On January 11, an uproar occurred over remarks by the DJs of radio station Kiss 92 FM when they joked that Chinese people get less sleep compared to Malays and Indians because they have <a href=" send their kids to school and leave early for work" while Malays and Indians <a href=" less and go out and party". To me, that sounded like Malays and Indians lead a much better life compared to us Chinese but jokes aside, this insinuates that the minority races are lazy and unwilling to work, and naturally, it drew a chorus of outrage from Malays and Indians alike on social media. Of course, a quick scroll through the comments revealed that some still thought the outrage was ridiculous and all part of the stupid PC culture propagated by Western lib-tards, and that the minority in Singapore has been spoilt.

Not the first time, not the last

Such an incident is reflective of the underlying social framework which privileges Chinese culture over all other races in Singapore. This isn't the first time it's happened and it certainly won't be the last. There was the blackface controversy on Toggle last year, along with the tasteless video by theSmartLocal where they tried Indian food as if it were the food of an uncontacted tribe. Let's not forget one of the most egregious incidents by the <a href=" themselves 2 years ago, when the playing of music got banned at Thaipusam festivals, complete with the flimsy reasoning that lions dances are allowed because they are "often held during social, community events" and are "non-religious", while "the risk of incidents is considered to be higher" for Thaipusam. It speaks volumes that the Chinese lion dance has achieved the vaunted secular status of "non-religious" while the Thaipusam foot procession is deemed to carry significant risk, and must therefore be devoid of music. Shanmugam even adds that "<a href=" Hindus are actually in a privileged position. There are many other religious groups which have asked to be allowed to hold foot processions. These appeals have generally been rejected." Come on man, we tolerate the long Buddhist and Taoist chantings of Chinese funerals and the raucous drummings of Malay-Muslim weddings at our void decks. I don't see why we can't do the same for Thaipusam. Unless those two things are also somehow "non-religious", which is just ridiculous.

Roots of Chinese Privilege

Several articles have been written on the topic of Chinese privilege, including those by Cher Tan on VICE news, Hydar Saharudin on <a href=" Mandala  and <a href=" Thanapal's interview with Adeline Koh on b2o - the place where the term 'Chinese Privilege' was first coined. All three are unanimous in stating that the PAP played a large part in this entrenchment of Chinese culture as superior. After all, Lee Kuan Yew's definition of Asian values was essentially Confucian values. On top of that, there is LKY's statement that: "Anybody who decides to take me on needs to put on knuckle-dusters. If you think you can hurt me more than I can hurt you, try. There is no way you can govern a Chinese society." Most of us probably remember this sentence as emblematic of his confrontational approach in dealing with his political opponents but what is also worth noting here is his use of 'Chinese society'. Much of Singapore's national consciousness is conceptualized as a primarily Chinese consciousness, with a smattering and sprinkling of Indian and Malay-Muslim bits here and there. We have our Special Assistance Plan (SAP) schools with their sprawling social networks and predominant emphasis on Chinese culture, which usually also happens to be where many of our ministers also come from. There is the 'Speak Mandarin Campaign' because China will supposedly overtake the US any minute now. I doubt there will ever be a 'Speak Malay' or 'Speak Tamil' campaign, on the grounds that there is little economic use for such languages given our state's pragmatism-driven mentality. This limits the space for such languages to the public space at arts festivals and the domestic sphere. Further back in time, there was also the liberalisation of immigration policies for people of East Asian origin <a href=" Chinese birth rates fell below those of Indian and Malay in 1989, which happened in order to maintain Singapore's racial balance. There was also the disturbing <a href=" incentive of $10,000 for women without O levels below 30 years of age who already had 1 or 2 children. This doubly impacted our racial minorities as education levels have always been the highest among the Chinese, thanks to the SAP schools. And finally, who can forget the criticisms and stereotypes leveled at Malays that plagued the 90s and 00s: Malay students did not do as well because their cultures lent themselves to laziness, hence the need for Singapore to adopt a primarily Chinese work ethic. All in all, far from being the multi-religious CMIO, in Singapore, it has always been Cmio - with a Capital C. The next question then, is how do we make the Chinese majority aware of this? I personally think it will be extremely challenging, in no small part because the majority is always disinclined to listen to the minority... Because we can afford to.

