 10 plastics bags in to exchange for 1 reusable tote bag. 

She explained about sustainability and how this does nothing to help: “If you got 10 plastic bags, why aren’t you using them?”

The Fight Against Consumerism

But what use is cutting single-use plastics when we are still so wasteful?

For the past year, there’s been an increasing number of brands and individual sellers promoting eco-friendly products. It’s come to a point where these fancy metal straws and reusable tote bags with pretty prints seem more like a fashion statement. People are buying into it just because everyone’s doing so—it’s a trend, it’s cool. 

Many of us whom have bought into it at some point end up with sets of metal or bamboo straws, and reusable tupperwares or bags that we hardly use. These eco-friendly alternatives will find its home in some obscure corner of our cabinets, after we realise that it is just so much more convenient to go back to using plastics. I’m guilty of this myself. 

“Most of the initiatives come with good intentions, but I think we are missing the point of it. A lot of it doesn’t address the root problem, which is our habit of consumerism and personal consumption,” explained Lastrina. 

It’s Not Just About The Plastics

One straw saved is but a speck of dust if we are still unconsciously generating waste in many other aspects of our life.

There’s many other factors, and one of which we contribute to climate change is our carbon footprints. 

We’ve learnt this in primary school. From a young age, we know what greenhouse gases (GHG) does to Earth, but because of how intangible the effects of climate change is in our everyday life, we tend to dismiss them. 

We know that it’s getting way too hot these days, but then we forget that these are all effects are by-products of what we do. Individually, we contribute to the emission of these harmful GHG through the simplest things like turning on our air-conditioner. We don’t see the harm in that since it’s something that we have been so accustomed to doing. 

Which brings me back to the point that for all the noise we are making about caring for our environment, we’re not doing anything substantial to help at all. 

We go around pledging our support for various movements. We publicise our worry about the Amazon fires killing our Earth. We show our support by getting metal straws and pretty eco-bags, but let’s be honest: All these aren’t going to do jack shit on the grand scheme of things if we don’t even know exactly how our actions will impact the environment. 

Our metal straws aren’t going to help the environment when we’ll still buying takeaways and throwing out the plastic boxes that hold our food. Even if we switched to eco-friendly products, we’d still be sitting in our air-conditioned rooms and contributing to the gases that’ll kill our Earth. 

In other words, the only way for us to truly help reduce climate change, or to help saving our earth is if we completely change the way we live. From leading a zero-waste life (through the practice of 3Rs) to taking the conscious steps to reduce our carbon footprints—created through the use of things like our air-con and automobiles. 

For all the noise we are making, are we doing any of that?

(Header Image Credit: Time Magazine)

Let me first put this out there: Our parents do not owe us. 

And it is quite a shocker to know that an adult son had brought his father to court to ‘demand’ for financial support for his overseas university education. 

Recently, a Family Court judge “ordered a father to fund 60% of his adult son's degree studies in Canada, ruling that the latter was entitled to seek such maintenance.” 

In this case, the court had ruled in the son’s favour as it was considered a ‘duty of child maintenance’ under the Women’s Charter. 

It’s interesting to note that the son was (already) 22 when he applied for maintenance from his father. In this case, the ‘payouts’ were deemed necessary for his education.

It is the discretion of the court and the judge to determine what ‘duty’ the parents have in this case. But it also makes me question: How much is our parents responsible to us?

Our Livelihood = Our Parents’ Responsibility?

Filial piety is strongly entrenched in our Asian culture and it often makes us question what we owe to our parents. On the other hand, what do our parents owe to us? Do they even owe us?

Some argue that it is the parents’ decision to bring a child into this world after all, making it their responsibility to support the child. But, until which point do we stretch this responsibility to?

When the child turns 18? Or for as long as the child is emancipated at the ‘legal age’ of 21?

There are so many intricacies in deciding our parents responsibility to us. 

Most will agree that at the very least, it is the parents’ responsibility to provide their children with the rudimentaries of life. In the most primal sense, it is in providing a child with safety and wellbeing, and the basic necessities for survival, like water, food, and clothing. But how about education? 

How do we set the parameters of basic education for a child, when what is basic to one may not be the same to others?

When our parents had us 20 or 30 years ago, the basic level of education is (arguably) an ‘O’ level certificate. Back then, tertiary education is a good-to-have, and university degrees are a bonus. Today, we have an abundance of degree holders and most jobs require a minimum of a tertiary education. 

Overseas education was a luxury and only for the wealthy in our parents’ time but these days, it’s not unusual to see our peers pursuing further education in Australia or even in far-flung places like Europe, the US, and China. 

Which brings us back to the case in question where the 22-year-old son applied for maintenance from his father to pay for his university fees: Is it then fair for him to be demanding financial support from his parents, for his overseas university fees?

