If one were to walk past Crow on the streets, one would easily pass him off as ‘one of those matreps’. After all, he fits perfectly into that mould: Malay, tattooed arms, smokes, plays the guitar and sings. His appearance and the stereotypical label that comes with it naturally meant that he has to put in twice the effort to earn the respect of society. What makes it that much harder is the stain of a criminal record that follows him for life. When I met Crow at Orita Sinclair School of Design & Music where he’s studying however, his calm and friendly disposition is a complete opposite of who he described himself to be in his wayward adolescent years. If I wasn’t aware of his past from a video feature our team did of him a year ago, I will never fathom that he was once a prominent gang member and had served six years in prison for gang-related activities and what was classified as a murder case. https://www.facebook.com/millennialsofsingapore/videos/749610395200380/ He spoke briefly about his journey in our video so when I caught up with him last week, I wanted to dive deeper into how everything started and also how much life has changed for him since the team last met him.

Growing Up In A Different World

Unlike average Singaporeans, Crow never had a proper family growing up. Neither did he really have a home. Home was wherever the person his single mother paid to look after him stayed, for she had to slog day and night to support him and his stepbrother.

With no family and no place he could truly call home, he sought solace in his friends. The many fights he got into with his mum for his lack of interest in studies pushed him further down the wrong path. At 14, he dropped out of school and a year later, joined a gang. “All my friends started joining the gang so I thought, why not? Since they are all in there, I’ll just join them too.” It is from thereon that Crow fell into the typical ‘gangster lifestyle’. He got tattooed, went clubbing, took drugs, sold drugs, got into fights, slashed and hurt many people with the use of weapons. To an outsider, these are acts done by people who do not know what they are doing. And this isn’t far from the truth. These made up Crow’s teenage years.

Crow’s world was about survival in the most primal sense. Where fights are default solutions to conflicts, violence became normalised behaviour for him. “I’m someone who want to be the best so I did whatever is expected of me and do it well to prove my worth in the gang.” Soon enough, Crow climbed the ranks and made a name for himself in the ‘gang scene’. Yet, none of his family members knew about his identity.

The First Changing Point

Things took a turn when Crow was 19. After surviving from a fight that left him with injuries so bad he was admitted to the ICU, and seeing his crying mother at the foot of his bed, the mother and child reconciled. That moment brought back long lost feelings of love and concern that he had always longed for from her. Their relationship improved but just four months after, she passed away from a sudden illness.

“It felt like the world just stopped.”

It was at that point that Crow started reflecting and decided to leave the gang. At 19 and serving NS however, it wasn’t long before Crow found himself back in the predicament of going back to his old days due to financial pressures. With $350 of his $520 monthly allowance going towards the rental of his mum’s flat, the remaining was barely enough to cover utilities, food, and transport among other expenses. He started selling cigarettes to earn and eventually succumbed to selling drugs when the bills piled up. One thing led to the other and he was soon back in his old gang. This time round, as a headman of a particular territory with over 20 boys under him.

The Law Caught Up

Things started going South when a huge fight left one of his gang members dead. Knowing that the investigations will lead the police to him, he went into hiding at various hotels and friends’ houses. He was caught in the end, along with all his boys when they were celebrating Ramadan back in his rental home. Detained by MHA under the Criminal Law Act and sent to prison immediately with no release date came as a shock to Crow at first.

“I knew what I was doing wasn’t right but I never imagined actually being in prison.”

Prison life was undoubtedly hard and it took him more than a year to accustom himself to the new life. Facing four walls all day, losing the freedom to do what he wants to do, and having to perform the same routine over and over again was a huge mental challenge. The hardest part, however, is that there was no ‘end date’ to all of that because he did not know when he was going to be released, or whether he was even going to be released. Many times, Crow had to distract himself from such depressing thoughts by doing things he never would have done prior, like reading. Disgruntled by how the legislation could lock anyone up without any release date, he decided to ‘take revenge’, “I was thinking that since they are going to do this to me, fine, I will take full advantage of whatever facilities or resources they have.” Who knew that that motivation was what became the turning point of Crow’s life. After getting into Prison School and realising that he could actually do anything well if he puts his mind to it, he went on to complete his O-levels and A-levels there. Most of all, as he was exposed to more knowledge, he begin to realise what he wanted to do when he gets out. “I want to be a better me, to do good things for myself and for people. If not for myself, I owe it to all my loved ones who have visited me to do so.”

Letting Bygones Be Bygones

After six years, Crow finally got his second chance in life. Leaving prison and his past behind in 2016, he decided to use what he experienced and channel his learnings towards touching the lives of people through music.

