Tag: couples

First comes the proposal, then the wedding, and then the house. This was once the norm, but not anymore.

In Singapore, when you’ve been in a relationship for a reasonable amount of time, you can expect your partner to ask you one crucial question: “Want to BTO?”

Today, many couples apply for a BTO (Build-To-Order) flat before proposing. Marriage comes a little later, and it can happen before or after getting the keys to their home.

Logically, it makes more sense. It's pragmatic, as the wait for a BTO can be (dreadfully) long. The completion of BTO projects can take around 2.5 to 5 years. And let’s face it. Getting a house in Singapore is stressful. In fact, it’s downright terrifying.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or if you’re single, buying a house here is crazy expensive despite the various grants available. It’s also incredibly difficult because you’re competing with hundreds of other buyers bidding for the same flat you wish to get. And when you are getting something which you will most likely have to continue paying for for the next 20 to 30 years, you can expect everyone to 'fight' for their ideal choice.

This competitiveness for a BTO forces many young Singaporeans to commit themselves into a relationship when they may not exactly be ready.

THE PRESSURE TO FIND LOVE FASTER

Because of the amount of time it takes for you to successfully get the keys to your new home, it means having to find the person you are 'meant to be with' a lot faster.

I know of singles in their mid 20s who are still working on finding the right person to date, let alone have a relationship with.

Dating itself has become a more daunting task than before. From the get-go, we start thinking about whether we see a future with this person, because we no longer have time to spend on someone whom we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives with.

A lot of singles in their mid and late 20s go into their first date hoping that it’ll be their last first date. We’re no longer dating to date, but we’re dating for marriage. I’ve even heard a couple of my singles friends tell me, “I want my next boyfriend to be my last one.”

Sophia, 25 and single, shared how she goes into every first date subconsciously analysing everything about her date, to get a sense of whether she sees herself spending the rest of her life with him.

“First dates used to be about having a good night out while getting to know someone,” she shares. “Now I find myself thinking about stuff you’d usually only start thinking about after knowing someone for a couple of months like “Does he want kids?” and “How religious is he?””

As much as it stinks for people like Sophia, who thought dating would be “fun and enjoyable”, buying a house in Singapore means having to think about our future a lot quicker.

It's not a bad thing to date with the purpose of marriage of course, but it may not necessarily be a good thing to be bogged down by the practicalities of what is seemingly a talk for much later on. While applying for a BTO is a great way to get us to plan for our future early, it also, in a lot of ways, ruin romance.

IS OUR HOUSING SYSTEM A CURSE?

But it’s not just the singles who are stressed out. Couples are having to commit to the person they are with a lot earlier in their relationship. And while that’s not exactly a problem, it does provide immense pressure to someone who's not ready for that level of commitment, while facing their partner who is.

No longer do we have ample time in our hands to enjoy the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship. While there are the lucky few who stay with their school sweethearts for 10 years, a lot of us only find “the one” somewhere in our mid 20s.

But there are instances where despite having your lives planned out together, relationships simply don’t work out.

What happens when you have a BTO on your way, and you realise that you can no longer see a future with the person you are with?

I was surprised to find that there wasn’t a lack of post-BTO breakup stories within my circle of friends alone.

Alvin, 27, went through a breakup with his girlfriend of four years after they had successfully balloted for their home last year.

“She said that she didn’t see a future with me anymore and just needed some time for herself,” he shared. “It was later that I found out there was another guy.”

“I guess no matter how much you plan for something, sometimes life just kicks you in the nuts,” Alvin laughed.

A breakup was the last thing he had expected to happen, especially at a stage of his life where he thought he had his future all planned out.

What makes BTOs all the more scary are the implications that cancelling your application causes.

There’s no doubt that you end up forfeiting the money that you’ve invested, depending on how far along in the process you are.

You also lose your first-time applicant advantages, and if you want to apply for a BTO with your next partner, or as a single, you have to wait at least a year to be able to do so.

“It sucks that the implications of forfeiting a BTO are so costly, literally,” Alvin says. “But at least it’s taught me to take my time and not rush into settling down with someone.”

Samantha, 25, whose boyfriend also broke up with her after applying for their BTO together, believes that a BTO is an expectation created by society.

“Instead of asking, 'Proposed already ah?', people ask, 'BTO already ah?' which I think indirectly gives couples a lot of pressure to get a BTO.”

It seems like we assume getting a BTO guarantees a relationship. But there rarely is ever a guarantee on anything.

“A lot of couples rush into getting a BTO because they think that might give them some ‘security’”, she shared. “But that shouldn’t be case, you should apply for a BTO because you’re secure about your relationship.”

SOMETIMES YOU JUST WORK THROUGH IT

It’s normal to feel unsure about your relationship and stumble onto rough patches along the way. The stress that comes with the BTO doesn’t help either. What was meant to be a significant part of a couple’s life has become a stressful endeavour instead.

Couples who have successfully gotten their house have had their own share of rough patches along the way. But these couples found a way to set things on track to start building their future with their partners.

Mabel, 28, who has now secured her home through Sales of Balance (SFB), wasn’t sure if she was ready to commit to her boyfriend of 3 years before they applied for it in May 2018.

“I didn’t know if I was ready to commit,” she shared. “Because it’s not only about committing to a house, but committing to the rest of my life ahead of me.”

“Whenever we spoke about applying for a BTO, a part of me wanted it, but the other part was also scared.”

Today, Mabel and her fiancé have the keys to their house, and will be getting married in a few months' time.

“When I told my fiance about my fears, we talked about it and decided to make it work together,” she continued. “I saw his efforts in trying to make our relationship work and I just wanted to do the same.”

For Alexa, 25, applying for a BTO was a natural next step in their relationship. When they applied for their BTO, they had been together for two years and knew they were ready for the commitment.

Yet, it was after they were successful in their ballot that Alexa’s relationship hit a rough patch.

“That ‘ready’ feeling became very different as we went through a seriously rough patch that really made us think if we should move forward,” she shared.

Like anyone else in her position, Alexa didn’t want to go through the hassle of withdrawing their application.

“There was definitely a lot of pressure because this was an investment we had gotten ourselves into.” she continued. “This really showed me that the BTO system can really be a burden.”

While in many ways, having a BTO on the line does encourage you to make things work with your beau and give your relationship another chance, it doesn’t allow you to consider your relationship rationally.

