Category: Millennial Voices

You can never really judge from first impressions. The kindest of souls could be heavily covered in tattoos and piercings, and the most malicious could be leaders at welfare groups. Be it in romance or friendship, some of us tend to attract or be attracted to the ‘wrong’ people. Some, we’d avoid due to the bad vibes we get right from the start. Then, there are those who’d gradually become toxic even though they were angels at the beginning. It could be an abusive lover or an obsessive friend, but unhealthy relationships will take its toll on anyone over time, sucking away our energy and killing us slowly from the inside. For 5 Singapore millennials who have walked away from a toxic relationship, the emotional (and some, physical) scars will never really go away, but at least life’s much better now. *All names have been changed for privacy reasons.

“He Yelled Right Up In My Face Like A Drill Sergeant”

He was a boyfriend from uni who had a big ego, a serious anger management issue, and very stubborn – it was either his way or the high way. I was constantly walking on egg shells when I was with him and angry outbursts was a norm. From taking a fry from his plate to making a casual remark, the smallest things would set him off. It’d lead to him shouting and even throwing things at me. He'd yell at me like a drill sergeant up close in my face while I was backed into a corner, “if you didn't make me angry I wouldn't have shouted (or broken that, or thrown this).” And I would beg for his forgiveness. He chipped glassware, broke my bedside table, and dented my door. He made me cry on my birthday because I glanced at his phone (which was lying around) when a message came in. I went to my birthday dinner with a splotchy face and eyes red and swollen. I couldn't cry in front of him either. I had to hide in the bathroom to cry because he would see me anywhere else in the house and make that a whole other issue. Good days were good but bad days made me want to hurt him and myself. Everything was emotional and mental. I had to graduate and move back to Singapore (away from him) before I could break up with him. I was scared of him doing anything to me or himself if I was still around. Even after, he’d spam call me at work, livid from the breakup and threatening to kill himself. Moving on from the relationship, I realised my number one priority is me. It may sound selfish but I learnt to put my body and state of mind first. I learnt to say "no", and that a guy who doesn't respect you, who mistreats you, and who doesn't see you as their equal, is a guy not worth spending a second with. – Nellie, 24

“'WTF Is Your Problem?' Was Her Reaction To The Littlest Things”

On the second year of our relationship, she no longer wanted to do the things we both used to enjoy together. She'd constantly come up with excuses not to do things with me. Whenever I suggested spending time together, she'd scold me for being needy, “don't you have other people to bother?" She'd get agitated very easily, threatening to end the relationship over the smallest disagreements. "If you're not happy, then break up" became a common phrase in her vocabulary. She would belittle me and make fun of my flaws and insecurities in front of my friends and even lecturers (we were schoolmates). It got to a point where people asked how I was able to deal with a person like her. They started to perceive me as a 'weakling' and that I wasn't ‘the man in the relationship', which really affected my self-confidence. The relationship became an endless cycle of bickering. Whenever I tried to talk things out nicely, she’ll react with this exact phrase: “WTF is your problem”. Even the most innocuous of questions would set her off – I’d casually asked who she was going out with and she'd go, “WTF is your problem”. She’d assume that I had a problem with who she was going out with, which would escalate into a huge argument with her bringing up past arguments. It was mentally and physically draining, but I held on. I believed in her and hoped that things would improve. I wasn’t one to just give up on things. Nearing the end, I surprised her with a trip to Japan in hopes that it’ll salvage our relationship. I had even bought all the tickets and accommodation. But she got angry instead. She was pissed that I planned it without her knowledge because she said she didn’t really want to go overseas (even though we did have plans for a grad trip awhile back). She left me for good a month ago. Despite being the saddest I've ever been, a little part of me is relieved that it's over. I’m thankful that she ended the relationship, as it’s something I never had the courage to do. If there's one thing I learnt out of this, it’s that not everything I lose is a loss. – Damien, 20

“He Was A Good Person To Gossip With, But Not A Friend”

I’ve been friends with S for almost 2 years and we were pretty close. S was a very gossipy kind of guy, so our clique and I saw him as another ‘girlfriend’. He'd always dig out negative stuff from people to gossip about, but he never saw the possibility of being a ‘toxic person’ himself. I don’t usually share my personal problems with others when I’m sad, but I was facing a relationship problem this once and needed to talk to someone about it. After being a close friend to S for 2 years, I decided I could open up to him. We met for over 5 hours where I shared my problems with him. He advised me to break up with my then boyfriend. I felt things weren’t that bad to just end a relationship over, so S suggested a timeout. I thought about it and agreed that a timeout could work, so that was what I did after. My boyfriend pacified me a few days into our time out and we made up. But when I told S the good news, he was angry that I was on good terms with my boyfriend so quickly. S said that this whole thing was bullshit and that I totally wasted his time when I shared my problems with him. He asked me not to look for him anymore because I wasted his time. I was shocked and upset as I had never shared my personal problems with him before. After I clarified that with him and assured him that I won’t ever look for him again, he just did a 360-turn and said that I could still look for him if I wanted. The second incident happened when S told me we should meet up with a common friend, J, before J enlisted. I said okay. S said he would get back to me after he confirmed the meet-up with J. Time went by, S never got back, and I had forgotten about it. On the day we were supposed to meet, S asked about what the plans were for that day. I felt bad that I forgot and had already made plans, so I asked S to relay my apology to J. S wanted me to apologise to J myself instead, so I did. Turns out that S didn't even tell J about the meetup. So I was behaving like an idiot apologising to J about a meetup that wasn’t even going to happen. When I confronted S about it, he said, "I knew you won’t have time for him one what." He found it fun to see me acting like an idiot and laugh at me over it. It was almost like an elaborate prank he set up to make me embarrass myself because he enjoyed ‘the drama’ that came out of it. – Jess, 21

“She HAD To Be Part Of All My Social Circles”

I have been very close to X since we were 15. She was my go-to friend for anything from hanging out to sharing personal problems, and is generally a fun and loyal person. However, there were always things that stopped me from seeing her as my best friend. It started off mild with random anger outbursts or being triggered by littlest things during secondary school. But that part of her went away as we grew older. Then, I started noticing that she’d always work towards ‘doing better’ than me. She had even picked up a particular interest I had – one she used to say she didn’t understand, couldn’t appreciate, and “just not (her) thing”. It seemed like she did it just so she could have ‘the same skill’ I had, or that she just wanted to be a part of that particular interest group. Meanwhile, I knew she still didn’t really like that interest even after picking it up (she told me). She was very possessive and insecure. She had to know whoever I was friends with. And if I went out with our mutual friends without her, she’d get upset that we didn’t ask her along. She had to be part of all my social circles else she’d use her ‘best friend card’ and say that she’s left out. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have other friends either. She had plenty. Once, she got so jealous when a guy she had a crush on started texting me, she stopped talking to me. I did eventually stop texting that guy after ghosting him, but when I tried texting her, she never replied. Just like that, we ‘stopped being friends’ for awhile. It was upsetting that she didn’t trust me enough to know that I would never get close to any guys romantically if it was her love interest. When we started working together, she got jealous that I was closer to our other colleague than she was to him. She was upset that he texted me about non-work stuff but not her. Also, both the guy colleague and I were already attached, so we were merely chatting casually. She’d want to read my messages with him, I’d let her, and then she’d get even more jealous after. While I’d thank her for being a large part of my growing up and forming a piece of who I am today, I’m glad I had the guts to properly ‘end a friendship’ with someone this possessive, insecure, and incredibly volatile. – Barbara, 26

“I Lived In Constant Fear Of Being Hit And Burnt By Cigarette Butts”

