“Hey, I’m home. I’m going to bed once I’ve showered and caught up with my parents. I’ll talk to you later, k? Love you.” I wasn’t at home and I was nowhere close to heading to bed. I was still out and I’d just blatantly lied to my partner. Where was I? I was with someone else, having a few drinks after we'd had the perfect dinner date together. I’ve cheated many times. I think I can safely say I’ve cheated in more than half of my past relationships. It's not something I'm proud of and it’s definitely not something I tell everyone I meet. Everyone’s got a deep, dark secret, and this is mine. I’ve cheated both physically and emotionally. I’ve slept with other people while I was still with my partners. I’ve also somehow managed to develop a relationship with someone else while in a relationship. Each time I cheated, I’d spend hours questioning myself, wondering how I could let myself commit such an act. And still, I let myself cheat again and again.

Motivations of a serial cheater

At some point, it dawned upon me that the main reason I continued to cheat lat with me: I cheated because I was trapped. I was trapped in a string of unhappy relationships in which I could never muster the courage to break up with my partners. Cheating was something I used as a form of respite from something that brought me down day after day. I used cheating as a coping mechanism against my unhappy relationships; I used it to derive some happiness, something my partners no longer offered. The feeling of cheating on your partner is perhaps one of the strangest feelings a person can feel. In that moment, when you’re cheating, you find a way to disregard the relationship you’re currently in. It feels like you’re living a separate life, a life that’s not yours, and you’re this whole other person altogether. As you go about the act of cheating, a part of you feels fear, guilt. You fear getting caught by your partner, or your partner’s friend… You’re out having a meal or having drinks, having a good time, but throughout that time, you’re paranoid, plagued by a fear of being found out. You’ve committed such an unforgiveable act, and you know it. And this feeling of guilt gnaws at you, because you know it would break your partner’s heart if he/she someday found out. But even as you feel and know these things, you still feel a sense of happiness, a thrill, a satisfaction from this other person you’re out with, sleeping with.

The hardest part about cheating

There were a few occasions when I was almost found out, and it is those moments when they start asking questions that are the worst. You panic. You’re overwhelmed by anxiety. You try to recall if you’ve deleted all traces of cheating from your devices—your phone, your Facebook, your emails. And when all that’s been processed, you start to overreact. You start to shout. You get defensive about everything. You try to turn the argument around, and you try to make it seem like your partner was the one who was being insecure. You try to throw him/her off in every way possible and pin the blame on them, on how they don’t trust you wholeheartedly.

To cheat or not to cheat?

Even though I’ve cheated many times, I have never been caught. I’ve always ensured my tracks were covered, and my lies, bulletproof. I pre-empted my partners’ response, how they would react, and I had my answer or reaction prepared. To be honest, it takes a lot of effort to cheat, and to do it “well”. If you weigh the happiness you derive from cheating against the effort it takes to cover your tracks, and all the emotions that come with it—the paranoia, the fear, the anxiety, the guilt—you’ll realize it just isn’t worth it. I’ve had my fair share of cheating, and trust me when I say the benefits never outweigh the costs. I’ve since grown from all that and no longer cheat, but that’s because I no longer allow myself to suffer silently in unhappy relationships. Why be with someone you’re not happy with, only to have the relationship you really want on the side, and in secret?

Want a funny, entertaining new Facebook page to follow? Head on over to Singaporean Influencers and Bloggers Write SHIT English and are Annoying AF and knock yourself out. Yes, that is their real name, and it’s hilarious AF. The page has recently stirred up some discussion among writers in Singapore about the supposed SHIT-ification of the written word in the country’s publishing landscape, at the hands of bloggers. “We don’t ask for inspired, lofty, brilliant prose,” they write. “We ask only for grammatically correct English. Is that too much to ask? Surely not.” “Surely not”, indeed.

The Grammar Nazi’s Dilemma

We, of course, will not pretend to stand tall as beacons of fine literary prose. Alas, some may even consider us a part of the common shit-writing rabble *cough* snobs *cough*. Yet, we can’t help but find a part of ourselves identifying with the frustration of the folks behind said FB page. An annoying, grammar-nazi-like part, but a part nonetheless. The English language, like any other language, is essentially a system of communication; a tool that requires consensus on its set of rules and established structure. Communicators using such a system need to agree to be bound by the standards that govern it in order to enable clear communication. If we ignore the established rules of grammar and syntax in writing and reading English, we betray and erode the very purpose of language. But then again, should we just chill out? If readers understand the “shitty” writing that they’re reading, is that not enough to meet the needs of the writer-reader exchange? Every potential grammar Nazi faces the same dilemma when feeling tempted to correct the language of others. Should I defend the integrity of the English language? Or should I not be an annoying prick? No one likes being corrected, especially when the error of their language is not significant enough to compromise their message. On the other hand, allowing mistakes to slide enables an environment for the bastardization of language to propagate. “Which side should I lean to? Grammar Nazi or inactive enabler?” I don’t know. That’s why it’s called a dilemma.