Coming to understand my privilege

I will admit, I was completely clueless to any of these concepts or of my privilege until I spent 6 months in the US in the first half of 2015. No, it did not stem from the feeling of being a minority in the West - when you spend 6 months in a country on exchange, it's still a very long holiday and you are still primarily a student-tourist. Neither did it come from spending my secondary school years in a typical neighbourhood school, where I was constantly in contact with students from minority groups. Instead, I only became aware of it when I took a class on African-American authors. It was kind of a Social Studies class on African-American history and society, since the days of slavery. Much was made about the constant belittling of black culture by various white politicians, the structural faults of the political system that discriminated against them and even the internalization of their own stereotypes which gave rise to the perception within their own  black community that a hardworking black person was essentially a white person with black skin. Since most of the students in that class were black, class discussions were often lively and vivid with examples of annoying and exhausting micro-aggressions they faced on a regular basis. One of them shared, "In high school, once slavery and segregation is brought up, everyone turns to look at me." And then, LKY passed away and there was much mourning back in Singapore, along with the publishing of his many statements. As I looked through the things he said, a sense of unease grew within me as I realised many of the statements he had made as the basis of his policies bore striking resemblance to what many of my African-American classmates were calling out their politicians for. One example is the aforementioned 'Chinese society' statement. And then there was this: “We could not have held the society together if we had not made adjustments to the system that gives the Malays, although they are not as hardworking and capable as the other races, a fair share of the cake”. And this: "<a href=" neighbors both have problems with their Chinese. They are successful. They are hard working and, therefore, they are systematically marginalized." In fairness to the first statement, LKY apologized about this afterwards, but since the lazy Malay stereotype had gone out, the damage was done. With regards to the second statement, my first thought was the model minority stereotype of Asians propagated in the US. In a sense, this sentence effectively buys into that rhetoric. In SE Asia however, this sentence had the dual effect of elevating the superiority of Chinese culture while putting down other regional cultures. Taken in conjunction with the first statement, there is little wonder Chinese culture has been touted the cornerstone of our state's success. The problem is that being part of the Chinese majority in Singapore makes us blind to these problems because these are problems that only affect the people lying on the edges of our national consciousness. That, however, doesn't make it less real to those who suffer them, and if anything, it is an issue that has the potential to unravel our "multi-racial", "multi-religious" country if not adequately addressed. The way I see it, there are only two ways out of this: either through education at the school level or through larger minority representation in our arts and culture scene. Thankfully, within our arts scene, there are already prominent voices who do a fantastic job of bringing out the voices of their respective groups such as Alfian Sa'at for Malays and Pooja Nansi and Marc Nair for Indians, to name a few. Also few things on Facebook are as entertaining as watching them, especially in the case of Alfian Sa'at, eviscerating some of the stupider moments of racism in Singapore and calling out problematic statements by our ministers. With regards to education, the problem is much more critical. A change to the syllabus is needed, along with a redefinition of the whole point of that totally-not-a-means-of-social-engineering Character and Citizenship Education. An hour spent illustrating why Chinese, Malay and Indian kids have different headstarts in life is infinitely more useful in raising awareness and stamping out long-running stereotypes than that useless 好公民 textbook that only tells us to do our homework, greet our teacher and obey our parents. <a href=" Image Credit

It’s throwback time! Let’s wind the clock back, all the way to our primary school years. Remember how you’d observe the P6s - how tall and old and worldly they seemed. Or even peering at our seniors as a lowly Sec 1 kid, having just lost your place as top dog in the school. Now that you think about it, they were a mere three years older but it still seemed ages away. Growing up, we’d plot our futures - financially independent with a house… married with your first kid… I for one, definitely wanted a dog. We’d have it all together. And we’d do it by the distant, arbitrary age of... let's say 27. Now, fast forward to present day. Whether you’ve just hit the big 2-1 or are edging toward the dreaded realm of the mid-twenties, suddenly 27 doesn’t seem so far away.  And suddenly, you realise you’re not going to wake up one day and be an adult. Things aren’t going to magically fall into place. In fact, you have no idea what you’re doing.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

It’s an interview question staple. And if it’s not 5 years, it’s 10. Having grand vision for ourselves indicates ambition, drive, a sense of self and what we want out of life. It’s been drummed into us that we need to know where we’re headed and a timeline to our eventual success. We need a master plan - or so society claims. There are benchmarks we need to meet - the steady relationship (let’s not even discuss the impending CNY doom a.k.a interrogation about our love lives), the dream job, a flourishing family. And if you haven’t checked these boxes, well… you done f#*ked up, haven’t you? The pressure to be perfect is intense - it’s okay if you crack a little. This isn’t even factoring in our obsessively curated social media feeds, just another method in which we stack ourselves up against the flawless and highly photogenic lives of family and friends. While we’re so busy trying to plan our lives down to the minute details, we forget that sometimes there are elements of life that are simply beyond our control. As the (instagram sourced) saying goes - life happens; coffee helps.

Failing forward

We’re all scared of failure, and rightly so. No one wants to go after something only to fall short. But when we equate something not going right as outright failure, we’re telling ourselves it’s all essentially wasted time. We believe that settling into a particular university course will dictate our career for the next 40 years - never mind that we had to pick our degrees fresh out of JC knowing very little of ourselves and the world. God forbid we swap majors or deviate from the career path it sets out for us. Or if a long term relationship ends, the fact that it didn’t end in marriage makes it a failure as well. In doing so, we end up negating all the things we’ve learned along the way. Through trying a bunch of things and changing your mind every now and again, you’re not wasting time, you’re getting to know yourself a little better. Life is a series of trial and error, and what you’re doing is learning.

People change

So now that we’ve established that feeling a little lost does NOT make you a failure, here’s something else to chew on. If you’re wondering what the heck you’re doing with your life, perhaps it means you’re in a sort of limbo. Maybe you’re in the process of realising what you once wanted for yourself no longer holds true now. Give yourself permission to be fluid and flexible. People change, circumstances change and so will your ambitions. Here’s why not knowing is a good thing - you channel it into fuel and let it feed your drive. Because no one ever really has it all figured out, and operating under the illusion that you do and you have your path laid out before you kills that hunger.

What do you want?