He was my 2nd boyfriend and the one whom I gave my virginity to. The start was rainbow and butterflies but we started arguing a lot over stupid things 4 months in. Only then did I realise that this guy has a bad temper. He started abusing me verbally which soon became physical too. The first time he laid hands on me was when we were arguing and I retorted at him. He walked back and slapped me across my face. He became extremely possessive, controlling what I wore and who I hung out with. We’d even fight over me saying "hi" to a male classmate. He started hitting me more. He'd even push me against the wall and burn my hands with cigarette butts. Even then, I chose to stay with him. The peak of the abuse was when he met up with his ex just so they could call to mentally and emotionally torture me. While I had so many chances to walk away, I chose to stay. I would walk into class with slap marks on my face and eyes bloodshot from crying. People asked why I chose to stay but it really wasn’t easy when any hint of a break up would turn into a war zone between us. Threats to contact my parents and friends just told me to shut up and stick by him. It finally ended when I realised my grades were dropping drastically. I didn’t want my parents to find out about it and moreover, I didn’t want to live in constant fear that anything would result in a big slap or worse. Plus, I found out that he was also seeing another girl. Given that I gave so much to him, ending the relationship hit me hard. I started partying, drinking, and going home drunk. This ratchet life went on for 1.5 years before I told myself to snap out of it and get a grip of life because there’s so much more to it than feeling sorry for myself. This relationship really gave me trust issues. I became extremely guarded towards relationships and I could no longer love anyone 100%. Even till this day, I still have a visible scar from what he had done to me. Instead of crying over it, I take it as a reminder that life will throw you shitty things but what matters is how you deal with it. – Perlyn, 26

Tough Times Don’t Last, Tough People Do

No matter how toxic a relationship becomes, it can be very hard to walk away from people you were so close to. But when you do, you’ll walk away so much stronger and wiser a person. You’ll learn to love yourself more because only then can you <a href=" loving another person. Also read, 9 Moments In National Day History That Made Us Damn Proud To Be Singaporean.  
We tend to think the grass is greener on the other side, that Singapore isn’t good enough a country to live in and that like everything we complain. Even <a href=" parking at HDB carparks can also kena complain. But on the other hand, we are also quick to defend our home whenever someone else comes close to misrepresenting us – like when we’re asked if Singapore is in China. There’re gazillion things that we do complain about, but deep down, we still call Singapore our home. With Singapore’s 52nd birthday just a day away, we reminisce on 9 symbolic National Day moments. Throughout the years, these are moments that have not only brought out the Singaporean Spirit in even the least patriotic of us, but are also important moments that are significant to the history of Singapore and her birthday.

1. When Mr. Lee Kuan Yew Appeared For His Last NDP

Image Credit: SG Writings

We all know how devoted our late founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, was to Mrs Lee. As much as it was a private affair, the nation watched as Mr Lee gradually grew frail after Mrs Lee’s passing.

With reports surrounding Mr Lee’s deteriorating health leading up to National Day in 2014, rumours spread on whether he was going to attend the National Day Parade (NDP). And when Mr Lee did make his appearance, many of us were filled with a comforting sense of relief to see him. As we would for our own ah kong (grandfather), we were also concerned to see that he had aged substantially.

2. When It Rained Heavily On The Parade But Nobody Left

Credit Image: Dave Papworth
For as long as most of us millennials can remember, every NDP has been ‘blessed’ with good weather, with the only exception in 2008, where it started drizzling before the parade started. However, for the older folks, it was a reminder of how stoic everyone was at the 1968 NDP in the face of a storm. Even with a heavy downpour, everyone stood their ground. <a href=" Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong best puts it, “Those of you who were there will never forget it. It was a downpour, we froze, we were drenched. Our instruments had to be turned upside down to pour the water out. We watched to see if we stood or if we ran for cover. Nobody ran for cover, we shivered but we stood there and we marched with pride.”

3. When There Were No Red Lions At NDP

Image Credit: Universal Scribbles
Of all the highlights of an NDP, one of the most popular segments is when the Red Lions make their jump. So when their segment got cancelled in 2015 due to poor weather, we were really upset. On one hand, we were sad for not being able to witness a critical part of NDP. On the other, we felt sorry for the Red Lions - can you imagine having trained for months to perfect your jump yet not be able to perform it on the actual day? Moreover, for something as monumental as SG50. Yet again, we were pretty bummed that Red Lions was forgone at SG51 due to safety concerns of parachuting down to the National Stadium. That’s two years in a row that we’re missing them. And we’re really looking forward to seeing them this year.

4. When Mr Lee Kuan Yew Wasn't Around At SG50

Image Credit: Pinterest
On the first NDP after Mr Lee Kuan Yew’s passing, we couldn’t have Mr Lee here with us, so in his seat taking his place was a bouquet of yellow orchids - a heartwarming act by the organisers (or whoever it was). This video tribute dedicated to Mr Lee tugged at our heartstrings as well: Watch from 21:21 onwards.

Also, a recording of Mr Lee reading the Proclamation of Independence was played for the first time ever to public. What makes the message even more meaningful is that this recording was played at exactly 9am on 9th August through local radio, TV channels, and across 82 grassroots-led National Day observance ceremonies islandwide.

5. Whenever We Do The Kallang Wave

Image Credit: 50 Years of Singapore Television
Legend has it that it all started with a football match at Kallang Stadium. If you’ve ever had the chance to watch the parade live, you’d know how fun it is to be part of a Kallang Wave. No matter how ‘old’ or cliché this tradition is, since NDP has already ‘outgrown’ Kallang Stadium for years, the feeling of doing the wave altogether with the crowd gives you an inexplicable sense of pride and joy.

6. Whenever They Bring Out The Big Guns At The Parade

Image Credit: Jo
Another popular favourite of ours is the Dynamic Defense Display. Probably the only time most of us get to marvel at tanks, helicopters, and a myriad of other special land, air, and sea vehicles that we will never remember the names of.
Image Credit: YouTube
We got even more excited when some of the troops down the aisle right beside the audience at the parade, even though we may be watching it from home.

7. Whenever “Home” Comes On

Image Credit: YouTube
“Home” is still, hands down, the best NDP song, ever. It’s the only song that everyone knows and remembers by heart. Discounting the songs before the 2000s, there are really only a handful of other catchy ones that we remember off the top of our heads, like We Will Get There and Where I Belong. But ultimately, nothing can compare to the familiarity, happiness, pride, and love of the nation when you sing the legendary chorus, “This is home, truly, where I know I must be...”

8. When You Catch The State Flag Fly Past Wherever You Are

Image Credit: Singapore Memory Project

Not everyone gets the privilege of seeing our state flag fly past with its Chinook entourage. But those who do, love it.

Young or old, we’d run to the window to catch a glimpse of the flag as the Chinooks fly past our house before running back to the TV to continue watching the parade. And if we caught it on its way to the parade, we’d point at the TV in excitement when it appears on TV, and we’ll feel damn proud that we saw the flag before everyone else did.

9. Wearing Red Or White On 9th August

Image Credit: Editorial Singapore
It doesn’t matter that you’re not going attending the parade, or that you’re merely out to da bao your dinner home to watch the parade on TV. But when you see everyone in Red or White, you’ll feel proud of Singapore and Singaporeans. For once, you’ll be proud of yourself for dressing up like the rest of Singapore, even though you’re spending the day at home. Not forgetting the annual Giordano T-shirt sales for national day - where else are you going to get cool tees perfect for 9th August right?

Happy 52nd Birthday Singapore!

It could be the fireworks at the end of NDP, or as simple as watching the parade at home with your family, but there are definitely a lot more little moments that have brought out the Singaporean spirit within us. How about you? Share with us the moments that have brought out the Singaporean pride in you! Also read, Don’t Know What The Heck To Do After You Graduate? That’s Okay, We Didn’t Either. (Top Image Credit: <a href=" La)
After over 20 years of rushing assignments and mugging for papers, you’ll heave a euphoric sigh of relief that you’ve finally graduated. Then come the questions from friends, lecturers, and family: “So what’re going to do next?” or “Have you applied for jobs yet?” For some, you’ve got your ideal path charted out for yourself – good on you! But for many, those questions are as dreadful as the “why are you still single” questions at every family gathering, because honestly, you don’t really know. In the case that you’re stepping out into the ‘working world’, you do have interests of course. You’re keen to learn and grow in a job somewhere, somehow. Yet, you’re filled with doubts. Whether you’ve just graduated and feeling lost, or (like me) have been unsure and hopping from one job to another, know that that’s fine. There’re many Singaporeans who’ve gone through this phase as well, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re flaky. We reached out to 5 Singapore millennials, who shared their journey in finding themselves and their career path.

“Time is so important, so do something you truly find satisfaction in.”

