Tag: adulting

It’s terrifying to think about what would be in 10 or 20 years time. 

In 10 years time, I would be my late thirties—an age where I can no longer pretend to pass off as a zeh zeh (older sister). I would also probably be constantly reminded of the youth I have lost as I play catch up to the energy of my children. 

What’s even scarier is the realisation that my parents would be in their early seventies. That puts them in the ripe old age of retirement, with only slightly more than 10 years left, assuming that they live up to Singapore’s mortality age of 85. 

Am I prepared for that? No. And I’m scared. 

Will I Be Good Enough?

I’m scared because I don’t know if I can afford to support my parents through the financial perils of old age.

The Seedly Community conducted a survey early this year, where they found out that 81% of Singaporeans give their parents a monthly allowance. More importantly, the survey showed that out of 85 responses, 51 (60%) gave their parents less than 20% of their take-home pay. 

Image Credit: Seedly

There's no 'right' answer to this as it really depends on an individual's earning power, how much our parents need, and most of all, our individual priorities. 

I’m glad that my parents never dictated the amount of allowance I have to give them every month, but I have always felt that I am not giving enough.

On one hand, it’s comforting to know that I measure up to most Singaporeans in terms of the monthly allowance I give to my parents (slightly above 10% my take-home pay). On the other hand, I feel guilty for not being good enough to afford the luxuries that my parents deserve.

Because I am only giving them what I can afford, there are often times I question myself if the few hundred dollars I give is enough and there’s always a small part of me that beats myself over not being able to give more.

A recent ad by NTUC Income perfectly encapsulates the predicament I, and possibly many young Singaporeans, am in.

https://www.facebook.com/NTUCIncomeInsurance/videos/502278017200144/

Just like the NTUC Income’s ad, many of us turned out normal. We get by with hard work and discipline, but we struggle with having to make difficult decisions simply because we cannot afford The Best.

Coming from a middle-income family and having friends who come from both ends of the spectrum, I knew what were luxuries and what I should be grateful for. Most of all, I know my parents worked hard to provide. 

I know I have been given the best that my parents can afford because I have never had to live a day on a hungry stomach, wear torn shoes to school, or borrow textbooks to study. We could even afford the occasional vacations. 

There are so many other signs that I cannot possibly list. The fact that my parents are so still so readily available to be my safety net after 28 years is telling enough.

Because of all the love that they have poured into me, there's this unspoken sense of responsibility that goes behind me wanting to give them a cut of my salary every month, and in wanting to support them when they are, in my eyes, in a stage of their life where they should just enjoy life.

Knowing them, my parents are the kind of people who would rather carry the weight of supporting themselves on their shoulders than burden others (their children). But I see their livelihood in retirement a responsibility I hold myself accountable for.

Some call it filial piety, a virtue that has earned a pretty bad rep for causing a lot of guilt and unhappiness. But I want to be filial not because it's 'right' or because I'd feel guilty otherwise, but because I truly appreciate what they have done for me.

If anything, I feel guilty because as much as I want to be a filial daughter, I don’t know if my best will be enough.

The ‘Guilt’ Of Not Giving Them The Best

Stressful is an understatement when you are sandwiched between having to care for ageing parents and the responsibility to contribute to the ever-decreasing fertility rates (having children), while juggling the pressure of working in an ultra-competitive working landscape, and living in a place that’s internationally recognised as one of the most expensive cities to live in in the world.

The pressure is suffocating if one were to look at all the numbers.

Take for instance this chart from Moneysmart, which budgeted the potential costs of living in Singapore per month. 


Screen Capture taken from Moneysmart

Let’s assume that the accommodation costs for rental are costs for house bills (utilities, internet, etc.) and for insurance instead. A ‘cheapskate’ lifestyle will set you back at almost $1200 a month.

Assuming that you earn $3,000 a month, you will be taking home $2,400 after CPF deductions. After the monthly expenditures, you will be left with around $1,200. 

If you were to set aside just 10% of your take-home pay as an allowance for your parents, that will take another $240 off, leaving you with $960.

At first glance, $960 seems like a considerable amount of savings a month, but we haven’t taken into consideration many other expenses. Food alone will easily take up another $100 to $300 for most average Singaporeans, depending on lifestyle.

We haven't included any travel expenses. Neither have we taken into consideration all the birthdays, weddings, housewarmings, and baby showers that we will probably spend more on as our generation edges into marriage and parenthood. 

