Tag: privilege

“Secretly, I was ashamed of how I was living. I couldn’t even go out or face relatives during Chinese New Year because I [think that they would] think of me as a leech, a parasite.” Having been made fun of in school for her background and the way she spoke, Andrea* started becoming wary of people. She kept them at arm’s length and although that prevented her from forming any close friendships, it was to protect herself. At least, that was how it began. “I developed a paranoia that people would laugh at or pity my pathetic lack of friends.” As she grew out of adolescence, this fear of social situations manifested into an extreme level of social isolation. Can you imagine yourself being cooped up at home for months on end? Never heading out for lunch with friends, not going to work or school and just idling away in bed? For people like Andrea, that’s their life as hikikomori.
hikikomori welcome to the nhk
Image Credit: <a href="

WHAT'S HIKIKOMORI?

For the uninitiated, hikikomori is a term used to describe those who rarely leave their house, and seek extreme degrees of isolation. Some never set foot outside their homes. Others occasionally do, heading out to buy food or even to the cinemas for the latest blockbuster, but all of them are completely, socially isolated. They would even limit their interaction with their own family members. Although this social phenomenon is predominantly widespread in Japan, I recently stumbled upon a Reddit thread that tells me that we too, have our share of social recluses hidden in their rooms somewhere, unseen by society. Through a local forum, I stumbled upon Andrea’s story. Back then, Andrea cooped herself up at home for eight consecutive months. Waking up at five every morning, she spends her time browsing Reddit, reading and binging on TV series, only leaving her room for lunch and dinner, which her parents would prepare for her. At around 11 pm, she will head to bed and the same routine repeats for months, and in those months, she did not step out of her house once.
Her home had become a place of solace for her, a fortress she can’t bear to leave.
Likewise, this is the case for the many hikikomori in Singapore, who have taken to forums to pour the feelings that they have hidden away from their friends and family.

WHY DO THEY ADOPT THE HIKIKOMORI LIFESTYLE?

Hailing from a ‘financially comfortable’ background, Andrea is aware that she is more fortunate than most, as she could afford the option of not having to work or fend for herself. But because of that, she feels more pressured to pay her parents back for all that they have done for her. The low self-esteem, crippling social anxiety, and negative outlook on life that came from her being bullied in school when she was younger kept her imprisoned. The self-imposed pressure and the expectations about the future stressed her out and caused her to feel even more helpless. When she finally entered the workforce, work became her life. All she did was wake up, go to work, head home to have dinner with her parents, and repeat. Due to her micromanaging boss, she grew to resent work. Even so, she continued working for some years to save up a sum of money before eventually resigning, dampened by the rat race. “So after that, I didn’t really have a plan. I just stayed home. Months quickly turned into years. And because I was used to a solitary lifestyle of just reading and watching drama and anime, I just shut myself off from society and basically became hikikomori, just living off my parents and my savings.”

ONLY FOR THE PRIVILEGED?

Of course, not everyone is privileged enough to be able to just drop everything and withdraw from society in the first place — most of us are not as financially blessed. Through r/hikikomori, I was able to speak to another Singaporean hikikomori, 24-year-old Josh*, who shared how he was once a hikikomori. Like Andrea, Josh comes from a financially stable family.
“Maybe we were too sheltered. Maybe we were too spoiled and everything comes to us easy and without any barriers. Back then, I felt that no matter how useless I was, I would still be able to live comfortably, or still be able to live somehow.”
An avid fan of Disney’s classics, Josh had a grandiose dream of being a 2D Animator for Disney. When news broke that Disney closed down their 2D animation company, his hopes and dreams were dashed. Dejected, he let himself waste away, passing the days by gaming and watching anime at home.

WHAT'S THE CAUSE FOR THIS?