"Does this case imply that parents do have a duty to pay for their child's university fees under certain conditions?"
Screen capture from: Hardware Zone forum

I trust that most would agree that our parents have the responsibility of bringing us up, however, there should also be a limit to their duty as parents. 

Our parents’ duty to us is to arm us with whatever is the minimum required for us to support ourselves while considering the cultural or societal standards we have today. In other words, for as long as we are capable of securing (non-exploitative, legal) employment to support ourselves. 

I know of people who have had to juggle two jobs while doing their part-time diploma studies, just so that they can achieve financial independence, and by choice. I’ve also met underprivileged Singaporeans who have had to take on odd jobs from the age of 16, to help with their family’s finances. With all these in mind, it does make me wonder what significance a university education has in the ‘maintenance of a child’. 

It is incredibly hard to believe that at 22, someone would still act like they are owed the right of financial support by their parents. Especially for a luxury like an overseas university education—something that is not required to get a job today.

We are not entitled to our Parents’ wealth, as they are not entitled to ours.

"The father was able to pay for his son’s fees but was unwilling to, as he believed the son wanted to use his money to lead a lifestyle that he disapproved of."

The other narrative surrounding this case is on whether the parents have the financial ability to pay for their child’s university education. A narrative that should not even matter because it is almost equivalent to saying that it is our parents’ responsibility to put us through university.  

To which I’d like to quote Jazmine Denise in her article titled “Dear Adult Children, Your Parents Don’t Owe You Anything”:

“We are not entitled to their time. We are not entitled to their money. We are not entitled to their resources.”

It is a bonus if our parents are capable and willing to financially support us in pursuits that are beyond the societal minimum (for a livelihood), and if they don’t, we owe it to ourselves to work for what we want. 

Like the epiphany Jazmine had after going through pregnancy, I only truly realised how much I have been taking my parents for granted after being thrown into ‘adulting’ myself. 

I had taken advantage of my mum’s care for me. Every morning, she’d wake up earlier than me just to prepare breakfast for me before going back to bed again. I took it for granted because on some days, I’d return that favour by chiding her for forgetting that I didn’t like bread with fried eggs, for example. “Tell you how many times that I don’t like already,” I’d snap at her. 

I took my parents support for granted, for I never had to pay a single cent for my university education and I thought that it was a given. That was until I learnt of how many of my friends had taken up student loans to fund their school fees. For someone whose parents never once made education fees a concern, it hit me how easy I’ve had it.

After shifting out to a HDB flat of my own with my partner and beginning to plan for our future, I know now, more than ever, how my parents have already provided for me beyond what is required. And it is all those little acts of service and gestures from my parents that I’ve started to realise the significance of now that I am accountable to my partner, his family, and our own home. 

I’m fortunate. 

I also know of people with really f***ed up parents. Parents who would not only neglect their children but who would shamelessly sell their family out to loan sharks. Parents like these could create heavy mental baggages for their children, and it is very easy to blame one’s failure on their ‘messed up family history’. However, it is up to one’s self to carve out the life they desire for themselves. 

With that said, I know of people who have no qualms living off their parents even when they are well into their twenties. The level of self-entitlement is nauseating. 

For everything that our parents would have had to sacrifice to bring us up to our adulthood, it should never be their duty to continue supporting us when we are capable of independence. And if we want that liberty of pursuing what we want, we should be ready to accept that with that freedom comes with the responsibility of being responsible for ourselves.

Our parents don’t owe us. If anything, we owe them our life, and we owe them for the 20 odd years of time, money, energy, and love that they have poured into us.

And if you think that you are still entitled to anything from them, shame on you.

Also read: We Live Under One Roof, But We Don’t Feel Like Family At All.

(Header Image Credit: chuttersnap on Unsplash)

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong outlined several plans at the recent National Day Rally, and one of them is to raise our “retirement age and re-employment age to 65 and 70 respectively by 2030”.

If you have trawled through the comments sections of local media publications enough, you would already be able to foresee the kind of ruckus people will make over this. 

For example, the most common narrative will sound like this: “This is gahmen’s way of forcing you to work till you die!” And in this case, it’s easy to translate this to mean ‘working until 65 before one can retire’. 

But What Do The Changes Mean For Us?

An infographic overview of the recent changes on the statutory retirement, re-employment age, and CPF contributions for older workersImage Credit: Channel News Asia

Accompanying this change is an increase to the CPF contributions for older workers as well, but there are no changes to the CPF withdrawal policy. Thus, as written by Investment Moats, the government (or PM Lee) is effectively saying: “I will raise the retirement age, I will give you more official protection on working longer, yet you can still withdraw your CPF as same as the current plan. It is your choice whether you want to delay to 70 years old or not. It is up to you.”

And for those who wish to retire, nothing is stopping them. 

Ultimately, these changes are merely a way for the government to create a more inclusive landscape for the older folks who still want to continue working in their sixties. 