Let it be

Should we begrudge bloggers for wanting to transform their thoughts into writing, eye-stabbingly bad as it may be, for an audience that doesn’t seem to mind? Purveyors of bad writing could always break out the old “if you don’t like it, don’t read it” argument, and, honestly, they’d kind of have a point. Critics of bad writing, filmmaking, and music have tried long and hard to push back against the shit that permeates their respective industries and improve their overall quality, yet we still get inundated with successful trash like Twilight, 50 Shades, Transformers, and Justin f*cking Bieber. People just like stuff like this, and while we can do our part to raise the standards of media that we as a society consume, we cannot control what people like. The point is, with the democratization of media, you can’t stop people from writing shit-quality blogposts, as long as that work gets viewed by readers. We live in a neoliberal click-obsessed world where success in writing is determined not necessarily by the quality of said writing, but by how many people click on it. Try as we may to champion the improvement of clear English communication, many people just don’t care, and we can’t blame them. Some people don’t have a perfect command of English, and therefore see no need for it in the writing they consume. Those people still have a right to read what they want, and if what they want happens to be packaged in English that’s been dragged through the literary sewers, there’s really nothing we can do to stop them. While it pains me to admit it, lampooning and looking down on those who peddle less-than-worthy written content, while understandable, is simply pointless. We should instead focus on creating and promoting content with proper English in an effort to shift the popular opinion away from “shitty” bloggers, and towards the writers that deserve it. Top Image Credit

In psychology, it is a basic tenet that human beings are social creatures who crave a sense of belonging. Common sense would seem to confirm this—regardless of introversion, much of our identity is still built on the relationships we forge and the people we care about. For many of us, our most precious memories do not begin and end with ourselves in isolation. Even then, amidst the noise and chatter of the crowd, it is inevitable to feel the pangs of loneliness. In Singapore, the superficial hyper-exposure endowed by social media and the fast-paced movements of a career-oriented society can easily drown out opportunities for intimacy. People are now only one WhatsApp message away, and yet, they have never felt more distant in the overwhelming sea of heartless noise that all millennials swim through. Especially if you are newly single or are constantly on the move, it is easy to fear the encroaching threat of solitude and the emptiness we commonly associate with it. To counter its onset, it seems instinctive to latch on to the closest friend at ungodly hours or hopelessly stalk a fantasy crush on Facebook. However, these approaches can lead to attachment issues, especially when our needy outbursts go unreciprocated. Personally, I can attest to the struggle of being seen as the “clingy” one in all of my relationships. As Singapore becomes increasingly individualistic, perhaps we should embrace solitude every now and then, crafting an identity that can stand strong even in the absence of others. Here are some simple strategies that I have adopted to cope with loneliness:

GO ON SELF-DATES

It’s the weekend and you have no social plans, but you still don’t want to drown in self-pity alone in your room. The perfect solution (if you have the budget to spare, that is): go out and treat yourself to a movie, complete with over-salted popcorn and the soothing darkness of a chilly cinema house. Coming from the distant and inaccessible suburbs of the Philippines, I can attest to the fact that Singapore makes it extremely easy for such spontaneous outings late at night. Watching a movie, having a meal at a restaurant—these activities are often reserved for “date nights” or other collective affairs. There is a certain stigma that comes with showing up to public spaces with no one to show for because it implies the lack of friends or perhaps even a snobbish attitude. But doing so doesn’t have to be depressing. Over time, confidently stepping out alone—even for casual walks down a silent neighbourhood—encourages you to appreciate yourself as someone truly worth spending time with.

TALK TO YOURSELF

This past semester, I took it upon myself to enroll in a Creative Nonfiction module. What started out as a mere venture of curiosity evolved into a new medium through which I could converse with and understand my deepest thoughts. I challenged myself to bluntly tell stories about my insecurities, even those that I have long since been terrified to outwardly confront. Writing is the perfect avenue for not only expressing yourself, but for also engaging yourself at a deep level. It enables you to organise your complex emotions, and preserves this mental struggle on a page that you are free to either share or keep to yourself for further reflection. Of course, writing isn’t the only mode of simulating a conversation with yourself. Film yourself while in a stream of consciousness, stage a self-interview, or even talk to your reflection. At the end of the day, keeping yourself updated on your own emotions and motivations helps you find comfort in the person behind the mirror, making you less dependent on some saviour to swoop in and save the day.