I don't think I had any idea of what I really wanted to do after graduation. I went into procurement, HR, and corporate services on my first job, which wasn't something I expected to be doing at all since I studied Sociology. I then moved on to PR, and today I’m an editor at an online publication. Switching between jobs is something pretty common among peers, and it's not because we're 'soft' or anything. We're just taking more time to find a path that truly suits us. I have switched to different work scopes myself, as I was finding a field I could truly excel and find satisfaction in. Personally, I leave the moment I feel like I'm stagnating, because time is so important. And after going through three jobs, I kind of know where I find the most job satisfaction and which path I can embark on.

It’s Alright…

Don't be afraid to try different jobs, but always know what you're looking for in the long term and work towards it. Don't waste yours, or anyone else's time. – Melissa, 27, Graduated 2013, on the 3rd job

“Everyone’s got a different mindset, so don’t get pressured by others”

Since I graduated with a degree in Banking and Finance, I've changed three jobs and am on my fourth now. I was a bank teller for a year and a service ambassador for another. Afterthat, I taught at an enrichment centre – I used to give tuition during my poly days and I love kids. It was a fulfilling two years before I joined Singapore Airlines as a stewardess. I am a mortgage broker today and my job is to find the best private home loan for homeowners. One of my reasons for switching jobs is to seek new challenges in life. I also felt that I needed to explore different careers before settling on one. I feel that everyone has a different mindset. My parents, spouse, friends, and colleagues have all been very supportive and they would encourage me to go for what I want instead of staying stagnant. However, there were interviewers I met who'd comment on how I changed jobs too quickly and that my experience in different industries varies too much (to be useful).

It’s Alright…

Take your time to find the right career. Your first job may not be your last. Learn as much as you can from every job. Lastly, don't get pressured by anyone, just follow your heart. – Patrina, 27, Graduated 2014, on the 4th job

“If You Are Unsure, Just Try Everything.”

I wanted to be a Radio DJ when I started studying Mass Communication in poly, but my interest pivoted to advertising while there and that stuck until when I was in uni. I got an internship in events management when I left uni, and stayed on in events for about 3 years in 3 different companies. I eventually left in 2016 to pursue something entirely different: standup comedy. I am currently freelancing as an AV crew and emcee, but it’s more to feed myself while I pursue standup comedy. Ultimately, I see standup as my long-term goal. My parents weren’t too pleased with my hopping around from one job to another. They'd say that prospective employers will think I’m not loyal or capable enough to stay in a company. And I do agree. I’ve had bosses who would tend to comment things like, “aiya, all these young kids now like that one la” whenever a (millennial) colleague leaves the company. I think it’s normal for older generations to ‘compare’ and stereotype because we all do. Concurrently, I do think there are people our generation who are pampered.

It’s Alright…

If you are unsure, just try everything. Within my limited scope of experience, I feel there are only two types of people who won’t succeed: Lazy people who blame everything on everyone else. And close-minded people who are unwilling to accept change or criticism. Go into every job with an open mind. You never know where it will lead you and what you may suddenly find interest in. As the Chinese saying goes, "船到桥头自然直", which translates to mean ‘when the boat reaches the harbour, it will naturally go straight’. In other words, everything will be alright. – Eugene Soh, 26, Graduated 2015, on the 3rd job

“You’ll Learn More About Yourself Along The Way”

I only vaguely knew what I liked but had no concrete idea of what I wanted to do after I graduate. Not counting the first internship, I'm on my third job after graduation in 2013. From the different jobs that I have done, I learnt a lot more about what I enjoyed and what I wanted to dedicate myself to. And honestly, once you experience the joy of doing something that you truly like, it changes how you view work. I did Sociology in school, started working in the community sector, and now I'm on my second job in the arts industry. And even now, there are still many things that I want to try.

It’s Alright…

Remember that who you are isn’t only reflected by how well you do at work. There’s a lot more that makes up who you are as a person. So it’s okay to not know what you want to do. Just keep trying new things and you’ll learn more about yourself along the way. – Michelle, 27, Graduated 2013, on the 3rd job

“You Will Eventually Find Your Path”

I wanted to become a pre-school teacher when I was young. I even took an early childhood education cert before my Diploma in Business Admin. But after a 3-month internship, I realised it wasn’t something I could do for a long time. At first, I didn’t know what I wanted to do so I just did whatever gave me a better salary. I was practical. But I always find myself getting bored after a year or less. After Poly, I jumped from being a Distributor Support Representative to a Sales Coordinator to a Bank Assistant in an IT dept to  doing admin work at another bank. I finally found my career path on my fifth job, in events management. It’s a job that constantly challenges me to innovate and improve, and that gives me great satisfaction, especially when I hear feedback from all the happy clients I work for.

It’s Alright…

You don’t have to worry or think too much about switching jobs. What you’re studying now may not apply to what you’re going do in the real world and work experiences are way more important. Your first job may not be what you like to do and you may end up feeling lost. But it’s just part and parcel of our life. Eventually, you will find a job you like – I did. – Kristin, 29, Graduated 2009, on the 5th job

“Don't Be Afraid To Explore”

One thing for sure, you shouldn’t be afraid to dabble in different things. At the end of the day, if you’re going to be spending all those hours working to survive, make your time worthwhile – do something meaningful for you. Admittedly, we are a generation blessed with a lot more opportunities and possibilities than our moms and dads. So, what better way to take advantage of that than to go forth and explore! Also read, Baristas From 6 Singapore Cafes Spill The Beans On The Weirdest Customer Requests.
Many of us love coffee. Like the plethora of delicious grub you can find in Singapore, coffee variations are aplenty. With so many cafés and coffee specialty shops around, it comes down to the knowledge and skills of a barista to ensure we get a good cup of java in hand. Regardless of how crazy or ridiculous our requests are, baristas usually rise up to the challenge and do their best to fulfill them. Take for example the Singapore Unicorn Frappe, where a barista re-created a version of its US counterpart as requested by a tourist, and it turned out surprisingly tasty (according to them). While such challenges are fun for baristas, you can be sure that there are also some requests and questions from the other end of the spectrum: the weird ones. We spoke to baristas from 6 popular cafes in Singapore. Here are some of the strangest questions they’ve been asked as a barista.

“Mix Beer With Coffee, And Serve It Hot”

A customer once told us to mix beer with our Oriole coffee and serve it hot. He mentioned it would taste good and recommended for us to try it. Another odd request was to blend butter with our batch brew. Butter is a pretty strong flavour itself so blending it with a brew would change the taste and texture of the drink substantially. One of the trickiest things that we have to handle as a barista is when we have to settle a bill in the midst of calibrating coffee. The coffee calibration process is complex and it’s critical in creating the flavour profile or the perfect shot based on the beans that we have. When we settle a bill in the midst of calibration, we have to restart the whole coffee calibration process to ensure that we retain the exact precision required for maintaining the quality of our coffee. – Siti, Assistant Restaurant Manager of Oriole Coffee + Bar

 “Do You Grow Your Own Beans?”

I once got an order that went like this: “Can I get a latte with teddy bear?” We thought coffee just got more complicated – where were we going to find a teddy bear? But all she wanted was teddy bear latte art. We’ve also gotten requests for Civet poo even though we don’t sell Kopi Luwak. Otherwise, no question is too awkward to ask a barista when you’re buzzed on coffee! The one exception would be to not ask a barista in Singapore whether they grow their own coffee beans. I’ve been asked that before and no, nobody in Singapore grows their own beans. – Abby, Barista at Symmetry

“Can You Mix Half Of This Blend With Half Of That Blend?”

I’ve got a couple of strange requests before. First one would be, “You guys serve 2 espresso blends right? Can you make my latte with half of this blend and half of that blend?” There’re two kinds of espressos: single origins (SO) and blends. Blends (made up of multiple SO coffees) are blended to achieve a specific flavour profile that the café or barista is going for. When you ask for a mix of blends, it defeats the purpose of having those blends that the barista and café want you to try. Essentially, an analogy would be going to Subway and asking to mix Chicken Teriyaki with Meatball Marinara sandwich – which will be a very weird request. Other questions include “can you crack some sea salt into my long black?”, “Is your coffee acidic or alkaline?”, and “Is your coffee good?” – Would a barista or a specialty café say that their coffee isn’t good? – Avin, Chief Caffeine Dealer at Percolate Coffee

“Can I Have Cappuccino With No Foam?”