Screw knowing what you’re going to do with your life - it’s time to tweak this existential spiral of question. Think about what you’re doing today instead. It’s great to have a clear plan and an end goal in mind but if you don’t, well that’s just fine too. And the best bet to give yourself one is taking baby steps. Ask yourself “what do I want” - not some grand, hazy notion to come to pass in 30 years time, but in everyday things. What interests you? Who are the important people in your life? What do you like about yourself? What are things you might want to change? A little bit of introspection never hurt anyone. Explore how your values govern how you make decisions. The core truths will emerge, the ones that will carry you through career changes, relationship upsets and low key existential crises. So f#*k not knowing what the f#*k you’re doing with your life, because life will always be plagued with some element of uncertainty. Work on yourself instead, because security in who you are is one of the best navigational tools in your arsenal. Top Image Credit

"Remember Sodom and Gomorrah? And how they were punished because the people were so sinful?" "Of course. Cities of gays and fags. The result of Pink Dot succeeding." There is some laughter around the table. This is during a cell group meeting. I attempt to interject. "Well, they were rapists. You cannot overlook the fact that they wanted to gang rape the two visitors - who were actually angels - in Lot's house." "Yeah, but the rape is secondary. The angels were disguised as men and they wanted to rape the men. So the main reason is because they were a bunch of homos." Another cell member adds, "Actually, I think the real issue here is why Lot offered his two daughters to the gang-rapists..." and the discussion shifts towards this statement in which it is much more obvious why it is problematic. I am still listening, but I sigh inwardly. Such an episode is just one of the many instances in which I've come face-to-face with the hidden strand of virulent homophobia running within my church. I say hidden because my church does not openly promote an anti-LGBT campaign like Pastor Lawrence Khong of Faith Community Baptist Church; rather, LGBT issues are rarely spoken of in my church. Nevertheless, it occasionally bubbles up, revealing an image of simmering, virulent hate. Now and then, there are those few sentences in the sermon where LGBT rights gets lumped in with ISIS and Syria as the moral challenges faced by Christians today. There are the moments during cell group or Bible Study where homosexuals are unanimously denounced as those who will "go to hell" because "it is stated as a sin in the Bible". There are the snatches of gossip among my peers in church about finding the son of a prominent church member on Jack'd (a dating app for gays) while they were browsing it to see "how f***ed up it was". And inevitably, whenever Pink Dot rolls around for its weekend in June, half the church shows up on Sunday dressed like MPs, with the affirmation by the worship leader that "it is good to see where our church stands". It goes without saying that such moments make me uncomfortable. Not because I am a deviant destined for hell, but because of the ease with which a community of otherwise friendly people can turn into furious church militants, baying for condemnation, just on the subject of a person's sexual orientation. There are fellow church-goers I have talked to whom, for all of their dedication organizing church activities and running Sunday School for children, have spoken unblinkingly about playing a part in bullying classmates who were perceived as gay back in school - and who could laugh about it. One of them even declared, "If I found out my son was gay, I would beat the gay out of him. Seriously, having a gay son means you have completely failed as a parent." I tried asking one of the pastors later, "Surely there are LGBT people who are Christian too. Isn't it unfair to think that they will be condemned for it?" To which he replied, "If they are Christian, they must give up their deviant lifestyle and be straight again. If not, they cannot have their salvation." I still go to church. It is difficult to stop when your family attends it as well, and your father holds a prominent position within it to boot. Tongues will wag and gossip about a family member is by far one of the most damaging things for someone working in the church. Given that my father is the sole breadwinner of the family, the general anti-LGBT stance of the church, and the fact that I am the eldest son, there is a real fear that there will be disastrous consequences for my family if I come out or am ever discovered. Still, I consider myself fortunate. I have a handful of friends outside of church whom I've opened up to regarding my sexuality, and who give me great support and the space to really be myself. But the main reason, I suppose, for why I have managed to escape the more serious discrimination my gay friends face, is because I am bi.

Why being bi comes with a set of privileges in Singapore

At this point, it is essential to point out the differences between being gay and being bi. Much of the LGBT discourse here often conflates both sexualities and this often leads to misconceptions, even among the LGBT community. Some bizarre questions I have been asked by the friends I've come out to include: "How can you want to f**k a girl yet also wanna f**k a guy? Is that even possible?" "Does this mean your ideal sex is a threesome with a guy and a girl?" "So you can like, choose who you wanna get turned on by?" "Will you eventually decide on a single gender?" "Are you sure you're not just going through a 'gay' phase?" For a while, while I was still unsure, I said yes to that last question. But eventually, I realised that it was difficult to call it a "phase" since it's been going on since I reached adolescence a decade ago. I am attracted to both guys and girls. What else can I say? I exist in the spheres of heterosexuality and homosexuality simultaneously. And because of this, I have the privilege of being able to have a normative heterosexual relationship, while my gay peers are denied legality and status in their relationships. I will admit, there has been more than one occasion where I would use the hetero aspect of my sexuality to hide the homosexual aspect - i.e. putting on a "straight" front while catching up with my male friends, talking about a girl I genuinely found attractive, while appreciating how one of the guys served as great eye candy. The same goes for when I am in church. Some days, I feel my bisexuality is a blessing, but there are also days when I feel embarrassed and like I'm a sham. Sometimes, I wonder if it is even accurate to say that I can identify with the LGBT crowd. As one of my gay friends bluntly put it, I have an "escape option" within our conservative society, and it wasn't without a tinge of envy that he said it. "You can choose not to come out you know? Especially if you get into a relationship with a girl." It was a statement that made me very uncomfortable. For in a sense, it was true; on the surface, everything would look normal. Everything would be socially acceptable. My family and church would never have to know. I suppose it would save me and my family from an ugly fallout.