FIND THE PERFECT DISTRACTION

However, these two tactics can be stressful, particularly for those unaccustomed to throwing themselves into a state of isolation. It is only human to feel the need for company when it is least available to you, and no amount of time spent getting used to yourself may be able to alleviate that desire. In times like these, there is nothing wrong with immersing yourself in a different world as a momentary distraction. Pick up a new show on Netflix, re-read the Harry Potter series, get lost in Game of Thrones fan threads on Reddit—these sources of entertainment can give you a much-needed break from bouts of neediness and overthinking that can sometimes feel a bit too real to handle. It’s easy to condemn these one-off methods as superficial ones that merely “avoid the problem,” but let’s face it—we all need distractions every now and then to cope with pain in the moment. As an added bonus, you’re less likely to get bored! Living in a residential college for the past few years, I’ve learned that it’s important to navigate my social life with balance in mind. College students are prone to teetering between undying devotion to their social groups and shutting themselves off for self-care. After gradually coming to terms with my inevitable solitude, I found it much easier to strike a middle ground between these two extremes. Nonetheless, it is never easy to go against the social grain in public or scribble out personal thoughts that make you uncomfortable—the art of loneliness takes practice, and contentment only comes with time.

“Mankind does not strive for happiness; only the Englishman does that.” - Friedrich Nietzsche Someone recently asked me, “What do you really want from your life?” I said, “To be happy.” But even as the words came out of my mouth, I felt like I was copping out. What kind of a bullshit non-answer is that? Of course, everyone wants to be happy, but do we know how? Or why? No matter which angle you look at it from, modern 21^st Century society seems possessed by an underlying obsession with happiness. We see it in every facet of our lives, from work, to healthcare, to literature, to art. An array of doctors, psychiatrists, HR managers, and self-help “gurus” constantly stand at the ready to ensure our continued happiness, and prescribe all manner of drugs, counselling, vacations, and motivational texts to correct any deviation from the set path of bliss. The happiness mandate permeates our culture in ways we simply cannot escape. But, why? Why are we so obsessed with being happy, and could our obsession actually be harmful?

NEITHER NEW NOR LIBERAL

The root of compulsory happiness lies in a socioeconomic ideology known as neoliberalism. Put simply, neoliberalism is the idea that the economy should be free from government restrictions, and that people should have the individual freedom to purchase or sell whatever they desire on the free market by way of demand and supply. Put very simply – imagine the younger, rebellious cousin of capitalism, who hates rules and just wants to be free. In a neoliberal economy, anything can be monetized. Regardless of whether consumers are paying for booze, clothes, food, or even sex (which is legal in Singapore), the neoliberal economy runs on one common commodity: happiness, or, each individual’s personal idea of happiness. “If it makes you happy, you can buy it,” says the neoliberal. Don’t know what makes you happy? Don’t worry, let advertising tell you. Of course, there isn’t any country in the world whose government subscribes fully to the neoliberal model, but its principles of individual freedom and free market consumerism apply to every capitalistic economy in the world, including those that pretend to still be communist *cough* China *cough*. As neoliberalism peddles happiness to the people that consist the economy, it also relies on happiness to survive. It is a known fact in economics that happy people spend more money. They go to restaurants, clubs, theme parks, and shopping malls more often, and spend proportionately more. The “work hard, play hard” adage is the mantra of the neoliberal economy, which espouses making more money and spending more money to feed into the wheel of peddled happiness that drives our society. Is this all wrong? I don’t know. Maybe this is how society is supposed to work. Or maybe we’re all just overconsuming on an endless happiness treadmill until we get numb from our blessings and constantly stay unsatisfied until we fall off. I can tell you how it is, but I can’t tell you how it should be.