I’ve been asked for a cappuccino with no foam, and coffee with butter. But the silliest one so far is “why isn’t your coffee as good as Starbucks?” I’ve also been asked to reheat half-drank coffee, which is not advisable mainly because of hygiene purposes. We can’t use the steam wand (which we use for steaming milk) to reheat any coffee. Even if we do, we will literally create another chemical reaction that will make your coffee taste burnt. It’s not advisable to use the microwave as well, as there could be accidents. On another incident, we had a customer who sent the coffee back a few times because it tasted too sweet for her. However, no sugar was added to the coffee at all. The sweetness came naturally from the beans. So that was something we had to manage in terms of customers’ expectation. Like many misinformed customers, she had the impression that coffee only tastes bitter. She didn’t expect that coffee can also be naturally sweet, acidic, or fruity. After a one-to-one ‘coffee education’ session with her, she was really happy to get the same cup of coffee she returned. – Lucky Salvador, Head Barista Trainer at Common Man Coffee Roasters

“Hi, Do You Serve Non-Coffee Coffee?”

It took me awhile to realise the customer meant decaf. I’ve not gotten too crazy a request so far. I’ve been asked if savoury, flavoured lattes exist but that’s about it. Thinking back, an unforgettable experience I had was with this particular customer who thought our coffee was a gimmick. He had ordered a single shot latte, and then later came up to talk to me about how he thought our coffee is a gimmick because he couldn’t taste or smell the coffee at all. He later went on to pee all over our toilet – literally all over the walls, sinks, everything. Personally, I don’t really think there are questions that you should never ask a barista. I like to share and talk to customers about coffee. However, you will be hard pressed to find specialty coffee stores that will serve coffee with butter. – Kenneth, Chief Alchemist at Compound Coffee

"Is Pour Over Coffee A Coffee?"

I’ve received a couple of weird requests over my course as a Barista. There was the 10 shot Venti Caramel Machiatto order (which is a lot of caffeine within that serving of machiatto), and another one where the customer handed me a container of freshly minced ginger to add into her latte. While I welcome customers to ask me anything, there were questions like “is pour over coffee a coffee?” And yes, it is coffee. – Shaun, Head Trainer at Bettr Barista Coffee Academy

Catch Them At Singapore Coffee Festival 2017

Now that you’ve heard from the baristas, catch them in action at the Singapore Coffee Festival 2017! They’ll be part of over 100 different exhibitors ranging from Singapore’s most loved cafes to pioneering coffee players around the world. We guarantee that you’ll be spoilt for choice!
Asia For Good at Singapore Coffee Festival 2016
You could also take the chance to pick up some goodies like socially conscious coffee, organic snacks, and all natural skincare products from The Good Market. One of the highlights of SCF 2017, The Good Market, brought to you by DBS, features seven social enterprises that will be showcasing and selling their wares. Do good for our planet and communities in need as you delve into the café culture and shop there!

Make your SCF experience an even more memorable (and meaningful) one and take on the “Live Kind” Passport challenge! Collect stamps when you complete easy and fun tasks in this sustainable living challenge brought to you by DBS, and earn yourself a free cup of coffee. Register here: https://www.asiaforgood.com/webform/live-kind-dbs.

Singapore Coffee Festival 2017 Date: 3 August – 6 August 2017 (Thurs – Sun) Venue: Marina Bay Cruise Centre Tickets: $18 to $22 Tickets are available at the Singapore Coffee Festival website <a href=" This article is written in collaboration with DBS Bank.
We used to think that once you pass a certain mark, like 2 or 3 years into a relationship, it will last forever. But in a time where things like work (or DOTA) can take precedence over replying a text message from our other half, it can be tough to maintain a relationship. We realised how common it is for relationships to fail despite the years. Just within our social circles, we've friends who had to abruptly close a major chapter of their love life – just like that, 6, 8, and even 9 year’s worth of time can become nothing more than just bittersweet memories. It made us wonder: can a relationship really last in this era? We sought out to find the answers, and we found them in photos of our longtime couple friends. Here are the photos that captured the essence of love and growth, of when they first started dating compared to them today.

"We Treasure The Smallest Things"

Nicholas & Jasmine – 9 Years Together The biggest "challenge" has to be keeping the relationship and romance going and constantly nurturing it, as it is easy to get so used to each other that we take things for granted. The smallest and simplest things in relationships that get overlooked are often the main reasons for deteriorating relationships. We both do our best to make sure we are aware of this and we treasure one another. Communication is something we both hold dearly as our foundation. We're able to be honest with our feelings and come to an understanding to resolve problems together. The smallest actions like kisses and hugs count too. Or showing appreciation by making each other our favourite drinks, or watching our favourite movie when either of us feels down make a difference.

"He's Always The Bigger Person, And She's Appreciative"

Samantha & Jeremy – 7 Years Together To Samantha, a big part of keeping the relationship going is because of him: “He's so gracious, patient and accepting of my shortcomings; especially my possessiveness and temper. If I dated myself, I would have dumped my ass a long time ago.” When there are unhappiness and quarrels, it's very difficult to come to a compromise. It’s difficult to find a solution and makeup when both of us are upset. We both know it and he’s usually the bigger person who puts emotions aside and initiate for us to make up.

"We Trust Each Other, And Never Carry An Argument Overnight"

Cherie & Shao Yong – 6 Years Together If we can wrap up the essence of our relationship, it is trust and communication. On trust: we don’t give each other any reason to doubt. We are completely transparent with each other and this builds up the robust level of trust we have in each other. We are comfortable enough to not interfere or restrict each other's own social life too. On communication: whenever don’t meet, we make it a point to still call each other every night to talk about our day or even just to say goodnight. Whenever we argue, we make sure that we only move on after we have accepted each other’s feelings and made peace with it. We never carry an argument overnight.

"It's Normal For Us To Fight, But We Forgive And Move On"

Matthew & Li Ying – 4.5 Years Together Throughout the years, we've learnt to deal with each other's annoying habits. For example, I have learnt to deal with Li Ying being a grammar Nazi and correcting mistakes mid-sentence, while she has learnt to wait for me to take the perfect photo of food before we can eat. So there’s a lot of acceptance, patience, and understanding. It’s normal for us to fight a lot, but at the same time, there is a lot of forgiveness in our relationship.

"We Choose To Love Each Other Even When We 'Hate' Each Other"

Mieko & CJ – 8 Years Together The fact that we have been together since he was 20 and I, 16, we've gone through so many milestones together: studies, NS, work, and eventually the unexpected appearance of baby Dayna. We definitely have had many arguments and major fights, and it resulted in a lot of heartbreak. We can’t specifically pinpoint any particular reason or factor that kept us going through it all. However, it truly boils down to loving each other the 'right' way – being able to love each other even when you ‘hate’ each other. Love is a choice, and choosing to love someone is not easy. It's a choice we make every day, through thick and thin.

"Two Headstrong Personalities, But We Compromise"

Ryan & Jia Yi – 8 Years Together Honesty and compromise play a big part in our relationship. We are both very headstrong personalities and if we hadn't made conscious efforts to compromise with each other, we honestly wouldn't have made it this far. Also, one of the major hurdles we had (and I'm sure many couples have) was the assumption that the other party would automatically understand our needs and desires. We're not mind-readers and we’ve learnt to make efforts to tell each other why we're upset instead of just begrudging each other for not "getting it".

"We Stay Cheesy With Verbal Compliments"

Pat & John – 9 Years Together Just like other couples, we've been through many milestones together. Completing NS, buying a house, proposal, and wedding planning are just some. But one of the biggest challenges for us was riding the waves of my (Pat's) anxiety issues together. Throughout my darkest times, John stuck by me. He fought along with me, and for me. One of our common love languages is words of affirmation. Verbal compliments and appreciation can go a long way, and after dating for 9 years, we're still cheesy as ever.

