Author: Lim Bei Ling

It’s funny to think about how we went from crazing over anything salted egg and mala to increasingly obsessed with healthy living. (Yet, it’s intriguing how our love for bubble tea never died)

So many people are buying into leading a healthy lifestyle these days that sometimes, I can’t help but wonder: what’s with the hype?

We are more willing than ever to throw our money at pricey bowls of salads, acai bowls, and anything that sells the concept of better, healthier, and more wholesome. But as much as our society is slowly embracing all-organic or all-natural lifestyles, the majority of us honestly do not give a damn. 

So What’s The Deal?

To truly understand what the big deal is with this increasing obsession, I decided to (was tasked to) challenge myself to living organically for one week. 

“Seven days only what,” I thought to myself when I made that resolve. If only I knew how naive I was—The seven days turned out to be 168 hours of emotional turmoil.

Day 0 - Bracing Myself For ‘War’

As someone who never really cared about the organic-ness of anything, I quickly realised the weight of my momentous decision. 

I needed a step-by-step guide as I was absolutely clueless on where or how to start

I had zero knowledge in this. To me, organic living just meant having to eat clean. But according to a step-by-step wikiHow guide, leading a 100% organic lifestyle would encompass everything from the food one consumes to the products one uses in everyday life. This includes hygiene and beauty products, like shampoo and face wash. 

There’s even organic underwear that lets you protect the environment while protecting your nether regions. Very functional.

Day 1 - Getting My Shit Together

I’m quite auntie, and I love supermarkets. But it isn’t fun at all when you are someone who only cooks great instant noodles and have to plan the next seven days ahead in ingredients. What's more, I was at an organic grocer with only a $100 budget. 

Two reusable tote bags filled with some organic meats, vegetables, pasta, eggs, condiments, and a small tube of toothpaste. 
Some of my loot

Miraculously, dinner was served without me hurting myself, or the kitchen. But Gordon Ramsay would have flipped the f**k out if he saw how I peeled and chopped a clove of garlic. 

I managed to whip up a fairly decent tomato pasta with minced chicken for dinner

Day 2 - Getting Into The Groove

The thought of having instant organic oatmeal for breakfast two days in a row made me queasy. There’s a reason why it’s been sitting at our pantry for months. 

(L-R) The bamboo cutlery my colleague donated, instant organic oatmeal packets, and organic tea I had lying around

I skipped breakfast instead and had a bit of the organic cocoa beverage I bought. It was delicious.

I considered going to a fashion swap event, but after finding out how much it costs, it became a secondary concern. I needed the remaining budget for survival. 

Fortunately, I saved some money from donated products from some colleagues, like an organic bamboo toothbrush. I thanked the others for rendering their emotional support. 

Luck has it that this challenge is also partially inspired by a client who wanted us to talk about a new organic shampoo and conditioner that will be launching in Singapore. Naturally, I added them to my list of ‘donated products’ for the experiment.  

Honey & Apricot hair conditioner from Hair Recipe, which promotes moisture treatment

Dinner was a Nice & Natural SUPERGRAINS MUESLI BAR as I had a fitness class that night. The muesli bar did taste natural, but ‘nice’ is very subjective. It wasn’t awful at least.

What’s awful is not being able to buy that prata when I smelt it on the way home after class, even though I was starving. 

Day 3 - Abstaining Is A Big Pain In The Ass

They bought Jollibee for a company farewell lunch today. I love Jollibee. But lunch was organic fried brown rice with Day 1’s minced chicken instead. It wasn’t bad, but I died inside in having to abstain. 

Dinner was the same unexciting affair of a muesli bar, and it took immense willpower and determination to not buy any food from the coffeeshop again. 

I felt like my stomach was eating itself by the time I reached home. 

Day 4 - Why Am I Doing This?

I was beginning to have an existential crisis as I thought about how I started yesterday miserably hungry and ended my day the same way. It is depressing for a food lover. 

I cheered myself up and reminded myself of the positives. 

I comfort myself that at least, my hair is being fed well. It is not only smelling like sweet honey, but also starting to feel a tad healthier. I’m not sure if it’s a placebo effect, but it is definitely less frizzy than before. I’m just glad that at least something was serving me well.

Day 5 - What’s The Point?

They say that you are what you eat, and it’s true.

My brunch: boiled, plain potatoes with cauliflower and chicken breast, flavoured with salt, pepper, garlic, and onions

If you think the dish looks sad, you’re right. Because that is me. 

The obvious lack of colour very much reflects my mood. By this point, I noticed how the heavy focus on living organically has turned me into a pretty terrible person.

Case in point: Instead of visiting a loved one at the hospital, I have been rushing home to cook my meals. I have also been turning down social obligations so as to retain the organic-ness of my meals. 

I was beginning to realise that on hindsight, it would have been wiser for a more gradual transition over a longer period. 

I made myself feel better with some potato chips that afternoon. It is not organic.

Day 6 - Counting Down

I ended up in Marché for lunch with my team. They feasted on their $9.90 rostis and beef steaks while I went for the salad, which included selections of organic ingredients. 

I have never hated dining there until today.  

My organic meal VS. my colleague’s steak. My heart cries. 

After going organic for six days, I am not too sure if I am supposed to feel any difference physically, emotionally, or spiritually. But I did poop three times by mid-afternoon today. 

Day 7 - FINALLY

Happiness comes from many things and today it is from counting down to the end of this tormentous organic living challenge.

As I had my very last organic lunch for the challenge, I may have teared. 

I probably only scraped the tip of leading an organic lifestyle with my foray into food and a couple of hygiene products, but the mindfulness of what I used and did was beginning to rub off of me. I’d even feel guilty from forgetting to bring my reusable bags to the supermarket.

Leading an organic lifestyle is f-ing hard. 

In our modern-day life and as an average millennial, it’s almost impossible to lead a 100% organic lifestyle. At least not immediately. It really is the time and constant conscious effort in choosing that lifestyle. 

While I don’t doubt the benefits or at least the intentions of organic living, there are things that are way too tiresome to practice in daily life, like only eating organic. However, there are definitely things that is very doable and can be easily incorporated into daily life. For instance, the organic body wash a colleague donated to me, or the organic shampoo and conditioner I got from Hair Recipe. 

Granted, these items were given to me. But they really are the simplest ways to get started on the whole organic lifestyle. 

Thank you, Hair Recipe, for being the saving grace during this one week. 

I’m no expert in beauty or haircare, but as a female, I definitely appreciate a product that makes me feel good about myself. And it is what the Hair Recipe shampoos gave me for the one week⁠—comfort, and contentment in having good hair days. 

Available in three ‘flavours’: Honey & Apricot (Moisture Recipe), Kiwi & Fig (Volume Recipe), and Apple & Ginger (Damage Care Recipe), their shampoo, conditioner, and hair mask, are special recipes formulated with the help of Japanese nutritionists. 

The Hair Recipe products are made from nature inspired ingredients as well! In short, these products are in a way, a superfood that is meant to ‘feed’ our hair with food ingredients (like honey and apricot). The whole concept is to ensure that our hair will only be fed the best of what it needs and nothing more⁠. 

It sounds a lot like well-written (and fancy) marketing, but I have to say that I genuinely enjoyed the good hair washes amidst all the pressure of trying to be organic. It’s also a bonus that after trying all three flavours, they are all one of the best smelling shampoos I’ve tried. The best part is: I got them for free. 

Hair Recipe products are now available in Singapore! Get them at Guardian stores or online here.

(This article was written in collaboration with Hair Recipe)

On the 9th of June, more than a million people (according to organisers) took to the streets of Hong Kong to protest against an extradition bill. 

Since then, things have been escalating and for the majority of us who have kept up with the episodes of violence and drama that have been plaguing Hong Kong, we’re concerned for the people there. But beyond the superficial worrying, we should also take a moment to consider:

What if this happens in Singapore?