He went on to pursue a two year part-time Diploma in Music Production and Audio Engineering. As a personal bid to prove his self-worth, Crow also works on freelance video editing projects to earn his own keep despite receiving full sponsorship from Yellow Ribbon project to help his reintegration into society. When asked if he is worried about potential trouble from his past for sharing about it, Crow explained humbly, “there’s a lot of genuinely nice people who have made bad choices in life, but lack the motivation or courage to change. I hope that my story can inspire them, that they can change too if they want to.” With only a few days to his graduation show on 15 October where he will be performing his first Single, Dunia Duit(Malay for ‘World of Money’), I wondered if the 29-year-old regrets his past. “I wouldn’t say I regret because if not for all the things that I have done and gone through, I will probably still be that naive guy with no clue what he’s doing with his life.” Beyond the social stigma, being branded an ex-offender comes with real impediments like not being to travel, having a curfew, and being restricted from certain places. Regardless, Crow doesn’t see his past actions as a hindrance to his future. When I asked if he feels the same way with his mother however, I could tell the remorse in the slight quiver in his voice. “My mum worked very hard to make ends meet so my only regret is not being able to show her my O-level results. I’ve gone on to succeed in many positive things but she will never be able to witness it.” Also read, 65-Year-Old Mdm Rebecca’s Life: A Look At The Reality Of Singapore’s Privilege Gap.

Singapore is known for being one of the safest countries in the world. However, nothing (or no place) is perfect. Like the tag line we all know by heart, low crime doesn’t mean no crime. While countries like the US are rife with stories of everyday instances of sexual harassment, this is not all that unusual closer to home, right here in Singapore; we just don't hear about them as often. Enter the cheekopek (pervert). We see stories of cheekopeks on our news feeds every so often. Recently, a female NUS graduate was sentenced to jail for <a href=" unsuspecting victims in a gym’s changing room. There was also the instance of a man trying to film a woman secretly on the MRT. While some cases make the news and make headlines, many other instances of sexual harassment go unreported and are left untold. We reached out to Singaporeans and asked if they've ever had a run-in with a cheekopek and we were surprised by the response. Only 3 of the 21 people asked said they had never had such an experience. With the promise of  anonymity, here are some of the personal accounts of people who've experienced or seen sexual harassment first-hand. TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains information about sexual harassment which may be triggering or uncomfortable. 

"He was masturbating while taking photos of my lower body"

I was studying at one of the study tables at Jurong Library. There was a middle-aged man who looked a bit pai kia, sitting opposite me at another table. He kept his fanny pack on, took his time to fish out his mobile phone and put it on the table before opening a book to read with just one hand. No problem with that. But I looked up a few times and found it funny that he was reading his book upside down. A few minutes later, a library makcik tapped my shoulder and asked me to follow her. When we were out of earshot of that man, she told me, "I think you should move to another table." I asked why. She said, "The guy in front of you is using his other hand [to masturbate] and another phone to take pictures of your lower body." – T, 26

"He tried to take photos of me discreetly"

I was in the train on the way to work one morning and there was this guy sitting opposite me, holding up his phone in my direction. It wasn’t very crowded and I could clearly see the reflection of his phone on the train window – he was trying to take photos of me discreetly. I glared at him and he stopped. I wasn’t even wearing anything revealing, so it’s even more disgusting to think that I could be a target like this. – F, 25

"They took advantage of 'Free Hugs' and touched our breasts"

I was about 16. A group of us (guys and girls) were giving out free hugs at Orchard Road during Christmas eve – complete with our Christmas hats and big “Free Hugs!” placards. Back then, the crowds at Orchard Road on Christmas eve were overwhelming. There were policemen stationed along the streets for crowd control. There were even barricades to prevent people from spilling onto the roads. We were all having a lot of fun. Then there was this group of men who came up for our free hugs and photos. But when these men posed for the photos, they put their arms tightly around me and they had their hands on the sides of my breasts. It really sickened me that they were taking advantage of this jolly occasion to molest me. It was extremely packed then, so nobody could really see what we were each doing. I shook it off as we were there to have fun. It was only after we started talking about our experiences on the way home that we realised it wasn’t just me, but all the girls in the group had been molested by that same group of men. It's just a disgusting thought and I felt quite ‘dirty’ from that experience. – E, 26

"I saw the Bishan Gay smirking as he eyed a boy up and down"

A few years ago, I always took a certain bus to Bishan and I saw the <a href=" Gay on the bus quite often. He always gave off this suspicious vibe. He liked to sit near the entrance of the bus and check out whoever's boarding. He’d outrightly eye his targets from top to toe and smirk. I often saw him recording his targets on his phone too. There was this one time when I was standing facing the exit doors of the bus, and there was a lower secondary school boy in front of me – the Bishan Gay seemed to have a thing for lower secondary boys, maybe because they wear short pants. Nearing one of the bus stops, the Bishan Gay walked up to that exit door, smirking at the boy as he did so. When he stepped out, he just stood there facing us, smirking while eyeing the secondary school boy up and down. He stared at the boy all the way, even when the doors closed and the bus drove off. It was so creepy and I felt sorry for that boy. – J, 21