Even if one is highly disciplined in saving that $960 every month, that adds up to only about $11,500 a year. Which, if we look at the numbers that SmartParents put together, is enough to get us through a pregnancy with $3,500 to spare.


Image Credit: SmartParents

However, these are meagre sums compared to the amount of money you would need to spend on raising a child.

Image Credit: SmartParents

To put things in perspective, one would need to save diligently for 12 months just to comfortably afford giving birth to a child. Subsequently, the costs will continue to increase as the child grows, which by SmartParents’ estimation, will cost around $670,000 to raise one child in Singapore. 

Of course, these are all estimates and in reality, whether it's the costs of a wedding, a new home or of having children would have been split between a couple. But these are all still very scary numbers. 

Which brings me back to the pressure of providing. Especially when we are sandwiched between having enough to build a family of my own and supporting our ageing parents through their retirement.

I Don’t Even Know Where To Start

Admittedly, I am sheltered, because my parents never bothered me with their retirement plans.

Nonetheless, I am concerned and wish to help.

However, I don’t even know where to start because I struggled to make sense of financial planning and of things like insurance myself. Even if I had that knowledge, it is such a difficult conversation to initiate.

Our culture isn’t one where we talk about difficult topics, like money. We don't have the vocabulary to discuss such topics and it is because of this history that makes it hard to go "mum/dad, let's talk about your retirement." It’s awkward and feels a little too heavy to talk about. 

Another colleague faced a similar problem, where no matter how much he wants to help his mum plan for her retirement, she just don’t seem to be comfortable enough to be honest about what she had planned.

Even with persistent persuasion to find out more, his mum brushed him away whenever he asked, assuring him that she’s got it settled. This only makes him worry more because in the event that anything happens to her, it will still be his responsibility to be there and to support her.

“I don’t need to plan for her, but at least I can put in the figures and help her project into the future, then at least, we can start now and be better prepared for the future,” he explained. 

Passion Vs. Practicality

It also doesn’t help when many of us struggle with making a decent living while trying to chase our passions.

Our generation is the generation that has been brought up to believe that the world is our oyster. Many of us are dreamers or at the very least, we are a generation who do not wish to ‘settle’. We prioritise job satisfaction and fulfillment over a high salary. 

That is exactly how I have led my life for the most part: Going for jobs that I feel passionate about, not too concerned about the pay I get as long as I can get by. 

I lived my life in that ‘passion bubble’ and I've spent my youth proudly announcing my pride in chasing passion. But it was the wedding and home ownership bills that made me realise how misguided I have been. The harsh reality is that at the end of the day, money is important.

Reality of Being The Sandwiched Generation

Just ask around and you’ll realise how many young Singaporeans have become disenchanted by the reality of life in Singapore, not only because of the constant and consistent grind for money, but because we become increasingly aware of the pressure to live up to expectations; To provide.

I’ve seen how my mother had painstakingly saved up not just for herself and my dad, but also for my brother and I. And it is my mother’s financial prudence that I wish to emulate, but I don't know if I can when everything is so expensive.

I do not wish for my inability to earn, save, or plan to become a problem for my partner or children. And I certainly do not want my existence, should I become physically incapable of caring for myself, to become a financial burden for my loved ones in the future.

Although, looking at all the numbers that is required to support my parents, myself, and my future children, I worry about not being able to achieve that.

I want to be a filial daughter to my parents and a role model to my children. I want to give my loved ones the best that they deserve, but it's a constant struggle to know whether my best is enough.

Also read: Work To Live, Or Live To Work? Why So Many Singaporeans Feel Lost In Life.

(Header Image Credit: Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash)

There was a time where I used to lament how I can never seem to gain weight, much to the envy (and annoyance) of my older friends and colleagues. 10 years later and the roles are reversed. At 27, I am now the one sighing at my 20-year-old friends or interns when they complain about feeling fat. Hello. Wait till you reach my age then you know. It’s funny how PE lessons were once something we look forward to as an enjoyable ‘break’ from classes back in school. Once you start working, the only physical activity you will willingly engage in is running to catch the bus. Once adulting gets real and work becomes life, it becomes harder and harder to stay in shape. Especially when you spend the 8 hours at work glued to a chair. The hustling will leave you so mentally drained that all you want to do after 6pm is laze at home and do nothing. There are so many other distractions more exciting than working out and finding the motivation to even hit the 10,000 steps a day challenge is a challenge as itself. As we grow older, it is only natural that our age and environment change us, be it for better or worse, through our shirt sizes or our mindsets. Curious to see what age, time, and work have done to other millennials, I reached out to 8 millennials. These is what 10 years have done to them and the wisdom they’ve gained in the decade.