“We had to tell ourselves to consider the future of our relationship as if there was no BTO involved,” says Alexa. “Because we knew that if we let the BTO decide our future, we wouldn’t be happy.”

Fortunately, Alexa and her boyfriend managed to get past their rough patch and are eager to start their life together today.

DON’T JUMP THE GUN

It’s normal to have the urge to jump on a bandwagon that everyone around you is on. We all want to have a great home by the age of 35. We all have an ideal ‘plan’ of where we want to be by the time we’re in our late 30s.

Despite being single for the past two years, Jason, still has no qualms about rushing into a relationship at 27.

“I get that in Singapore, settling down with someone takes a lot more time. But I would much rather wait until 35 and get my bachelor pad than get a BTO with someone I'm unsure about,” shares Jason. “Singlehood doesn’t scare me, being with the wrong one does.”

BTOs should be a mere stepping stone into the future you want to build, it shouldn’t be the foundation of it.

“Your future shouldn't depend on getting a BTO,” says Alexa. “It’s better to be 30 and single than to be with someone you’re unsure about.”

Also read: Hustle Together, Stay Together - These Singaporean Couples Prove That Office Romance Can Work

When you’re in a long-term relationship, it can feel like there’s nowhere to go in Singapore for dates anymore. You’ve done movies, dinner, picnics, touristy places like USS and the Zoo, and you’ve walked the Orchard to Dhoby Ghaut stretch so many times you can tell when a new shop pops up. Going out for dates even feels like a chore sometimes. We spoke to 8 Singaporean millennial couples to see how they deal with (the burden of) planning dates. Hopefully, their dating habits inspire you in keeping it fresh for your relationship!

1. Jacky & Li Ru, Together for 2 months

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? Once a week. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? We go on food hunts and movie dates. We signed up for GuavaPass so we’ll go on weekly exercise dates too. We also had a fun gaming outing where we played PS4 recently. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We’ll just meet, eat, and walk around where we eat at. Sometimes, you don’t have to have a "destination" in mind, it's the company. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? The company. - Jacky

2. Zafirah & Farhan, Together for 6 months

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? We meet each other about 2 to 3 times a week, depending on our schedules. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? We usually just eat. We like to explore new makan places that we saw on Facebook or if there's any good food deals. Besides eating, we like to walk around or find a spot to sit and talk. Or watch movies, go bowling, and most recently, sing karaoke! What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We’ll just park the car somewhere and talk while listening to music. I actually enjoy spending time like this. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? Honestly it's not about where you go or what you do, but the person you're with. if you're with good company, you're guaranteed a good time. It’s also important for us to be 100% present on dates instead of fiddling with our phones. - Zafirah

3. Justinn & Danessa, Together for 8 months

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? Almost everyday. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? We go thrift shopping and movies or eat. Otherwise we just stay home and chill. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? Stay at home or spend time with each other’s family, or find our friends to hangout together. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? Just being with each other. - Justinn

4. Alanna & Kar Liang, Together for 2.5 years

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? If you mean how often we meet up or go out, one or two times a week. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? When we meet on weekends we will plan our day around a place we want to eat at, or something we want to see or need to buy. If there are any good movies, we'll watch it. When we don't feel like doing much, we just go out for a relaxing cup of coffee. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We’ll list out as many ideas as we can and then narrow them down until we decide on something. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? Taking turns to do things that your partner wants to do, and being comfortable to just do nothing together sometimes! - Alanna

5. Daniel & Natasha, Together for 2.5 years

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? Not as often as when we first started dating, but we do make an effort to go out once in awhile. Maybe once or twice a month. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? I like to plan surprise dates for her occasionally, just because I know she loves that. It’ll usually be a nice restaurant because we eat cheap normally, so it’s like a treat. On a more regular basis, we’ll either catch a movie or check out an exhibition at the gallery or museum. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? I’m quite a “cheapo” so sometimes when we have no idea what to do, I’ll check discount apps or find 1-for-1 deals to help pick out a restaurant. There are other apps or websites too that help recommend date ideas. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? I think the most important is that we both enjoy doing things that both of us can appreciate together. Of course, we enjoy each other’s company as well! - Daniel

6. Melissa & Andy, Together for 2.5 years

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? We date occasionally since both of us are really busy, but weekend hangouts are a must. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? Dates are always food-fuelled. Besides that, it’s movies and window shopping. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We do stay-home dates since it's all about spending time together. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? Definitely the company. It can be a trip to some kopitiam but the experience will still be great for the both of us. - Melissa

7. Marie & Leslie, Together for 2.5 years

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? At least once a week. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? We usually watch movies or bring my nephew out to places like the goat farm, frog farm or neighbourhood playgrounds. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We usually meet our friends to play board games, PS4, or workout together. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? FOOD!! - Marie

8. Anmol & Wayne, Together for 4 years

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? Twice a week. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? It'll just be dinner on a weekday. On a weekend, we’ll usually catch a movie or window shop in town. We'll go for events or carnivals if there are but we won't spend, we just like to see stuff. We’ll also catch the free performances at Esplanade outdoor theatre sometimes. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We usually wait until the last minute and someone will end up suggesting something after Googling. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? Spending quality time and catching up on things that happened in the week. It's a bonus if we get to do something or go somewhere new. - Anmol

9. Victoria & Beng Kiong, Together for 6.5 years

what to do on dates How often do you guys go on dates? About once or twice a week. Where do you guys go or what do y’all do on dates? When we first started dating, we would go on 'running' dates at MacRitchie because we knew each other from Track & Field. These days, just having dinner at a nice restaurant is good enough for us. What do you do when you don’t know what to do/where to go for dates? We keep suggesting things until we can agree on something. Otherwise, we usually head to the nearest park for a walk like what your grandfather and grandmother would do on Sunday mornings. What’s the most important thing when it comes to dates? I think we're lucky to share many common interests despite our contrasting personalities. It does get boring after doing the same thing for so many years so trying new things is important. For example, I was introduced to bouldering by a friend and I thought it was fun, so I roped him in to try it with me. - Victoria

