If you’re lucky, you’ll meet the guy or girl of your dreams, fall in love with each other and settle down happily ever after without a hitch.
But in reality, you will probably fall in love with a couple of ‘wrong people’ before you meet “The One” – at least for most of us. And the journey there will be a perilous one filled with heartbreak and regrets.
Whether you’re healing from a breakup, single and searching, or in a relationship, here are 8 advice on love and relationships. These millennials made these mistakes in their previous relationships, we hope you don’t have to go through what they did.
* Some names have been changed for privacy reasons.
“Love Someone For Who They Are”
In my first relationship, I had a whole fantasy of an ideal mate and a version of her in my mind that wasn’t her. Because of that, there were expectations, which led to plenty of disappointments.
I’ve learnt that who you envision her to be or what she is in your head isn’t necessarily who she really is in person. I’ve come to accept and love a person for who they really are.
– Andrew, 25
“Don’t Force Yourself To Like What You Don’t Like”
Think for yourself and consider what’s best for you.
You don’t have to like a certain thing just because your partner likes it. If your partner loves to game and spends a lot of time gaming but you don’t enjoy it, then don’t do it. Don’t waste time forcing yourself to grow an interest in something you obviously know you have none in.
You do you and let him do his.
– Mary, 26
“Keep Your Communication Between Each Other Strong”
I was in Poly Year 1 while she was in Sec 4. It was exams period and we assumed that we were both busy so we didn’t text each other as much. On hindsight, we actually had time to talk even if it’s just for awhile. From then on, we talked lesser and lesser and her feelings slowly faded away.
I think that to keep a relationship alive, it’s important to keep the communication strong and make an effort to update each other on what’s going on in our lives.
– Neil, 20
“Don’t Lose Yourself”
I always believed in giving my best or not giving at all. I wanted to make her the happiest person in the world so I gave her my all, even at my own expense. She didn’t like my secondary school friends so I left them.
I learnt that before you be with someone who makes you happy, you should be contented with yourself first. Remember to also love yourself.
– Jun Shen, 24
“Fate plays a part”
I’ve learnt that soulmates are not meant to complete us but to complement us. These relationships are intended to teach lessons so that we evolve and be the catalyst for change in life. You may have met your soul mate or someone you feel a deep connection with but you have to accept that it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re meant to be together.
Sometimes, it’s who you meet that has their goals, dreams, and timings aligned with yours.
– Chantel, 25
“Pay Attention To Their Actions, Not Their Words”
Someone can say they love you, but if they don’t show it or if they physically, mentally or emotionally bully and harm you, that’s not love.
Also, how a guy talks about their mother is how they’re going to treat you in their relationship. If all he has to say about his mother are negative things, you can bet that it’s how he’s going to talk about you to others.
– Natasha, 24
I have been cheated on before, cheated on someone before, and got played before.
One thing I’ve learnt from it all is to forgive yourself because everyone makes mistakes. It’s hard to say what’s right or wrong in relationships, there’s always a grey area. Only when you’ve forgiven yourself can you start to let go of any anger or hatred you have, and move on.
Move on. There’s no point replaying things in your mind wishing you had done this or that because you can’t undo anything anymore. When things have already happened, move forward and learn from it.
– Ling, 26
“Don’t Let Words Break You”
My ex played the blame game on me and would always guilt trip me into thinking that I was the one who hindered him in things like opportunities to study overseas or enjoying outdoor activities. On the contrary, I had never stopped him from doing what he wanted.
His words really affected me, until I found out that he cheated on me and had used all these hurtful comments as excuses to break up with me.
If your relationship ended badly, don’t let the words your ex said get to you. Don’t let your ex or other people guilt trip you, and don’t let your insecurities stop you from healing and moving on.
– Lydia, 27
Be A Stronger You
Just like how you take away a learning point from a good book or movie, you take a piece of your experience with you as you close a chapter in your (romantic) life. A piece that forms who you are in time to come.
Just like these millennials who shared the lessons they’ve learnt from their past relationships, you will grow wiser and stronger.
From millennial to millennial, we hope this advice help.
And when you’ve grown stronger as a person, you’ll be ready to meet your other half over here.