"We Laugh At Each Other, And We Laugh Together"

Celine & Ivan – 4 Years Together There's a lot of love and patience between us. We understand each other’s personalities and accommodate not just to each other but also our families. We do silly things together, laugh at each other and laugh together. We learn together and grow together as individuals and also as a couple.

"We Address Our Problems As Best Friends And Lovers"

Shane and Nikki – 18 Years Together We’ve gone through so much together from secondary school and university to surviving army days. We’ve gotten married and built up our first home, and now, celebrating the birth of our first child. We've always been best friends so our friendship laid a strong foundation for the relationship, and we are able to communicate really well with one another on so many grounds. It’s important and helps us address our problems together instead of running away from them.

Keep The Faith Alive

Granted, love isn’t just rainbows and butterflies. While it takes a large amount of effort and work to sustain a relationship, these couples have proven that it still is possible. And the benefits you reap from a happy, lasting relationship is worth every fight for. On the other hand, if you’re searching for someone to fight alongside you on your life journey, you can try your luck <a href=" Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours.
So, you’ve just graduated from polytechnic or junior college. For the guys, that means you’re one step closer to national service. While some of you may be excited for the next two years of your lives, some of you are probably nervous about what’s to come. Maybe your mind is buzzing with questions regarding the first 2 (or 4, depending on your physical fitness) months of Basic Military Training (BMT) — we’ve all been there. We asked some of our ex-NSF friends for some of the tips they wish someone had told them prior to enlisting and here are some of our top tips to survive BMT. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back.

1. Always have a bottle of prickly heat/powder with you

 

This powder is going to be a lifesaver, especially if your feet tend to get sweaty. The prickly heat/talcum powder will keep your feet dry, and foot rot (i.e. Athlete’s Foot) at bay. We’ve seen our fair share of foot rot; it’s itchy, it’s painful… You don’t want to have to deal with it while undergoing your training. Also, there will be times when you don’t get to take a shower, like when you’re outfield, or when there is just not enough time. In these cases, a powder bath will help keep you clean(er) and smelling better.

2. Have a bottle of fabric refresher in your room

As we mentioned earlier, personal time (or ‘admin time’) can be tight. You usually have just an hour or so, sometimes even lesser, which means there will be days when you have no time to wash your clothes. Imagine wearing a smart 4 or long 4 that smells like three-day old sweat. It does not feel good. Spraying your clothes with fabric refresher will keep them smelling nice and feeling fresh, even if you haven’t washed them in days. It also has anti-bacterial qualities, so your clothes do actually get cleaner, even if slightly. Go ahead and spray it on anything else that starts to stink—your socks, your bed, your field pack.

3. Bring a portable charger in with you

Gone are the days when NS boys needed to get a no-camera phone for NS, which usually came with a longer battery life. These days, you can bring your smartphones in, and we all know how weak the battery life can be. Unlike in the outside world where you can conveniently stick your charger into an outlet and charge your phone whenever, you don’t get this luxury in NS. You won’t be allowed to use the wall sockets in camp (Tekong) to charge your phones. Officers and sergeants have shared that there’s limited electrical power in Tekong, so it’s to prevent the island from possible power shortage. So it’s best to bring additional battery packs or a portable charger to power your phone and keep you in contact with your loved ones on the outside.

4. You can never have too much black tape

Buy and bring as much black tape as you want into camp because in the army, there’s no such thing as too much black tape. Whatever the amount of black tape SAF is providing you, buy more, because you’ll need it. Black tape is one of the handiest, most multi-functional tools you can have with you in the army. If anything breaks or tears, that’s your solution. Glasses broken? Black tape. Sandals snapped? Black tape. They also come in very handy during marches. When out on a march, one way to make your field pack feel lighter is to tighten all the adjustable straps all the way. To keep the straps from dangling off and slapping you as you march, fold them up and tape them up with black tape.

5. Bring plenty of coins

Bring plenty of coins into camp. Collect whatever coins you have lying around your room or loose change your family members want to offload, and take them into camp with you. After being in the sun all day, there’s nothing like downing a refreshing, ice cold drink. You’ll be able to get your hands on these at the vending machines in camp.

6. Bring more hangers—especially those with clips

While fabric refreshers, powder, and deodorant are great for keeping your clothes smelling and feeling relatively fresh, nothing beats putting on some clothes that are actually clean. Given your limited personal area, and the strict rule that you have to keep it neat and tidy, drying your laundry can be a pain without the right tools. Having plenty of hangers means you can hang all your clothes neatly, without taking up too much space. If you can, bring in hangers that come with clips; they’re great for small items like socks and underwear. Also, use a marker to mark all your hangers. This will help you distinguish your own clothes from the rest because it’s not uncommon for NSFs’ clothes—admin tees, admin shorts, pants—to get mixed up and for pieces to go missing.

7. Go in with a good attitude and an open mind

When it comes to BMT, attitude makes all the difference. There will be tough times. The training and going outfield can all be tough. But try going into all these things with an open mind, free of preconceived notions. You’ll be surprised by how much better the experience will be.

8. Love your mates because they will be your friends for a lifetime

Image Credit: Yeo Khee
NS is the time you make mates that are for life. Many of us have made friendships in there that are still going strong to this day. After seeing each other every day and enduring tough times together, you forge a bond you truly can’t find elsewhere. Love your mates and don’t take lightly the relationships you make in the army. You never know how long these guys will stick around in your life.

9. Don't spend all your money during your time in NS 

Image Credit: Giphy
Being in camp all week, virtually everything you need is provided for. That means it’s actually the best time to save money for more important or necessary things in the future, like a driver’s license, a laptop, or even a house, further down the line. From an old NSmen to a young NSF, one of the things we wish we had done more of was save the money we made while in NS. Partying a little less hard could have done our bank accounts a world of good. With that, our final tip is to save at least some money during your 2 years of NS. You never know when you’ll need it. These days, it is easier for NSFs to save money and grow their savings with POSB Save As You Serve (SAYS).

POSB SAYS

This savings programme is the only initiative in Singapore that is designed specifically for NSFs. It consists of a POSB Save As You Earn (SAYE) savings account which allows you to earn 2% p.a. interest on your monthly savings, AND your choice of having the SAFRA DBS or HomeTeamNS-PAssion-POSB Debit Cards to enjoy 2% cash rebate on contactless MasterCard® transactions! Here’s how: Step 1: Choose a debiting POSB/DBS account to be linked to your POSB Save As You Earn (SAYE) Account Step 2: Open a POSB SAYE Account
  • Save any amount monthly (min. of S$50)
  • Pick your preferred date for the savings to be credited into the POSB SAYE Account
Step 3: Chill and watch your monthly savings grow. And if you’re keen to enjoy the additional benefits that come with the debit cards, Step 4: Apply for a SAFRA DBS or HomeTeamNS-PAssion-POSB Debit Card, and enjoy access to SAFRA or HomeTeamNS facilities. Plus, exclusive privileges at over 3,000 merchants islandwide! For a limited time only, sign up for POSB SAYS and get up to S$74 worth of rewards, including a pair of Shaw Theatres IMAX® movie vouchers worth S$44, and up to S$30 cashback (promo T&Cs apply). So the next time you book out, you can reward yourself with a treat to the next blockbuster at Shaw Theatres IMAX®! What’s more, look out for special monthly deals in celebration of POSB’s 140th anniversary and NS50 from now till November!

<a href=" Out More About POSB Save As You Serve Here!