It’s Not The Place, It’s The Person

Instead of lamenting how there’s nothing to do in our tiny island, make it fun for yourself and your partner in your own ways! As these 3 other couples shared in our earlier video, there’s always new things and events that are happening around Singapore. https://www.facebook.com/millennialsofsingapore/videos/902216563273095/ And on days where you really have no idea what to do, just Google. There are a ton of suggestions online, like this listicle on 100 Best Things to do in Singapore. Step out of your comfort zone and try new stuff! Who knows, you might stumble upon a new favourite hangout or even a new hobby that both of you can enjoy together. Also read, 12 Things Singapore Couples Do That Singles Buay Tahan.
The ‘gay best friend’ has made an appearance in various chick flicks – Damian from Mean Girls and Christian from Clueless, heck there’s even a movie released in 2013 titled G.B.F. Although they stereotype the gay community as flamboyant gossip queens, we’re not here to shed light on the media’s lack of representation. Most of us know that not all gay men are effeminate and sassy. In fact, having an openly homosexual friend doesn't raise eyebrows anymore. It has even been proven that straight women find a greater sense of comfort and trust in their friendships with gay men than fellow gal pals.
Image Credit: Vertical Entertainment
It was my gay best friend's birthday a few weeks back and I was about to post a photo of us on Instagram with a sappy caption until I realised how much we looked like a couple. I was sitting on his lap, both of us looking flushed from the drinks, all ready for ZoukOut. Research shows that compared to men, women are touchier with people they are close to, so it's normal for them to hug their close friends, exchange the occasional cheek kisses or hold hands while hanging out. I am no exception. Before my friend asked for advice on the huge fight she had with her long time lover about going overseas alone with her gay friend, I never had a reason to question my own behaviour with my gay best friend. Turns out, all my friends have extremely differing views on whether the physical intimacy between gay men and straight women are an exception to the rules governing a monogamous relationship. We can't blame our boyfriends for being protective, but is this too much?

How It Looks

Back when we had more time for each other, my Instagram feed was filled with photos of my gay best friend and I, always with our hands wrapped around each other's waist. Since I wasn't attached and he wasn't completely out of the closet, people assumed he was my new hot date. As flamboyant and effeminate as they might be, a gay man doesn't have defining 'gay' features. If pictures are enough to make my friend and I a couple, an intimate hug or interlocking fingers in public will definitely look bad on my beau. I didn't post the photo in the end because I didn't want my relationship to be subjected to unnecessary judgement. It won't be fair for my boyfriend to defend my reputation and our relationship against his close friends and family, too.

Born This Way

When I asked a few other guys to comment on the matter, “What if he changes his mind about being gay?” is the most common concern they have. Don't be too quick to call them bigots, let’s not forget that YouTube star Gigi Gorgeous came out of the closet three times – first as gay, then as trans and after she broke up with her one-year boyfriend, she came out as lesbian.
Image Credit: @GigiGorgeous
Discovering gender and sexuality is a journey. We live in an era of non-binary gender identities and the freedom to love whoever we want. That makes, "Is he really gay?" a valid concern. Although I reassured my friends that a more likely possibility to worry about is the girlfriend developing a crush on her best friend instead. I cite the various forums and articles of girls fessing up on falling in love with a gay man as reference.

Same Same But Different

On these same forums, many talked about how boyfriends should think of gay friends as just another female. Is kissing your gay friend really the same as kissing one of your girlfriends though? Let's not strip a man of his masculinity just because he shares your preference for dicks – gender orientation and sexual orientation are different. Your gay friend deserves to be respected like the man he identifies to be, regardless of how "limp-wristed" he is. If your boyfriend objects to the physical aspects of your friendship with a gay man, it also means he respects your best friend as a man sans his sexual preference. That's why he may be upset to catch you sitting on someone else's lap – as innocent as the intention was.

Commitment

Then there's the "but we've been friends for so long already," and "it didn't mean anything." While tongue wrestling with a platonic friend and having one night stands have no emotional sentiments, it definitely meant something. Physical intimacy is a big factor in a relationship and it becomes void of its exclusivity if you get too touchy with anyone else. In the end, every relationship is defined only by the two people involved – where do you and your partner draw the line on skinship with other people? Also read, I Like Guys And Girls But My Religion Says It’s Unacceptable.
When you have a crush on someone, you think about them 24/7. You'll catch yourself sneaking peeks at them and getting overly-excited whenever they like any of your Instagram photos. But as much as you like them and hope they feel the same way about you too, it can be nerve-racking to think about confessing – what if they reject you? Then again, the only way to go from social media stalker to potential love interest is to just do it – confess and pray for the best. We spoke to our friends on how they’ve confessed to someone they liked, or how they’ve been confessed to. Here’re 8 of the cutest confessions.

1. “He sent my photo back and said, ‘this girl’”

“Back then, we both already knew we liked each other. We were texting regularly and there were many small hints here and there but we just hadn’t confess. When I went to Taiwan for a holiday, I sent him some photos of me as I think he missed me. He replied, "omg I kept staring at the photo and walked into a lamp post". The second time I sent him photos, he said, "wah I keep looking at your photo and I went up to level 4 when I stay at level 3." After that, he tweeted something like ‘miss u’. When I asked him who he misses and who he likes, he sent my photo back and said, “This girl.”” – Jiaqian, 21

2. “Team Captains of the track team’”

“He was the team captain for the boy's track team and I was the team captain for the girl's track team so our peers always joked and tried to ‘stir shit’ about us being together. I liked him since poly year one but he was quite dense and couldn’t tell. We went out on a date once and texted occasionally but it didn’t go further than that. I still had a big crush on him so one night, I told myself that I was going to confess to him no matter. If he said yes, I'll go for ZoukOut to celebrate. And if he rejects me, I'll still go for ZoukOut – to party my woes away. I confessed over the phone and I was nervous AF. He said he appreciated my thoughts and my feelings and that’s it. Then I said, "Great! Thanks for acknowledging, I just wanted to get this off my chest,” then we hung up. Thankfully, he called me back and said that it was so sudden for him but he also likes me. That was 5 years ago. Today, we are married. ” – Vic, 25

3. “He sent me food via ‘homing pigeon’ service”

“We both stay in Yishun. There was once I was feeling a little under the weather and had also casually mentioned that I love ham and cheese sandwiches. He said that he will send a homing pigeon over to my place with ‘the cure’ and we laughed at it as it seemed like a joke. A while later, he told me that the homing pigeon had delivered something to me. I thought he was still joking, until I checked my doorstep and saw the Tupperware of ham and cheese sandwiches and a tube of Redoxen for my sore throat. He cycled to my house just to surprise me with the 'care package'. He didn’t exactly confess per se, but it was kind of a confirmation to me that he likes me.” – Jamie, 26