EQUALITY OF EMOTIONS

If human emotions were J.K. Rowling characters, happiness would be Harry Potter. Everything revolves around that kid; it’s annoying. We constantly glorify happiness, while vilifying the other emotions of the spectrum, classifying them as “disorders” that need to be dealt with. Jimmy’s always sad? He suffers from depression. Jane gets angry at the slightest thing? She has anger management issues. Johnny’s deathly afraid of that one thing? He’s got a phobia. How about Phoebe, who’s constantly smiling and cheerful all the time? Oh, she just has a really fun, bubbly personality. Isn’t she lovable? There is a popular misconception that emotions somehow conflict with logical reasoning; the battle between the heart and mind, as some would conceptualize it. This could not be further from the truth. Modern scientists believe that emotions are tools that our brains use to organize and expedite rational thinking. Every emotion has a crucial function, not just happiness. If they didn’t, our brains wouldn’t have evolved them in the first place! Happiness acts as a sort of positive feedback mechanism, as in, “This is good for you, keep doing that.” Anger allows us to perceive injustice and wrongdoing more acutely, and respond in kind, as in, “That guy just tried to steal my goat and burn down my farm. I probably shouldn’t let him get away scot-free.” Sadness, as an inverse of happiness, acts as a negative feedback mechanism, saying, “This is bad, don’t let it happen again.” Fear helps to keep us alive, as in, “Don’t poke that venomous snake with your fat sausage fingers, you dumb buffoon.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not glorifying or trivializing conditions like depression and anxiety. These are problems that must be addressed, but demonizing and rejecting their underlying emotions while exalting happiness above all is equally dangerous. What advice do we normally give to people who are depressed or angry? We say, “cheer up, buddy”, “take it easy”, “stay positive”. Simply telling someone to ignore their other emotions and just “be happy” is terrible advice. It promotes the notion that happiness is only in someone’s head, that it’s a personal responsibility that others can wash their hands off. Our collective obsession with personal inner happiness can cause us to ignore valid grievances, enable exploitation, and tolerate external injustice that shouldn’t be tolerated at all.

EVERY EMOTION HAS ITS DAY

While all-pervasive in our neoliberal-capitalist society, our compulsive desire for happiness might paradoxically be pushing us away from really being happy. We pursue economically-serving surrogates for happiness like overpriced bags and cars that let us pretend we’re happy, while setting us on a downward spiral towards depression as we chase mandatory happiness in the face of ignored hardship, and repeatedly find ourselves falling short. We ask ourselves, “Why am I not good enough to get that raise?” or, “How can Suzanne afford that Louis Vuitton bag when I cannot?” Perhaps, a healthy mental state requires embracing all our emotions to build a more robust sense of harmony and inner peace, where we can be truly happy with who we are, because the pursuit of happiness can only be healthy when balanced and grounded with its accompanying emotions. Or maybe, the neoliberals had it right all along, and running endlessly on the happiness treadmill is truly the meaning of life. What do you think?

The year is 2016, yet the value of an Arts degree in Singapore remains iffy. A quick Google search of the term” Arts degree” garnered the following prompts. Oh dear. In a society that insists on practicality, the Arts and pursuing further education in a humanities subject has become more commonplace. However, the “whimsical” Arts education is not quite yet viewed as favourably as a professional degree or one in the hard sciences. The case in defense of the Arts degree or diploma has been pledged countless times before, but this writer thinks it comes down to two main things:  Doing what you love and making what you do well count. There has always been a significant dip in people studying humanities subjects, as students move from secondary to post-secondary and tertiary levels of education. A few years back, a report on the dramatic drop in students reading Literature at the “O” levels reignited questions about the place and value of the humanities in Singapore. However, perhaps these findings merely call attention to an attitude towards the Arts that hasn't changed much over the decades. The study of the Arts for the most part continues to be seen as subsidiary and for “enrichment”—implying it is not essential.  Studying Geography, History and Literature in schools thus become yet another compulsory rung to overcome in the education system. As a result, students who choose to pursue the humanities at the tertiary level, in polytechnics or universities remain a rare bunch. I fell in love with Literature as a wide-eyed teenager in Secondary school and have never looked back since. The joy of reading and exploring an entirely different world without ever having to leave the comfort of my bedroom was a mind-blowing prospect—and remains so today. Yet the choice to pursue a “passion project” of a Literature degree continues to attract furrowed eyebrows and doubtful gazes from friends and family who don’t understand what a Literature degree could offer. The rejoinder of “You read a lot of books ah?”  is so commonplace, us Arts students don’t even feel bad anymore. So why do we do what we love? It’s because what we love is critical. Robin Williams’ character in the classic film Dead Poets Society famously said: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." Not every humanities student likes poetry, but the sentiment behind these lines teaches us something important about the “fluffy” humanities subjects. In essence, it tells us that if the sciences are the body, the humanities are the soul—one without the other makes for an incomplete person.  If we can move away from the view that the humanities are a supplementary facet of our lives, and understand the symbiotic nature of the “more concrete” sciences and the Arts,  perhaps one could begin to understand the tremendous value of studying the Arts. If we understand the essential lessons that Geography can teach us about our relationship with the world in the context of climate change, or how learning History can help us avoid the political errors of the past, then perhaps we will see how there is nothing peripheral about studying the Arts at all, so don’t conflate passion with irrelevance.  Such a change in mindset needs to go beyond official reports from the state that decree how the sciences and the Arts are equally valuable. I believe a real shift can come only from the ground up—how we as a society can achieve this is something we’re still trying to figure out. The second thing I’ve learnt as a fervent believer in the study of the Arts is to make what you love to do count. Perhaps, the quickest and best way to convince someone of the value of your passions is to demonstrate its practical application in the real world. My Arts degree has trained my ability to analyse problems and create solutions, think quickly on my feet, improvise in a time of crisis and craft arguments swiftly. In a world where we are preparing for problems we cannot conceive of in the present, such skills are not generic but are in fact useful and transferable. They are also the exact skills that a humanities student hones every day in the classroom. In a literature seminar on factors that motivate characters in a Jane Austen novel, the Jane Austen part is probably not going to matter in your life beyond school, but practicing the skill of figuring out what makes people tick—that’s always valuable in or out of the workplace. In that sense, the humanities classroom affords its students the platform to emulate the problem-solving skills asked of them in the workplace. Additionally, perhaps the product of tediously penning essays for the duration of your humanities course means that you inevitably become pretty competent at writing. “Oh, you’re an Arts student? So you like writing? But you cannot make money from writing in Singapore.” is something I stopped rolling my eyes at a long time ago. Yes, I am an Arts student and yes; I like writing (although I know several Arts students who are good at writing but don’t necessarily like it.) Either way, writing is far from irrelevant in Singapore. The truth is, everyone needs a good writer. Every company needs a solid writer to think up engaging social media content, someone who can write coherent reports and proposals. Writing is an essential skill and although sometimes glossed over, a highly valuable one in the workforce. In the end, Arts students do what we do because we love what we do. And we love what we do because it can guide us on how to solve so many of the problems that we see in the world today. What we love to do and what we do well is essential, and you maybe everyone could see the value in the Arts too, if only we could turn off the blinders and look ahead.