It's not a choice

Even so, I cannot hide the homosexual side of me, and neither can I deny it. People may disagree and I am perfectly fine with that; I just do not see self-denial or self-effacement as the solution. As cheesy as it sounds, I believe I must be true to myself. I simply cannot fathom pretending this side of me does not exist. The same goes for my attraction to women, despite my friend's insistence that "you'll eventually choose once you have had enough sex." I just happen to be wired this way. Perhaps it is in part because of my resolve not to be pressured into fitting in a "gay" or "straight" box, and in part, a fear of being discovered that I haven't been able to commit to any kind of relationship so far, be it with a guy or girl. What we really need is acceptance - acceptance of who we truly are. Privately, I support the Pink Dot movement, but with so much social pressure and religious intolerance working against us, I am pessimistic about anything concrete being achieved. For now, I shall just have to be content with that small freedom I have among my closest friends, for I am not strong enough to face the consequences of coming out yet. <a href=" Image Credit

Yesterday, Reddit user Atlas13666 posed this question to the Singaporeans of Reddit: What do you think of Singapore’s youth? In his original post, as a 19 year old and a youth himself, he shares his opinion of today’s youth as “kinda ignorant and narcissistic”. He goes on to say that most of his friends are more concerned with how many Instagram followers they have than on what they want to do in the future. This question invited a flurry of responses, and surprisingly, a large majority of them echoed the same sentiment: Give the kids a damn break. Some attributed their worry-free lifestyles to the fact that they grow up in much more fortunate circumstances.

At 19, our parents or grandparents were working because they had no choice. If this generation of young people have the luxury of caring only about their Instagram followers at 19, why not let them? They'll have time enough to care about adult things (house, car, finances) later on. Almost everyone is forced to grow up sooner or later. I don't mean that it's good that they only care about superficial things, but in the end, their loss. If you know what you want now, all the better for you. You'll have a headstart. - halfbakery

In the end, we all becomes adults when life demands it, and isn’t that all that matters? Why cut short your youth and rush into it?

Caring more about other things than the future is the privilege of a youth. They'll eventually learn otherwise. Haha for me as long as they don't commit crime or do stupid stuff can already - TheHungryTTK

Some were quick to associate people who are Instagram-obsessed with a lack of smarts

Anecdotally speaking, poly has a lot of those Instagram/clothes/popularity obsessed simple minded kids. Maybe about 70%. Never been to JC to see what that's like, though. - NervousDuckling

Some pointed out that generations have and always will be in conflict

People have bitched about the younger generation since time immemorial. - kronograf

Some pointed out that youth will be youth—today, 10 years ago and 10 years down the road—and they will always fixate on inconsequential matters

Ehh....its always been like that no? Today it's instagram, yesterday it was facebook, day before was friendster, day before was myspace. Wanna go further back? Week before it was who's best at chapteh, week before that was who's has the nicest marbles, week before that was who could get a perm. Youth = youth. We'll always be fixated on inconsequential things, because that's how we figure ourselves out. - lauises Reddiporeans in your 30s and above: seriously do you not remember what you were like when you were young? I do. I was a self-absorbed little shit who cared nothing more than what was hot at the time, what made me look the coolest, and what was the best thing to pretend to be passionate about so that I could impress girls. I used to write journals for years, and whenever I go back to reading them, I face-palm so hard my eyeballs pop out through the other side. When I'm not dying of cringe, I find my writing a fascinating look into the (complete lack of) depth of my knowledge and understanding of the world around me. The only problem with kids these days is that they have access to the internet which helps them advertise the stupid shit we all did. I for one am so glad I didn't grow up at a time of pervasive social networks. - rindojustrindo

Generally, the response was positive for today’s youth. Youth will be youth, whatever the state of technology and the trends passing through. The way I see it, kids today are growing up too fast, being pressured to perform and succeed from such a young age. So I say have fun, see the world through youth-tinted glasses, do sh*t you’ll regret in like, 20 years time. Growing up in Singapore is stressful enough as it is and there will come a time when we must all be adults. Maybe your peers judge and maybe the "adults" don't approve, but what does it matter? Use your Instagram, Snap like there is no tomorrow, and when the time comes when we are old and cringe at the antics we used to pull, blame it on our youth. Like the Reddit user above says, living in the now and focusing on the inconsequential are the privileges of our youth.

Study hard. Get a good job (whatever that means). Work hard to make money. So you can work harder to make more money. Buy expensive shit so you can impress people at work. Retire when you’re too old to physically go to work or enjoy the money you’ve made. Die. Ah, the Singaporean dream. Isn’t it a doozy?

You snooze you lose

An <a href=" recently published by The Straits Times revealed that, according to a study by SingHealth Polyclinics, more than 40% of Singaporeans are not clocking enough sleep on weekdays. I’m sorry, is anyone actually surprised by these findings? No shit, Sherlock. It’s hard to get enough sleep when so many of us are raging workaholics. We spend over 9 hours at work, not including overtime, spend an hour squeezing through train stations, then try to stretch our leisure time at home in a futile attempt at maintaining our sanity before finally collapsing into bed, only to slam the alarm clock the next morning and repeat the whole process again. Not too far off the mark, am I? You’re not the only one. “I’m not a workaholic! I like to take a break now and then.” Bullshit. You can be an alcoholic without drinking 24/7. We are constantly conditioned by corporations to work hard and play hard, to make more money and spend more money. We have been inducted by advertising into the belief that the more we consume, the happier we’ll be, so we sacrifice everything at the altar of greed and ‘career’. Our sleep, our health, our relationships, our ideals. We convince ourselves that we need to work and work and work some more to reach that fleeting feeling of satisfaction when we fill our lives momentarily with the next smartphone or pre-scheduled holiday or expensive bag. Our neoliberal greed-is-good economy has driven our society collectively insane, to the point where, as a certain famous movie character once said, “We buy shit we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.” We believe that economic growth is a necessity, that hyper-consumerism is the path to progress. We think that the only way to fulfil any sort of purpose in life is to work, buy stuff, and work some more. What if we’re wrong? What if the Singaporean Dream is bullshit? Maybe we should all just take a step back, and chill the f*ck out.