4. “You are 'my class monitress'”

“We were classmates in Secondary School. Every month, our form teacher would change the class monitor and monitress so more students could experience leading the class. She was my partner-in-crime when we were elected the monitor and monitress for that month. Subconsciously, I started to fall for her when we worked together, but it was only nearing the end of our month when I realise I was going to miss her as more than just friends. We were texting on a friendly basis then, so I texted her that I was going to miss being the class monitor. Then I added that more importantly, that I was so happy she was 'my class monitress'. She said she was very happy that she got to be the monitress with me too, and asked which monitress I thought was the best so far. I said her, and that I wished we could be the moniter and monitress permanently so I could see her and spend more time with her. Good times." - Chong, 28

5. “He baked 'extra' cookies and gave it to me”

“We met through a school camp and have been texting for a while. One day, he told me that he had baked extra cookies and packed some for me. I dropped by an MRT station to pick it up from him on the way home. I thanked him for the free cookies and he patted my head before I walked away – that made me suspect something already. I opened up the package after I left and sure enough, there was a card inside and on it was his confession. I thought it was really sweet, but I only saw him as a friend and nothing more.” – Zhen Ni, 26

6. “He tricked me into giving him my locker combination”

“We were in JC. He asked for my locker combination to borrow a textbook and when I checked my locker afterwards, there was a box of chocolates inside. My first thought was: cool, chocolates. Then I took it and went home, only to realise it was a confession when my friends reminded me that it was Valentine’s Day. I thanked him the next day and gave him a small gift back just to be nice. I made the gift for like 10 people and just decided to make one more for him.” – Sammie, 25

7. “April’s Fool!”

“There was this guy in church who I had a crush on for a long time. I think he liked me too but there was never any proof. We talk once in a while but nothing more. One day, he called me at midnight. When I picked it up, he said, “Esther, I really need to tell you something. I like you.” For a moment, my heart skipped a beat and I was so nervous. Then I heard his friend’s laughter on the line, “April’s Fool!” I texted him later on that day and playfully asked if he was serious and that if he was, I liked him too. The banter went on for a bit before we realised that we liked each other for real.” – Esther, 25

8. “I love you… as a friend”

“We had been best friends for awhile and would even have long conversations on the phone. After a long conversation one night, I texted him, "I love you." Then I added, "as a friend," to save myself from potential embarrassment. I was so nervous the whole night because I didn't know how he would react. In the morning, he replied, “I love you too. You’re like a special friend to me.” That was 8 years ago. We are getting married next year.” – Sally, 25

Tell Them You Like Them!

If you think about it in another way, there’s a 50% chance that they may like you as well. You’ve got nothing to lose anyway because you’re not going to get anywhere if s/he doesn’t know how you feel either. But of course, don’t be a creep. Talk to them and get to know one another a little better before you go on telling them they are The One for you. And if you need some help in meeting or getting to know a potential love interest better, try here! Also read, Then & Now: Photos Of 9 Longtime Singapore Couples That Prove True Love Still Exists.
Figuring out my sexuality was a struggle. As most LGBTQ will attest, there are no surefire signs, no criteria, no checkboxes you can go through to determine whether or not you’re it. The only way to figure it out is to live your life, feel what you feel, and eventually, piece it all together—at least that’s how it happened for me.

Just A Phase?

Growing up, I was always a tomboy. I went to an all girls’ primary school and my schoolmates would often tease me and make fun of me for it. At the time, I thought nothing of it. When I was 10, I became really close to a girl. We were best friends in school and would hang out together all the time. I felt like I liked her more than just a friend. But of course, at that age, I didn’t understand it. Thereafter, I had some innocent crushes on girls as a pre-teen and teenager, but I didn’t think too much of that either. As I was trying to understand why I had such feelings, I spoke to my mum and siblings about these girl crushes. We all believed it was a phase I would eventually grow out of. As I grew older, I had my fair share of guy friends, but I never liked them as more than just bros. And as time went by, I gradually realized that I was different.
Sam Koh

Keeping A Part Of Me A Secret

It was a very different time back when I thought I might be gay. It wasn’t a big social issue. There was very little talk about sexuality in the media and in society, and not many people were gay—at least, not that I was aware of. I didn’t personally know anyone who was gay. Because it seemed so rare back then, I worried constantly about how people would perceive me and treat me if they found out I was gay. I was also afraid of how it would affect the people around me; I was scared that people would treat the ones close to me differently because of their friendship with me. As a teenager, whenever I went to church, I felt like I had to change. I tried to change, tried to feel differently. And when I couldn’t, I buried my feelings and kept them to myself. When nothing worked, I got upset with myself. I was angry that I didn’t change. Now, I realise it’s because I couldn’t. This is just the way I am. Being gay and having no one to talk to about it, it was tough, trying to make sense of how I felt and why I felt that way. I avoided thinking about it, and when I did share my struggles with those who accepted me for who I am, it felt like no one truly understood. For a long time, I felt alone and wished I knew someone who shared the same difficulties and challenges as me. Eventually, after a long and hard struggle with myself, I came to terms with the fact that I was “different”. I knew there was no running away from me.

Loved, Supported, And It Meant Everything

My mum and siblings were the first few people I came out to. It wasn’t a complete surprise to them, considering that I spoke to them about the girl crushes I had in the past. It was my dad I was more afraid to tell, because he’s a bit sterner. It took me a while longer, but eventually, I summoned up the courage to come out to him when I was 24 or 25. I still remember how scared and nervous I was up to the point I actually said the words to him. In the weeks that followed, I could tell that he was trying his best to understand it – to understand why I was this way. I felt bad that I, too, couldn’t explain how this happened.

