Falling in love is easy the first time.
There are no qualms, no hesitation. You just dive in headfirst, blind to his flaws or the red flags screaming out at you. You have no insecurities, no fear of heartbreak, none of the mistrust that comes with ever having your heart broken.
Love is a drug, and the first time you’ve had a taste of it, you wonder how you lived without it for so long–until the moment it all gets taken away from you. After your first heartbreak, you no longer see love with rose tinted glasses. Your once-broken heart is now forever tainted.
The first time I met you, I was still bitter and I saw true love as nothing but a façade. I ignored you, I drank too much and I never laughed at any of your jokes. I closed off my heart, refusing to play the fool and fall a second time—I told myself I knew better this time.
Maybe it was your resolute determination, maybe it was the way you reassured me when I had my doubts, but at some undeterminable point I began to trust you. I found it impossible to play it cool, your silly smile disarming me whenever I had a snarky reply to your cheeky pickup lines. Sometimes, I caught myself falling and it was terrifying.
My first thought was to distance myself, to protect myself from getting hurt and disappointed again but sleeping next you felt like being in a cocoon of safety and warmth and I never wanted to leave. I wanted to bask in the warmth of your love that felt like the summer sun peeking out behind the clouds.
The second time you fall in love, you are not blinded like the first time. I could see your flaws and I knew you were not perfect, but I chose to fall in love anyway. I could see the way your eyes shone when you spotted me from across the room, the way you hugged me protectively and kissed me goodnight on the forehead, the way you remembered everything I say, the way you took care of me when I was sick, the way you said you loved me despite my doubts about us.
For the first time in a while, I have faith. A faith so strong it overcomes any fear I once had, because true love is not just passion. It also gives you the fear that the one you love will leave and disappoint you. But true love also gives you faith that your love is true and will overcome all obstacles against it.