Embrace Boredom

“My father used to say that only boring people get bored. I used to think it’s only boring people who don’t feel boredom, so cannot conceive of it in others.” Aside from money, much of our motivation to pursue a life of relentless workaholism comes from our aversion to being bored. I’ve heard people say that if they stay at home and don’t work, they’d go crazy from the boredom, as if just being alive is such a chore that they need constant work to distract from the emptiness of existence. I’d submit that maybe the way to combat our rampant overworking and sleep deprivation is to simply open our minds to the idea of being bored. Boredom, ironically, is the mark of an interesting person, because he/she has the presence of mind and depth of thought to constantly seek more stimulating things. A boring person is never bored, because he/she absorbs himself in work and play, obsessing over unimportant things, never seeking anything new. Companies love boring people. They work intently all day, never allowing distractions from anything or anyone. They work longer hours than is required of them, and even continue working at home. They are so afraid of having nothing to do that they cling obsessively to their jobs like a sort of lifeboat saving them from the ocean of purposelessness. But when your job becomes your life, you leave little space for anything else, including your health. How can you go to sleep when you constantly think and talk about work and co-workers and KPIs, even when out of work? You try to distract yourself with video games and shows and social media, but all these only engage your mind further and drive your melatonin levels lower and lower, keeping you awake until you fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion, and wake up 4 hours later to your phone alarm blaring on repeat. Then you go to work with a hot cup of drugs a.k.a. caffeine in your hand and complain about how you didn’t get enough sleep and you’re sooo tired. Of course, some people genuinely have sleep disorders that prevent them from getting enough sleep, but not every sleepless workaholic is also a diagnosed insomniac. Many of us are just terrible at controlling our obsession with work and taking care of ourselves.

Work-life balance

We hear the term “work-life balance” thrown around a lot, but how many of us actually do enough to achieve it? According to Singhealth Polyclinics, less than 60% of us. If you’re one of the 40%, stressed, overworked, and sleep-deprived as all hell, perhaps try easing your grip a little. Start to understand that we may have more control over the stresses in our lives than we think, and just learn to switch off. Ignore work messages on your off days. Leave the office on time and go home early for dinner with your loved ones. Have unfinished work? Leave it for tomorrow. Deadlines can be postponed; assignments can wait; taking care of your health cannot. You can get a second job. You can’t get a second life.

We might be familiar with the old school Singaporean way of “proposing” during our parents' time. Your dad mentions that he had worked a couple of years and saved up before asking mum out for dinner and then popping the question, “Want to get a flat together?” However, that would probably not work in present day, where couples see proposals and Build-to-Order (BTO) flats as two separate entities. Proposals take elaborate planning and often occur in one romantic evening where the guy puts a ring on it (her), while BTOs take about 4 to 5 years of waiting and saving before it is completed. Although being proposed to by surprise might be what every girl (including myself) wants, marriage is still a lifelong commitment between my partner and me. And if getting our BTO is one (of many) obstacles that we are willing to work through together, then that would most likely eliminate the hesitation in my voice when it is time to say “I Do”.

Encouraging communication

The HDB website states a few options for flat types that both of you need to settle on as a couple. Before money comes into play, it is imperative that both of you <a href=" steps towards reaching a consensus about your future living situation. Perhaps it would make your partner and you look at your own flats that you live in with your parents a little differently, and that might encourage you to consider your own preferences on how you would want your own home to look like in the future. These choices, along with many others like whether or not to get a car, will encourage both of you to develop a shared vision together, making the big moment all the more special.

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S FINANCIAL HABITS FIRST

Finding out if your partner has a plan to save diligently or is leaving all the saving to you can be a make it or break it decision for most relationships. Registration fees, down-payments, insurance, and monthly housing loan instalments can be a huge burden to bear, and you would certainly want to tie the knot with someone who have worked out a plan to pay off these financial commitments equally. It might also be a good wake-up call for either of you if saving a large sum of money for purchasing property has never been a part of your to-do list until now. Downloading apps to track your spending or saving and setting up collective financial targets under a joint bank account would be the ultimate relationship goal for the both of you to get over any impulsive spending habits as a couple.

MORE MATURE CONVERSATIONS AND DECISIONS

Going on dates will still be an ongoing activity for the both of you but you will notice a difference in how you communicate. A walk through IKEA will no longer only entail making puns out of the Swedish-named furniture or cracking jokes over Swedish meatballs at the food court, it will also be about looking over furniture price tags and budgeting on what to fit in your new home together. The parents that you’ve spent most of your adolescence avoiding are the folks you want to have around more often now. You will start noticing how wise they are in their spending habits and decision-making, and you will begin to regret only talking to them when you wanted more allowance money back then. Very soon, you will wish that your partner or you will turn out to be like either one of your parents.