For many of us, such behaviour is aberrant and tough to comprehend, much less empathise with. It’s not surprising for us to jump on the conclusion that hikikomori chose to stay cooped up at home because they are just “lazy” and “spoiled”. “We all have problems, so why can’t they just do something about their problems?” But unlike what we think, the hikikomori syndrome is not another convenient excuse to be idle.
In fact, most, if not all, hikikomori hate the plight that they put themselves in, and they are ashamed of it.
“When I was hikikomori, I lost all desire for wants. Normal things like going to movies or buying expensive new things don’t interest me anymore. I don’t know why I exist, to be honest. Sometimes I can feel my parents’ disappointment in me and I don’t feel good too,” shares Andrea. They have confined themselves to their homes, but most hikikomori actually want to return to society. However, the fear and anxiety of how society may react to them. Even if they manage to take the first step out of their homes, they are plagued by this constant fear that they are being judged by those around them, afraid that the world wouldn’t come to accept them because of their past. Maika Elan, a Photographer exploring the topic of hikikomori, shared on National Geographic that “Over time, hikikomori lose whatever self-esteem and confidence they had, and the prospect of leaving home becomes ever more terrifying. Locking themselves in their room makes them feel ‘safe’.” Similarly, Andrea admitted that the very paranoia of being judged for being a hikikomori is the toughest obstacle she had to overcome. She would often slip back into isolation because of it. Thanks to volunteer work at a church, Andrea was able to break out of the hikikomori syndrome. She eventually managed to land herself a job through one of the other volunteers. As for Josh, he stumbled upon the animes Re:Zero and Konosuba, which shifted his perspective on life. Both shows feature male protagonists who were hikikomori and Josh was able to relate to them strongly. “In Re:Zero, it tells us that no matter where you are, nothing’s going to change if you don’t put in any effort to take charge and improve yourself.” Witnessing his friends’ success also pushed him to eventually change his lifestyle.
“What gives them the drive to keep doing what they do? Why are they set on improving themselves and going out there to find jobs and socialise, and to be proactive with their lives?”
These were the questions that Josh posed to himself, and subsequently embarked on a quest to uncover. “Sometimes it’s hard, but you just have to remember that there are other people out there who are struggling and still trying their best as well.” Today, he works as a Digital Designer, which is not too far off from his initial dream. Although, there are others who struggle to break out. “It all started after he finished his degree overseas and came back. He didn’t find work and just stayed at home gaming and surfing the net. We’d ask him to come out for coffee or meals but he’d always turn us down.” Tim*, a male in his 30s, shares with me about his friend who has been a hikikomori for over 10 years. “I’ve a feeling that the shame of being long unemployed while everyone else is working just drives him to become a hikikomori. I guess his parents still buy him food or give him spending money so he doesn’t need to force himself to get a job.”

A VICIOUS CYCLE OF FEAR AND PARANOIA

Although hikikomori is a social condition that has not been widely recognised as a mental illness, many of them do require mental health care. Some turn to this reclusive lifestyle due to a lack of purpose or existential crisis while others do so as a form of rebellion to cope with trauma such as childhood abuse or bullying. While hikikomori wish to recover, they are so ashamed of their past that it freezes them up, causing them to retreat back into their shelter. However, the longer they isolate themselves from society, the harder it will be to integrate back into it. It’s a vicious cycle that they are dealing with. For such people who haven’t interacted with anyone nor formed any ‘proper’ relationships, it could be tougher for them to reintegrate into society as they grow older, especially if their family members (like their parents) are no longer around to support them. In Japan, this has become a real problem. These days, it’s an absolute nightmare if we were to be void of our handphones, computers, and the internet. While technology is not the root cause of the hikikomori syndrome, it provides a gateway to endless virtual worlds that we can immerse ourselves in. Nat*, another Redditor, says he usually spends an average of 10 hours on his computer and does not see the need to leave his home. Whether it’s food or entertainment, technology has made that conveniently accessible and available for us. There are even avenues to learn and work ‘virtually’, with online classes and freelance jobs. All of these make it even easier for one to slip into the hikikomori lifestyle. With that said, however, completely isolating oneself from society is not healthy, and should not be normalised. Regardless, Josh hopes that hikikomori will have it in them to realise that they are responsible for themselves, and find the strength in them to overcome it, just like he did.
“There’s only so much that others can help you with. Only you can change yourself. Even if it’s for your parents or yourself, I hope you will find it in you to want to get better.”
“We all are living for a reason. We need to reflect on that more often, to put our lives into perspective. Once things are in perspective, it will all make sense in the end.” “After all, life exists and thrives beyond these four walls, but it’s up to us whether or not we want to open the door to live.” *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals. Also read: It’s The 21st Century, Why Do We Still Treat Maids Like Slaves? (Header Image Credit: Unsplash)
Her family was torn apart by a big family dispute over property. Today, 65-year-old Mdm Rebecca only has her 76-year-old cousin as family. To avoid getting embroiled in the disputes, Mdm Rebecca decided to sever all ties with her family. The last time she spoke to her only brother was more than 40 years ago. Today, she lives in a one-room rental flat in Punggol. Her 76-year-old cousin whom she cares for is bedridden and suffering from Parkinson’s and stroke among other ailments. In her heyday more than 10 years ago, Mdm Rebecca dabbled in PR, secretarial work, and was once a housing agent. However, a severe respiratory problem left her with no choice but to stop working. Life got more challenging since then. Most of her household ‘income’, which comes from her cousin and her retirement funds, as well as her cousin’s social welfare payout, is spent on her cousin’s medical necessities like medicine and bandages. Then, there’s the struggle of being unemployed and being the only caregiver to her bedridden cousin. Mdm Rebecca’s daily routine includes feeding her cousin milk through a tube seven times through the day, changing his diapers several times, giving him the medications he needs for different conditions, repositioning his body every two hours, and stretching his limbs to prevent his muscles from atrophy and shortening. She also has to monitor him throughout the day for any signs of discomfort. She would then have to use a vacuum-cleaner-like machine and a tube to manually suck the phlegm out from his lungs - a painful but critical process for her cousin that has to be done a few times a day. With the bulk of her time dedicated to caring for her cousin, what little time she has left is spent on reading and praying. A ‘vacation’ for her today is as simple as being able to go out for a meal with a friend. Even so, she has to return home within three hours to care for her cousin. Hiring a caretaker or a maid to do her job is out of the question and it isn’t just the lack of finances. Having had maids who have told her lies, stole from her, and even cursed her with black magic, she could no longer trust them. Bad experiences with nursing homes that led to the passing of her comatose mother and the close-to-death state that her cousin returned in after a 2-day respite care have also left a bad taste in her mouth. Since then, Mdm Rebecca resolved to taking care of her cousin herself.