What if, for whatever reason, one million unhappy Singaporeans were to take to Orchard Road to protest?

It’s hard to fathom something as extreme as this happening in Singapore, not just because of the safety, security, stability, and structure that we are so accustomed to but also because of the history of how strict our authorities have been on cases of unlawful assembly. Knowing this, it would have taken a major government f*** up for one fifth of our population to be riled up enough to execute a protest of this scale.

But that doesn't mean that it will never happen.

What If The Riots And Violence Were To Happen In Singapore?

Take the recent ‘brownface’ advertisement saga and a hypothetical scenario of our government enforcing a strict ruling against the Nair siblings for example. This could very well have provoked the minority groups in Singapore enough to fuel the start of a protest for the siblings to be cleared of charges. Subsequently, this could also be fodder for protestors to demand for more racial equality.

Imagine then, like what happened in Hong Kong, peaceful demonstrations along Orchard Road turn into violent riots with each new protest. Imagine going to town for a night out only to see barricades along the streets, and riot police patrolling wherever you go. 

Usually, the presence of law enforcement officers would make us feel a bit safer, but this time, we won’t know if it’s actually going to be safer.

This time, they would be ready to do whatever it takes to establish control on the ground should a protest break out—even if that means innocent bystanders or peaceful protestors become collateral damage.

Imagine going home one night, only for the train to be intercepted by a group of masked men at Bishan (for example) who storm the train station with bamboo sticks, threatening protestors who happened to be in the same cabin. 

Brandishing their weapons at everyone as tensions rise with heated exchanges, they would start hitting whoever weren’t on their side with their weapons. Everyone would try to flee the cabin. You run with them, but the masked men follow, hitting anyone and everyone they can reach while chasing after all of you. 

A photo of the MTR attack on 21 July
Image Credit: Yahoo News

You’d get home in one piece that night, but with cuts and bruises.
You thank heavens that, at least, you’re alive, but you also fear for the days ahead, because this is neither an isolated incident nor the end of the chaos in the country. 

The protests have already evolved into violent-prone riots all across Singapore. Private and public properties have been destroyed in the process.

Shops, trees, street signs and anything in the way of the protests would have been destroyed. 

Lives would have been destroyed too, as people are injured or even killed in these riots. 

Most significantly, trust in law enforcement personnel, the government, and your fellow countrymen has been eroded.

When All Of That Happens In Singapore, What Do We Even Do? 

Do we wait for instructions? Who do we even take instructions from now that it the government we are protesting against?

Do we drop everything and seek shelter at home?

Perhaps schools will be suspended to keep the kids safe, but what about everyone else in the workforce? 

Assuming that life still has to go on, how are our companies, business, or our shops going to deal with all the disruptions in the workforce and economy? 

With the mounting unrest across our tiny island and the unpredictability of protestors, it would be impossible to know if it’s even safe to go anywhere. Can we put a standstill to our life at this point then?  

Honestly, none of us will know what to do if it actually happens.

Sure, the SCDF has always been running free Community Emergency Preparedness Programmes. There are also the occasional emergency preparedness events to ‘prepare’ citizens for possible emergencies. 

But having attended some of these events before, I can testify that all the attendees are a lot more fascinated at the action and special effects (smoke and fire) than the critical messages of what one should do in emergency situations.

I say this because these are also the only things I remembered from the events. 

One of the things citizens will get to do on Emergency Preparedness Days
Image Credit: Safra

Call me a sceptic, but even if we were to witness this simulation again today, I doubt we would have learnt how to handle such situations as a civilian besides waiting for instructions.

Will We Be Ready To Make Difficult Choices?

Amidst all the mess and uncertainty, most of us would have probably just rode it out, hoping that somehow, somewhere, someone will step out to help us end the mess. 

It is only our men (or women) in uniform who have been trained, in one way or another, to maintain law and order here. And for the most part, the rest of us would also put that same onus on them.  

Imagine then, in the case where a fifth of the country is protesting to fight for something that our people must have felt extremely passionate and adamant about, there are also Singaporeanswho would be activated by the state to maintain law and order across the island. 

In the case where the clashes become increasingly violent, these Singaporeans, who are also our loved ones, would be the ones who are required to follow the protocol to quell the riots: To fire tear gas and rubber bullets at fellow Singaporeans, and to possibly use violence against us if it really comes to that point.

I have trust in our army to protect us against external threats, but it is never the same when you’re talking about ‘fighting against’ your own people—your family and friends. 

At the same time, the situation will begin to escalate with each day of inaction by the government. More innocent citizens will be wounded from the clashes. 

Three months on, it would come to a point where even Changi Airport has to close all its terminals as protestors take an even more drastic approach. 

A woman was also blinded after a bean bag round shot by the police flew into her eye. By now, the police has also admitted to infiltrating groups of protestors so that they could make arrests while undercover. 

What’s even scarier is when these police officers are also suspected of planting ‘evidence’ on protestors—which was what happened in Hong Kong just two days ago. The police denied these allegations. But everyone else claims otherwise. 

Whatever the case, you start to wonder how much you can actually trust the police and law enforcement as they resort to such underhanded tactics to keep the situation under control.

We Will Never Be Prepared for This

Sure, we have special forces, the riot police and tactical units trained to deal with such situations. But it’s one thing to be trained through lessons and drills, and another to face the real deal.

In such extreme situations, everything will change even after all the riots and protests subside.

Everything from our economy, to trust in our authorities, and every part of our livelihood will never be the same again.

Which brings me back to the point of the safety, security, and stability, that we have been so accustomed to in Singapore. 

It is because of the peace that we have right now that makes it even scarier to think about that scale of chaos in Singapore. But it is exactly what is happening in Hong Kong, and it’s a reminder that nothing is ever permanent. So at least for now, we should be thankful for what we have: peace.

Also read: The War Against OT: Why Staying Back Late Doesn’t Make You A ‘Good’ Employee.

(Header Image Credit: Goh Rhy Yan, Hasan Almasi)

For 364 days a year, we complain. 

Then, for one day in August, we somehow become the most patriotic brothers and sisters, banding together to celebrate our Mother(land)’s birthday.

It’s ludicrous if you look at it this way: All year round, we see countless remarks from Singaporeans about how Singapore is a terrible place to live in, and all it takes is for one day dedicated to celebrating the country for people to become patriotic. 

Conversely, there is another group of Singaporeans that will roll their eyes at the patriots for such an absurd display of love and pride for the country—Call us hypocrites, for we sing praises about Singapore and flaunt our patriotism on our social media accounts for that one day, only to go back to complaining after. 

Yes, Singaporeans Hate Singapore

And it is true that there’s a lot to hate about Singapore. 

Right off the bat, there is the recent E-Pay and Preetipls saga, which once again put a spotlight on racism in Singapore—an issue that has been bubbling just beneath the surface for quite awhile now. It has caused quite the brouhaha, causing a divide as many took to polarising ends of the debate on what constitutes unacceptable behaviour. 

It is a harsh reminder that despite a growing number of Singaporeans taking on a progressive mindset, Singapore is still a largely conservative society. Racism is but one one of many issues our ‘divided’ society struggle with. It is also the reason behind the longstanding fight for and against 377A.

Along with all of that is the perception of a ‘strict’ or ‘authoritarian’ government among Singaporeans, especially the very outspoken ones on forums, Reddit and Quora threads, and social media comment section. From their view on censorship (fake news law) to how they crack down on the most minute of things like having to regulate PMDs and drones—disgruntled Singaporeans have time and again seen these as signs that the government is running the country with an iron fist. 

Corruption is also an issue that people are increasingly discussing, but this is a whole other debate for another day. I am also in no way qualified to make any judgment on this, as I lack the political knowledge. However, one doesn’t need to that knowledge to know, from the kind of nasty comments online, that what many people belief. 