However, therein lies the problem as well.

Do People Really Want To Continue Working In Their Sixties?

In a dipstick survey I did with 20 Singaporean millennials in their twenties and early thirties, the general consensus (more than half) is that while this is a positive change, it also worries them because in a way, it is a reminder of the very real worry of not being able to retire early (or at all). 

A screenshot shared by a colleague:
“I am a younger worker and I already don’t want to work.”

It’s undeniable that this is a well-intentioned change to help citizens cope with the rising costs of living, but it also shows the sad reality of how it is the only way forward for some people: to continue working to survive. 

For one 25-year-old white-collar worker, the government may frame it as people wanting to work longer, but “it's more like they are saying ‘please let me work’ because they don't have enough financial support and still need to earn money—it's a need, not a want.”

Times are different now

For Johnathan, 29, it makes sense to raise the retirement age because of the increased average life expectancy in Singapore today. 

“In the past when people die at 65, the retirement age of 55 makes sense. You work for 35 years and retire for your last 10 years. That’s an approximate 3:1 ratio. Checks out. 

Today, we have people hoping to work for 45 years (20 to 65) and retire for 20 years (65 to 85).”

That’s an approximate 2:1 work-retirement life ratio.

In other words, unless you're saving 50% of your salary right now, it doesn't make practical sense for you to be retiring at 65 or even earlier. 

With that said, the financial capability to retire depends on one’s earning power in our prime working years, which is also determined by many other factors as well. 

“I think the entitled mindset frames this as ‘I work hard for 40 years and yet don’t have money to retire,’ but the truth is, what you choose to do in these 40 years matter too.” 

For instance, if one hadn’t studied or worked hard in earlier years, one would be less financially capable of retiring early than those who had worked for it.

Another, a 22-year-old university student, added that she supported the move also because it encourages the older generation to stay active. 

“Everyone I know that retired early and did not have some sort of hobby or passion has experienced some sort of mind degeneration. I think it’s super sad.”

Oh the other hand, I managed to speak to one Singaporean in his fifties, who opined that this move, while positive, is also “the government admitting it cannot support the citizens sufficiently,” and that “the CPF scheme is a partial failure.”

He explained that there must be a reason why the government is legislating an extension of the retirement and re-employment age, and at the ‘expense’ of individuals and businesses: “it comes with an increase in CPF rates, which will reduce take-home pay as well as increase cost to businesses.”

Simply put, raising the retirement and re-employment age is a solution for citizens who aren’t financially capable to retire in their sixties, which is also an acknowledgement that it is very probable for one to not be able to afford retirement in Singapore. 

Does This Change Quell The Worries Of Singaporeans?

Moving forward, whether this change will really benefit the older workers (and us, in time to come) also depends on how it is going to be administered on the ground. 

Despite the government’s efforts, the same intentions may not necessarily be embraced by employers. 

A 25-year-old working in the engineering industry revealed: “Personally, I've witnessed some colleagues who had to leave at their retirement job despite enjoying their work because they had to take on similar job loads but at a lower salary.”

Because of re-employment plans, these employees were shifted to a contract basis arrangement and in those cases, “the workload wasn’t halved, although the pay was halved.” In such a situation, what choice do the older employees have? Either they continue slogging it out under a clearly unfair arrangement, or be indirectly forced to retire from that job. 

There are practical benefits for companies to retain older employees, like the sharing of expertise. On the other hand, for an experienced employee to stay longer in the company could also mean less opportunities for younger employees to rise in ranks, especially in PMET positions, which makes up most Singapore citizens. Longer term, this could give rise to dissatisfaction in career mobility.

It’s encouraging that our government are aware of these challenges, and are looking into helping businesses transition with the new changes, and offering better training opportunities for older workers

However, beneath all of this, we are also fighting a war against ageism, which was very accurately discussed in a Business Insider article on the barriers older Americans face in finding high-paying jobs

The article is based on the context of the US but we face a similar problem: We can always retrain older workers. We can arm them with new skills to take on jobs that are more suitable for their age and physical ability, but they will still face stiff competition against younger workers. 

“Even for highly skilled senior workers, activists say ageism can be a barrier to entry for high-paying jobs.”

Ultimately, there’s really only so much our government can do. The rest is up to companies and employers to dedicate time and effort in cultivating an inclusive workplace for older workers. And it cannot only be lip service. 

On an individual level, it is an inevitable fact that we are now living in a time where cost of living is high. Retirement and re-employment may seem like something too far off in the future for us to think about now, but it isn’t. Because this is a reminder for us to either work hard now and conscientiously save up for our preferred choice of an early retirement in the future, or continue working to survive in our sixties or even seventies. 

At this point, it is no longer just the problem of our government. It is all of our problem.

Also read: ‘Money No Enough’ Is Real – Why We Can Never Seem To Save.

