Do you remember the first time you masturbated? Did you feel guilty for the way it made you feel?
If you did, you’re not alone. Masturbation is a part of human nature. Despite having studies prove that masturbating is good for relieving stress and boosting our mood, it’s still one of those things that many do, but few talk about.
The first time we masturbate is an euphoric experience, where we experience a wave of immense pleasure we never knew possible. But it also leaves us confused and embarrassed. And that makes for interesting stories to tell.
1. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
I only masturbated when I was 18 because I always thought it was a “dirty” deed from the way my friends used to tease each other about it. But one night, I was lying on my bed and hugging my bolster while watching a movie clip that turned me on. That’s when I impulsively began rubbing my legs against my penis (with my clothes on). I remember it feeling damn good. I kept rubbing until… yeah, it came out. Did I accidentally masturbate? Maybe.
– Riduan, 21
2. BOYFRIEND WANTED TO WATCH
The first time I masturbated wasn’t by choice. I was 18 and I only did it because my boyfriend wanted to watch me touch myself. It felt like my body wasn’t even mine. I haven’t done it since we broke up.
– Jas, 21
3. LATE-NIGHT GAMING
I was a 15-year-old who was really into this massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG). One night I decided to strip one of the female characters naked (well, almost naked because I couldn’t remove their underwear). I don’t know what made me think that I should rub myself, but I did. But after the wave of pleasure passed, I quickly put my clothes back on because I felt dirty.
– Wei Jie, 25
4. OUT OF BOREDOM
I was 18 or 19 and wanted to try it out for myself, having heard how great it feels. I went online and googled tips on masturbating. During school break, I was home alone and decided to try it out. It was horrible and uncomfortable. I didn’t use porn or anything. I thought you didn’t have to be horny to masturbate, I thought it was just something you could do when you were bored.
– Aisyah, 25
5. THE ABSENCE OF A GIRLFRIEND
I was 15 when I first started masturbating. It was after I stopped dating this girl who was quite experienced and gave me handjobs on different occasions. I wanted to replicate what she did to feel the same pleasure again.
But I was constantly worried what would happen if people knew I masturbated. I guess I felt guilty about it in a way, especially when I fantasised of other female bodies when I was attached.
– Sean, 25
6. SINNERS GO TO HELL
I was 13 years old and my friends were talking about some website in class, so we went to one dude’s house to check it out after school. We realised it was porn, and us being guys, we just kept on scrolling. Then one of my friends asked us if we had jerked off before. Most of us didn’t know what that meant, so he explained it to us. That night I went home to the same website and tried jerking off.
I felt a mix of emotions after, but being Christian, I remember thinking I’d committed a sin and I’m going to hell.
– Jason, 26
7. AT THE AGE OF 4
I was 4 years old, and I didn’t know what it was or what I was doing, I just knew that if I pressed my genitals onto something, it will feel good. There was once when my mum caught me in the act and interrogated me, asking me who I learnt that from. That made me think that I did something wrong, because why else would I get chided for it?
– Sophia, 19
8. WERKING THE POLE
I started watching porn when I was 12 years old. I realised I liked watching girls on a pole. That made me want to try posing with a pole too. So one day, I hopped on one of the vertical pillars of my bed with my legs crossed on them and my vagina touching the pillar. I felt immense pleasure as I rubbed myself against the pillar and my panties started getting wet. But then I realised my fingers were better at doing the job.
– Shirin, 25
9. I THOUGHT I WAS ABNORMAL
When I first masturbated at the age of 17, it was because I was curious, and wanted to know what feeling ‘sexually satisfied’ felt like. I’d only heard of guys doing it and that made me think that I was ‘abnormal’ because I, a female, also had sexual urges.
And even though I enjoyed it, I also felt guilty. I felt like I was doing something ‘wrong’. My parents never talked to me about it, so I automatically assumed that it was something clandestine.
– Cheryl, 27
10. A STOOL AND A TOILET ROLL
I was 11 and simply curious and interested. So I tried to f**k the hole in the stool. Didn’t work. Tried to use a toilet roll, didn’t really work too. Tried my hand, finally worked. But after that it felt weird and I thought that I needed to pee. Oh, and I also felt dirty.
– Daniel, 24
WHY THE GUILT?
A lot of these stories have one thing in common – the feeling of guilt. Many of these stories end with the individual feeling dirty or ashamed. For some of us, our religion tells us that it’s a sin. For others, the fear of our parents finding out fills us with shame.
Perhaps it’s because of the fact that it happens in private, we feel that it’s something that should be hidden. And because no one talks about it, there’s no one to tell us if it’s right or wrong.
Maybe it’s too hopeful to think that we can start talking about masturbation openly, but we could begin with asking ourselves why we feel guilty, and if that guilt even makes sense to us. If there’s nothing about masturbation that rubs us the wrong way, isn’t it better if we could find a way to work through the guilt and enjoy this ‘pastime’?