1. Being Less Emotional And Laughing More

I grew up fat and got a lot of nicknames. It started with “Eugene Sohfat” in primary school, then “Hugene” in secondary school and “Tub of Lard” in polytechnic, and I used to feel insecure when I go to the beach cause my white tummy felt like a pile of forgotten yoghurt. Now I just laugh at it. I’m a lot more confident and generally less emotional about things now. I think the older you get the more well-shaped your perceptions and opinions are. I find myself being more truthful to strangers and people in general, and not having to worry so much about judgement too.  – Eugene, 27

2. Finding A Purpose In Life

I’m 30kg heavier with stretch marks as far as Jurong to Pasir Ris but instead of running away from it, I choose to embrace it. After I graduated, I starting to find things I could do. I switched many jobs and went from DJing to emceeing to influencer marketing and now, media and advertising. Besides my weight, I’d say the main difference is having found a purpose in life, and that’s more than enough.  – Dew, 26

3. Confidence Opened Many Doors

I used to avoid a lot of physical activities because I felt like everyone was scrutinising my thighs and arms if I wear sportswear or swimwear. I don't think anyone really notices about these things but I can’t help thinking that they're judging me for being fat. When I was around 18, I would work out almost every day and eventually lost 10kg. It was a painful process, but I'm glad that it happened. Although I’m not as fat as I was previously, I still feel it (body insecurity) and am very afraid of putting on any weight, but I am definitely more confident than before. I can definitely see myself ageing (skin not as bright or taut and crown of hair not as thick) at my current age too. But that's just part of life. More importantly, I found ways to deal with my skin problems and became bolder in experimenting with style, eventually finding the type of 'look' that suit me best. All these adds up and really changed the way I carried myself. People always say that it's the inside that should count but you can't deny that a good hair day or a nice outfit makes you feel better about yourself. And when you do, you're braver to try new stuff or engage yourself with people you've always felt intimidated by. And this has opened doors for me in many ways.  – Mel, 28

4. Denying Insecurity From Power

I was teased in secondary school for having a ‘baby moustache’ and was very concerned about my physical appearance. My forehead acne and blackheads bothered me too and it made me feel very insecure about my own body. I didn't really know how to deal with all that back then it got worse when puberty started and hair started growing at my arm pits. I even cried every other day. To make myself feel better, I did things that would make myself look more womanly, like drawing my brows or wearing heels. Even though I am still not completely satisfied with my looks despite knowing how to manage my skin, I've learnt to be contented with what I have. My confidence could be a mash up of maturity and laziness, or it could also be that I simply care more about what I think about myself than what other people think about me. I do worry and do try to prove myself to people still but I don't give these insecurities as much attention or as much power over me as it used to. When I was younger, everything felt like the end of the world because of how unexposed I was. In hindsight, a lot of my worries weren't that big of a deal. That's how I take life nowadays: I try my best but if I suck or if I fail, it isn't that big of a deal.  – Isabel, 21

5. Handling Situations With More Maturity

I was picked on by seniors in secondary school because of my small frame. They would cut my queue during recess or do other mean things. Besides that, being physically unfit meant passing NAFA was a chore. I started bulking up. And I started keeping facial hair as it makes me look fierce. It’s a good deterrence when I want to do my own things without people disturbing me, like when I'm trying to avoid an insurance agent waiting at the foot of an escalator. But partially also because I got too busy and lazy to shave during submission period in university. If I can go back in time, I’d punch the younger me for being a little wuss. I’ve learnt to be tougher, more disciplined, and more focused on what I want to achieve in life. Religion and supportive friends helped, but it was all the experiences I’ve gone through that made me more able to handle situations more maturely now.  – Janielson, 26

6. Your Thoughts Are Your Choice

My high metabolism makes it really hard for me to gain weight since young and I’d always look skinny and fragile. People would point out how skinny I am whenever I wore shorts and that made me feel even more self-conscious, which affected the way I behaved. I was very shy and would hide my true self in social situations because I didn’t want people to think bad about me. I eventually met people whom made me feel comfortable being my authentic, quirky and playful self. It’s your choice whether you want to accept people’s comments and learn from them or carry those negative thoughts with you. I choose to look at the positive side of things.  – Raymond, 21