ROPING IN THE PEOPLE WHO DO CARE

In comparison to showing off a fairytale proposal, people rarely like to flash their financial woes on social media after getting a BTO. Immediate family and close friends are most likely the ones who will be there with you at the BTO signing and when you get your keys to your new flat. These are the people that will be there throughout the journey. They will also be the ones who will help in setting up that magical proposal or wedding in the end. You'll start to see and appreciate the people who stuck your side and helped you through the tough decisions. It'll help you mature and make you more comfortable in the dynamics of your extended social circles in the future.

CUT THE WAITING TIME

A BTO takes about 4 to 5 years to be completed. It will be a pain to wait that long after you've proposed or been proposed to. It can be tricky to also have to figure out the living arrangements after getting married and before the house comes. You’d definitely want to have your personal space with your other half in the shortest amount of time possible and getting the BTO application done and out of the way would reduce some of that stress. While you wait for the flat, you could put your energy into planning the proposal, spending more time with his or her family to know them better, and also narrowing down to the most auspicious date for the wedding. More connections with either side of the family would mean more invites and could also mean more cash coming in to fund your new home in the end. At the very least, you still get more blessings - which you will appreciate.

A MORE MEANINGFUL PROPOSAL

In hindsight, you’re way more aware about each other by going through a BTO first before proposing than vice versa. Yes it is not a complete surprise, but after working a year or two since securing the BTO, this public "I Do" would encompass all of the points above and create the most meaningful and worthwhile proposal possible. Because by then, you would have nailed down all the hard decisions and drawn up your ideal future map. Both of you would have agreed on the house you want, have had mature conversations, and discussed your plans to achieve it together. Your family and friends who have been with you on the journey will be by your side, and by the time he popped the question, you both will be well within reach of getting the keys to the flat.  Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours.

When I mention that I lived in Singapore, most people would say “Oh, like Singapore noodles” or “Is that in China?” or “I had to stop there on the way to Australia”. Although being seen as part of China would be irritating to most Singaporeans, I find the latter the most irksome. I love Singapore. The little country with such rich culture and diversity is so much more than a pit stop en route to Australia. Before moving to Singapore, I read every travel guide and watched every YouTube video on Singaporean lifestyle and culture. I really scraped the bottom of the virtual barrel of knowledge about Singapore since I was moving more than 11,000km to live here for almost a year! So, here’s what I learned about the mysterious Singaporeans after a year of living, breathing, and eating Singapore.

Singaporeans are polite and obedient

I spent almost a year as an Ang Moh in Singapore. Yes, that’s what I’ll call myself, although most Singaporeans are far too polite to directly refer to me as an Ang Moh, even while they don’t like to admit that the term has any negative connotations. I find this delightfully refreshing after being to China where the locals repeatedly yell "Laowai" at any white person they happen across. Singaporeans are obedient citizens, unparalleled to anywhere in the world (except maybe North Korea, but best not to get into that), although the medieval corporal and capital punishments may have to answer for this level of nationwide good behaviour. You have never seen such orderly queueing as at an MRT station at rush hour. It’s an OCD heaven. Yes, it may be a bit whiffy inside the cramped train but it is heart-warming to know that every aunty can kick an able-bodied young man out of his seat or face the wrath of disapproving glances from other train users. I couldn’t actually believe that youngsters made news and were branded as troublemakers for nothing more than running alongside the train and getting back on before the doors closed. It’s a far cry from a school shooting! Order and rules are respected above all else here in Singapore. I am yet to meet a Singaporean who would even think about disregarding a packet of tissues at an otherwise empty table.

Singaporeans are competitive

Singapore has a reputation of being super smart. Yes, it’s true, all the stats say so, but a driving force behind this nation of high achievers is competition. Singaporeans are competitive and big fans of heated discussions... You’re having an argument, just admit it. I would challenge you to find a more competitive nation but I won’t, because that might also cause a “heated discussion”. It is easy to blame the pushy parents on this one - we’ve all seen the Asian father meme. For real though, someone needs to tell your parents that not everybody wants to be a doctor. The main culprit of this competitive culture is the education system. I spent 1 year in that battlefield that is Singaporean 3rd level education, and before you get all argumentative, no, I didn’t just have to get a pass like most exchangers; I actually had to compete with you guys for good grades against the odds of the dreaded “bell-shaped curve”. So, trust me when I say you guys need to chill out. Yes, education is important and you need to work hard if you want good grades, but there is more to life. I unapologetically state that there are things in life which are much more important than good grades. I would quite frankly like to throw De Moivre, Gauss and any other contributor of the bell-shaped curve down a garbage chute of the tallest HDB building (just kidding, I’m a life science graduate, I need that shit).

Singaporeans are patriotic, and also not

I had the good fortune of being in Singapore during the 50th anniversary celebrations and I was astonished by the air of national pride Singaporeans have for their country. Singaporeans are fiercely proud of being just that, and how far the country has come since independence. I was also living in Singapore during the death of Lee Kuan Yew, which was oddly terrifying. The passion with which Singaporeans grieved was shocking for us Ang Mohs who hadn’t even heard of him before. However, the underlying resentment of the country's strict policies is apparent especially in the younger generations. Young adults who feel stifled and restricted in Singapore dream of one thing - leaving Singapore. I had fallen in love with this country. I tried to extend my student visa so that I could stay in this beautiful city a little longer, to the dismay of many. I even made a return visit just last summer. I was devastated to hear that most, if not all, of my friends and classmates want to leave Singapore and to set up new lives in Australia or America. Sure, I can see why “the land of the free” might be enticing to young Singaporeans, but Singapore is an amazing place to live, with its stable economy, high employment rates, awesome food, and being arguably the safest place on Earth. So, Singaporeans, don't you all abandon ship just yet.