“My mother had already suffered. I don’t want my cousin to go through the pain of what my mother had to go through.”

Attributing her strength to her religion, Mdm Rebecca emphasised on how a positive mindset helped tide her through the hardships. “Life is temporary and all these challenges are part of life. I don’t cry easily because crying doesn’t change anything. I just do my best with what I have and I pray for the best.” As I chatted with Mdm Rebecca at her doorstep while volunteers from the Young NTUC- North East CDC Project Refresh were cleaning up her unit and giving the walls a fresh coat of paint, I couldn’t help but admire her for her resilience. [caption id="attachment_3393" align="aligncenter" width="900"]Project Refresh Volunteers painting the walls of Mdm Rebecca’s flat

Her fizzy, greyed hair and gaunt face tells of a woman who is still facing adversity, but Mdm Rebecca’s strong spirit is refreshing and humbling. She spoke about helping neighbours in need and counselling her friends and their children. Her empathy in prioritising other people’s problems above so many of her own made me feel a mix of guilt and respect.  

Having come from a relatively privileged middle-class background, I couldn't comprehend the significance of her struggles until I stepped into her home. Mdm Rebecca’s home is about as big as a typical HDB flat’s living room, with a small corner as kitchen and a toilet right beside it. The only bed in the flat is taken up by her cousin.
Project Refresh
Volunteers painting the walls and tidying up the kitchen area of Mdm Rebecca’s flat
As such, volunteers from Project Refresh brought in a foldable mattress for her and a desk fan. Part of the project’s efforts to improve the standards of living for the underprivileged, volunteers also helped to clean the flat, paint the walls, tidy up the home, and change the flat’s light bulbs to more cost-efficient ones as part of the ‘Switch and Save - Use LED initiative’. Project Refresh’s first session in 2016 started off with just 30 volunteers covering five units. With more and more volunteers coming onboard, the Project Refresh session I was at on 18 August saw more than 350 volunteers coming together to spruce up 38 rental units. Many think that millennials are a strawberry generation of entitled and spoilt ‘kids’. That day, however, 60% of the volunteers I saw were millennials.
Project Refresh
The group of volunteers working on Mdm Rebecca’s flat
For 23-Year-Old Jamie*, what they do “may not change the whole world but at least we’re able to impact someone’s life directly.” As her full-time job requires her to deal with wealthy people who live in luxury and never having to worry about basic necessities, volunteering with Project Refresh and learning about the lives of underprivileged people like Mdm Rebecca is a way for her to “feel like human again.” Year 2 student at Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP), Kelvan, was another volunteer I spoke to. Kelvan and four of his NYP classmates were painting the walls of Mdm Latifah’s unit (another resident) when I chatted with them. Still recovering from an operation to treat her osteoarthritis of the knee, 56-Year-Old Mdm Latifah is living on just $210 a month from financial assistance, and food rations from a mosque. Divorced for 30 years, she brought up her only son, who was four back then, all by herself. On some days, Mdm Latifah would even go without food so she can save money.
Project Refresh
Mdm Latifah outside her unit while volunteers were sprucing up her home
Like many elderly and the underprivileged, loneliness is one of the many challenges for her. With no one to talk to or help her with problems, she could only cope with the struggles of a single mother without child support from the father by going for religious classes. “I have 9 siblings and my father, but I don’t want (to bother them). Everyone’s got their own problem.” Volunteering projects like Project Refresh goes beyond the physical act of cleaning up the home. It is showing the beneficiaries that there are people out there who do care for them. The interaction among the volunteers and the beneficiaries could create strong emotional bonds too. Volunteering with Project Refresh for the second time on his own accord, Kelvan decided to sign up again because of the sense of accomplishment and the appreciation he got from the family he helped the first time round. “A couple of us from the last project even went back to visit the family. The children and the parents were just so appreciative and warm. It’s back-breaking work, but I came back because it’s very heartwarming and fulfilling.”
Project Refresh
Mdm Latifah’s living room
Mdm Latifah and Mdm Rebecca are just two of the many underprivileged who live in completely different worlds that most Singaporeans will never experience. “Seeing the conditions they live in, it makes us appreciate the things we have,” Kelvan added. Growing up in a comfortable era where we got to enjoy quality education, a stable economy, and a generally more privileged lifestyle compared to our earlier generations, it is hard to dispute the fact that millennials do demand more. However, we are also a generation that wants to do more.