7. No Need For Constant Affirmation

People often teased me and called me “blackie” because I played hockey a lot and got really tanned. It didn’t help that my fair-skinned cousins made me feel like I'm the odd one out. I never liked to smile with my teeth because I didn’t have very straight teeth. My eyebags were a problem too because people often asked me why I haven't been sleeping when I've had more than enough sleep. And in a time when a lot of us were going through puberty, trying to accept ourselves, and where it was all about fitting in with friends, I felt the constant need to change myself to please others. I was affected by the things people say about me because I didn't want to be an outcast. I’m a lot less tanned now, thankfully, and I grew taller, but I grew bigger sideways too. But now, I have other priorities and don't see the constant need to please others. The insecurities will probably always be there but I’ve learnt to accept and deal with it and not let it affect me as much. Instead of criticising myself and changing myself just so I could fit in to the norms of this materialistic world, I realised that true friends will stay and accept me for who I am and that eventually taught me to love and value myself more.  – Candice, 23

8. Turning Weaknesses Into Opportunities

I had the whole inferiority complex where every little bit of me didn't seem good enough in my own eyes and I didn’t know how to navigate that. For example, I would feel inferior wearing glasses and felt the need to wear contacts so that I look better. And because I was always afraid of wearing contacts, I just didn't bother turning up for social gatherings at all. I am definitely more confident now and care less about what others think of me. It's a much easier life to live. I'd still wear contacts when I want to impress girls or on dates but it's more about boosting my self-confidence than finding a way to feel 'sufficient'. I have other insecurities like having white hair, but I see it as an opportunity to just play with my hair: toss in different colours to make the most out of a perceived weakness. So, it’s a matter of loving yourself and embracing every little bit of your ‘flaws’.  – Andrew, 26

Make The Best Of Change

Growing old is inevitable and the stresses of a job and age will catch up on you but what matters is what you make of it. Today, I avoid body-fitting clothes altogether for fear of looking like Michelin Man. Those clothes are packed into an obscure corner of my wardrobe – testament of the 15KG I’ve gained and the denial in which I will never fit into those tiny pieces of cloth anymore. But like most millennials I spoke to, my personal and emotional growth outweighs the 15KG I’ve gained and are changes I’m proud of. The collective lessons from the experiences through the years gave me invaluable takeaways and formed the mature, confident, and happy-go-lucky personality that is me today. Do you have insecurities growing up? Don’t be being bogged down by them. Embrace them and find your confidence instead! Also read, Then & Now: Photos Of 9 Longtime Singapore Couples That Prove True Love Still Exists.
Most of us spent our teenage years wishing for adult life. We grew up wanting the freedom, the monthly kaching, and to not have to cram for exams. But when adult life finally hits us in our faces along with the many adult responsibilities, we wonder why we were so stupid to wish for time to have passed faster. Of the many responsibilities, one of the biggest headaches is insurance. Let’s face it, most of us hate dealing with insurance even though it’s supposed to be good for us. I’m not sure about you, but when it was finally (or dreadfully) time to buy a policy to insure myself, I wondered how other people did it. I had no idea what I needed, what was good for me, and whether I’d be ripped off with a crappy plan. I’m pretty sure many other millennials feel the same way about insurance. And who has the time to read through the entire policy and T&Cs anyway? How much do you really know about your policies then? I spoke to four millennials to see how much they know about their own insurance.

Shaan, 20

“I’ve never bought insurance for myself before but I know I’m still under a plan that my parents bought for me. I intend to get one myself once I start working. I get the general idea that it’s to protect my life but I don’t really know what kinds of insurance are there and what I need.”

Pro-tip on what to look out for as beginners:

There are several things to know before buying a plan: the policy term, sum assured, and hospital preferences. You can also ‘customise’ your policy by adding riders – which are additional options to cover you in more areas on top of the ‘default’ plans offered. If you’re concerned about your finances, there are also different ways you can pay your policy premiums. Opt to pay your premiums at one go (lump sum payment), or break them up into annual or monthly instalments if you need to ‘spread out the damage’. Above all, don’t be afraid to ask insurance agents questions. It’s more important for you to know what you’re buying than be worried about them getting annoyed. Still not sure what you need exactly? Set up an appointment with FRANK by OCBC here!