High Cost Of Living

I penned a letter to our government last year and in it, I talked about the hopes and fears as a young Singaporean. 

I spoke about the reality of hopeful Singaporeans fearing for our future here because of the high costs of living here. Singapore is an expensive city to live in, we know. However, it is when we start to realise that sooner or later, we have to juggle being a full-time worker striving for success in our career, a reliable provider to our own children, and also a caregiver to our aging parents all at once that it becomes overwhelming. 

Heck, how can one not feel the pressure when the moment we ‘start our life’ with a new home is the moment we enter a 10 to 25 year debt? 

I’ve met underprivileged families. Families with more than two children and that lives in small, basic rented one-room flats, because that is the best that they can afford. I am also aware of the truly impoverished and the homeless who live among us but who are hidden away from sight. 

There is always a small part of me that fears falling through the cracks to that state one day, and I am sure it is the same for the rest of the Singaporeans. 

Highly Competitive Society 

It is also because of these worries that Singaporeans are aware of the need to work hard, spend smart, and stay prudent for rainy days. It is also for this very reason that a lot of people hate Singapore—We are extremely competitive.

It is not like our parents time, where degree holders are highly sought after. Today, everyone is a degree holder, and it is one’s expertise or experience in the industry that makes one valuable to a company. Which means that it is now about aiming for excellence in school and also when we start our first job. 

Yes, nothing comes easy, but this also comes at a time where we are also being encouraged to chase our passions and turn them into our career. All of us want that, and it is definitely achievable if one works hard for it. But the truth is that most don’t get there because the need to be financially stable makes it a struggle to even find that balance between passion and profit. 

It’s also a harsh truth that in whatever we attempt, it’s a constant fight to be better than all the 3.7 million employed individuals in Singapore who can easily displace us. Because Singapore is that competitive. 

There’s many other little things that add up, and it will possibly turn this article into 50 page thesis if I were to touch on everything in detail.

On the other hand, there’s also a lot that we are thankful for. And often, it is when we come home from vacations overseas when we feel it. 

But We Also Love Singapore

We aren’t happy with our people and our leaders, but on the other hand, it speaks volumes about how much people actually care. 

In the case of the recent ‘racism saga’, a lot of emotionally-driven responses were posted across social media pages. Maybe it turned out to be a whole lot of noise, but we can take comfort in knowing that people care enough to fight for justice and awareness.  

It is idealistic, but I believe that at the end of this episode, Singaporeans hope for our society to progress towards being more racially harmonious and not just tolerating. 

We often criticise the government for their inaction on various issues from racism to 377A, but if we stopped to think about what they had done, however, we will see how they try. 

I am not pro-government and neither am I a leftist. However, I have to acknowledge that we have a government that is attentive of the issues of our nation. Not everything is ideal for everyone, but we cannot deny that we have a government that is constantly worried about the welfare of our society and always looking at ways to progress the nation.

What is sad, is if our leaders completely disregards the issues that we worry about. 

Privilege

It’s been said before, and it needs to be said again: We are privileged. 

For all the imperfections that make us hate Singapore, we are blessed with so many luxuries. 

Over the past year, I’ve spoken to many millennials who shared their stories of when they volunteered overseas: In certain parts of the world, it is normal to have no access to electricity, normal to have cockroaches crawling around in their home, and it is normal for students to skip school just so that they can walk two hours to a lake for water. 

There’s also one who told me about ladies who were catfished and lured into prostitution from a young age, and whom have to face authorities who are indifferent to their plight.  

Knowing these, we can be thankful that at least we have easy access to all the basic amenities we need, like water, food, transport, healthcare, and entertainment.

We can also be thankful that we are given largely equal opportunities, whether it is education, jobs, or the chance to build our own homes. 

It’s also encouraging to know that for all the squabbles we have over unpopular opinions, we have a relatively healthy society with equal opportunities for everyone to speak and to suggest or even execute new ideas for the good of the country and the people

Last but not the least; Our safety and security. Singapore is one of the safest countries in the world, and all it takes is for us to travel to any other country for us to know this better. 

Singaporean Pride

For what it’s worth, I think it doesn’t matter if we complain about Singapore all year round. And it doesn’t matter if we are hypocrites to be one-day patriots, because we, at least most of us, know that this is ultimately a place that has given us a lot for us to call it home.

The very fact that one can be wherever one is and reading this article through our phone, desktop, or tablet shows how much privilege one already has. 

Most of us are proud to be Singaporean, as much as we are ashamed or shy to admit. I know this from the way we love to see Singapore-inspired stuff overseas, and how we are more than happy to #SupportLocal. 

At the end of the day, most of us know that for all the flaws that we have as a nation, it’s a darn good country to be born in and to be living in. 

So let’s celebrate that.

Also read: Home Away From Home – Is Living In Australia Really A Match ‘Mate’ In Heaven?.

(Header Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

It’s been a week since the infamous E-Pay ‘brownface’ advertisement got called out for its portrayal of local artiste Dennis Chew as members of other races. The issue of racism has escalated since then, fuelled on by the chain of events that followed after: Preetipls’ K Muthusamy video, the apologies from each party, and the involvement of the Info-communications Media Development Authority (IMDA) and Ministry for Home Affairs (MHA). 

A lot has been said and done. There’s a lot of anger among Singaporeans and a lot of criticisms being thrown around at all the parties involved. But with so many people weighing in on social media, the discussions have—although well-intentioned—turned into just a whole shedload of noise. 

What Are We Arguing Over?

The entire saga has been blown out of proportion, to a point where many are just cherry picking behaviours they agree with and finding fault with parties they disagree with. It’s encouraging to see more Singaporeans getting involved in discussing a topic so close to our hearts, but it has also shown how ugly and bitter we can be with handling opposing viewpoints. 

The ad creators (Havas Worldwide Singapore) has since removed the contentious ad and released their apology statement. Despite the apology however, people still weren’t pleased.  

Screenshot taken from<a href=" Channel NewsAsia

The main gripe is that it is hard to understand how the ad creators could make such a mistake, especially since Mediacorp was already fined once for a similar incident in 2017. To most people, it also shows a cavalier attitude towards racism, which is highly unacceptable, particularly for groups of people whose actions have an impact on the masses. 

However, the fuel that sparked a greater divide was Preetipls and her brother’s rap video. While it was ostensibly understood to be a satirical parody video meant to depict the casual racism that minority groups face in Singapore, the way it was delivered only attracted the ‘wrong’ kind of attention. 

“Chinese people always f***ing it up” - possibly the most controversial line that got people riled up
Screenshot taken from Reddit 

IMDA stepped in to call Preetipls’ video to be removed and MHA criticised the video, as well as the Nair siblings' apology for being 'mock’ and ‘insincere’.

However, when IMDA and MHA stepped in, it was seen by many people as a move by the government to silence discussions. Judging from the comments one can find across social media, some also see this as a move for the government to take the side of the ad creators, since the Nair siblings seem to be receiving more flak from the authorities than Havas, or any parties involved in the production of the E-Pay ad, are getting. 

Screenshot taken from a Facebook friend's page

Let’s first establish that whether it’s the ad creators, the Nair siblings, the authorities, or any politician, I believe that whatever they have said or done are out of good faith. 

However, we also have to acknowledge that these individuals could have done better in addressing the situation, especially when there’s an increasing need to be even more racially sensitive.

No Point In Invalidating Each Other

For one, none of us should invalidate any of these parties’ experiences. 

In the case of the Nair siblings' video and subsequent apology, many people fought for and against them. 

Those who supported them felt that despite the seemingly offensive lyrics against the majority Chinese race, the video was just an edgy way to get people to listen to the grievances of minorities. And for one to take offence would mean that one is being overly-sensitive, or not being able to take self-deprecating humour.  

Though objectively, the lyrics alone were more offensive than respectful or meaningful. One can replace the race with any other race and it will be equally offensive.