(Header Image Credit: Jay Wen on Unsplash)

Gone are the days when we would walk around the park with paper lanterns and sparklers in hand during Mid-Autumn Festival, only to set everything on fire at the end of the night. 

We’d throw our candles and candle boxes into a mound and burn everything, and that mini ‘campfire’ we created became a kind of tradition that wrapped up an awesome Mid-Autumn celebration back then. 

Good times.

We would look forward to Mid-Autumn Festival when we were kids because of all those simple activities we used to be so involved in. Not forgetting those fancy cellophane lanterns or the ultra-cool battery-operated ones that played that same polyphonic melody that we are all too familiar with. 

It was fun to be part of all the hubbub, and there was always this feeling of warmth and unity when you see everyone else around the neighbourhood park celebrating the same way.

These nostalgic activities are a part of an exciting childhood without the Internet, smartphones, and tablets. And, for a lot of us, it really is a pity to know that such innocence might just be lost in the next generation of children as they grow up in an entirely different, digital world. 

Back In The Day 

I still remember how we used to participate in Mid-Autumn celebrations every year. When we were in school, we would be given the opportunity to do so with performances and various activities that our school planned out for us. 

We were also taught about the Legend of Chang E’, which is actually a pretty fascinating tale about a lady on the moon. 

Image Credit: foodforlifetv

There are some variations to the tale and in one of them, it tells of the ‘Moon Goddess’, Chang E’, ascending to the moon after drinking an elixir to prevent that elixir from falling into the hands of her merciless husband, saving her people from his tyrannical rule.

To honour her sacrifice, the people would worship her by laying out ‘food offerings’ every full moon. The hallmark tradition of mooncakes came about partially due to the belief that it evolved from there. 

Growing up, it has also been a Mid-Autumn tradition for families to have a reunion on Mid-Autumn night, eating mooncakes and appreciating the moon together. If not for it being ‘auspicious’, it was a good reason for us to spend quality time with our loved ones. As we grew older and started having our own commitments, however, it seems that this festival has become less of a priority.

It is ultimately inevitable that, as we start maturing, we begin to form our own sets of beliefs. This changes the way we look at such festivals and the traditional practices we once followed. 

These Days, It’s All About Mooncakes 

For us, Mid-Autumn Festival is now all about the mooncakes—We even call it the Mooncake Festival sometimes.  

It may be a little sad that the traditions that made up such a fun and meaningful part of our childhood (and culture) are slowly disappearing from our lives. However, it's heartening to know that at least one of our Mid-Autumn traditions are still kept relevant to us—eating mooncakes!

In fact, more brands and bakers are coming up with modern twists to an otherwise dated tradition, keeping it alive for today's consumers

More fancy mooncakes are appearing in the market and some of these new flavours (like Truffle Carbonara) get us questioning if we are taking the whole fusion food trend a little too far. We also wonder if doing this destroys the tradition since, conventionally, it has always been the classic lotus paste and salted egg yolk mooncakes. 

Yet, despite us straying away from the conventional flavours, these 'crazy' new creations do get our generation excited for the festival every year.

Yes, there will always be those who prefer the classic mooncakes, and we have plenty of those around. But to keep them relevant to the younger audiences (and us), more brands and mooncake makers are concocting fresh flavours that blend the old and new. This is what helps to keep the mid-autumn festival relevant to us today and one way to preserve the tradition in modern-day Singapore.

But what will it take to create a mooncake that is widely loved and unlike anything in the market?

Grab your Mooncakes!

This is what Grab is seeking to achieve this Mid-Autumn Festival with its GrabMooncakes, dishing out a challenge to three groups of homebakers: To create a distinctly Singaporean mooncake loved by all.

The top four flavours were eventually selected, and you can now order these four exclusive pieces⁠—Mocha Salted Egg, Ondeh Ondeh, Baked Milk Tea with Pearl, and Sambal Shrimp - right on your Grab app.

(L-R) Baked Milk Tea with Pearl, Ondeh Ondeh, Sambal Shrimp, and Mocha Salted Egg mooncakes.
Available for pre-order from 17 August and mass sale on 26 August on the Grab app.
Three groups of bakers were selected to create a distinctly Singaporean mooncake for #GrabMooncakes

Each box of GrabMooncakes features all four flavours. But here's the exciting part: These delightful pieces will then be competing for the title of Singapore's Next Top Mooncake - and all of us will get a chance to vote for the winner!

What's more, it even comes in a specially-designed box that transforms into a lantern⁠—bringing you back to the good ol' days when you would walk around your block, lantern in hand.

Perhaps, it's time to re-live the Mid-Autumn traditions that we used to have so much fun with way back then. So get on your Grab app and grab those mooncakes, now going at a pre-sale price of $72. 

Find out more here!

(This post is written in collaboration with Grab.)