The first thing my parents said when they found out about my boyfriend was, “why a Chinese?” Tim* and I have been together for four years, of which three-and-a-half years were spent hiding our relationship from my parents. For that long and agonising three-and-a-half years, my parents had no clue that I was even dating. Or perhaps they had suspected and just didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that their Indian daughter was dating a Chinese boy. Whenever my boyfriend and I hung out, we would avoid going to places where my parents could be at. I would lie to my mom almost everyday. She'd ask, "where are you going?" and I would say, "to meet a friend." Lie. "Which friend? What's their name?". Another lie. Not only was it exhausting to lie, I hated myself for doing so. I felt guilty for keeping such a big secret from the people I should be the closest to. Many times, I considered telling them the truth. My friends kept encouraging me to come clean with them too. It's not like I didn't have a choice that I had to resort to lying, but I was just too afraid. My parents have never been super strict, but they are what you would call "typical Indian parents", which if you've heard anything about, you would know they can be pretty scary when enforcing their beliefs. So it was lies upon lies, upon lies. We were cautious, careful, as we should be as an under-the-radar couple. Until one day, Tim sent me home only for us to bump into my dad at the void deck.

F**K.

My dad wasn’t supposed to come home at that time, but there he was, and he saw Tim. What followed was an awkward conversation in the lift with my dad. "Who is that boy?" "He's just a friend." He obviously didn’t buy that. I mean, which guy friend would send a girl home without any particular reason right? When we reached home, his exact words to my mom were, “you should ask your daughter to bring her boyfriend home next time.” I sighed as I shut myself in my room, ignoring whatever conversation my parents were going to have. Well, shit. That was it. There was no point trying to hide it anymore. A million thoughts ran through my mind. On one hand, I was relieved, but there were so many worries that came after: Were my parents going to disown me? Were they going to tell every living relative about how I've brought shame to their family name? Were they going to force me to break up with Tim?

THE TRUTH IS OUT

No one spoke about the incident until the following night's dinner, and it was a conversation I hoped never came. My parents asked about 'the boy that dropped me home'. They wanted to know how old he was, what he does, what his parents do - the usual stuff. But they also asked me the one dreaded question, "why a Chinese?" How was I supposed to answer that?

I didn’t look at his race when I fell in love, I fell in love with the person he is.

I tried to convince them that it didn’t matter that he was Chinese. But they were adamant on the same thing – “He’s not a Hindu”. They refused to see him for who he is as a person. They only saw him as not Hindu. I was frustrated and hurt. They hadn't even met him and they were already dismissing him and our relationship. They wouldn't even give him a chance just because of his race. It was illogical, but at the same time, expected. My family has always been conservative. My parents never outrightly forbade me from dating a Chinese but it was heavily implied that bringing home a boy of a different race was frowned upon. On the other hand, Tim's parents knew about our relationship and have accepted me as part of the family a long time ago. I had found a second family in them, joining them for significant family gatherings like Chinese New Year dinner and birthday parties. I love my parents, but even I have to admit they can be pretty racist. Over the years, my mother would make comments on how Indians are better than other races, how we are more "elite". I'm not entirely sure where this racism stems from. Having known Hindus who converted out of their faith, she might have feared that her children will do that too. Perhaps that's why she would always tell my brother and I, “no matter what, don’t tarnish my religion.”

THE ULTIMATUM

Which is why when I tried to persuade them to meet him before blatantly disapproving our relationship, they gave me an ultimatum instead:

“I’m giving you two years to think about it. We’ll talk about this then.”

They wanted me to to think about a relationship that they didn't see a future in. Me being me, I told her to think about it too. It might have felt like a 'power move' when she dished that out but the two-year ultimatum seems like a joke now. To me, it felt like an excuse for my parents to not deal with it. Because I had thought about it, about everything that could possibly cause a conflict between us, and race and religion were the last things on that list. Because of this ultimatum, my life and relationship with Tim have come to a standstill for the next two years. While my friends are applying for a BTO, getting engaged, or making wedding plans, all I’ll be able to do is look at my Facebook feed and sigh over the predicament my parents had put me in.

LOVE VS FAMILY

I'm afraid of where I will be in two years. I don't want to be in a position where I'll have to eventually choose between my boyfriend and my parents.