Likewise for Preetipls as an experienced content creator, it should be known the kind of power that content (especially on social media) has on people. And it is quite clear that a content that literally raps about a certain race always “f***ing it up” would only create a greater divide among the racial groups. 

Screenshot taken from a Facebook friend's page

On the other hand, it’s no secret that there’s racism in Singapore and we must acknowledge that the Nair siblings would have had their share of unpleasant race-related experiences to have come up with what they had. 

Knowing the motivations that all parties have in this saga, I respect the right for the Nair siblings to want to raise awareness on the issue, but I disagreed with her video because even if it’s satire, there are better ways to get the message across. 

Yes, being controversial will get people to listen, but it is different altogether when it is fodder for more contemptuous remarks against each other. 

And on that part, perhaps IMDA and MHA could have done better when they first stepped into the picture. There’s long been displeasure with the government, and their heavy-handed approach of immediately denouncing and calling for the video to be taken down without first acknowledging the experiences the Nair siblings had only gave people more reason to criticise them. 

Should IMDA Have ‘Clamped Down’ On The Video?

However, when you put yourself in the shoes of a ministry, especially one whose vision is to “make Singapore our Safe and Secure Best Home”, it is a tough decision that needs to be made. For a country that has spent the last 50 odd years trying to build a racially harmonious society, I’d say we’ve done a pretty good job in cultivating a society that respects each other as fellow Singaporeans.

But there’s also a very important need to acknowledge that yes, there are many little nuances in our society, like casual, but hurtful racist remarks, that affect people. I am not a minority and I cannot speak for them on the kind of racism they face, or how they truly feel about casual racism. But what I do know is that race and religion issues are very close to each of our hearts, and if not handled properly, is something that constantly threatens to divide us. 

And for MHA, this is a serious matter. Singapore cannot afford another racial riot. In Minister’s Shanmugam’s latest Facebook post, he also elaborated on Racism and the reason behind his stance on the saga involving Preetipls’ video: “If everyone starts discussing race and religion in the way they did, then you will in fact get more racism, not less.”

I spoke to 20-year-old Hafez, who facilitated the first Youth Conversations session on Race and Religion last year. A Persian who has had his share of unpleasant brushes with racism, shared how even though the E-Pay advertisement was “done in poor taste and was inappropriate for our Singaporean context, the lyrics, gestures, and insinuations used in the Nair siblings' rap video could hurt people and cause more racial tensions.”

“At the same time, it can lead to a normalisation of trading insults and slurs between people of different racial groups, seeding resent and unhappiness between friends, neighbours, and strangers.”

We are nowhere near the extreme racism that minority groups in other nations face, but what minorities face here, are these little but equally important microaggressions that potentially create an “Us vs. Them” mentality. 

So What’s Next?

There’s no winner in fighting to pin the blame on someone. All of us know that there’s a certain degree of ‘wrong’ in all that has happened, so instead of harping on the ‘wrongs’, we can do better in figuring out what we can do moving forward. 

As much as there are many people making a lot of extremely one-sided and downright revolting comments online, majority of Singaporeans are actually hopeful for a racially harmonious society, and are very receptive to helping us achieve that.  

Perhaps this also comes apt as we are counting down to another national day. We are reminded of how delicate maintaining the peace is, in the sense where one insensitive remark or behaviour can threaten to put Singapore back 50 years. 

Hafez added, “I encourage everyone to join the conversation on race and religion; but do so in a manner that actually forwards a good intention for Singapore.”

There will always be some people who are simply racist and for them, there’s nothing we can do. However, I truly believe that many are either not aware of how their comments are hurting another individual and just require more exposure on how to be racially sensitive. 

And because these are issues that are so close to our hearts, the power is in us to control the narrative. Nobody with enough power could have said or done the ‘right thing’ that appeases every side but how we choose to move on, stronger together, lies within us.

Also read: 'I Converted To Christianity And My Muslim Friends And Family Condemned Me'.

Three years ago, Yvonne lost her mum to cancer. 

She was only a secondary school student when the doctor first diagnosed her mum with breast cancer. The cancer went into remission after chemotherapy treatments and a mastectomy, but eight years later, it came back. And it was after that relapse that the labour of caring for a loved one suffering from a debilitating illness began to take a toil on Yvonne. 

The period of five years after that was one of “the most traumatic period, because I was still doing my work.” That was also a period that saw Yvonne’s sister gave birth, and the heavy responsibilities her sister had with nursing a newborn meant that Yvonne had to step up as the main caregiver to her mother, whose condition was deteriorating by the day.

“Towards the end, her treatment options sort of dwindled down. She tried quite a few treatments but developed a tolerance. It came to a point where there was one option left.”

The cancer cells had spread to her mother’s spine when they were told that the only option left was an intrathecal chemotherapy: “Which means it has to go through either the spine at the end, or they have to put this ‘tap’ at her head and I think for her, that was too much. She didn’t want that.”

Her mother was adamant about not going for that treatment. In a sense, that meant that Yvonne could only bring her mum home and watch her condition deteriorate—there was nothing much else that could be done medically.

It wasn’t hard for Yvonne to accept her mother’s death when she passed five years after the relapse, as it was something that they foresaw, “but I felt like I lost my opportunity to reconcile with her.”

“I don’t think we knew how to talk about reconciliation, especially when she was sick. It was never the right time to bring up past grievances.”

When one is dying, the emotions that accompanies being aware of one’s mortality can make it very difficult to discuss. The same goes for their loved ones, who will deal with a confusing mix of sorrow, despair, and helplessness as they watch their loved one get weaker by the day. For Yvonne, what stuck with her is not being able to have ‘that conversation’, or to properly plan her mother’s last moments together. 

“I feel like it’s important to talk about all aspects of life, and you can do that even when there’s no sickness,” she added, as she shared about why she volunteered with Both Sides, Now, a community engagement project about what it means to live well, and leave well, after her mum’s passing. 

The Importance Of Talking About Death

What if your mum is suffering from cancer and has a 50% chance of surviving if she goes for treatments, but she chooses not to go for the treatments? 

“It’s too expensive,” she tells you. “I’ll also have a 50% chance of dying, so, what for?” 

However, not going for treatments also means that she has a zero percent chance of surviving. 

Do you respect her choice, knowing that she is dying, or do you force her into going for the treatments?

This was a moral ambiguity that was very similar to what Yvonne faced, and it was a scenario that was presented at an interactive theatre show at the recent BSN event at Telok Blangah. Although hypothetical, it was a reflection of dilemmas that many people face in dealing with the last stages of their loved one’s life. 

Taken at the recent BSN event at Telok Blangah, which gave the public many opportunities to think about death

The stakes are so high because when a loved one passed away, it’s too late. Too late for last goodbyes or last acts of love.

Those were the points that ArtsWok Collaborative’s Ngiam Su-Lin, Creative Producer of BSN, brought up when she highlighted the importance of talking about death.

“Often, when illness strikes and it’s terminal, it’s too late to plan. It can result in a lot of suffering, and when people pass on and there’s no closure, it can cause a lot of grief, loss, and conflicts in the family.”

We all die one day, and we know that. 

We are aware of how unpredictable and transient our life is, but we never talk about it. Perhaps we do occasionally, when we joke about the funeral we want for ourselves with friends. However, it is the details of what we want in our last moments that we miss out.

“We talk about giving birth and preparing for all these milestones like birthdays and first jobs, but how come when it comes to dying, we don’t talk about our fears, desires, and plans?”

Different people's Last Moment that they envisioned for themselves, encapsulated into a ball

Dying With Dignity With An End-Of-Life Plan

Accompanying every death are intense degrees of pain, grief, and loss—which was what Drama Box’s Artistic Director Kok Heng Leun, who is also Artistic Director of BSN, stressed when he explained the motivations behind BSN.