You’ve all heard the same tired arguments before; the declarations of doom; the luddites sounding their clarion call. “The Internet is making us stupid!” “We don’t remember anything anymore! Google ruins your memory!” “We don’t read anymore! The Internet has stunted our attention spans!” “There’s too much information on the Internet! I’m scared!” Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit... and yeah, bullshit.

The recent network outage from Singtel reminded many of us of the importance of the Internet in our everyday lives. It also brought to mind many myths floating around about our reliance on the Internet and its negative effects on our minds. I’m here to tell you why they’re all bullshit.

A MENTAL PROSTHESIS

Author George Dyson famously posed a question that sums up the fears of many an Internet-naysayer. “What if the cost of machines that think,” Dyson asks, “is people who don’t?” A fair concern, I would say, but one that is not yet relevant to the Internet in its current state. Yes, many websites use algorithms and data-mining to mimic actual intelligence, but the Internet is still far from actual “thinking”. All the Internet really does is provide us with almost all the information we could ever need. What we do with this information is still entirely up to us. Wikipedia co-founder Larry Sanger very accurately described the role of the Internet as a “mental prosthesis”. Prostheses, by their very definition, are tools used to enhance and assist the performance of certain functions. Like a pair of spectacles to eyes or a walking stick to legs, the Internet helps our brains to make up for their natural limitations, and access information that would otherwise be completely inaccessible. We might not be forced to memorize as much information now as we were before, but that doesn’t mean our ability to remember is ruined. We are simply given the option to offload and compartmentalize information that can be later accessed and recalled more easily and reliably, giving us more time to connect and think about said information on a deeper level. Interesting to note, too, is that while all this pessimism about our ability to remember seems exclusive to the Internet age, it has actually existed for millennia. Socrates – yeah, that Socrates – once said, “[The written word] will create forgetfulness in the learners’ souls,” lampooning the very act of reading and writing. For all his fame, Socrates could be quite a myopic idiot sometimes.

BREADTH ABSENT DEPTH

A popular argument against Internet usage is that the Internet provides too much information, making it impossible for us to focus and really delve deep into a particular subject. Sigh. Come on, Karl, we have to say it again:

Internet-based information is certainly no more distraction-laden that any old-fashioned method of gathering knowledge. Ask yourself, during which process to obtain information would one be more susceptible to distractions: 1. A 30-minute walk to the nearest library through cafés and shops and bubble tea stores and video game arcades OR 2. Typing a few words into Google’s search bar Imagine if a friend of yours lived inside a massive library in which she could avail herself of any information she so desired at any point in time. Would you tell her, “Oh, there is no way you will ever learn anything in that place! There’s just too many books!” Of course not! That’s ridiculous! Yet people apply the same flawed criticism to the Internet, which is basically the digital equivalent of a humongous library. There used to be an aura of romance and exclusivity surrounding knowledge, when obtaining it required months or years of digging through books and files and other sources. Today, the progress from wanting to know something to actually knowing something is almost instantaneous, separated by no more than the touch of a button. Is that a bad thing? No! It’s a wonderful thing. The breadth of information on the net takes nothing away from its depth. Where deep learning used to be akin to diving into a well, we now dive into the Pacific Ocean. Isn’t that so much better?