"We were stalked by a guy for a long time"

A girl friend and I were walking home and we noticed this guy following us. We got nervous as we were still quite far away from home and it was late at night. It became very obvious that he was stalking us, so we made our way to this mama shop nearby. We made rounds in there hoping that we would shake him off, but no, he followed us out. By then, he had followed us for quite a long time and we were getting really scared. It was dark and there wasn’t anyone around. It wasn’t until we bumped into a guy friend and asked him to walk with us that the stalker went off. On hindsight, there was more that we could have done but back then, we just didn’t think of it. It was a scary experience. – M, 27

"My good 'friend' put his hands up my pants when I was vulnerable"

I’ve had a few personal encounters. I was molested twice at an event, both times by foreigners. It happened really quickly and both guys touched my butt. I didn't know how to react and they just laughed it off. Some of my guy friends said, "Aiyo, it's normal for angmoh [to do this] one la.” However, it really doesn’t feel good to be molested at all, much less have my concerns be brushed away because ‘it’s normal’. I was also touched by my own ‘friend’ before. I went through a terrible break up and my good friend, who happened to be a guy, offered to be a listening ear. Since I saw him as a good friend and really needed to talk to someone about it, I headed over to his hostel to look for him. I cried a lot and got very tired. He asked me if I wanted to lie down to rest for awhile, and I did. As I was resting on the bed, I felt a hand going up my pants. I thought I was dreaming for awhile, then as I shifted my body, I heard him say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.” He had taken advantage of my vulnerability and tried to make a move on me physically. I didn't dare to share this with anyone because I was afraid people would think that I was at fault since I went over in the first place. – M, 25

"This weird uncle was pressing his genitals against my knee"

I was sitting at the seats on the bus facing the middle aisle, and this weird uncle was standing in front of me, facing me and pressing his genitals against my knee. The bus wasn’t even that crowded but he kept acting like someone behind him was pushing him towards me. I felt so violated. When I shifted, he adjusted his position and pretended nothing happened. There were a lot of people around but no one helped or said anything. If it were me today, I would have kicked him. – C, 28

"He whipped his d*ck out as I held the door for him"

I stay in a condo and once, when I was entering through the side gate to the estate, I held the door open for this guy whom I thought wanted to enter too. As I stood there and waited, he whipped out his d*ck suddenly and I was like, 'oh okay'. I just walked in and closed the gate, and I saw him scurrying away while zipping his pants. – R, 26

"He was brushing against my ass"

Earlier this year, I was in the train and it was a little crowded. As usual, everyone on the train was standing close to each other. Then at one point, I felt something brushing against my ass. I looked up and saw the reflection on the glass of the train door. This guy standing behind me was in a weird ‘leaning back with pelvis out’ kind of position, looking down, half smirking. I tried moving away, but he kept coming closer every time I did. I finally couldn’t take it and alighted at the next stop. When I stepped out of the train, I realised he had more than enough space behind him to move backwards, but he didn’t. This experience made me afraid to take the train for awhile really. I felt super disgusted and violated. I would have confronted him if I wasn’t too freaked out to react. – P, 24

"He pressed his boner against my butt and started grinding me"

Two years ago, there was a road block along the whole Orchard Road for a festival. Someone touched my butt and I thought it was by accident since it was so crowded. But this guy just kept moving closer to me and continued stroking my butt. Every time I moved away, he followed. At one point, he started pushing his body up against mine. I felt his boner pressed up against my butt, then he started grinding me. I felt so disgusted. I turned around and took a good look at him but he just had his eyes on the stage. My friend was so angry on my behalf and just kept glaring at him up and down. Then she pulled me to get the security on patrol. I told them what happened but by then, the guy was long gone. My friend was relentless though. She remembered what he wore and searched through the sea of people. We eventually found the pervert and called the police on him. It took a while for the whole thing to sink in – that I was physically harassed and molested. I always thought this kind of thing wouldn't happen to me. When I see ads from SPF saying not to stay silent about such matters, I'd think to myself that if it ever happened to me, I definitely would not let the guy go quietly. But when it really happened, it got me in a state of shock. I wasn’t traumatised but my mind just couldn’t comprehend what had happened. – S, 25

Be Careful

Not all men are sleazy and bad, of course. But given that it's not unusual to encounter a cheekopek here, we should all be more aware of our surroundings. Not many of us will know how to react when caught in this unfortunate position ourselves, so next time you notice someone being harassed or targeted by a pervert, do your part and help them out! And to those who’ve been a victim of these cheekopeks, we’re with you. Also read I Became A Dad At 22 – Our Parents Opposed But We Kept The Baby