“People associate [death and loss] with not moving on, not going forward. But loss is such an important aspect of life.”

However, the fear of an unknown and the suffocating emotional pain makes it hard to talk about it. And mortality is such an awkward topic to bring up. It definitely isn’t something you just casually bring up to your parents like so: ‘Ma, pa, how do you want to die?’

The less we talk about it however, the more difficult it will be when a death occurs, because when you look at it objectively, it is the lack of preparation that makes it difficult. 

I particularly remember this lady (presumably in her thirties) at a previous BSN event, who amidst trying to hold back her tears, shared how she struggled with seeing her father in the last moments in his life after a sudden medical emergency. She struggled because the family never found out what he really wanted for his last moments. They never got to speak to him about it because it was just too sudden. In a way, it was a closure that she never really had, as she will never know if they did the right thing or if they did enough for him before he left. 

Our society as a whole lacks the knowledge in conducting such discussions. We see death and dying as something too grim to seriously discuss about. Yet, it is such a critical conversation to have with the most important people in our life. Because if we never have such conversations, we will never truly know what our loved ones want for their last moments. 

It goes down to the smallest details that you never knew you had to know until it is way too late: How they want to be remembered; what kind of flowers they want at their funeral; the kind of care they want when they are in deep pain; or even questions like whether to pull the plug or not when the time comes. 

Likewise, if anything were to happen to us, our loved ones will never know what we wanted for ourselves.

Also read: Having Stage 4 Cancer At 32 – “The Greatest Lesson In Life Is To Learn How To Die”.

For a Singaporean Chinese guy with a long boxed beard and striking green hair tied up into a ponytail, that image alone would warrant antagonistic comments from conservative locals. 

What's more, for a Singaporean guy who raps for a living. That’s like a double whammy, in the sense where that would be everything everything our (traditional) parents would have discouraged us against. 

In the 90s where most of us grew up in, one would have been an ah beng to sport such a bold look, and crazy to pursue music as a career—as stereotypical as it sounds. 

But for 27-year-old Pek Jin Shen, otherwise known as ShiGGa Shay, these are all merely forms of expression.

Before I met ShiGGa, I was like most Singaporeans: I wasn’t particularly a fan of rap music or of him as an artiste. I didn’t dislike him either. But there’s just this impression of him as someone unfriendly, despite having never met him before. His physical appearance and his form of expression as a rapper probably contributed to that air of arrogance he seemed to give off. Though on the other hand, it’s strange if rap and hip hop is cheerful and merry. 

This impression is something that ShiGGa has long come to accept, as it isn’t something within his control. Everybody’s got their right to judge, but at least for ShiGGa, he’d rather people have a chat with him before passing him off as arrogant. 

“I don’t think I’m better than anyone else, I’m just a human being.”

And to be fair, he was actually pretty chill. It could be that I was an outsider, and a journalist in his eyes, but he was nothing like what I’d perceived him to be when I joined him at Zendyll Productions studios one afternoon, a usual spot where he would work on his music besides his home studio. 

In fact, it felt more like a casual gathering of friends coming together to chill (and make music).

I spent a significant amount of time just listening to some lo-fi beats together with his producer and a musician friend

I was also treated to a couple of his unreleased works, which includes a collaboration with Korean artiste, Jay Park—set to release later this year. 

ShiGGa Shay is also a man of humour. When I asked about his Moniker, he explained that it was an onomatopoeic play on the Chinese words, “是个谁” from “你是个谁,” which translates to mean “who are you”. This came at a time where it was unusual for a Singaporean to do rap. 

Being A Lion City Kia

After a 3-year hiatus, ShiGGa recently released his comeback single, Paiseh, in April. 

Image Credit: ShiGGa Shay

Just like a lot of his other tracks, it is, for lack of a better description, very Singaporean. And it is what got ShiGGa interested in writing rap in the first place. It is a way for him to express the many thoughts he has about Singaporean life.

“Growing up in Singapore, I was just like anyone else. I lived in a HDB and in that environment, I just had a lot I wanted to say but there wasn’t an outlet for me to say what I wanted to say. So I’d just write raps, and rap to kind of express myself.”

Contrarily, he was the only one in his family that’s musically-inclined and used to play the dizi and the trombone in school. Rap and hip hop came about after he heard an Eminem song on the radio. His fascination with the sound of rap songs grew when he dived into the world of Snoop Dogg, Tupac Shakur, and other hip hop artistes of the 90s era.

He was only 9 when he started writing rap. At 14, he performed at his dad’s 55 birthday party, to which he bashfully brushed away when I asked what he rapped about at such a young age. 

“I don’t really remember but it’s something… kind of lame,” he laughed. 

Mum And Dad Are The Main Motivations For Making Music

In 2009, his dad passed away. It was a pivotal period for ShiGGa as the sadness and trauma from losing his dad could have led him down an entirely different, darker path. However, it became the driving factor that contributed to his career today.

He had always been writing rap, but this time round, music became an avenue for him to express all the negativity he was feeling. More than just as a way for him to cope with the pain of loss, he also wanted to channel all his energy into putting something out there. 

Music helped him get through his darkest time, and it was also his wish for his music to be a source of comfort for others going through what he had. 

This became a goal that he consistently works towards when he makes his music. 

As one of the first few musicians of our generation to have made a name for himself, and possibly the first Singaporean who have made it this far in rap, the challenges he faced are undoubtedly aplenty. There’s also the pressure of living up to expectations as a front runner for rap music in Singapore but for ShiGGa, it’s all a matter of staying true to what he had set out to do. 

“Being recognised or known is not really why I did it in the first place. I really did it and am still doing it for the passion of music. And for the fact that I really want to share what I have with the world.”

A true Lion City Kia, many of ShiGGa’s song talks about Singaporean life. Hip hop is a reflection of the current state of society after all, and for ShiGGa, it is both his goal to make locals’ lives a little bit better through his music, and to put the Singapore sound on the world map. 

He’s accomplished a lot for a Singaporean self-funded rap artiste, but nothing beats recognition from his mother. 

His drive to be successful also comes from the need to take care of his mother. As an only child, ShiGGa has taken it upon himself to provide for her ever since his dad’s passing. His mum has also been his strongest pillar of support in his toughest times.

“I’m very close to my mum. She’s my emotional support, my rock. Everything I do, I do with her in mind.”

Since 2011, he has released several singles and albums, collaborated with many different artistes, and represented Singapore on local and international stages. He even dabbled in acting. 

These are all laudable accomplishments but for ShiGGa, nothing beats being a filial son to his mother. 

“Accomplishments and all that are external. It’s great being able to represent Singapore at the White House. It’s great performing for NDP. But hearing my mum say she’s proud of me is like the most important thing to me.”

Also read: “You Learn To Roll With The Punches” – A S’porean Millennial On Growing Up With 2 Sisters With Special Needs.

Even when you walk up to her humble 4-room flat, you can already tell from the packs of cat litter and assortment of pet accessories lining the corridor that this person keeps cats. A lot of cats. 

38, to be precise, of which only 10 are her pets. The rest are strays that she has rescued to treat and rehabilitate. Even the 10 are rescues that she didn’t have the heart to release back to the streets due to their conditions. 

When I visited Tiff* last Saturday, it quickly became apparent that this is a real-life Singaporean crazy cat lady—an identity that Tiff has come to embrace. 

Her home puts any cat cafes in Singapore to shame. There were literally cats everywhere, and these are cats that clamour for your attention: running up to you, rubbing against your legs, and following you wherever you walk (even without the lure of food). But even for a long-time cat lover, I was a little overwhelmed by how manja the cats were when I first stepped into her flat that afternoon. 

Cat Feeding Became Cat Rescue

I first got to know of Tiff’s rescue efforts through a Facebook page she runs, Purrs & Meows

Although she holds a full-time job in the government sector, I’d make a confident claim that her real full-time job is caring for the cats. Every bit of her time, besides the government job, is spent on improving the lives of the stray cats she encounters in her neighbourhood. 