This post was brought to you by POSB.
When you step into the working world, you’ll realise that you’d see your bosses and colleagues more than your family and friends. And with most of your waking hours spent at work, what you do at work makes a big difference to your daily well-being and mental health. While you probably want to be doing something you enjoy yet pays you enough to survive, there are other deal-breakers to look out for in a job. No matter how much you love what you do or how chummy you are with your colleagues, you'll still go nuts if you have a micro-manager nitpicking every single piece of your work, or a perpetually PMS-ey boss who lashes out at you for no particular reason. For the lucky ones, everything has been smooth-sailing. But for most of us, we’ve had to suck it up with difficult bosses at some point of our working lives. We reached out to some Singapore millennials on the most terrible experiences they have had with bosses. Here are their horror stories. *Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

1. “They made staff pay for 'errors', and spread rumours”

They’d ask staff to compensate monetarily for errors, even if it's not exactly the staff's fault. For example, if we had to spend more for a project than we initially budgeted for because client expected more or a vendor increased their charges, we have to pay that amount ourselves. It's also worth noting that we weren't getting any allowance, neither were we get commission for any sales closed or project done. More often than not, these are small amounts that the company can cover without making a loss. The bosses cut down money on a lot of things to save money for the company, are very stingy in pay increment, and they’d even cut the pay of part-timers. Yet, they were able to buy new branded cars themselves - although not directly linked, this didn't reflect well on their generosity towards staff. I was getting a form of non-monetary benefit as part of my remuneration package. Back then, my boss promised me that if that benefit happened to be removed, I’d get a pay increment of $200 - $300. When that benefit got removed because a colleague found out about it and made noise, my boss said that he never mentioned the pay increment. To that, I said to him, “you said that you remember (about the benefit when we started talking about this) earlier!” To which he replied, “I changed my mind.” When I resigned, there were rumours about my resignation and the disagreements between the boss and me spreading in the office. To regain the trust of the staff in them, my bosses started spreading fake stories about me after I left. They told the whole company about me being ungrateful to them and stealing their clients, making themselves look like the 'victim'. They even told my ex-colleagues not to be friends with me because I was no longer a friend of theirs and the company. I knew about it because I was close with my ex-colleagues and they told me. – Charlene, 28, Events
Image Credit: CUHK Business School

2. “She didn’t let me mingle with colleagues, and didn’t want to pay me”

I wasn’t too keen on settling on this job but I was kind of pressured into it. The boss seemed to really need someone and I decided to help. She wanted me to sign the contract on the day of the interview, but I requested time to consider. I eventually agreed the next day. The moment I entered, I was clearing so many backlog from the previous staff, such as re-organising all my boss' documents and tidying her office, which were all in a big mess. Admittedly, the load wasn't too unmanageable. However, I did make mistakes as a newcomer. One of my daily tasks was to send reminder texts to consultants who had sessions with my boss that day, even though they already knew their schedules with the boss. Once, I missed out one of the consultants, and my boss started making snide remarks at me, like how my focus seem to be on dance and not on work. I do admit to the few blunders I made during my first few days on the job, but I was honestly doing my best to fulfill her expectations. Those personal remarks really weren’t necessary. Furthermore, the mistakes didn't result in anything major. I also learnt from my colleague that my boss was already intending to replace me, even on my first few days there. Moving forward, things didn’t get better. I wasn’t allowed to mingle with colleagues from other departments. As a HR and PA, I had access to my boss’ schedule and other personal details, so she feared that it’d be a conflict of interest for me to hang out with others in the company. The ‘best part’ came when she told me about a work trip she was going on. She believed that when she was away, I would have nothing to do, and she wasn’t willing to pay me for that. She said that since I was under probation, she wouldn’t need me around anyway. Nowhere in the contract was it stated that this could be done. That was the last straw. I wasn’t going to sit around and be treated like trash, so I told her that I quit. – Shi Min, 26, HR and PA

3. “He 'spoils' the machines and keeps quiet about it”

We often have to do maintenance in the engineering line. Whenever that happens, this supervisor would go around meddling with tools and will seem to be physically working on various equipment. But it’s obvious to everyone in the department that he does that to put on a show that he is "helping". He'll then sit in front of the computer for the entire day, and nobody knows what he actually does. He has very ‘itchy hands’ and will try to modify our machines to make them work more efficiently. But if the machines stop working after his ‘modification’, he will just return to his office quietly, leaving us to figure out what happened to the machines. Most of the time he makes our work tougher than it should be, as we often end up spending half our day fixing his ‘modification’. We couldn't question him either, because he will just reply with a lot of rubbish to shut us up. He'll criticise others before acknowledging his own mistakes. He’s a typical ‘all talk, no action’ character. As a supervisor and boss, you should lead by example and not be irresponsible like this. – Aaron, 25, Engineering

4. "She insisted that she's a good friend and boss but messed with my private life"

I was about 4 months old with the hotel and she was my new marketing manager who came aboard when I was on a holiday trip. We were initially on very good terms and bonded well as we were both from girls school. She was very nice and we were close friends. Then, she started becoming very bossy and bitchy. She'd mentally torture me by making complaints to my GM that I was rude to her (I shouted at her), adding that I wasn't producing quality work and insisted on getting me fired or even hiring a more suitable intern to take over my role (note that I was at an executive level). She made me do all her dirty work and would claim credit whenever opportunity arose. But all these are still not the main point. Throughout this whole ordeal, she insisted that she's a really good friend. However, she had probed into and meddled with my personal life and not in a good way (so much that I had to block her on Facebook). I had the misfortune of introducing her to my then boyfriend's mother when we bumped into each other on our work trip. She went to the extent of badmouthing me behind my back to my then boyfriend's mother, accusing me of being rude, lazy, irresponsible and very difficult to work with. I loved my job and the people there, but she made me give it all up. When I tendered, she was exceptionally nice to me when I was serving notice. Then on my very last day, she gave me hell, releasing her anger on me because she haven't found someone to take over me. It was so bad, my HR in-charge stepped in and stood up for me. And it didn't just stop when I left. She still had the balls to message and invite my then boyfriend's mother to her housewarming party. – Elly, 27, Hospitality and Tourism Marketing

5.“I was was paid peanuts to be a one-man show”

I worked as a marketing executive, managing branding and promotions for a new cafe chain. However, I ended up being a one-man show who does opening and closing, washing the cups, mopping the floor, handling renovation works, hire part-timers, order ingredients, and was also the cashier, barista and overall F&B manager. As a fresh grad then, I was very eager and willing to learn. My boss had a way with manipulating that mindset, making everything seem like it was part of my job. Whenever he suddenly needed something, he will just throw me in to get it done. When he hired a chef, he made me go through and learn all the F&B SOPs together with the chef. Overtime, it became clear that he only cared about the success of the cafe. He never bothered about welfare. Every time he appeared, he'll only ask about the sales for that day, or whether I've picked up latte art yet. When I resigned, I didn’t even have time to go back to office to pack my things, I was still stuck in the cafe all day. Bear in mind that I was literally doing everything but only getting paid for the marketing executive job that I signed up for.” – Shirlyn, 28, Marketing and Branding
Credit: Hackernoon
If you are fortunate enough to not have experience any of such office nightmares, good for you! And if you have, we’re with you. Perhaps you can even share your tales with us – just don’t get yourself into any trouble! Also read, 10 Brutal Punishments We Suffered As Kids – As Told By Singaporeans. (Top Image Credit: Quick and Dirty Tips)
Figuring out my sexuality was a struggle. As most LGBTQ will attest, there are no surefire signs, no criteria, no checkboxes you can go through to determine whether or not you’re it. The only way to figure it out is to live your life, feel what you feel, and eventually, piece it all together—at least that’s how it happened for me.

Just A Phase?

Growing up, I was always a tomboy. I went to an all girls’ primary school and my schoolmates would often tease me and make fun of me for it. At the time, I thought nothing of it. When I was 10, I became really close to a girl. We were best friends in school and would hang out together all the time. I felt like I liked her more than just a friend. But of course, at that age, I didn’t understand it. Thereafter, I had some innocent crushes on girls as a pre-teen and teenager, but I didn’t think too much of that either. As I was trying to understand why I had such feelings, I spoke to my mum and siblings about these girl crushes. We all believed it was a phase I would eventually grow out of. As I grew older, I had my fair share of guy friends, but I never liked them as more than just bros. And as time went by, I gradually realized that I was different.
Sam Koh

Keeping A Part Of Me A Secret

It was a very different time back when I thought I might be gay. It wasn’t a big social issue. There was very little talk about sexuality in the media and in society, and not many people were gay—at least, not that I was aware of. I didn’t personally know anyone who was gay. Because it seemed so rare back then, I worried constantly about how people would perceive me and treat me if they found out I was gay. I was also afraid of how it would affect the people around me; I was scared that people would treat the ones close to me differently because of their friendship with me. As a teenager, whenever I went to church, I felt like I had to change. I tried to change, tried to feel differently. And when I couldn’t, I buried my feelings and kept them to myself. When nothing worked, I got upset with myself. I was angry that I didn’t change. Now, I realise it’s because I couldn’t. This is just the way I am. Being gay and having no one to talk to about it, it was tough, trying to make sense of how I felt and why I felt that way. I avoided thinking about it, and when I did share my struggles with those who accepted me for who I am, it felt like no one truly understood. For a long time, I felt alone and wished I knew someone who shared the same difficulties and challenges as me. Eventually, after a long and hard struggle with myself, I came to terms with the fact that I was “different”. I knew there was no running away from me.

