Author: Kok Seline

The one who cares more, who loves more, loses--or so they say. In love and life, there are many unspoken rules and preconceived notions. Many of them lead us to think that we would be at the losing end of a relationship should we let slip and show that we truly care. It is better to pretend to have a devil-may-care attitude than to be known as the one who loves more. The one who loves more would be in an extremely vulnerable position just waiting to get taken advantage of. He or she would be someone who gets walked all over, the one with no semblance of self-respect or dignity--or so they make it out to be. Often times though, the one who cares more, who loves more, are the real brave souls. They are the ones willing to put themselves out there, in the face of hurt and rejection, simply to express their truest emotions from the bottom of their hearts. They are unafraid to show that they love you, that they genuinely care for you, and this goes far beyond any pride or uncertainty that comes with being the one who loves more. Be the one who loves more, so there will be no games, no room for overthinking. You will begin to see the beauty of a relationship sans the games and hidden connotations. If you love someone, just show it. Wear your heart on your sleeve and flaunt it proudly. Why bother masking this beautiful phenomenon reminiscent of a life well-lived? When you are finally able to look past the stigma that accompanies being the one who loves more, you will see for yourself that it is a truly liberating revelation. You can accord your loved ones the attention they deserve, the care and concern you think they should have and nothing else would matter. Nothing else should matter. When pride takes a backseat, love takes the front seat. Put aside societal expectations, go ahead and be the one who laughs louder, cries harder and yells longer. Go ahead and be the one who says "good morning" first, the one who says "good night" last. Go ahead and be the one who eats the lesser share of the pie, the one who gives up the jacket under cold conditions. There is no shame in that. In fact, being the one who loves more speaks volumes about one's self-esteem. Embrace rejection. It is okay to experience rejection, to feel the pain of heartache if it comes along. They are part and parcel of life. These are what make you strong. They are the precise events that shape you into who you are and who you will eventually be. Take a step back, feel the full force of your emotions and show it bravely to the world. Be the one who loves more, that's okay too.
In the liberal world we live in today, the already fine line between a platonic friendship and a romantic one can sometimes get even more blurry and indistinct. We all have our doubts at times, about whether friends’ intentions towards each other are truly as innocent as they seem, or if each person's constant seeking of the other’s company indicates something else altogether. Fret not, for there are crystal clear ways to determine if the friendship you have is simply platonic, or if it points to something way more than that.

1. Prolonged eye contact doesn't bother either of you

When you're in a purely platonic friendship, you can hold each other’s gaze for a long time without feeling shy or flustered. Remember the feeling you get when your crush looks you in the eye? Making eye contact with your platonic friend will feel absolutely nothing like that and this should be your biggest cue that what the both of you share is nothing romantic. Perhaps you might accidentally catch each other's eye while doing something mundane, like taking out the rubbish. However, neither of you will quickly look away and the two of you could even jump straight into a staring contest and no sparks will fly.

2. Their safety is not your utmost priority

It's not really your concern whether they get home safely or not, period. If they do, then good for them. If they don't, then well, someone else will be there to pick them up or drive them home. That person is not you and you can safely say that you do not want to be that person. If you receive an SOS call or text from someone in the middle of the night and you jump up in excitement and leave the house at the drop of a hat, that person is someone you want to date. If you receive that same SOS call and you switch your phone to silent mode, that person is probably just a regular friend. You would, however, ring that friend up the next day to check if everything is alright. That's the kind of concern you would show a platonic friend.

3. You don't notice what they wear

You can see each other dressed in sexy, smashing outfits and not bat an eyelid. In fact, you might hardly even notice. Chances are, even if your friend parades around in their birthday suit, your attention will not be diverted from that exciting drama you're binge-watching. If the thought of seeing your friend in the nude or some sexy underwear doesn't turn you on even a bit, it's friendzone time.

4. Distance doesn't matter

Both of you can sit within a centimetre from each other, and not end up making out or having the urge to eat each other’s faces. If your heart doesn't skip a beat when you get up close and personal with your friend, it's one of the biggest telltale signs that there'll be no romance in the air anytime soon for the both of you. Of course, if the both of you are separated by real distance measuring oceans and seas, the ache you feel will not be one of lusty companionship, but from the fact that your life has become more boring without them around.

