The Game Of Love – Then And Now

Over the past 50 years or so, the landscape of love has changed. The way we love,  the places we look for it, and even the meaning of love has changed quite a bit. Now, love has truly become a game, and its rules are ever changing.

Don’t reply too quickly, it will look desperate! If you’re not going to see him again, just make him pay for the meal. Ignore his texts, he’ll get the idea.

Dating in this day and age involves so many dos and do nots that sometimes, we can’t help but wish things were simpler, like in the past. Here are 6 ways love is different now than it was in the past:    

1. Love Interest VS Love Tinderest

The nature of the chase back then was very different. Boy had to physically meet girl before a spark could be ignited. This happened in discos, coffee shops or through mutual connections. To get to know someone, you had to sit down and have a conversation. There was no shortcut. There weren’t many things to do or places to go in the past but that was okay–the company of each other was enough.

The modern love story, however, is quite different. We live in a Tinderella world where guy swipes right on girl, guy says “dtf?”, girl says “sure”, guy and girl tango and then never see each other ever again. Okay, maybe not all 21st century love stories go this way, but it’s a growing number.

Now, with all the dating apps we have on our phones, before we even meet someone in real life, we already know the who’s who of their family, what they’re interested in and what they had to eat 48 weeks ago. Stalking Research is the new normal when it comes to getting to know someone.

2. Attached VS It’s (Very) Complicated

In the past, a guy had his eyes on one girl and he pursued her to the end. Stories of wooing, like, persistent, “she’s the only one for me”-type wooing were extremely common  in our grandparents’ generation. Men committed and love was a promise to be honored.

Nowadays, people are a lot more fickle. The dating pool these days is not so much a pool as it is an ocean thanks to apps like Tinder, and there are just so many fishes in that sea.

We’re not just single or attached; we could also be in an open relationship, exclusive sex buddies, non-exclusive bed pals… and a whole variety of other things.

3. Private VS Public Displays Of Affection… Online

Before our generation of over-sharing couples who feel the need to share their couple selfies, relationship milestones and everything in between (including their dirty laundry) online, love was a private matter. It wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t something you needed to announce to the world through a Facebook status change or bi-monthly couple selfies. The photos you took together were slotted into albums for the enjoyment of you and your closest friends and family. Back then, no one had to know the details. In our current era, if you’re in love, it must be public. If it isn’t, that’s cause for concern because “why are you hiding our relationship?”

4. Let’s Make Love VS Let’s Netflix and Chill

In the past, sex before marriage was a big no-no–and that applied to both men and women. Men had to wait till the wedding night to de-flower his maiden. People were a lot more conservative about sex back then.

Now, both boys and girls talk about sex over brunch like it’s nothing. One-night stands are nothing to raise eyebrows about and girls are becoming more sexually empowered–they’ll tell you exactly what they want in bed.

5. Breaking Up VS Ghosting

Before, there was a certain code of conduct that was honored when it came to breaking up. If someone wanted to break things off, they turned up and they said “this isn’t working.” They didn’t just disappear.

Now, ghosting is a thing. People exit our lives as quickly and as easily as they enter it, with no explanation whatsoever. Also, your break up never ends quietly. When your couple selfies stop showing up, tongues start wagging, and good luck trying to get over your ex. With multiple albums of pictures of both of you online and Facebook’s unwelcome reminders of “What happened 3 years ago today”, your ex is kept well in sight and, unfortunately, well in mind.  

6. Love = Faithfulness VS Love = Passion

In the past, love was about faithfulness, the conviction to fix things and the resolve to stick together in spite of the odds. Love was about the other person–taking care of them, always considering them and being strong for them.

Now, love has become more about passion; passion that can come with pain; passion that sometimes comes at the expense of security and our sanity. We chase highs and we become restless when things start to become familiar. In today’s world, we’re afraid of becoming bored, and sometimes, that’s how true love slips right through our fingers.

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