READ A BOOK!

Yet another bullshit-worthy claim is that people read less books now because of the Internet. In actuality, the inverse might be true. According to a 2012 study published in The Atlantic, the percentage of book readers in the American population has steadily and drastically increased over the past few decades. Weren’t expecting that, were you? Plus, who are you to say that all those people staring at their smartphones on the train aren’t readers? Perhaps that guy is reading an e-book. Maybe that lady is browsing for book recommendations. Maybe that fellow prefers reading in the peace and quiet of his room, so he allots his time on noisy, crowded trains to less attention-demanding activities like playing Plants vs Zombies. *raises hand sheepishly*

NOT ALL DOOM AND GLOOM

Sure, there are people who use the Internet only for banal, vacuous activities like stalking social media, posting narcissistic compliment-fishing selfies, reading celebrity gossip, and sharing satirical articles without reading them, thinking they’re real. But are those people stupid because of the Internet? If the Internet didn’t exist, would those same people miraculously become geniuses? I’d have my money on NO. Stupid people use the Internet for stupid things. Smart people use the Internet for building knowledge and gaining perspectives. Most of us with an IQ above that of a potato use it for both. Our activities on the Internet are not a cause of our intellect or lack thereof, they are merely a symptom. The Internet doesn’t make us stupid. It simply gives us a powerful tool to pursue whatever information we desire, intellectual in nature or otherwise. So, the next time someone tells you that the Internet makes people stupid, you can respond by breaking out the classic (you guessed it!)…

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough." These are the words I’ll cling to for the rest of my years, no matter what anyone will try to tell me. I can’t remember how many times I’ve been told to “get a degree”, or better still, “get a degree with honours.” And after that, get a job. Growing up, it’s always felt like there was only one route to success—one that my parents, relatives, and Singapore society have already mapped out for me. Exploring isn’t encouraged. Stray a little from it and your life is basically ruined. It’s almost as if if your dreams didn’t fall on the beaten (to death) path, it's not worth having. And if it doesn’t earn you much? That makes it all the more pointless. “Dreams will be dreams”, our painfully realistic fellow Singaporeans will tell us, reminding us again and again of the risks of going our own way, the risks of pursuing what we truly want, as if it were already guaranteed that our dreams wouldn’t work out. But is it so wrong to want more than just a 9 – 5 office job?

If you have a dream, keep it big

Don’t let anyone tell you what to do or who to be. Cliché as it may sound, stay true to yourself. Living out someone else’s dream isn’t going to make you happy. Don’t belittle your dreams or let others make you feel foolish for having them. It’s good to have ambitions. It’s good to work towards something you feel deeply passionate about. Whether your dream is to be an artist or the CEO of your own company, keep dreaming, and keep those dreams big. Always make sure your dreams scare you a little, so they give you that rush of adrenaline you need to break out of the status quo.

Dare to talk about your dreams

Let’s face it. If you can’t even bring yourself to talk about your dreams, how will you have the courage it takes to achieve them? If you have a dream, own it, no matter the judgment or the looks people will give you. Own it, even if no one else gets it yet. Also, remember: the friends who support you and your dreams are the ones you should keep close. These are the people who truly understand you and have faith in your ability to turn your dreams into reality. While negative voices tend to be louder than positive ones, it’s important that you block them out and be receptive to support and advice from those who truly care. Don’t suppress your dreams, chucking them into the deepest recesses of your mind, wishing them away. The best way to keep your dreams big is to talk about them, and to speak them into reality, no matter what naysayers might say.