5. They do not occupy your waking and sleeping thoughts

You're not on each other’s minds first thing in the morning or last thing at night. You do not wake up thinking about what they will wear today or how they will smell. You also do not go to sleep at night fantasizing about your possible future together or the children you will eventually have. Or the house you will share. Or the delicious meals you will whip up together. Instead, you think about them when your partner stands you up. Or when you're in need of an eating buddy. And it probably stops there.

6. You do not have any expectations of them

In your vocabulary bank with friends, the word “expectations” doesn't exist. You do not need to spend a lot of time with each other, although when you do spend time together, it can be a ball of a time. You do not become emotionally needy or overly reliant on them. In other words, you can do with or without them. Not seeing or communicating with each other for one month should not spell the end of the world for either of you.

7.  Jealousy is never in the equation

You don't get mad jealous when you see your friend with a member of the opposite gender. They could be having the time of their lives flirting in front of you, or being touchy-feely with each other. Better still, they could be so engrossed in each other’s company that you completely fade into oblivion. Yet, you don't feel the same constricting sensation in your heart you get when you see your crush dating someone else. You do not feel that stab of jealousy you get when you see the object of your affections so much as look in the direction of someone other than you. When your friend dates someone else or stares lustily at another, you frankly just don’t care.

8. Skinship does not interest you

You don't feel any urges to be physically close to your friend. You do not time your walk down to the second so you end up sitting beside your friend when a group of you go to the movies together. You do not stand as close to your friend as possible, so that your arms will touch. You do not map out your route so that every time you sit down, you are sitting beside your friend. In fact, you actually value your space around them and feeling their touch on your skin or your touch on theirs doesn't interest you one bit. In fact, the thought of it might even put you off breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, or all three meals.

9. Good mornings and goodnights are not on your agenda

You do not say good morning and goodnight to your friend every day without fail. Neither do you want to. Those words are saved for someone you actually want to be intimate with. They connote such a sense of intimacy that even on the rare occasions you do say it to your friend, you wince and cringe. You and your friend talk about other things, more important things, like if the waffles at your favourite store have been sold out.

10. You don’t put them on a pedestal

You look at your friend and you see, well, a human being. You don’t see a goddess, a prince charming or anything to that effect. To you, your friend is just a friend, plain as day. Nothing more, nothing less.
We all have that one friend who's an introvert. The one who doesn't reveal much and shies away from attention. The one who prefers not to say a word and would rather stay by the side, observing everyone else. The mysterious one who exudes an aura of silence so loud it's deafening. Perhaps calling them introverted might be an understatement altogether. Yet, when introverts show affection, they do it with all of their hearts, sometimes even more so than the extroverts. Want to know if you've won the affections of an introvert? Here are some sure-fire ways to tell.

1. They initiate conversations with you

It takes a lot from them, but they do it anyway. If they see you as someone who's worthy of their time, you'll know because introverts initiate very few conversations with very few people. Introverts hate small talk, but if they're willing to engage in them with you from time to time, you know what it means.

2. They care about your feelings

In fact, they not only care, they care a lot. Compared to their extroverted counterparts, they look out for you in their own quiet, subtle way--no fanfare involved. When you're sick, they'll buy you herbal tea and quietly place it somewhere you'll definitely see it. They notice all the things that make you you, and they remember the little things you say. Because introverts don't expend energy going to many different social gatherings, they devote their attention towards you. They sacrifice their precious alone time for you and they do so with nary a complaint. Introverts are some of the most sensitive people around, and if they focus their attention on you, chances are, the whole world is going to know too.

3. They go out of their comfort zones for you

They don't rely on mere words or sweet talk to show you their affections--they use actions to do so. They leave their comfort zones for you, and they do so voluntarily. They may hate crowds and abhor noisy places, but if you so much as hint to them that you're interested, they'd brave all that for you and more. They might even assume the role of an entertainer if the situation calls for it. This willingness to deviate away from their usual selves only goes to show how important you are to them.

4. They let you into their lives

They let you into territory no one else has gone before. They tell you about their dogs, their saddest childhood memories, their deepest regrets, their dreams and aspirations. Most notably, they tell you about their insecurities. They want you by their side and they're not afraid to show it. These are an introvert’s ways of showing trust in a person, and if you actually know all this information about their lives, it's no easy feat and it's also the clearest indication that they genuinely care for and like you.

5. They see you as their other half

They're not going to do anything without first thinking about you. Whether it's an event that's caught their eye, a movie that's just been released, a song they heard or even a quote they saw, you'll be the first thing to pop into their minds. If an introvert likes you, you are indeed one lucky soul.