Marc, 25

“My parents bought some sort of family package for us so I believe I’m covered under that package in terms of life insurance or any accidents. So instead of buying any other insurance for myself, I spend that amount investing instead.”

Pro-tip on knowing the different types of insurance coverage:

In case anything happens to you, you’d want to find out how much you are covered for under policies your parents bought, and to review the sum based on life stages. Also, did you know that it takes more than one layer of insurance for you to be fully protected? The four main layers of protection are Hospital, Life Insurance, Critical Illness, and Endowment.
Image Credit: FRANK by OCBC
The closer the layer is to you, the more important it is. It doesn’t mean that you have to buy every type of insurance either. You just need to know what each type of insurance does for you, and get what you need. In Marc’s case, he should check on how much hospitalisation coverage he has in his existing policy for a start, as it’s the most important layer of protection. The other basic coverage to look out for is Personal Accident, which will cover Marc’s hospital bills if he happens to meet with an accident. For more details on each layer, head over to FRANK by OCBC’s website here. They’ve broken it down to very simple terms for the beginners!

Brenda, 26

“I’m not very sure what I got. I just know that I’m covered for certain terminal or critical illnesses and death. Also, I’ll get a lump sum when my policy matures at 55 years old. This is the only plan I bought as I think it’s good enough – it covers my health and also gives me some money back when I’m old.”

Pro-tip on Endowment VS Savings VS Life Insurance Plans:

What Brenda described is an Endowment Insurance Plan, which helps to grow your wealth while providing you basic insurance coverage. The returns you get may not be as high as stocks and shares, but Endowment Insurance Plans are less risky and give you better returns than a deposit account with a bank. There’s a difference between a Savings Plan and an Endowment Insurance Plan too. Where Endowment Plans give you coverage on certain things like critical illnesses or death, Savings Plan don’t. Then there are Life Insurance plans, which are designed to not just help you, but also your family. Should you happen to pass away, get diagnosed with a terminal illness, or have a total permanent disability, a Life Insurance Plan will grant you (or your beneficiary) a sum of money that will help greatly in that time of need. You can find more information here.

Esther, 25

“I have three insurance plans: Life Insurance, Hospitalisation, and Endowment. The Life Insurance Plan is to help "protect" my loved ones (children, spouse) financially should anything happen to me. Like if I die, they get a sum of money.  I got the Hospitalisation Plan to cover me up to A Class government hospital. And for Endowment, it's more of a savings plan that my husband and I bought so that we can get a certain percentage of return after 18 years.”

Pro-tip on Life Insurance VS Hospitalisation VS Endowment Plans:

You can never be too sure when it comes to health, so it’s important to be fully aware of what kind of coverage you get under different insurance plans. Hospital bills can add up to a hefty amount and a Hospitalisation Plan helps cover the expenses for treatments and staying in hospital wards. Note that there are limitations though. Treatments for certain critical illnesses may not be covered under the Hospitalisation Plans, which is where Critical Illness Plans come in. A Critical Illness Plan will cover the expensive treatments for illnesses like stroke and cancer. Learn more about the differences in Hospitalisation, Life Insurance, and Critical Illness plans here.

Plan Your Future Wisely

As a millennial, I fully understand the pain of paying a few hundred dollars a month on something that doesn’t give you immediate gratification. But from another perspective, you’re actually diligently saving this amount in a bank every month – a bank that will actually help you in times of need in the future. Learn more about the different types of insurance and how it covers you differently at FRANK by OCBC.

Enjoy Special Promotions (Till 31 Dec)

Whether you’re a first time insurance buyer, or looking to get another layer of protection for your life, here are three promotions FRANK by OCBC is running till 31 December 2017:
  1. Enjoy S$60 Cash Rebate when you purchase the Regular Premium Endowment Insurance –Annual Premium <S$4,999
  2. Enjoy S$30 Cash Rebate when you purchase the Regular Premium Endowment Insurance –Annual Premium, S$300 – S$799,
  3. Get S$100 cash credit when you buy 2 out of the 3 insurance below
    • Hospital: Supreme Health
    • Term Insurance: MaxTermValue CI
    • Personal Accident: PA plan (PA Protect, PA Supreme, PA Cashback Plus, Great Protector)
For more details, head over to FRANK by OCBC here. Or set up an appointment with OCBC here. This post is written in partnership with FRANK by OCBC. Also read, Don’t Know What The Heck To Do After You Graduate? That’s Okay, We Didn’t Either.