"How am I to choose between my partner and my parents?"

How is anyone to choose between the person you want to spend your future with and the people who brought you into this world and to the person you are today? I owe my parents everything and I can't possibly build a future without them in it. Neither can I picture a future without my current partner. I don't mean to sound melodramatic but let's face it, many of us do things just for our parents. It could be something like going to a school our parents preferred or having children because our parents want us to. We do these things out of filial piety, even though it may not be what we really want. Sometimes I wonder, "why can't my parents just be happy in the fact that I'm happy?" In a world where it's difficult to find someone you are committed to love and whom is committed to love you back, it's a wonder I had found it at all. It's been 6 months since they gave me the ultimatum, which means I have another 1.5 years to hope for my parents to have a change of heart. For them to realise that when it comes down to it, race or religion does not and should not define us or our relationship. And I really pray that I will not have to choose between a 6 year relationship with a partner I see my future with and family. *Name has been changed to protect the identity of the individuals. Also read: It’s 2018 – Why Are We Still Paying Wedding Dowries?.

Singapore is known to be a racially harmonious country, but are we really? Slightly over a week ago, we posted a video where an Indian girl shared about her experience with racism in Singapore. Hundreds of comments came in, with many Singaporeans sharing their own run-ins with racism in our country. Recently, there was also a huge hoo-ha surrounding a Facebook post by local actor Shrey Bhargava, in which he expressed his disappointment and disgust over being told to perform as “a full blown Indian man” and to “make it funny” at the Ah Boys To Men 4 casting. He said the incident made him “feel like a foreigner in my own country”. The post caught the attention of Shrey’s friends and followers, with many agreeing that minorities are often typecasted into moulds the majority has set. The post garnered even more attention when Singapore blogger Xiaxue posted her thoughts on it. She explained how “movies are chockful of stereotypes” and said Shrey should “stop being so hypersensitive and uptight”. Many Singaporeans also took to their social media to weigh in on this whole ‘Minority VS Majority Race Thing’. This is all worrying proof of how divided we are right now. Take for example the Geylang Serai Ramadan Bazaar. What should have been a happy celebration over the Ramadan period has become the subject of heated racial debates. What is happening, guys?

Non-Halal Items At A Ramadan Bazaar

The Geylang Serai Ramadan Bazaar have been around for a long time. Spanning the entire month of Ramadan, the annual bazaar is more than a glorified festival or pasar malam. The bazaar is meant to be a celebration of the traditions and heritage of the Muslim community, tying in Muslim beliefs like giving back to the community, abstaining from anything Haram (forbidden by Islamic law), and spending time with loved ones. This year's Ramadan Bazaar boasts 1,000 F&B stalls – a large number, which had the team at The Halal Food Blog raising their eyebrows. With that, they went through the tedious effort of checking out every stall at the bazaar <a href=" suss out what’s halal and what’s not. What they found: “it seems like just around 50% of the stalls could be verified as Halal or Muslim-owned. The other half were either not Halal/Muslim-owned OR when we asked, they were not able to justify whether or not their stall was Halal.” There were stalls that put up makeshift signs that say “Halal” or “Halal Foods”. Upon probing, they were told by the stall attendants that it’s “no pork no lard”. The blog post stirred the sentiments of the Muslim community. Some find it disrespectful, because it taints the very existence of a Ramadan Bazaar – why is there non-halal food in a Ramadan Bazaar? For some, it boils down to giving basic respect to the Muslim community, whether it be by giving priority to Muslim tenants, or by being transparent about whether their food and beverages are halal or not.

Conversation With A Muslim Friend Of Ours

Racially Sensitive Remarks

The other issue plaguing the bazaar is even more troubling as it touches on issues of Chinese privilege and of Malays being a minority. It all started when local influencer Ellie posted Instagram Stories about the bazaar with captions like “Food sucked. Don’t go to (the Ramadan Bazaar)”, and “Sucked Balls”. Twitter user Dil (@punkylemon) responded with screen captures of these IG Stories, coupled with a tweet saying “What makes you think the ramadan bazaar is for your privileged chinese ass.”