Volunteer with Young NTUC

As millennials, we tend to procrastinate volunteering as much as we want to give back to society. But today, there are many volunteering opportunities available. Besides Project Refresh, there is also the Young NTUC U Heart, which lets you decide your own do-good projects for low-income families, the environment, for workers, the elderly or people with disabilities, and children or youth-at-risk. So you get to dictate the kind of change you want to make! Learn more about Young NTUC’s volunteering programmes here! * Name has been changed for privacy reasons This post is written in partnership with Young NTUC. Also read: To The Generations Before Us – Trust The Millennials With Singapore’s Future.
On January 11, an uproar occurred over remarks by the DJs of radio station Kiss 92 FM when they joked that Chinese people get less sleep compared to Malays and Indians because they have <a href=" send their kids to school and leave early for work" while Malays and Indians <a href=" less and go out and party". To me, that sounded like Malays and Indians lead a much better life compared to us Chinese but jokes aside, this insinuates that the minority races are lazy and unwilling to work, and naturally, it drew a chorus of outrage from Malays and Indians alike on social media. Of course, a quick scroll through the comments revealed that some still thought the outrage was ridiculous and all part of the stupid PC culture propagated by Western lib-tards, and that the minority in Singapore has been spoilt.

Not the first time, not the last

Such an incident is reflective of the underlying social framework which privileges Chinese culture over all other races in Singapore. This isn't the first time it's happened and it certainly won't be the last. There was the blackface controversy on Toggle last year, along with the tasteless video by theSmartLocal where they tried Indian food as if it were the food of an uncontacted tribe. Let's not forget one of the most egregious incidents by the <a href=" themselves 2 years ago, when the playing of music got banned at Thaipusam festivals, complete with the flimsy reasoning that lions dances are allowed because they are "often held during social, community events" and are "non-religious", while "the risk of incidents is considered to be higher" for Thaipusam. It speaks volumes that the Chinese lion dance has achieved the vaunted secular status of "non-religious" while the Thaipusam foot procession is deemed to carry significant risk, and must therefore be devoid of music. Shanmugam even adds that "<a href=" Hindus are actually in a privileged position. There are many other religious groups which have asked to be allowed to hold foot processions. These appeals have generally been rejected." Come on man, we tolerate the long Buddhist and Taoist chantings of Chinese funerals and the raucous drummings of Malay-Muslim weddings at our void decks. I don't see why we can't do the same for Thaipusam. Unless those two things are also somehow "non-religious", which is just ridiculous.