Loved, Supported, And It Meant Everything

My mum and siblings were the first few people I came out to. It wasn’t a complete surprise to them, considering that I spoke to them about the girl crushes I had in the past. It was my dad I was more afraid to tell, because he’s a bit sterner. It took me a while longer, but eventually, I summoned up the courage to come out to him when I was 24 or 25. I still remember how scared and nervous I was up to the point I actually said the words to him. In the weeks that followed, I could tell that he was trying his best to understand it – to understand why I was this way. I felt bad that I, too, couldn’t explain how this happened.

Not Everyone Understands

Even though the people that matter most to me accepted me for who I was, not everyone received the news well. I’ve had my fair share of nasty reactions from friends and even complete strangers on the street. In fact, just recently, when I was out shopping at a mall, the mother of a little girl followed me just to tell me how offensive and gross it was that I didn’t ‘dress like a girl’ or have long hair. She wanted me to apologise for scaring her daughter with my ‘lesbian appearance’. Apparently, the little girl had asked her mum why my hair was so short. It wasn’t about how I looked or how I behaved; my hair alone was enough reason for her to come up to me to confront me. I ignored her remarks and tried to get away, but she followed me and made harsh remarks about my lifestyle, saying things like, “I don't care about how you choose to live your life but say sorry for confusing my daughter and making her scared.” Dirty looks from strangers are normal for me. So are harsh words from the people around. Even though I’m proud of who I am, things like these sometimes still get to me.
Sam and her girlfriend, Roslyn

Still The Same Person, Regardless Of My Sexuality

Accepted or not, it was good to get everything off my chest; coming to terms with who I was and being able to say it out loud to the people I love liberated me. Those who stuck around realised that beyond the label of ‘lesbian’, I was still the same person with the same heart and character. I am still the same Sam Koh, regardless of who I fall in love with. I’m 29 years old, a barista at my own café and I’m also happily attached to my partner Roslyn. We’ve been together for about 8 months now, and I’ve never been happier. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for some of the people I know who have been forced to stay in the closet and to put up a front all their lives because their families do not approve. Everyday, I know how fortunate I am to have people around me who accept me exactly as I am. I am more than grateful for a family who lets me figure out my life on my own.

LGBT In Singapore

Being lesbian has definitely left me feeling lonely and excluded at times. Still, I wouldn’t wish away the things I’ve experienced and the fact that I’m gay. I, and the LGBTQ community, are not gay just because we want to be different. We’re not here to challenge heterosexuality. We’re not asking anyone to be gay. We just want to be accepted for who we are. At the end of the day, we are just regular human beings who want to be able to love who we love, free of condemnation. To have people frown upon your relationship is just like having parents who don’t approve of who you're dating, but worse. We have total strangers disapproving of our choices too. It’s frustrating. Thankfully, times are changing and so are attitudes. Still, there is more to be done. I hope one day, people will be more open and accepting. I hope one day, people will see beyond the labels and the prejudice, and realise that all we want is the freedom to love. - To show our support for the freedom to love, we will be publishing stories under our new series My Sexuality, My Right. In it, we share the journeys of Singaporeans who are fighting for their right to love, and who embrace their LGBTQ identity. Also read, Sexual Harassment Not That Unusual – S’porean Girls Reveal Their Nasty Encounters With Perverts.
Singapore is known for being one of the safest countries in the world. However, nothing (or no place) is perfect. Like the tag line we all know by heart, low crime doesn’t mean no crime. While countries like the US are rife with stories of everyday instances of sexual harassment, this is not all that unusual closer to home, right here in Singapore; we just don't hear about them as often. Enter the cheekopek (pervert). We see stories of cheekopeks on our news feeds every so often. Recently, a female NUS graduate was sentenced to jail for <a href=" unsuspecting victims in a gym’s changing room. There was also the instance of a man trying to film a woman secretly on the MRT. While some cases make the news and make headlines, many other instances of sexual harassment go unreported and are left untold. We reached out to Singaporeans and asked if they've ever had a run-in with a cheekopek and we were surprised by the response. Only 3 of the 21 people asked said they had never had such an experience. With the promise of  anonymity, here are some of the personal accounts of people who've experienced or seen sexual harassment first-hand. TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains information about sexual harassment which may be triggering or uncomfortable. 

"He was masturbating while taking photos of my lower body"

I was studying at one of the study tables at Jurong Library. There was a middle-aged man who looked a bit pai kia, sitting opposite me at another table. He kept his fanny pack on, took his time to fish out his mobile phone and put it on the table before opening a book to read with just one hand. No problem with that. But I looked up a few times and found it funny that he was reading his book upside down. A few minutes later, a library makcik tapped my shoulder and asked me to follow her. When we were out of earshot of that man, she told me, "I think you should move to another table." I asked why. She said, "The guy in front of you is using his other hand [to masturbate] and another phone to take pictures of your lower body." – T, 26

"He tried to take photos of me discreetly"

I was in the train on the way to work one morning and there was this guy sitting opposite me, holding up his phone in my direction. It wasn’t very crowded and I could clearly see the reflection of his phone on the train window – he was trying to take photos of me discreetly. I glared at him and he stopped. I wasn’t even wearing anything revealing, so it’s even more disgusting to think that I could be a target like this. – F, 25

"They took advantage of 'Free Hugs' and touched our breasts"

I was about 16. A group of us (guys and girls) were giving out free hugs at Orchard Road during Christmas eve – complete with our Christmas hats and big “Free Hugs!” placards. Back then, the crowds at Orchard Road on Christmas eve were overwhelming. There were policemen stationed along the streets for crowd control. There were even barricades to prevent people from spilling onto the roads. We were all having a lot of fun. Then there was this group of men who came up for our free hugs and photos. But when these men posed for the photos, they put their arms tightly around me and they had their hands on the sides of my breasts. It really sickened me that they were taking advantage of this jolly occasion to molest me. It was extremely packed then, so nobody could really see what we were each doing. I shook it off as we were there to have fun. It was only after we started talking about our experiences on the way home that we realised it wasn’t just me, but all the girls in the group had been molested by that same group of men. It's just a disgusting thought and I felt quite ‘dirty’ from that experience. – E, 26

"I saw the Bishan Gay smirking as he eyed a boy up and down"

A few years ago, I always took a certain bus to Bishan and I saw the <a href=" Gay on the bus quite often. He always gave off this suspicious vibe. He liked to sit near the entrance of the bus and check out whoever's boarding. He’d outrightly eye his targets from top to toe and smirk. I often saw him recording his targets on his phone too. There was this one time when I was standing facing the exit doors of the bus, and there was a lower secondary school boy in front of me – the Bishan Gay seemed to have a thing for lower secondary boys, maybe because they wear short pants. Nearing one of the bus stops, the Bishan Gay walked up to that exit door, smirking at the boy as he did so. When he stepped out, he just stood there facing us, smirking while eyeing the secondary school boy up and down. He stared at the boy all the way, even when the doors closed and the bus drove off. It was so creepy and I felt sorry for that boy. – J, 21

"We were stalked by a guy for a long time"

A girl friend and I were walking home and we noticed this guy following us. We got nervous as we were still quite far away from home and it was late at night. It became very obvious that he was stalking us, so we made our way to this mama shop nearby. We made rounds in there hoping that we would shake him off, but no, he followed us out. By then, he had followed us for quite a long time and we were getting really scared. It was dark and there wasn’t anyone around. It wasn’t until we bumped into a guy friend and asked him to walk with us that the stalker went off. On hindsight, there was more that we could have done but back then, we just didn’t think of it. It was a scary experience. – M, 27