Not Everyone Understands

Even though the people that matter most to me accepted me for who I was, not everyone received the news well. I’ve had my fair share of nasty reactions from friends and even complete strangers on the street. In fact, just recently, when I was out shopping at a mall, the mother of a little girl followed me just to tell me how offensive and gross it was that I didn’t ‘dress like a girl’ or have long hair. She wanted me to apologise for scaring her daughter with my ‘lesbian appearance’. Apparently, the little girl had asked her mum why my hair was so short. It wasn’t about how I looked or how I behaved; my hair alone was enough reason for her to come up to me to confront me. I ignored her remarks and tried to get away, but she followed me and made harsh remarks about my lifestyle, saying things like, “I don't care about how you choose to live your life but say sorry for confusing my daughter and making her scared.” Dirty looks from strangers are normal for me. So are harsh words from the people around. Even though I’m proud of who I am, things like these sometimes still get to me.
Sam and her girlfriend, Roslyn

Still The Same Person, Regardless Of My Sexuality

Accepted or not, it was good to get everything off my chest; coming to terms with who I was and being able to say it out loud to the people I love liberated me. Those who stuck around realised that beyond the label of ‘lesbian’, I was still the same person with the same heart and character. I am still the same Sam Koh, regardless of who I fall in love with. I’m 29 years old, a barista at my own café and I’m also happily attached to my partner Roslyn. We’ve been together for about 8 months now, and I’ve never been happier. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for some of the people I know who have been forced to stay in the closet and to put up a front all their lives because their families do not approve. Everyday, I know how fortunate I am to have people around me who accept me exactly as I am. I am more than grateful for a family who lets me figure out my life on my own.

LGBT In Singapore

Being lesbian has definitely left me feeling lonely and excluded at times. Still, I wouldn’t wish away the things I’ve experienced and the fact that I’m gay. I, and the LGBTQ community, are not gay just because we want to be different. We’re not here to challenge heterosexuality. We’re not asking anyone to be gay. We just want to be accepted for who we are. At the end of the day, we are just regular human beings who want to be able to love who we love, free of condemnation. To have people frown upon your relationship is just like having parents who don’t approve of who you're dating, but worse. We have total strangers disapproving of our choices too. It’s frustrating. Thankfully, times are changing and so are attitudes. Still, there is more to be done. I hope one day, people will be more open and accepting. I hope one day, people will see beyond the labels and the prejudice, and realise that all we want is the freedom to love. - To show our support for the freedom to love, we will be publishing stories under our new series My Sexuality, My Right. In it, we share the journeys of Singaporeans who are fighting for their right to love, and who embrace their LGBTQ identity. Also read, Sexual Harassment Not That Unusual – S’porean Girls Reveal Their Nasty Encounters With Perverts.
These days, you can no longer assume a couple will get married just because they've been together for a long time.  We all know of people who've had to say goodbye to long-term relationships--1 year, 2 year, and even 5 year relationships.  The sad truth is there are times when you just don't figure into someone else's future. Perhaps it's because they're not ready to take the relationship to the next level; perhaps you've grown apart, and the love you once shared fizzled out. In real life, things just doesn't pan out the way they do in the movies. We reached out to 6 Singaporean millennials and asked them to share why they ended things with their long-time lovers. Here are their heartfelt stories. 

1. “He started saying things like women belong in the kitchen”

He started passing snarky comments like how women should be in the kitchen, making food for the family, or how we should be seen with a broom in our hands. It may seem like nothing, but over time, I started to realise how misogynistic he was as a person. What’s worse, he would say it in front of my brother, and my brother started making such remarks himself. Not cool. He had a great personality, likeable with friends and respectful with family. But I just couldn’t see a future with a man who’s so misogynistic. – Sammie, 25, 2 year relationship

2. “She went on a full day hike with a guy she knew I didn’t like and only told me afterwards”

She decided to go on a full day hike alone with this guy, and I was not informed. Furthermore, she didn’t reply or answer any of my messages and phone calls. She only told me about it when she got home at the end of the day. Her rationale for not telling me was "I knew you would be pissed if I told you." She knew full well that I didn’t like the guy, because I knew he was quite a player.  Going on a hike with that guy without my knowledge, ignoring me the entire day and confessing to me only after – I had no idea what to make of it. Yes, I would have gotten upset if she had told me beforehand but I wouldn't forbid her from going if she really wanted to. I really didn't like that she used my feelings against me. That was the start of the end. – Neo, 30, 2 year relationship

3. “He wanted a trophy wife - a pretty, young thing”

I once dated a significantly older man. He was mature, charismatic, independent, and free-spirited. He taught me a lot about how to see the world and how to love. Strangely, he wanted the polar opposite in a partner: a trophy wife – a pretty, young thing. I really liked him but definitely couldn't see a future with him. We never talked about our status as a couple. Throughout the relationship, I would tell myself that I deserved more than someone who was so non-committal. We went out for close to a year, and I figured he was seeing other people throughout that time. I knew it wasn’t going to work out because I am not the ‘trophy wife’ type. I couldn’t fully let go of him until I realised that I liked him because I saw in him who I wanted to be. That made me come to the realisation that having someone around to curb your loneliness and to project your dreams on is not the same thing as love.  I’ve since grown to be the things I used to like in him: independent, confident, open-minded. I've seen him on the street once with another girl but didn't flinch. I just felt sad for him because I don't think he has one thing that I have: the ability to truly love someone 100%. – Tammy, 26, 1 year relationship

4. “He ‘don’t know’ if I’m in any part of his future plans”

Throughout the 5 years I was with him, we hardly spoke about our future plans. He would brush it off whenever I brought it up. I didn’t harp on it as he hated discussing this topic, and heart-to-heart talks in general. He felt like it was a bit too deep for him. At one point, I decided it was about time we had a proper discussion. I asked if he had any plans to settle down and he said he had no plans of doing so anytime soon. I reasoned that it didn’t have to to be now, but perhaps in two years time. He said it was too early for him and that he didn’t want to plan for marriage. He always hated talking about marriage and I didn’t know why. He said that I was pressuring him. I wanted to settle down by 30, but he had no timeline at all. I asked if I was in any part of his future plans, and he just said, “I don’t know.” He was 28 when that happened. In two years, he’d have been 30 and we would have been together for 7 years. If we had just started dating or even when I was 25 (and him, 26), I would understand if it was too early for talk about marriage. But I think at the age of 27, I need to map out my future already. The thought of having to get to know someone else all over again sucks, but it beats continuing a relationship with someone I don’t even know if I’ll be able to settle down with. – Zaf, 27, 5 year relationship

5. “We wanted different things in the relationship and in life”

We started talking about the future, and the conversation became about what we were looking for in our future lives together. I realised we wanted different things and that we were two different types of people. I'm an extroverted person. I gain my energy from social interactions and from conversations. He needed personal space and a quiet woman who does her job in the background. It wasn't until we were talking about buying a house that I felt something was wrong. He wanted the kind of wife the Chinese call "small woman (小女人)"; someone who'd listen to him. I wanted a life where we would support each other in our respective areas. He always had this air about him, like he thought he knew better because he was older. The moment he said what I wanted was too idealistic, and that what he wanted was realistic, I knew it wasn't going to work out. – Phyllis, 24, 1.5 year relationship