Roots of Chinese Privilege

Several articles have been written on the topic of Chinese privilege, including those by Cher Tan on VICE news, Hydar Saharudin on <a href=" Mandala  and <a href=" Thanapal's interview with Adeline Koh on b2o - the place where the term 'Chinese Privilege' was first coined. All three are unanimous in stating that the PAP played a large part in this entrenchment of Chinese culture as superior. After all, Lee Kuan Yew's definition of Asian values was essentially Confucian values. On top of that, there is LKY's statement that: "Anybody who decides to take me on needs to put on knuckle-dusters. If you think you can hurt me more than I can hurt you, try. There is no way you can govern a Chinese society." Most of us probably remember this sentence as emblematic of his confrontational approach in dealing with his political opponents but what is also worth noting here is his use of 'Chinese society'. Much of Singapore's national consciousness is conceptualized as a primarily Chinese consciousness, with a smattering and sprinkling of Indian and Malay-Muslim bits here and there. We have our Special Assistance Plan (SAP) schools with their sprawling social networks and predominant emphasis on Chinese culture, which usually also happens to be where many of our ministers also come from. There is the 'Speak Mandarin Campaign' because China will supposedly overtake the US any minute now. I doubt there will ever be a 'Speak Malay' or 'Speak Tamil' campaign, on the grounds that there is little economic use for such languages given our state's pragmatism-driven mentality. This limits the space for such languages to the public space at arts festivals and the domestic sphere. Further back in time, there was also the liberalisation of immigration policies for people of East Asian origin <a href=" Chinese birth rates fell below those of Indian and Malay in 1989, which happened in order to maintain Singapore's racial balance. There was also the disturbing <a href=" incentive of $10,000 for women without O levels below 30 years of age who already had 1 or 2 children. This doubly impacted our racial minorities as education levels have always been the highest among the Chinese, thanks to the SAP schools. And finally, who can forget the criticisms and stereotypes leveled at Malays that plagued the 90s and 00s: Malay students did not do as well because their cultures lent themselves to laziness, hence the need for Singapore to adopt a primarily Chinese work ethic. All in all, far from being the multi-religious CMIO, in Singapore, it has always been Cmio - with a Capital C. The next question then, is how do we make the Chinese majority aware of this? I personally think it will be extremely challenging, in no small part because the majority is always disinclined to listen to the minority... Because we can afford to.

Coming to understand my privilege

I will admit, I was completely clueless to any of these concepts or of my privilege until I spent 6 months in the US in the first half of 2015. No, it did not stem from the feeling of being a minority in the West - when you spend 6 months in a country on exchange, it's still a very long holiday and you are still primarily a student-tourist. Neither did it come from spending my secondary school years in a typical neighbourhood school, where I was constantly in contact with students from minority groups. Instead, I only became aware of it when I took a class on African-American authors. It was kind of a Social Studies class on African-American history and society, since the days of slavery. Much was made about the constant belittling of black culture by various white politicians, the structural faults of the political system that discriminated against them and even the internalization of their own stereotypes which gave rise to the perception within their own  black community that a hardworking black person was essentially a white person with black skin. Since most of the students in that class were black, class discussions were often lively and vivid with examples of annoying and exhausting micro-aggressions they faced on a regular basis. One of them shared, "In high school, once slavery and segregation is brought up, everyone turns to look at me." And then, LKY passed away and there was much mourning back in Singapore, along with the publishing of his many statements. As I looked through the things he said, a sense of unease grew within me as I realised many of the statements he had made as the basis of his policies bore striking resemblance to what many of my African-American classmates were calling out their politicians for. One example is the aforementioned 'Chinese society' statement. And then there was this: “We could not have held the society together if we had not made adjustments to the system that gives the Malays, although they are not as hardworking and capable as the other races, a fair share of the cake”. And this: "<a href=" neighbors both have problems with their Chinese. They are successful. They are hard working and, therefore, they are systematically marginalized." In fairness to the first statement, LKY apologized about this afterwards, but since the lazy Malay stereotype had gone out, the damage was done. With regards to the second statement, my first thought was the model minority stereotype of Asians propagated in the US. In a sense, this sentence effectively buys into that rhetoric. In SE Asia however, this sentence had the dual effect of elevating the superiority of Chinese culture while putting down other regional cultures. Taken in conjunction with the first statement, there is little wonder Chinese culture has been touted the cornerstone of our state's success. The problem is that being part of the Chinese majority in Singapore makes us blind to these problems because these are problems that only affect the people lying on the edges of our national consciousness. That, however, doesn't make it less real to those who suffer them, and if anything, it is an issue that has the potential to unravel our "multi-racial", "multi-religious" country if not adequately addressed. The way I see it, there are only two ways out of this: either through education at the school level or through larger minority representation in our arts and culture scene. Thankfully, within our arts scene, there are already prominent voices who do a fantastic job of bringing out the voices of their respective groups such as Alfian Sa'at for Malays and Pooja Nansi and Marc Nair for Indians, to name a few. Also few things on Facebook are as entertaining as watching them, especially in the case of Alfian Sa'at, eviscerating some of the stupider moments of racism in Singapore and calling out problematic statements by our ministers. With regards to education, the problem is much more critical. A change to the syllabus is needed, along with a redefinition of the whole point of that totally-not-a-means-of-social-engineering Character and Citizenship Education. An hour spent illustrating why Chinese, Malay and Indian kids have different headstarts in life is infinitely more useful in raising awareness and stamping out long-running stereotypes than that useless 好公民 textbook that only tells us to do our homework, greet our teacher and obey our parents. <a href=" Image Credit