"My good 'friend' put his hands up my pants when I was vulnerable"

I’ve had a few personal encounters. I was molested twice at an event, both times by foreigners. It happened really quickly and both guys touched my butt. I didn't know how to react and they just laughed it off. Some of my guy friends said, "Aiyo, it's normal for angmoh [to do this] one la.” However, it really doesn’t feel good to be molested at all, much less have my concerns be brushed away because ‘it’s normal’. I was also touched by my own ‘friend’ before. I went through a terrible break up and my good friend, who happened to be a guy, offered to be a listening ear. Since I saw him as a good friend and really needed to talk to someone about it, I headed over to his hostel to look for him. I cried a lot and got very tired. He asked me if I wanted to lie down to rest for awhile, and I did. As I was resting on the bed, I felt a hand going up my pants. I thought I was dreaming for awhile, then as I shifted my body, I heard him say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.” He had taken advantage of my vulnerability and tried to make a move on me physically. I didn't dare to share this with anyone because I was afraid people would think that I was at fault since I went over in the first place. – M, 25

"This weird uncle was pressing his genitals against my knee"

I was sitting at the seats on the bus facing the middle aisle, and this weird uncle was standing in front of me, facing me and pressing his genitals against my knee. The bus wasn’t even that crowded but he kept acting like someone behind him was pushing him towards me. I felt so violated. When I shifted, he adjusted his position and pretended nothing happened. There were a lot of people around but no one helped or said anything. If it were me today, I would have kicked him. – C, 28

"He whipped his d*ck out as I held the door for him"

I stay in a condo and once, when I was entering through the side gate to the estate, I held the door open for this guy whom I thought wanted to enter too. As I stood there and waited, he whipped out his d*ck suddenly and I was like, 'oh okay'. I just walked in and closed the gate, and I saw him scurrying away while zipping his pants. – R, 26

"He was brushing against my ass"

Earlier this year, I was in the train and it was a little crowded. As usual, everyone on the train was standing close to each other. Then at one point, I felt something brushing against my ass. I looked up and saw the reflection on the glass of the train door. This guy standing behind me was in a weird ‘leaning back with pelvis out’ kind of position, looking down, half smirking. I tried moving away, but he kept coming closer every time I did. I finally couldn’t take it and alighted at the next stop. When I stepped out of the train, I realised he had more than enough space behind him to move backwards, but he didn’t. This experience made me afraid to take the train for awhile really. I felt super disgusted and violated. I would have confronted him if I wasn’t too freaked out to react. – P, 24

"He pressed his boner against my butt and started grinding me"

Two years ago, there was a road block along the whole Orchard Road for a festival. Someone touched my butt and I thought it was by accident since it was so crowded. But this guy just kept moving closer to me and continued stroking my butt. Every time I moved away, he followed. At one point, he started pushing his body up against mine. I felt his boner pressed up against my butt, then he started grinding me. I felt so disgusted. I turned around and took a good look at him but he just had his eyes on the stage. My friend was so angry on my behalf and just kept glaring at him up and down. Then she pulled me to get the security on patrol. I told them what happened but by then, the guy was long gone. My friend was relentless though. She remembered what he wore and searched through the sea of people. We eventually found the pervert and called the police on him. It took a while for the whole thing to sink in – that I was physically harassed and molested. I always thought this kind of thing wouldn't happen to me. When I see ads from SPF saying not to stay silent about such matters, I'd think to myself that if it ever happened to me, I definitely would not let the guy go quietly. But when it really happened, it got me in a state of shock. I wasn’t traumatised but my mind just couldn’t comprehend what had happened. – S, 25

Be Careful

Not all men are sleazy and bad, of course. But given that it's not unusual to encounter a cheekopek here, we should all be more aware of our surroundings. Not many of us will know how to react when caught in this unfortunate position ourselves, so next time you notice someone being harassed or targeted by a pervert, do your part and help them out! And to those who’ve been a victim of these cheekopeks, we’re with you. Also read I Became A Dad At 22 – Our Parents Opposed But We Kept The Baby
As we edge into our twenties, we begin to accept the fact that we are really no longer kids. Most of us would be either completing our studies or building up a career. It’s scary to even think of having a baby ourselves. Being a parent is no easy feat. It's even tougher when you're young and hadn't planned to be one yet. We often hear about the trials and tribulations from girls who went through teenage pregnancy, or from being a young mother. However, rarely do we get to hear from the dads who’ve stuck by the ladies through such situations. This Father’s Day, we reached out to 29-year-old Charles John (CJ). This is his story of being a young father to a child out of wedlock.

Getting 'Caught In A Situation'

CJ and Mieko when they were dating
Back then, I had been dating my girlfriend, Mieko, for 2 years. We both used to smoke and drink a lot, but one day she just couldn’t stand the smell of smoke anymore. That was when we suspected that she could be pregnant. Furthermore, she had missed her period for one and a half months. It was only after a pregnancy test kit from 7-11 and a visit to polyclinic later that our suspicions were confirmed. Mieko was pregnant. I was going to be a father.

Her Parents Gave An Ultimatum

I was shocked, of course. A part of me was in panic mode because we were young and not married. But at the same time, I was happy and excited that we were going to have our own flesh and blood. We didn't have big doubts on keeping the baby because we felt it was only right to, but our parents didn’t take it very well. When Mieko told her parents, they gave her an ultimatum to abort the baby or be thrown out of the house. We both struggled with the decision to abort after that. But after seeing the first ultrasound at the hospital – we just couldn’t bear to abort. Even after Mieko told her parents, I struggled to break the news to mine. Mieko eventually texted my mother about it and my mother was shocked. She reasoned that life would be difficult as we were financially very unstable. To add on to the stress we were facing, she is also a practicing Catholic so she wanted Mieko and I to get married before our baby was born. However, Mieko was only 18 and considered a minor so she needed consent from her parents for marriage. Her parents did not approve since Mieko was still very young. We eventually waited till she was 21 and got married.
CJ and Mieko getting married

Harsh Realities

Mieko was only 18 then and working part-time while doing her diploma. I was 22 and just started my first full-time job at Keppel shipyard. Reality hit that we weren’t financially stable to support ourselves, much less bring a child up. My worries were mainly the financial aspects, but this can be worked on. On the negative thoughts people may have of me, I think nobody dared to say negative things to me directly. But I can’t deny that there were sentiments that bothered me slightly. I just ignored it and concentrated on our happiness.

Making The Decision

CJ with his family
Despite everything, Mieko and I decided to keep the baby. We are Roman Catholics and it is against our religion to abort a baby because we believe that every child is a gift from God. We also felt that this would be a new and interesting chapter of our lives together that will better us in our lifestyles, making us more responsible adults.

No Longer Young And Wild

There were definitely many things that we had to change. Before, we would spend freely without thinking. I’d spend a lot on things like cigarettes and alcohol, and go clubbing every week. When Dayna happened, I stayed home more often so I could save more money. I told myself that I’d never allow myself to go ‘bankrupt’ ever again. We've been thriftier. We don’t go clubbing often anymore. Even when we do, it’s probably once in a few months. Our entire paycheck now goes towards daily necessities, bills, and our kids. Compared to our younger, wilder days, we now meet up with friends over meals or they would come over to our place. We’d just chill at night after the girls have gone to sleep and maybe have a few drinks to relax. As a person, I became much more patient. Instead of letting my temper get the better of me, I’ve learnt to take a breath and keep my cool.

Being A Father Is Rewarding

CJ and his family today
Becoming a father in an unplanned pregnancy and before marriage has its challenges. There were many things that I had to change – it’s no longer a care-free lifestyle where I can do whatever I wanted. If my baby girls cried for food in the middle of the night, I'd wake up to feed them. My priority is now my girls. And it’s all worth it when I see them smiling and laughing back at me. As a father, that’s also the most rewarding part – to see your children happy.

Don’t Regret Your Decisions

If there are friends who find themselves in the same position as I was, I’d say, “Whatever it is, if you have a strong feeling on a decision and feel that it’s right, just go for it. Don’t follow people’s decisions and regret on it later.” Also read These 14 Heartwarming Stories Show That A Mother’s Love Is Like No Other.