6. “When I felt disgusted at the thought of kissing him, which was really weird”

I think it’s true when people say NS is a true test of a relationship. We had been together for over 2 years and he was serving his NS. We had much less time together, and during the times we did meet, I spent most of the time watching him sleep at home. I began to get irritated by the smallest things he did and didn’t do. It was a dilemma for me because I wanted more from him, while at the same time knowing it wasn’t fair for me to demand much from a guy who’s already so tired when out from camp. I started to question if I was with him because it was comfortable or because I actually loved him. I didn’t want to be an ass and leave him while he was still serving, but when I started feeling disgusted whenever we kissed, I knew I no longer had the feelings I used to have for him. – Belinda, 26, 2 year relationship

No Future Together

We all have our own reasons for ending things with our partners, no matter how long we were with them. From the stories above, it seems like it all boils down to one common factor: not being able to see a future together. After all, what’s the point of staying in a relationship if either of you can’t imagine spending your lives with the other? Not only will you waste your youth, you’ll be wasting precious time and passing up chances to meet the <a href=" right one’. Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours!
Breakups are tough. Not only are they tough to get through, they're tough to initiate. It can be hard to tell someone you used to like (or <a href=" the real reason why you're initiating the break. Maybe you're harbouring feelings for someone else. Maybe they've changed. Maybe you realised they're assholes. Whatever it is, the truth is hard to tell, which is why some people would rather tell a lie--even if it's a shitty one. We’ve all either experienced first-hand or know of someone who's been jilted without being given a proper explanation--or who's been given one that's so ridiculous, it can't be right. We reached out to some Singaporeans, and here are 10 of the most unbelievable reasons we've found ex-es gave for breaking up. * Some names have been changed for privacy reasons.

 1. “I don't like it when you don’t put the money in the cashier’s hands”

I felt our <a href=" had problems. I chatted with him about it and it turned into a fight. Because I have trouble counting money, I always put coins on the table to count. He told me the only time that I put the money into the cashier's hands was when I bought Gong Cha. And he wasn’t happy because he didn’t like the way I put the money on the table instead of into the cashier's hands. – Roycelyn, 26

2. “You didn’t buy the sneakers you promised”

He’s a sneakerhead. I was late for one <a href=" and he got mad. When I met him, I tried to appease him by saying “Okay, okay, I'll buy shoes ok? Don't be angry.” All was fine and dandy until 2 weeks later, when he asked, "So where are your shoes?" I was stunned by the question. I told him that I said it so he would be happy. He was quiet for the rest of the date. When he went home, he posted a Facebook status: "Don't make promises you can't keep." It went downhill from there. – Tammy, 26

3. “You’re not a virgin anymore, and it’s not like you were great in bed anyway”

A jerk had sex with my friend and dumped her because she was no longer a virgin after that. He added that he found her not as satisfying or as amazing in bed as those online videos made it out to be. – Kian Wai, 26

 4. “I don’t agree with the choice of wedding venue”

We were supposed to have one wedding reception to host her family and friends and a separate reception for my side. Our 3 year relationship ended because she or her family was not agreeable to the choice of venue for the wedding reception on my side. – Sapi, 26

 5. “You ignored my phone calls, so you must be going out with other guys”

If I didn’t reply him within 5 minutes, even during work hours, he would kick up a fuss. And even if I went out with long-time friends, he’d get paranoid as long as there’s a guy around. I happened to be busy this once and didn’t pick up his calls for a few hours, and he assumed that I was out with guys. So he broke up with me. – Kelly, 26

6. “Your A-level results are better than mine”

We’d been dating for a few months and he broke up with me because he couldn’t accept that my A level results were better than his. – Mandy, 25

7. “The way you open a bag of potato chips is wrong”

A friend broke up with her partner because they couldn’t agree on how to open a bag of potato chips. One wanted to tear it open from the jagged edge, while the other insisted on splitting it open from the middle. It brought out the worst in them, along with the realisation that they were so different and stubborn. So they called it quits. – Jeremiah, 29

8. “I suddenly realised you don’t dress well enough”

He was very sweet for the whole month we were dating. Then, out of the blue, he said he wanted to break up because I didn’t dress well enough. When I asked why he even dated me when he didn’t like how I dressed, he said it didn’t bother him until then. It wasn’t even triggered by any particular event or special occasion. He just ‘suddenly realised’ he didn’t like it. – Betty, 25

9. “You have too many pretty female friends”

My friend got dumped because his girlfriend found that he had too many pretty female friends around him, and that made her feel insecure. – Roger, 30

10. “I really, really want to be and miss being single”

She broke up with me and said that she really, really wanted to be and missed being single. She said that she still loved me, but she needed to break up with me and be alone, or else she would forever regret it and think about the ‘what ifs’. – Jun Bin, 26

Break Up Properly, Can?

Seriously guys, if you need to break up, do it right. These reasons aren’t any better than just plainly saying, “I don’t like you anymore.” We've all had bad relationship experiences--some worse than others--but that doesn't mean you should give up on love. Try your luck <a href=" Hopefully, the next guy (or girl) won't be a jerk. What are some unbelievable reasons you’ve been given or heard of? Share them with us in the comments! Also read, NSFs Don’t Deserve The Flak They’re Getting – Here’s Why.
When you're in love, everything is beautiful. Even the weirdest habits and tiniest idiosyncrasies seem cute to you – the way they snort every time they laugh, the hair growing awkwardly out of one of their moles... Heck, even a deathly fart from them can make you laugh. That said, what keeps a relationship alive is the actions partners do for each other to keep that fire burning. We asked 15 millennials about the sweetest thing(s) their partners have done for them. Here are their stories.

