“I can’t wait to grow up!”
“Why can’t I skip this whole part and just be an adult!”
Oh no, there is no fast forward button in this thing we call life. I don’t know about you, but growing into adulthood was one hell of a journey for me.
When you grow up, you grow out of who you used to be, and sometimes, you grow apart from the people you used to be close with.
The girls in class you used to be #bffs with, that one special person you shared a special romance with. You went everywhere, did everything together. You guys were inseparable. Like a ‘buy 1 free 1’ package deal; like an egg to an otherwise kosong prata. They were forever to you–were.
The hard truth is, sometimes, forever is but a spoken word.
Why You Need To Let It Go
When the truth hits you right in the face, it sucks. But do you let it bog you down, or do you just forget it and enjoy the ride?
I once had a best friend who broke up with her partner because of how mentally abusive the relationship got. He moved on to the next girl fairly quickly, but she just couldn’t.
As someone who cared a lot about her, it was heartbreaking to see her resorting to hanging around his house, hoping just to catch a glimpse of him. It was even more painful to see her putting herself down, comparing herself to his new girl. It definitely didn’t help that she denied being hung up on him – which brings me to my next point.
Be Honest With Yourself
Are YOU happy?
If your answer is not a straight out, 100% yes, then you need to think about why this isn’t so.
Maybe you really loved the person and you truly believe you won’t find another like them. Maybe you feel like you lost a part of yourself that you can never find back. Maybe you envisioned a perfect future that included them and now that they’re gone, you can’t imagine any other kind of future. Maybe you feel like you just aren’t good enough for anyone or anything.
If you relate to any of this, or if you’re going through these crappy emotions you wish you didn’t have to go through, you are certainly not alone. Acknowledge your feelings and know that what you feel is okay. I’ve gone through these emotions myself, and so have many, many others.
The sleepless nights, the tears you shed behind bathroom doors, the “Oh, I’m just tired” you say to people, pretending everything is okay, the fear you have of never finding someone else like them, the difficulty of trusting people again, the flashbacks you get whenever you see, hear, taste, or smell anything remotely associated with them.
It’s painful, and it sucks.
Deal With It
So… What can you do about it?
Here’s a blunt but handy flowchart which really helped me through my own tough times.
Granted, it doesn’t give you any specific instructions on how to let go, but that’s the thing: there isn’t a clear-cut way to deal with your emotions. There isn’t a step-by-step cheat sheet to teach you how to let go and move on.
The only thing you can do is either A – decide to do something about it, or B – STFU and move on. Don’t complain. Don’t live your life in despair. Don’t live in denial. Don’t feel sorry for yourself.
At the end of the day, what are you going to do for yourself?
Do Something For Yourself
Ironically enough, when I stopped giving a shit, when I stopped replaying in my head all the times I had to let go of the many treasured friendships and relationships I’ve had, life became a lot less shitty.
I started doing things for myself. I went on shopping sprees. I ran. I made an effort to take up dance classes again. I caught up with old friends. I appreciated my family. I splurged to explore the world. Heck, I even resorted to Tinder to curb my loneliness.
I decided to let go, to let loose. I decided to make my sunshine in the storm. I made a conscious effort to be happy, and it worked.
Perspective Changes Everything
Letting go of someone can be hard, but it is only as hard as you make it out to be. Dig deep and find yourself. Only then will you know how to let go and be happy. After all, no one knows you better than you.
Nothing new is going to magically appear in the fridge if you don’t put something into it. Nothing will change if you’re not going to do anything about it. So get out there and do something—anything! Channel your emotions into things that will benefit you. Do some exercise, clean up your room, take up a new hobby, do that one thing you’ve always wanted to do but never got the chance to because of whatever reasons.
It could be the most liberating, most empowering thing, and it could be the very thing you need.
Let go of things that are not meant for you, because what is meant to be, will be.