We’ve heard a lot about the woes of women in Singapore – the “Pink Tax”, as it’s been called – but what about the men? What about the Blue Tax? Yes, there are disadvantages to being a man. Of course, we don’t believe that gender equality should be measured using tit-for-tat who-has-it-worse comparisons. There are challenges to being both male and female in Singapore, and anywhere in the world, but that doesn’t make it objectively worse to be a man or woman. We just thought it’d be fun to point these out.

National Slavery

Let’s start with the most obvious and glaring issue: National Service. Unless you’re a truly talented bullshitter, you’d find it impossible to argue that the mandatory, systematic militarization of every able-bodied male citizen in a country isn’t an unfair, raw-as-sashimi deal for the men of Singapore. The simple truth is that NS can never be fair to men unless it is made similarly mandatory for women a la Israel. “But it makes sense! Men are stronger than women!” Oh, really? What happened to “women are every bit as strong as men and can do whatever men do’? And have you ever seen how skinny some of our soldiers are? Even as a “trained soldier”, I’d be perfectly willing to admit that there are many women in Singapore who would be capable of kicking my ass and being all-round better soldiers than me given proper training. Sure, men might have a slight edge in the physical rigours of combat overall, but to be honest, any reasonably healthy human being capable of carrying a 4kg rifle can be trained for combat, and if not, service or intelligence duties. Don’t tell me women can’t carry a rifle, some of your handbags feel as heavy as cosmic singularities. You regularly pull hair out of your skin and brisk-walk around in impossibly high heels just to “look good”. You’re not fooling anyone when you say that you could never survive in NS. You just don’t want to because it looks uncomfortable and inconvenient AF. And you’re right. I never wanted to have to deal with NS either, but I was born with a Y-chromosome, so I had to. Hear that? That’s the sound of the blue tax going “cha-ching, mother*cker!”

Paying for shit

Whether it’s paying for dinner, drinks, cars, or that overpriced shiny rock on an overpriced metal ring, men traditionally have to foot a much larger bill in the man-woman dynamic than women do. If you’re one of those modern women who actively espouse gender equality by splitting the bill and paying for their own shit, kudos to you. Unfortunately, many women in Singapore aren’t like that, and the men attached to these women get the short end of the monetary stick. There are some who think that since men get paid more than women for the same jobs, it all balances out. Two negatives make a positive, right? This isn’t primary school math, buddy. Two negatives, make, well, two negatives. You don’t achieve equality between genders by compensating one inequality with another. Well, there goes the blue tax counter. Let me just find a nice vantage point from which to watch my money fly away.

“Being A Man”

A famous comedian once said, “Be a man! Do the right thing!” Yeah, you know who I’m talking about. Singapore’s typical Asian patriarchy likes to put constant emphasis on “being a man”, which in turn puts a ton of pressure on men to be this perfect version of what society expects them to be. Make a lot of money. Be tall. Have a wide social circle. Drive a big shiny car. Be a part-time chauffeur for free. Don’t grow your hair (or nails) out too long. Make the first move. Put food on the table. Don’t ever become a stay-at-home dad. Women, of course, have their own set of social pressures to conform to, but that takes nothing away from the challenges of being a man in Singapore. It might seem ironic, but the patriarchy screws both men and women over. Top Image Credit

How often do you pay attention to how much you’re spending on basic items like razors and shampoo? If recent research is to be believed, it might actually pay to be a woman. The pink tax is not an often-discussed topic in Singapore. Mainly because not many know what the pink tax actually is.

WHAT IS THE PINK TAX?

The Pink tax is the proven theory that women pay more for everyday things branded 'for women' than men do, such as women's shampoo, women's razors, and women's hair gel. The pink tax is not particularly a ‘tax’ per se. It’s not like someone deliberately decided that women should have to pay more for their items than men. Have you ever come across a product that came in a pink packaging and was labelled 'feminine'? The pink tax comes from the fact that companies charge more for a women’s version of products because they are supposedly ‘women-friendly’. No one really knows how much truth there is to that. For instance, products like deodorants for women are said to be more ‘sensitive’ and because of that, they somehow cost more. Products like sanitary pads and tampons, in many cases, are considered luxury products. For obvious reasons, these products don’t have male versions. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that they are a necessity for women, yet are victim to sales tax. Having bought women-specific products myself, I recall looking at a shelf of hair products and realising that two identical hair gel products (one for men and the other for women) had two separate costs. Imagine paying an extra dollar for the same brand and quantity of a tube of hair gel than your male counterpart, it doesn't really make much sense.