Find ways to make your dreams a reality

Making your dream a reality will require some strategy. It can’t come true if you don’t plan for it to happen. An important step to achieving your dreams is to break your bigger goals—those seemingly impossible ones—down into small, achievable objectives. Start small, and don’t discount your first steps, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. If your dream is to be an artist, set aside time to nurture your artistic abilities and sensibilities. If you dream is to be a musician, perhaps it’s time to start singing some covers and putting yourself out on YouTube. Who knows what’ll happen from there? Along the way, look out for helpful classes, short courses and get professional advice when you can. It’s also good to surround yourself with the right people, people who are interested in and are driven by the same things you are, so you can help each other along. These steps may seem small at first, but over time, if you keep at it, you’ll find yourself that much closer to your dream than when you first started out. People aren’t afraid to have dreams. What they’re afraid of is chasing them. It’s easy to give up halfway and to let all the negativity surrounding you get you down, but here’s the thing about having a dream: you’re not going to have many supporters at first. Try something different, stray from the status quo, and leave behind the people who only ever put you down. Chasing your dreams requires stamina, faith, and a truckload of courage. There’s nothing wrong with envisioning something different for your life—a different picture of success. Like with most things, if you want it, it’s your responsibility to you to go out there and get it.

“Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.” If you know where that line comes from, good on you! Season 3 is taking way too long, amirite? If you don’t, that’s okay, you’re still cool. And hi, welcome to my article on why it’s good to not give a damn - well, sometimes anyway. I’ll try to get to the end before you stop giving a damn too.

Filling The Void

What is the meaning of life? Has there ever been a question at once so universally pondered and ubiquitously unanswerable? As members of one of the few species on Earth blessed (or cursed) with the ability of metacognition, our quest for meaning in life is an almost-exclusive and inescapable part of the human experience. We fumble for something, anything, to fill the existential void in our hearts. Some fill it with work, love, lust, family, or religion. Others distract themselves with video games, movies, and reading articles online. We live our lives like an endless race to outrun the relentless existential dread that invariably plagues us all, knowing that should we ever slow down in our pursuit of happiness, we might one day fail to answer our own question about why we even bother staying alive. I submit that maybe - just maybe - we should do the unthinkable. We should look back at the darkness that threatens to envelop us and crush our will to live, and instead of running, we should turn around. And we should laugh. 19^th Century philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer perhaps said it best: “The life of every individual, viewed as a whole and in general, and when only its most significant features are emphasized, is really a tragedy; but gone through in detail, it has the character of a comedy.” Perhaps true, lasting happiness can only be found when we strip the existential void of its darkness and turn it into one big joke; when we look at our own cosmic insignificance, and instead of shrinking from it, laugh heartily at the ridiculousness of it all.

A For Absurdism

French philosopher and Nobel laureate Albert Camus famously popularized absurdism, a philosophical school of thought based on the central tenet that life consists of two irreconcilable facets – the human desire to find meaning in life, and the universe’s absolute indifference to our existence. In his essay The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus compares the absurdity of human life to the mythical Greek figure Sisyphus, who was sentenced to push a boulder up a mountain only to have it roll back down, again and again, for all eternity. Camus (who is surprisingly optimistic for a philosopher) argues that dwelling on the pointlessness of existence is in itself pointless; that, “The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” He argues against the idea that suicide is the only logical reaction to the Absurd, and that we should instead “revolt” against our insistence on finding meaning.

What's The Point?

Life is ultimately meaningless, but that’s okay. We should continue to chase happiness, and futile as it may be, seek whatever gives us some sense of meaning or measure of peace, whether that be friendship, family, or career. Because to dwell on the futility of existence is to allow that same futility to consume us. However, we must be careful not to take things too far. Much of the ugliness that oftentimes characterizes human behaviour can be attributed to people getting so desperate to fill the sickening, terrifying vacuum of existentialism, that they ascribe far too much meaning to certain things in an effort to compensate. Extremism, selfishness, ego – all these behaviours bear the marks of an oversubscription to some perceived source of meaning in response to meaninglessness. Imagine if we could just take away the horror of our insignificance, and replace it with comedy – a joke shared by all of humanity. Instead of falling to despair when considering the non-existent meaning of life, we should stare at the void in our souls, and while endeavouring to fill it, laugh at the tragic comedy of it all. In the words of Bugs Bunny and Van Wilder: Don’t take life too seriously. No one makes it out alive anyway.

"Whoa, she could do better." How often have you walked past a couple and thought that? Deny it all you want, even the best of us do this. We’re human and like it or not, we judge. We judge people from the way they dress, the way they act and, of course, the person they're dating.

The Reacher And The Settler

Often, in relationships, you'll find one person has reached (the "reacher"), while the other has settled (the "settler"). Put simply, the reacher is the one who's dating up and out of his/her league, and the settler is the one who's dating down, and who's settled for less. Some famous examples? Beyonce and Jay-Z. For a long time, Victoria's Secret Angel Adriana Lima was married to this guy: <a href=" And remember how upset the Internet got when rumors started circulating that Chris Evans - Captain America himself - was dating this girl? That's Jenny Slate. She's hilarious, you should check her out. <a href=" Most of us think of the reacher and the settler in terms of looks and physical appearance, but delve deeper and you'll realize that this idea can be applied to virtually any other facet of an individual: character, wealth, achievements, etc. Does this mean every couple is doomed to be composed of a reacher and a settler?