Contrarily, she used to see herself as a dog person, that was until she started looking out for a cute ginger cat around her neighbourhood. What started off as casual cat feeding sessions became a desire to do something to help cats that are in need of medical attention. 

“I didn’t know about sterilising back then and started reading up a lot on it. I read this article that explained the benefits of sterilising, so I decided to bring [the ginger cat] to get sterilised.”

It was then that she started to get increasingly involved in the welfare of stray cats she encounters. That was 10 years ago. The simple sterilisation efforts has since evolved into a noble cause of saving abused cats or those suffering from complicated medical conditions. 

A Crazy Schedule For Any Normal Person

A ‘new’ 4-room HDB flat isn’t very spacious and with 38 cats living under one roof, I would imagine it to be a hell of a job to keep the place in order. And it is—a big part of Tiff’s daily routine is spent on cleaning. One full cleaning session alone would take her three hours to complete, which is only possible on weekends. And showering the cats is something that can only be done across a few weeks. 

However, her daily routine do include regular cleanings. It is the first thing she does when she wakes up at around 6.30am daily. She cleans again after feeding the cats, and then showers before heading for work from 10am to 7pm. 

When she returns home after work, she repeats the same cycle of cleaning-feeding-cleaning again. 

“I [also] clean the litter box quite often. I’m a bit OCD because I don’t want the smell to escape [to the corridor].”

And indeed, when I stood at her doorstep before entering, I didn’t pick up any trace of odour at all. Although, there was a faint scent that’s reminiscent of a typical pet shop with dogs or cats, and the floor did feel a little clammy when I walked around.

A look at Tiff’s living room on an average afternoon

After her night routine at home, she would head out to feed the strays at three locations: Northlink Industrial Park, the area around Sembawang Shopping Centre, and Woodlands industrial area. It is also the time where she goes on the occasional cat rescue missions, depending on whether she spots any cats in-need, or from any public tip-offs. 

By the time she cabs back to her home, it would have been 2.00am to 2.30am. She would clean again if required, and unwind a little by catching up on Netflix shows. Every weekday night, she gets an average of three hours of sleep before the whole cycle of caring for cats-work-and caring for cats repeats.

Even thinking about such a lifestyle made me feel stressed out.

Dedicating Her Life To Cats

A single woman, Tiff runs her cause independently. Although she does get the occasional help from friends who also do cat rescues, most of her rescue and rehabilitation efforts are handled by her alone. This includes the funds that are pumped into it. 

Over the years, almost all of those efforts are self-funded. The money goes into everything from essentials like cat food and litter, to hefty vet fees to treat the cats. Sometimes, she gets donations from kind souls who supplement her with assorted items that help with daily maintenance. 

Tiff’s daily routine in the day and at night includes cleaning, feeding, and cleaning again

She appeals for financial help for cats that require expensive surgeries or treatments and occasionally, she does get monetary support in offsetting the expensive medical bills. These bills can range in the thousands, and it is not unusual for her to be forking out $4000 just to treat one stray cat for one issue—which is what she had recently done for two cats, one with Parvovirus and the other fighting an autoimmune disease.

When I asked her how much she has spent on Purrs & Meows over the years, she trailed off after a “wah…”, pondered over the question for awhile, and explained that she has lost track. But she estimates the figure to be over a hundred thousand. 

“I hardly have any savings,” she tells me, “but I do have a savings plan for myself.”

She went on to tell me about how she has cut down on a lot of things, and only sets aside money for transport, as it is one aspect that she needs in order to continue her cat feeding and rescue efforts. Unlike ten years ago, food, leisure, and material goods for herself are hardly a priority now. 

Tiff giving a kitten his medication

Being a full-time ‘cat guardian’ has also drastically changed her social life. “I don’t have any friends,” she answered me flatly when I asked about it. 

In a way, it made sense considering the amount of time she spends on her cats, whom she sees as her babies. But even as a cat lover myself, I can only imagine the kind of deep love she has for the cats in order to give up almost everything that makes up an average person’s life, and devote in to improving the lives of these strays.  

Tiff’s extreme devotion has also been a cause of many squabbles between her mother and her. Although, things have improved and her mother, who lives with her, do help her with the daily feeding and cleaning. 

I asked Tiff if she had ever wanted to give up, to which she instinctively answered: “Everyday.”

“It’s very stressful, but at the end of the day, this is how they show that they love you,” she continues as one of the cats gave her kisses and cuddled up to her. “At the end of the day, they just want your company.”

For Tiff, this is something that she has invested way too much into to have second thoughts. What more, when she wakes up everyday to more than 30 cats meowing for her care and concern, it is impossible for her to just stop doing what she has been doing. She just cannot bear to. 

Although she had never started Purrs & Meows with the intention of being a crazy cat lady or an avid rescuer, it has, over the years, morphed into that today. 

“My aim is to rehabilitate the injured cats, get them well and get them adopted. For those who are terminal, I just want to treat them well and give them a comfortable home before they pass on. If I turn a blind eye to these cats, they will probably just die and they will probably die sooner. If they die just like that, nobody will know, and I think it’s just really very sad.”

*The name has been changed to protect the identity of the person.

Also read: “I See Myself In Them”: This Once “Wannabe Beng” Now Helps S’pore Youths Live Limitless.

There’s a blind tennis team in Singapore. 

Yes, blind tennis.

In a sport that relies on one’s visual acuity to chase the ball and hit it back with as much precision, it’s challenging as it is for a sighted person, so how the hell does one play tennis blind?

I was dumbfounded.

It was only when I met the players from Soundball Singapore, our blind tennis team, during one of their weekly trainings that it started to make sense. 

One of them is 39-year-old Marc Chiang, who has almost zero central vision and relies mostly on his peripheral vision for sight. 

After giving me a brief history lesson of Soundball, he explained that certain elements are modified to make the sport feasible for visually handicapped players.

For example, the balls and rackets used are specially manufactured for this game.

Specially made foam balls made with ball bearings at its core are used. The jingles from when the ball is hit help players locate the ball through sound. 
Shorter rackets and a smaller court size are other modifications to suit the abilities of visually handicapped players

Rules are also tweaked, and differs depending on the class of the player—players are assigned the B1 to B4 class <a href=" on their ‘level of sight’, B1 players being those who are completely blind. 

While the other players went on to set up the court and warm up for the training, I sat down with Marc at the side of the main hall at Pathlight School.

Marc Chiang

“I got to know of Soundball through another Runninghour member, Hock Bee. He’s one of the first few Singapore Soundball players.”

Runninghour is an inclusive running club that Marc had been running with after he started to lose his vision. It was also there that he found himself a second family of sorts. It’s where he found the comfort and support that helped him tide through the struggles he had been having with his vision loss. 

“It was quite a setback,” Marc shared when I probed about his fears when he was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, a degeneration of the retina that causes him to experience a gradual loss of eyesight, eight years ago. 

“I was just lost. I wasn’t clinical diagnosed with depression, but I was [feeling very down] and I just withdrew [from everything]. I cut myself from a lot of social activity. I struggled with meeting my own friends.”

Social situations were a big hurdle as Marc found it hard to handle his own condition, much less explain it to the people around him. As a result, it was very easy to get frustrated. Especially when he tries to do something but realise that he has lost the ability to do so. It was an everyday struggle because he had to come to terms with the fact that he needed help in the simplest of things like scanning a document or going to the toilet. 

He had been working as a facilities engineer for almost four years back then and fortunately, his company was willing to transition him to a more backend role, which he still works full-time at today. 

Sports, however, was a major part of his life that he had to ‘give up’ due to his inability to see properly. 

“I cut down on a lot of sports. I used to run, swim, play tennis, soccer, basketball. I still go trekking, running, and also travelling, but I can’t do any of that independently anymore.”