EARN LESS, PAY MORE

Many women today are choosing to opt for men's products instead. Think about a men’s razor, now think about a women’s razor. What’s the difference? Chances are you wouldn’t find any. Well, besides the colour. Not too long ago, Run Society wrote a piece on how women runners in Singapore spend more than men because the sports essentials for women runners cost more. In the piece, Run Society references The Ministry of Manpower Labour Force’s 2015 report, which states that most women only get paid as much as men until they hit 30, after which they get paid less. It’s no surprise that women fall behind at the workplace. Statistically, Singapore ranks higher than its neighbours in the global gender gap scale. But according to a report by The Economist’s Intelligence Unit, Singaporeans feel the presence of a gender bias more strongly. Apart from the wage gap, one of the key issues in the gender gap is the lack of women in senior management positions. According to The Economist’s Intelligence Unit's report, just 26% of senior executives are estimated to be women in Singapore. That’s lower than the 32% in Malaysia and 34% in Indonesia. If we were to compare these numbers with places like the USA, where 78% of women felt that women are under-represented in leadership positions, it would seem that women in Southeast Asia are less aware of the problems in gender diversity.

HIDDEN PRESENCE

The fact that the pink tax is not really known to many; women included, could mean that it doesn't affect us largely on a daily basis. But if you count every dollar or every cent extra that women pay, it could amount to  a lot. If you're still unconvinced about the presence of the pink tax, the next time you visit personal care stores like Guardian or Watson’s, have a trip down an aisle and compare the male and female version of products. You might be surprised with what you find. Top Image Credit

When I was a child, I believed I was born in Singapore. Like many of you, my earliest memories are of growing up with my Singaporean family, in my Singaporean flat. When I was 11, while struggling with my Chinese homework, my mother screamed, “Why are you so bad in Chinese when you’re from China?!” That was the day I found out. That was the day I learned that I was born in China, and adopted by the family I thought was my own. I am an adoptee, taken from the family that didn’t want me, and raised by a family that treated me like a second-rate child. I am an adoptee. And this is my story.

Unwanted and Discarded

In 1979, China introduced the One-Child Policy, which allowed families to have no more than one child or face the possibility of fines, sterilizations, and abortions. Since the Chinese have a strong tradition of patriarchy, with an emphasis on continuation of the family name, boys were favoured strongly over girls. As a result of this policy, many Chinese girls were killed at birth, or given up for adoptions. Am I thankful to be one of the latter group, and not the former? I suppose so, and my adopted mother certainly made it exceedingly clear that I should be. We often have an assumption that adoption is a last resort, that only couples without the ability to have children of their own end up adopting. That wasn’t the case with me. My parents were perfectly capable of conceiving, and they did just that with my older brother, and later, my younger sister. I was an adoptee growing up with siblings that were not adopted, and it sure as hell felt like it. My mother decided to adopt me from my poor family in rural China, for reasons not completely known to me. It might have had something to do with the abortion she had had shortly prior to my adoption, her conversion to Christianity, a simple act of charity, a combination of all of these, or none of them. Whatever it was, she has had to repeatedly make the point to me, from age 11 to this very day, that I owe her.

Childhood

I was never a bright kid. I struggled with homework and exams. My mother tried to help me with my homework, but always only ended up scolding and beating me. She would hurl insults at me, calling me demeaning names, and when words weren’t enough to express her contempt, she hit me in the head with her bare hands. One time, she grabbed my little head in her hands and smashed it into a wall, and stopped only when my maid came to my rescue. I never fought back, never even spoke a word out of place. How could I? It would have been so disrespectful. A part of me always felt like I must have deserved the abuse. I must have been really stupid and useless, because my siblings received no such treatment. I had no idea if they were really much smarter than me in school, but from how I was treated at home relative to them, they had to be. It wasn’t until I learned of my adoption that everything started to make sense. The bias, the chores that I had to do from young that my siblings never even had to touch, I thought it was all because I did badly at school. I resented myself for being stupid, and fought tooth and nail for my parents’ approval. My mother said I should look at ITE courses because I’d never make it anywhere else, but I ended up getting a spot in a Polytechnic Psychology course, and later, a local university. It felt good to prove her wrong, but even after all that, my mother’s disdain for me never ceased.

Meeting My “Real” Family

When I was 13, I went on a trip to a certain village in rural China to visit my biological family. It was a strange experience, meeting complete strangers who were bound to me by blood, an entire family I had never known. At the same time, though, it was exciting. There was a certain thrill to finally meeting a family whose members actually looked like me. But that’s where our similarities ended. Before my university graduation, I returned to China once again to attend my younger brother’s wedding, and learned more about how vastly different my life could have been. I was frowned upon by the friends and relatives of my biological family, all strangers to me, for being unmarried and child-less at my ripe old age of 22. In the village, marriage was almost never on the basis of love. It was just a way of incurring more wealth, and forging better relationships between families for financial purposes. Others were match-made like my second sister and younger brother to their respective spouses. As for my elder sister, she took a different path - met a city boy, fell in love and then got married after. As of now, my elder sister has a bratty son, while my second sister has two kids with serious attachment issues. As I’m writing this, my younger brother has had two kids, and I wonder how he’s coping. And here I am, still living with a family that looks down on me. It’s like I have two families, but at the same time, none.

And Here We are

Today, I’ve come to realize that I will never match up to my siblings in the eyes of my adopted parents, and that’s alright. My family still treats me like a second-class daughter. My younger sister, as always, has no respect for me whatsoever. My unemployed mother constantly demands money and branded goods from me while asking nothing from my siblings. My parents scold me for staying out with my boyfriend, but make snarky comments towards me when I’m at home. I feel bound to my family through years of conditioning, yet feel none of the warmth and love that people say I’m supposed to. I still long for something I’ll never have, to feel like something I’m not – to be a real daughter. <a href=" Image Credit