1. "He was my glorified hair band"

I was really sick one day and he came over to make me feel better. Really sick like stomach flu, fever, diarrhoea, vomiting – the whole enchilada. It took him about 40 minutes to drive all the way from Bukit Batok to Pasir Ris just to be my glorified hair band, holding my hair and rubbing my back while I threw up. And the thing is, this happened at 4am in the morning! At the time, I didn't want him seeing me in the state I was in – the pathetic whimpering, the contents of my vomit and all. But he said even if he didn't see me at my worse then, he would in the future. He even cracked a joke, saying we must buy a flat that's not so 'ulu' and with a 24-hr clinic nearby. That night, he was my bed warmer, tucking me in, holding me close and patting me to sleep before bringing me to the clinic in the morning. – Samantha

2. "He walked around to 'test' my balloon"

The other day at i Light Marina Bay, he won me a huge, super cute teddy bear balloon. But it kept deflating, so we thought there was a hole on it somewhere. I got really upset, so he went to exchange it while I waited. It took him so long! Turns out he went to exchange it 5 times! He exchanged it, and then walked around to ‘test’ the balloon. The first four times, the air escaped, and he kept going back to change it because he knew I would be sad if I got a defective balloon. – Nur'Ain

3. "He makes my safety his priority"

He sends me home whenever we go out, regardless of the time and place. We're both working adults with a decreasing supply of energy, so workday dinners are both a sweet and tiring affair. There was once when he was so drained from a full day of work events that he fell asleep standing on the train! I kept telling him to go home, but he stubbornly refused through his sleepy eyes and all. It's a simple gesture, but him sacrificing his precious rest time just to make sure I always get home safe is really sweet. – Melissa

4. "He sings me sweet lullabies"

Ever since the song 'All Of Me' was released in 2013, it has been my favourite jam and I find the lyrics very sweet and meaningful. At the end of our nightly phone calls, he always sings that song to me to lull me to sleep (it works by the way!). I think he may have gotten lazier over time though, because nowadays, he only sings the chorus. But the fact that even after more than 5 years of dating, he still sings me to sleep? I think it's very sweet! – Zaf

5. "She splurged on me"

On Valentine’s Day, she surprised me with a pretty expensive watch. I have a watch I usually wear when I go out, but it was spoilt, so I stopped wearing it. We are both saving up to get married, so I was surprised that she splurged on that watch for me. It’s sweet to me because she makes my needs a priority despite having to save up for our big day. – Julian

6. "She thinks of my family"

She always thinks of me and my family whenever she goes overseas. She brings snacks and bits back for them, even if it’s a short trip. I remember how one time, she bought durians for my parents (I hate durians by the way) because she knew they like eating them. The fact that she has me and my family at the back of her mind when doing things is what makes it very sweet. – Ming Da

7. "She made me a lucky charm"

I was going for an important English exam and she made a good luck charm for me: a handmade paper-craft that could be tied to the key chain I use. She knew I was unprepared and all tensed up, so it was her way of helping calm my nerves. She probably took a whole day to make it, and that's a heartwarming thought. – Vincent

8. "We look good for each other"

When many couples are together for a long time, they tend to get comfortable and stop doing what they used to for each other. However, she’s different. To me, the sweetest thing is that she always dresses up to look pretty whenever we meet. It’s not that she doesn’t look good when she doesn't dress up, it’s more about the effort she consistently puts in. I really appreciate it and I do the same for her – this way, we always look forward to seeing each other. – Lawrence

9. "It's in the little things"

There is no one sweetest thing, but rather many little random acts which are all equally sweet. For example, during dinner, she always puts food on my plate first. And because we have different work schedules, sometimes we may not get to see each other for a few days. But almost every day, she will text to say 'good morning', and this is 6 years plus into our relationship! These little gestures actually do mean a lot, even if they don’t seem like much. – Kelvin

10. "He got the hint"

He surprised me with flowers during Valentine’s Day this year. This is the first time ever, because I told him I didn't like flowers last time, so he never gave any. A month before Valentine’s, I told him that actually flowers are quite nice, just that they will probably die quickly in my hands. So on Valentine's Day, he came to fetch me from my place and there he was, waiting in his car with the flowers and he used Facebook live to capture the moment. – Naomi

11. "She sacrifices her sleep for me"

I work as a photographer for weddings and events and often come home late after shoots. The sweetest thing shes does is cook supper for me, which sometimes is really my dinner. This is in the middle of the night, when she is already about to sleep, and she has to wake up early for work the next morning . – Clement

12. "She still gives me morning calls"

We've been together for more than 4 years, and she still gives me morning calls to wake me up for work. There are times when I have to wake up really early as I shoot weddings, and she'd be my very reliable human alarm clock. She would set her own alarm to wake up at 4am in the morning to call me, just to ensure I don't oversleep and be late for my shoot. This is even when she has her own work commitments from 10am to 11pm that same day. – Ivan

13. "He makes me feel safe"

One night, my sister told me she could feel a ghostly presence in my room. I was so scared I couldn't sleep and I sobbed. That's when my then boyfriend (now husband) called me and asked what he could do to make me feel better. I didn't reply and continued crying, until I heard him strumming on his guitar. He started singing praise and worship songs in an attempt to calm me down. He assured me that God would be there to protect me no matter what and that he would keep on singing until I fell asleep – and that's exactly what he did. – Dorothy

14. "He made me a dream catcher"

One of the sweetest and most thoughtful things my partner has done for me is learn how to weave a dream catcher. I used to have a lot of nightmares and on one of our anniversaries, he made one for me. Hanging the handmade dream catcher above my bed, he told me it was to catch all my bad dreams. Just imagine a man weaving a dream catcher! And this is coming from a man who doesn't even usually do handicraft work. – Patrina

15. "He waited 3 hours for me"

A few years ago, when I was doing my internship, I was suddenly dragged into a last minute meeting that lasted past 9pm. I was supposed to meet my boyfriend at 6pm at a mall nearby for dinner, but I couldn't tell him I was in a meeting because I didn't have my phone on me. When I left, I expected to go home alone but he was standing outside my office waiting this whole time! I was really touched because I was so drained from the long day, and him being there just made everything better. These acts of sweetness mean so much more to me than grand gestures and extravagant gifts. – Venessa While these may not be the grandest of gestures, one thing's for sure: the littlest of actions can brighten up the day of the one you love. What are some of the sweetest things YOUR partners have done? Let us know in the comments! *Some names have been changed for privacy reasons. (Top Image Credit: Douglas Lin)
Contrary to popular belief, being in an interracial relationship is not too different from being in any other relationship. We argue about the same silly things, and have the same kinds of fights. I’ve been with my Chinese boyfriend for almost 3 years now. There’s a lot I’ve learnt about his race, and he of mine. There are however some struggles that we face being an Indian-Chinese couple in Singapore. Like every relationship, interracial relationships have their good and bad; ours are just a little more specific.