Finding Ways To Be Abled

After speaking to three of the Soundball players, I came to understand that the biggest joy and fulfillment for the visually handicapped is in knowing that they are still capable of achieving something that they thought they have lost the ability to do. 

For Marc, it is the ability to play tennis again as it is a sport he has been playing since he was 10 years old, and had even represented his school and army unit in competitions. 

It’s evident that he hasn’t lost his competitive streak. In fact, together with a couple of other players, he represented Singapore since the first International Blind Tennis Tournament in 2017. He was even ranked 4th in the B2 class in 2018.

Chris Hortin Tan, chairperson of Soundball Singapore

Chairperson of the group, homemaker Chris Tan, is another player who never lost her aspirations. 

Like Marc, Chris experienced a gradual loss of eyesight. Although, her condition is somewhat the opposite of Marc’s as she has tunnel vision (from Glaucoma).

Now 46, she tells me that her inspiration behind being active and keeping fit is her two boys. 

“I didn’t want to be the mom who sits at home and does nothing, I want to be a role model for them. To demonstrate to my young children that disabilities shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want to do.”

With the support from her husband and friends, she also volunteers her time to Runninghour, assisting the group in events. She also took over the role as the head of Soundball Singapore when the previous chairperson stepped down, as she didn’t want the sport to die out in Singapore. 

Despite the improvements in the group over the years and the encouraging results from the international tournament however, Marc and Chris told me that there’s still a long way to go for Soundball Singapore in terms of recognition and structure.

Growing A New Sport For The Visually Challenged

While they do have support from Singapore Association Of The Visually Handicapped (SAVH) and WITS (Women's International Tennis Singapore) for certain areas, the group is run solely by chairperson Chris Tan, and assisted by Marc. 

They’ve also managed to get by through the years with support from different groups of people—donations that covers part of their training and competition expenses, training venue sponsorship, and volunteers to coach and assist in training. But they still face a ‘chicken and egg’ problem when it comes to getting a permanent coach and growing the team. 

Marc: “We’ve had players who left because there was no structured training programme, because we don’t have a permanent coach. And when you want to get a coach, you need players.” 

Getting a permanent coach will also make it possible to track players’ progression, which will be very beneficial for the regulars who have been working hard for the international tournament every year.  

However, how does one find a coach to teach blind tennis—a sport that is still so new to society?

A volunteer guiding a B1 class player

Later, I learnt from Marc that there are only about 10 players in the group, out of which only about four are regulars. These numbers surprised me. I assumed that there would be at least twice to three times more players, since the group was established in 2012. My heart sank knowing the struggles that the group faces despite having big dreams of establishing themselves as a formal sports group in Singapore, and in helping to get blind tennis recognised as a paralympic sport. 

One of Chris’ aims is also to turn Soundball Singapore into a platform for visually impaired persons to find joy. More than the sport, she hopes that it can be a space for people to socialise, to share their stories and problems with each other—a support platform of some sort. 

And it is evident from the interactions I observed throughout the two hours training session that the group is more than a gathering of visually impaired individuals who want to play tennis. Among them, it was this feeling of comfort and familiarity when you finally meet your close friends amidst all your busy schedules.

(L-R) Hock Bee, Marc, Chris

Something else that struck me was what 54-year-old uncle Hock Bee, the first Soundball player in Singapore, said: “I have always believed that being visually impaired, we don’t need to do different things, just have to do the things differently.”

Beyond the sport itself, it’s also clear that this is where the players get empowered. Being able to hit a tennis ball is no big deal for most of us, but for them, playing blind tennis cultivates within them resilience and gives them the confidence they need (and deserve). They may have lost their eyesight, but through the empowerment from playing, it reminds them to never lose sight of their dreams. 

Also read: The Struggle Of A Mother With A Special Needs Child – “I Can’t Always Be There”.

“Hunky Hawker,” “Muscular Hunk,” and “Beefcake.” These are all names that Walter Tay has earned from his striking bodybuilder physique and suave looks, especially for someone who cooks carrot cake at a neighbourhood hawker centre. 

If you were to visit his stall at Kampung Admiralty, you’ll find his stall front display plastered with numerous article features of him and the stall.

Though this media darling seem to have achieved a ‘mini hawker celebrity’ status, with locals from all across Singapore and even expats travelling down to his hawker stall just to get his carrot cake (and a glimpse of him), he started out merely wanting to pay off his debts from failed businesses and a Ponzi scheme—A past that he isn’t proud of.

Father & Son at Kampung Admiralty Hawker Centre
Image Credit: Melissa Chan

Instead of serving up plates of carrot cake, Walter once served as cabin crew. At 21 back then, he was what you would think of a young cabin crew zealous about seeing the world. It was a well-paying job, and enough to fund his sports car and expensive watches—all symbols of wealth and luxury, which reflected the kind of life he was leading. 

But the fun didn’t last.

Stumbling Into A Ponzi Scheme

At 24, Walter left his high-paying job to become a full time sales agent for two brothers who pitched to him about a project that would yield high returns. Young and reckless, the project seemed like an easy way to strike it rich. He was sold that vision, and in turn, he sold that vision to many of his friends, encouraging them to join him. And they did.

All in their early twenties, many of Walter’s friends left their commitments for that vision. Some left school, some left their jobs, and they were also friends who left places that had a very promising future for them.

“They left whatever they were doing to join me full-fledged. They brought in money, they brought in connections, they brought in everything precious to them—I did as well. [But] at the end of it, all burn.”

The MLM company turned out to be a Ponzi scheme, which Walter only realised when he waded in too deep. 

“Once you’re midway through, it’s so hard to pull out. Because, you’re also telling the whole world that you are wrong.” 

As one of the earlier investors who roped in other investors, it also meant that he was, in a way, accountable to all the investments that his friends had poured in. 

Leaving And Burning Bridges 

Walter finally managed to pull out of the scheme two years later but by then, the damage was already done. It was time, effort, and money that his friends had invested into this after all. Beyond that, it was the trust that was broken. 

“So that’s why I really burned all my connections, all my friendships, all my relationships.”

A part of him wanted to blame the two brothers who sold the scheme to him, but he knew that the responsibility was still his for making that final decision. The guilt of having implicated all the people he was closest to sparked his drive to succeed and with that, he started a couple of different ventures. 

“I wanted to do something and then make it big [so that I can repay] the people who I owe so much to. But with that kind of attitude [of trying to make it big quickly], I only kept failing.”

While the results of some of his ventures, like a cosmetics business and a fitness competition, were relatively promising in its reach and recognition, financial feasibility was another matter altogether. 

Sliding Into A Slump

When you’ve lost all the people who meant so much to you, and you’ve chalked up a mass of emotional and financial debts from your own doing, it’s easy to fall into a pit of anger, regret, self-blame, and guilt. 

Walter was only in his mid-twenties then—a point where most Singaporeans would have either began to establish a stable career or at least starting to have their life sorted out. The negativity of failing the people who trusted him and of failing himself drove him into a dark place. He picked up smoking, and even with all those ventures he started, he couldn’t find meaning in them. 

Knowing that his problems became a problem for his parents also made him feel “very shitty, like my naivety and actions caused so many problems.”

Not an everyday sight indeed.
Image Credit: Melissa Chan

It was his mother who changed everything when she took the initiative to apply for the stall that would later become Father & Son. His father, who had been driving taxis as a retirement job for several years, returned to the hawker line for him as well.

With hard work (15 hour days) and a bit of luck, business picked up quickly. Thankfully, Walter was able to pay off the debts he owed from the business earnings, and from selling his car and watches. Some of these debts include ‘paying back’ some of his friends as well. 

“I tried to recover people's investments, especially those very close to me, or those who bought into the investment portfolio because of me. I want to repay them—it’s the 人情 (debt of gratitude).”