The Reacher And The Settler - A Toxic Idea

I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships and looking back, it was probably precisely this toxic mentality that caused my relationships to end. There's always the one person who's reaching, trying to be like or be better than the other and eventually, it comes to a point when both parties get sick of it; the constant comparisons permeate every interaction within the course of the relationship so that eventually, love becomes the casualty. I have friends who strongly believe in this idea, and that you should strive for the position of power - be the settler instead of the reacher. Be the more achieved, more interesting, more everything partner. Be the one that's more desired. But I don't. I believe love isn't a competition and you love someone not to prove anything to anyone, but because you love them. Otherwise, you're going to be dating your way through a bunch of girls (or guys) who just aren't right for you.   I believe we should choose the love we truly want, regardless of how it looks from the outside, regardless of what people say or will say. Real love is when both people see and treat each other as equals. Why be in a relationship where you don't get the respect, appreciation and love you deserve?  At the end of the day, and as idealistic as it may sound, love should be unconditional. It shouldn't only be given when you've done a certain number of things to earn it; it shouldn't be hard work, much less one-sided hard work. Love should feel like coming home, where you're free to be exactly who you are, say exactly what you think, and feel exactly as you feel. And most importantly, love should flow in both directions. You should get just as much as you give, not because it's fair and not because you're keeping count, but because you're with someone who loves you enough to know that that's exactly what you deserve.

It’s the day you receive your diploma or your ‘A’ level certificate. University brochures are pouring in through the mail with their impossibly happy graduates, smiling about their university lives or their lives after that. “Come here. We’ll equip you with what you need to enter the real world”, they seem to say. If only this were true. How it is one can smile so glamorously in a study group, I’m not sure. Most of the time, we students are just slogging away when we’re in university. What’s worse, however, is that after years and years of mugging, late nights and examinations, grads are welcomed into adulthood with the best welcome gift: unemployment.

The New Unemployed

Got your degree? Congratulations! You’re officially unemployed. Upon graduation, graduates of 2016 will add to the “unemployed” statistics of the Singapore economy. Having a degree no longer gives you any kind of special edge and companies’ general attitudes towards graduates are more or less the same: “Everyone has a degree. Why should I hire you?” With an excess of graduates and a falling number of job vacancies, that piece of paper no longer represents any kind of job security. Welcome to the 21st century.

Hustle, Hustle, And Then Hustle Some More

When was the last time you heard of someone going on a gap year? You haven’t? Me neither. No one has time for that anymore, not in this economy. Some people even skip their grad trips—and not to save money. Graduates of 2016 will start their job hunt at the beginning of their final semester in school. If you haven’t secured yourself a job somewhere, brace yourself for the sympathetic looks from your peers who have. After 15-ish years of education, many graduates immediate dive into the working world. No one has time to rest or to take a breather - having a degree certainly won’t make your life any easier.

Eat Your Humble Pie

Despite the thousands of dollars we spend getting a university education, in 2016, the value of a degree is, sadly, equivalent to that of an ‘O’ level certificate 10 years ago. Everyone has a degree, so having a degree doesn’t make you very special. In fact, it’s the “bare minimum” if you want to land yourself a decent job. Having a degree is simply not enough; you need to supplement that with work experience. And those of us who didn’t plan as far ahead and who didn’t get around to beefing up our resumes will have to kick ourselves as we struggle to convince employers it's us they should hire. In this day and age, you can’t be too picky with your job. More often than not, it’s your job that picks you.

Coming Up With A New Strategy

While things may seem bleak, not all hope is lost. Instead of fighting their way into conventional paths, many graduates are creating their own paths through innovative startups. With graduates becoming increasingly disillusioned about their futures, many are looking into starting their own businesses, even if it’s got absolutely nothing to do with what they studied in university. With social media and a digital space that is open and available to all, these days, you don’t need a brick and mortar store to run a business. A little Googling and reading up online will tell you virtually everything you need to know about how to make the Internet work for you. And if e-commerce isn’t for you, you can be your own brand by putting your perspectives and personality out there. Millennials are a tech-savvy bunch and in the absence of opportunity, I think we’re adept to create some of our own. What this also means though, is that many degree holders will end up doing things that have little or nothing to do with the courses they studied—not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. Having a degree today really isn’t the same as having a degree in the past. Perhaps it’s time to rethink the possibilities that a degree can promise, and keep your mind open to other options.