Image captured from @punkylemon’s Twitter profile

With over 3,000 retweets, it seemed the public consensus was with Dil; Ellie was being rude and disrespectful to the Bazaar and/or the Muslim tradition. Dil followed up with several related tweets.

Images captured from @punkylemon’s Twitter profile

Ellie, who goes by the moniker ell4d on Twitter and Instagram, has since removed the Stories in question and has posted a public apology.

Image Credit: @ell4d’s Twitter profile

There are those who sided with Dil on “Chinese privilege”, as you can see from the following tweets.

Image captured from @asyikinyusoff’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @jobot935’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @punkylemon’s Twitter profile

Tweets on the other end of the spectrum came in too.

Image captured from @hadi_abd92’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @SIYUAN20’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @KereneRawrhs’s Twitter profile

What’s wrong? What’s right?

Is the bazaar getting too commercialised for its own good? Now that more non-Muslims are flocking to the bazaar for the food and festival vibe, are Muslims bothered by it? As a Muslim in Singapore, how affected are you when non-Muslim Singaporeans make remarks like those mentioned above? Instead of deciding for ourselves, we asked our Muslim friends and here are their thoughts.

Natasha: I think it’s insensitive to make such remarks but I try to think of it positively.

Ain: I do get annoyed, but when did we become so intolerant of one another?

Maira: I don’t really care about such comments, but generally people should watch what they post.

Siti: I’m not offended, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

We all have our own personal beliefs, but in this racially hypersensitive time, we think all of us should be more aware of what we say to one another. What do you say? Also read People Leave, But You Don't Have To Be The One Left Behind (Top Image Credit: theodysseyonline)

Contrary to popular belief, being in an interracial relationship is not too different from being in any other relationship. We argue about the same silly things, and have the same kinds of fights. I’ve been with my Chinese boyfriend for almost 3 years now. There’s a lot I’ve learnt about his race, and he of mine. There are however some struggles that we face being an Indian-Chinese couple in Singapore. Like every relationship, interracial relationships have their good and bad; ours are just a little more specific.

PUBLIC ACCEPTANCE

This is something almost every interracial couple deals with. For an interracial couple to be stared at by individuals in public is not unheard of. My boyfriend and I aren't really prone to participating in public displays of affection, or as most call it, PDA, but on the rare occasions that we do, we would be lucky to get by without getting at least one stare on the public train. Public acceptance, however, doesn't just come with not getting stares anymore. If only I had a dollar for all the times someone reacted with the tone of surprise as I tell them that my boyfriend is Chinese. It’s like I’ve said the most absurd thing in the world. It’s very much similar to getting glares in public. It makes me question how well the public accepts interracial couples. Even in today’s day and age, it’s bizarre to see how many Singaporeans are surprised seeing two people from a different race in a relationship.

PARENTS' APPROVAL

This is a big one. For most people, disapproval from parents can be a deal-breaker. You would be surprised at how many parents today are STILL prohibitive about who their children should date. Couples don't usually take the next step without their parents' approval in a family-oriented culture like Singapore's. Take my parents for example - their ‘ideal boy’ for me should’ve been an Indian Hindu. That clearly didn’t work out well for them. In all seriousness though, if your parents approve of the person you love, you don’t know how lucky you are.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

Understanding another's culture takes effort. I was lucky that my boyfriend had an understanding or was at least aware of the Indian culture, having a ton of Indian friends himself. There are, however, a lot of Singaporeans that tend to not be as aware of other cultures – especially that of the minorities. However, I wouldn’t say that my boyfriend knew everything about my culture, or that I knew everything about his. In an interracial relationship, a lot of time and effort needs to be put into listening to the other talk about their traditions, rituals or even their food. And through the course of time, these cultural ‘differences’ are what bring you closer to your partner.

BEYOND THE STRUGGLES

While there may be struggles to being in an interracial relationship, there are tonnes of positives as well. When you learn about another race, you look at life from a different perspective. My boyfriend never understood what it felt to be a minority in Singapore until we were together. I know it might be hard for someone not in an interracial relationship to realise this, but we’re honestly not that different. And in a society where interracial couples are growing in numbers, I can only hope that the acceptance of the public towards us sees a growth as well.