The whole ‘Hunky Hawker’ image was something he adopted later, which he unabashedly acknowledge having done so for the good of the business. Despite the praises that people have sung about his success however, Walter professed that he isn’t successful—not yet. 

“No Leh, I Don’t Think I’m Successful”

To others, his may be an inspirational story of success after hardships. But for Walter, success is when, and if he is able to nurture students to take over the stall, or even set up another branch of Father & Son in the future. 

Ultimately, it is also his wish to help contribute to the hawker culture, through baby steps like running his own hawker internship programme, which he is currently working on.  

Walter with his stall assistant, an intern, Ken, and Walter’s Father (L-R)
Image Credit: Melissa Chan

Although, the hawker life actually chose him before he chose it. A child to parents who dabbled in the hawker trade for 20 years, he resolved to not go into this trade after having helped out occasionally.

So, why the passion in not just running a hawker stall but also preserving its culture then?

“We grow up in this society that teaches us that we need to find a job which has very good entitlement, with high CPF, high holiday allowance, high this high that, but actually if you land a job with all these entitlements, you still might not be a happy person. I think it is what you do and how you find meaning in it.”

Finding Meaning Through A Simple Lifestyle

As a hawker, Walter’s life is a world of difference compared to the pleasures he enjoyed back when he was jetting around. On one hand, the Ponzi scheme is a part of his past that he is ashamed of, and the guilt from implicating friends a feeling that has and will continue to haunt him, it is also a lesson he is glad to have gone through, as it now motivates him to be resilient and to stay grounded.

“We grow up watching Hollywood movies and I thought the high life is what I wanted. I’ve had my fun. I’ve had expensive cars, I wore watches, I stayed opposite MBS. But it’s all fake lah. It’s all a show.”

Image Credit: Melissa Chan

At the end of the day, it is hawker life that humbled him. It is, to him, a lot more meaningful that the luxuries that he used to chase.

Hawker life is like being neighbours with the people there, and through each interaction he has with customers who return for another plate of carrot cake, he forms bonds with them that are deeper than those he would have formed in his life back then. 

He’d even want for his children to be trained in the hawker trade in the future, because “to be a successful businessman, you need to handle a lot. I think it’s a good life training.”

Also read: The Dew Behind #DUNSTOP – How He Lost 18.5KG And Inspired A Fitness Movement.

(Header Image Credit: Melissa Chan)

There are many ways you can die on the mountain. High-Altitude Pulmonary Edema (HAPE) and High-Altitude Cerebral Edema are common high-altitude related conditions that causes death. HAPE causes one’s lungs to be filled with water, which makes it difficult to breath “and as time goes by, you suffocate.” And one mistake can mean falling seven stories down to your death. You could also die by environmental factors like falling ice.

These are just some examples that 29-year-old Jeremy Tong shared when I asked about the possible fatal risks of climbing Mount Everest.

An avid mountaineer who has gone on two Everest expeditions, Jeremy has personally seen a friend die on the mountain. It was on the 22nd May 2019, which had been reported as one of the deadliest seasons on record, and Jeremy’s second attempt at Everest. The conditions on the route to summit that day were extremely challenging: the winds were strong and there was a long human traffic jam all the way to the summit. 

“A few people died that day. One of them is my friend. He died after reaching the summit, he had a heart attack.”

The viral photo that captured the human jam on Mount Everest on 22th May
Image Credit: Konbini

When I asked if the death of his friend left a mark on him, Jeremy repeated the question to himself and paused for a bit. 

“To be honest, the mountain is like that. It doesn’t discriminate. Even if you’re very fit or you’ve trained very hard or have years of experience, you can be the next victim, it’s really like that.”

As he continued on, stressing the importance of remaining confident on the expedition, I assumed that he probably chose not to dwell on the negative emotions that may have arose from seeing a friend die. 

“You have to be confident. Be confident about your equipment, your guide, and yourself, and hopefully it wouldn’t be you [who bites the dust]. That’s the only thing you can do.”

Chasing A Dangerous Path

When Jeremy first attempted Mount Everest in 2017, he had to turn back when he was just 200m away from the summit, as his feet was getting too cold. Back then, he had trained one year for this expedition. But even before that, he had already been an avid climber. Everest is, in fact, his 44th mountain. 

He had been climbing for 15 years, and started since he was 14.

Image Credit: Jeremy Tong

“I climbed my first mountain, Mount Ophir in Malaysia. I thought it was interesting and I kind of like the journey of climbing the mountain and reaching the top.”

It was just a new-found interest at that point and it was a year later, after his second mountain, Mount Kinabalu, when the interest in mountaineering became a passion that he would later carve a career out of. 

This passion was what pushed him to take up an outdoor adventure diploma in polytechnic, and Sports Science Management in NTU. The four years in university were crucial years for him, as he wanted to progress and to climb bigger mountains.

“So I started climbing 6000m, 7000m, 8000m. That’s when it sort of got serious because as the heights scale higher, the risks scale also.” 

Advancing on to higher mountains made the dangers more eminent as each expedition is potentially fatal, but Jeremy roughed it out. The sporty streak in him continued through the years as he went for more expeditions and he even started running climbing trips for friends. Eventually, that grew into a business which he started in February 2018. 

Jeremy co-founded JTRACE, an adventure company that provides “specialised and bespoke small-group trekking and mountaineering expeditions,” and team building programs—his area of expertise where he worked at full-time for a year after graduating. 

However, getting there wasn’t easy, as what he does is both an unconventional choice of career and a dangerous one to chase. 

“It’s scary at first, but I think the best way to do things is to put both feet in.”

Besides clocking experience at mountains overseas, Jeremy’s fitness training includes runs and “because there’s no mountain in Singapore, we try to simulate the climbing.” Together with his clients (if there are), he will climb the stairs to the top of a 40-storey HDB building with a backpack and ankle weights on, take the lift down, and climb back up again. 

But even the years of mountaineering experience and fitness training will not fully replicate the varying conditions that one will encounter during expeditions. 

70% Mental, 30% Physical

On the summit day of his second attempt at scaling Mount Everest, Jeremy faced condition similar to his 2017 attempt: It was quite dark, the winds were strong, and he was beginning to feel his feet losing energy from the cold, despite having battery-operated sole warmers.

The human jam didn’t help, as he had no choice but to wait in line in the threatening conditions. He found himself getting impatient, but he kept repeating the mantra of the three 'P's of his expeditions: Pace, Patience, and Mental Power

Eventually, Jeremy managed to push himself beyond where he last stopped, and reached the summit. 

Image Credit: Jeremy Tong

Homesickness was also something he had to deal with. 

When Jeremy left for the expedition earlier this year, his wife had just given birth not too long before. A climber herself, Jeremy’s wife was fully supportive of his pursuit, but being away from them was still a big emotional challenge.  

“Some of the days after you reach base camp, when you’re just resting, or just waiting to acclimatise before heading up, you start to think about family.”

On Jeremy’s phone is a folder of photos of his son, and he would avoid opening that folder too much, because “if I look at it, it’ll just make me want to go home.”

Climbing For Good

Besides climbing for leisure or business, Jeremy has also put his expeditions into a way to do good. He told me about how his uncle was diagnosed with stage 3 nose cancer when he was really young.

In 2017, Jeremy raised $13k for Singapore Cancer Society. And in the recent expedition, he has managed to raise $11k for Children’s Cancer Foundation, which he will continue raising funds for through his business. 

“My uncle didn’t want to die because he’s got kids. [Similarly,] I don’t want to die. I wanted to fight this challenge. Everyday, I’m fighting to survive. There’s so many dead bodies at Everest, [the dangers and fear are] really real when you are there.” 

Also read: Meet The ‘Spiritual Guru’ Whose Job Is To Make You Rethink Your Life.

(Header Image Credit: Jeremy Tong)