PUBLIC ACCEPTANCE

This is something almost every interracial couple deals with. For an interracial couple to be stared at by individuals in public is not unheard of. My boyfriend and I aren't really prone to participating in public displays of affection, or as most call it, PDA, but on the rare occasions that we do, we would be lucky to get by without getting at least one stare on the public train. Public acceptance, however, doesn't just come with not getting stares anymore. If only I had a dollar for all the times someone reacted with the tone of surprise as I tell them that my boyfriend is Chinese. It’s like I’ve said the most absurd thing in the world. It’s very much similar to getting glares in public. It makes me question how well the public accepts interracial couples. Even in today’s day and age, it’s bizarre to see how many Singaporeans are surprised seeing two people from a different race in a relationship.

PARENTS' APPROVAL

This is a big one. For most people, disapproval from parents can be a deal-breaker. You would be surprised at how many parents today are STILL prohibitive about who their children should date. Couples don't usually take the next step without their parents' approval in a family-oriented culture like Singapore's. Take my parents for example - their ‘ideal boy’ for me should’ve been an Indian Hindu. That clearly didn’t work out well for them. In all seriousness though, if your parents approve of the person you love, you don’t know how lucky you are.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

Understanding another's culture takes effort. I was lucky that my boyfriend had an understanding or was at least aware of the Indian culture, having a ton of Indian friends himself. There are, however, a lot of Singaporeans that tend to not be as aware of other cultures – especially that of the minorities. However, I wouldn’t say that my boyfriend knew everything about my culture, or that I knew everything about his. In an interracial relationship, a lot of time and effort needs to be put into listening to the other talk about their traditions, rituals or even their food. And through the course of time, these cultural ‘differences’ are what bring you closer to your partner.

BEYOND THE STRUGGLES

While there may be struggles to being in an interracial relationship, there are tonnes of positives as well. When you learn about another race, you look at life from a different perspective. My boyfriend never understood what it felt to be a minority in Singapore until we were together. I know it might be hard for someone not in an interracial relationship to realise this, but we’re honestly not that different. And in a society where interracial couples are growing in numbers, I can only hope that the acceptance of the public towards us sees a growth as well.
We might be familiar with the old school Singaporean way of “proposing” during our parents' time. Your dad mentions that he had worked a couple of years and saved up before asking mum out for dinner and then popping the question, “Want to get a flat together?” However, that would probably not work in present day, where couples see proposals and Build-to-Order (BTO) flats as two separate entities. Proposals take elaborate planning and often occur in one romantic evening where the guy puts a ring on it (her), while BTOs take about 4 to 5 years of waiting and saving before it is completed. Although being proposed to by surprise might be what every girl (including myself) wants, marriage is still a lifelong commitment between my partner and me. And if getting our BTO is one (of many) obstacles that we are willing to work through together, then that would most likely eliminate the hesitation in my voice when it is time to say “I Do”.

Encouraging communication

The HDB website states a few options for flat types that both of you need to settle on as a couple. Before money comes into play, it is imperative that both of you <a href=" steps towards reaching a consensus about your future living situation. Perhaps it would make your partner and you look at your own flats that you live in with your parents a little differently, and that might encourage you to consider your own preferences on how you would want your own home to look like in the future. These choices, along with many others like whether or not to get a car, will encourage both of you to develop a shared vision together, making the big moment all the more special.

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S FINANCIAL HABITS FIRST

Finding out if your partner has a plan to save diligently or is leaving all the saving to you can be a make it or break it decision for most relationships. Registration fees, down-payments, insurance, and monthly housing loan instalments can be a huge burden to bear, and you would certainly want to tie the knot with someone who have worked out a plan to pay off these financial commitments equally. It might also be a good wake-up call for either of you if saving a large sum of money for purchasing property has never been a part of your to-do list until now. Downloading apps to track your spending or saving and setting up collective financial targets under a joint bank account would be the ultimate relationship goal for the both of you to get over any impulsive spending habits as a couple.

MORE MATURE CONVERSATIONS AND DECISIONS

Going on dates will still be an ongoing activity for the both of you but you will notice a difference in how you communicate. A walk through IKEA will no longer only entail making puns out of the Swedish-named furniture or cracking jokes over Swedish meatballs at the food court, it will also be about looking over furniture price tags and budgeting on what to fit in your new home together. The parents that you’ve spent most of your adolescence avoiding are the folks you want to have around more often now. You will start noticing how wise they are in their spending habits and decision-making, and you will begin to regret only talking to them when you wanted more allowance money back then. Very soon, you will wish that your partner or you will turn out to be like either one of your parents.

ROPING IN THE PEOPLE WHO DO CARE

In comparison to showing off a fairytale proposal, people rarely like to flash their financial woes on social media after getting a BTO. Immediate family and close friends are most likely the ones who will be there with you at the BTO signing and when you get your keys to your new flat. These are the people that will be there throughout the journey. They will also be the ones who will help in setting up that magical proposal or wedding in the end. You'll start to see and appreciate the people who stuck your side and helped you through the tough decisions. It'll help you mature and make you more comfortable in the dynamics of your extended social circles in the future.

CUT THE WAITING TIME

A BTO takes about 4 to 5 years to be completed. It will be a pain to wait that long after you've proposed or been proposed to. It can be tricky to also have to figure out the living arrangements after getting married and before the house comes. You’d definitely want to have your personal space with your other half in the shortest amount of time possible and getting the BTO application done and out of the way would reduce some of that stress. While you wait for the flat, you could put your energy into planning the proposal, spending more time with his or her family to know them better, and also narrowing down to the most auspicious date for the wedding. More connections with either side of the family would mean more invites and could also mean more cash coming in to fund your new home in the end. At the very least, you still get more blessings - which you will appreciate.

A MORE MEANINGFUL PROPOSAL

In hindsight, you’re way more aware about each other by going through a BTO first before proposing than vice versa. Yes it is not a complete surprise, but after working a year or two since securing the BTO, this public "I Do" would encompass all of the points above and create the most meaningful and worthwhile proposal possible. Because by then, you would have nailed down all the hard decisions and drawn up your ideal future map. Both of you would have agreed on the house you want, have had mature conversations, and discussed your plans to achieve it together. Your family and friends who have been with you on the journey will be by your side, and by the time he popped the question, you both will be well within reach of getting the keys to the flat.  Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours.