Tag: featured

Greta Thunberg has got balls. 

At 16 years old, this Swedish girl had, in her 4.5 minute speech in front of hundreds of world leaders, not only managed to admonish them, she highlighted their incompetency.

She’d gained the respect of people all over the world (and possibly said leaders as well) in doing so. But even as she’s gained a following for speaking up about the current climate change situation, she’s gotten her share of criticisms. 

Ever since her speech at the U.N. Climate Summit on Monday went viral, I’ve seen people on social media mocking her for being melodramatic and overly idealistic. 

Which got me thinking: Why? 

Why are we so critical of the way she delivered her speech when it is far from what she was speaking about? Why are people so distracted with her emotions when the gravity of the issue that she spoke about is far more important than her imperious choice of tone and words. 

If you trawled through Twitter comments, some even go as far to allege that Greta is being brainwashed by adults to make political arguments

It says a lot about our society.

Comments taken from a YouTube video of Greta’s TEDx Talk

To put it simply, Greta Thunberg is like our mother scolding us when we refuse to go to bed early. We know it’s good for our body, but we get pissed off by her because we would rather stay up to watch TV or play video games. 

Greta’s speech rubs some of us the wrong way because it feels like we’re being assaulted by her anger and emotions. “How dare you,” she had chided, “You have stolen my dreams and my childhood.” 

This feeling of being ‘scolded’ is why some people react with so much resistance instead of trying to listen and understand what she’s trying to preach. It easier to find fault than to confront uncomfortable truths. 

In some ways, the disbelief that a child can be so passionate about an environmental cause is also exactly what she’s talking about—We don't know the consequences of our everyday life. 

We think we know, but a lot of what we say is lip service because if we really knew how dire the consequences of climate change is as she had brought up—mass extinction—we wouldn’t be sitting here in our air-conditioned rooms criticising her for ‘over-exaggerating’ the matter. 

On an individual level, we know that certain actions, like our using plastics or wasting water, are bad for our environment. But it is just easier not to confront the consequences of these actions because we do not see the larger consequences it has on Earth and life in 10, 20, or 30 years time. 

It is also easier not to confront the issue of climate change because we know that it boils down to having to make sacrifices in our lifestyles. 

“We’ve got to give something up to do something for a country in need, or the world, but humankind finds it just too hard,”

We know that if we really wanted to change, it's a sacrifice on our lifestyles.

Comment taken from a YouTube video of Greta’s TEDx Talk

In a long Facebook post, Principal Strategist at Sustainability Non-profit Forum for the Future, Jie Hui, wrote about the concept of materiality and how it can be applied to each of us as individuals.

She explained that a teacher’s most material contribution will be the knowledge and values s/he conveys to students and in shaping the next generation’s understanding of our environment. Similarly, a CEO’s most material contribution will be how s/he leads the company and people in achieving long-term success in business by contributing positively to society and the environment.

Except of Jie Hui’s post taken from her Facebook profile

Likewise, she affirmed that anyone can tap on their most material contribution to make a difference, be it sharing environmental knowledge with friends and family, or mobilising the world to save the Earth—which is what Greta is doing. 

Because the effects of climate change seem so intangible, we are unable to realise how crucial it is for us to act now. Furthermore, I’ve heard about how the older generations are indifferent because they do not think it’s going to be that bad

Some of them think that their actions will not make a difference on the grand scale of ‘damage’. And as selfish as it sounds, there are also people who feel like climate change is not their problem because they will not need to face the consequences anyway. 

The fact is that we are past the tipping point. But there is still time to mitigate the catastrophic effects of climate change. Where we are now, radical change is needed to undo what has been done. However, the inconvenient truth is that most of us aren’t willing to make that radical change. Not you, not me, and certainly not our businesses, and our leaders—at least, that is the case so far. 

Maybe We Need More Gretas To Whip The World Into Shape

Greta reminds me of Katniss Everdeen: A young lady who seem like a powerless individual, but who, in her dedication in fighting to put an end to a great evil, have mobilised an entire movement in support of her cause. 

We can talk about how cringey she was, or how pompous, one-dimensional, or overly-idealistic she was. We can see it as a young kid throwing a tantrum and over-dramatising an issue. But if we were to stop and take a moment to objectively think about why she’s behaving like this, we would understand why.

She’s emotional because she sees the real consequences of climate change, and she’s genuinely fearful of the future if we were to not take any action now. 

I highly doubt that she would go to the extreme of travelling by a yacht across the Atlantic, without a shower or toilet, instead of a plane, if she was at it for fame, glory, or attention. Neither would she have donated the “€25,000 prize money to four different organisations dedicated to climate justice” she won from the Prix Liberte award.

So yes, Greta Thunberg was being melodramatic in her speech but in the course of doing so, she has gotten people all over the world to turn their attention towards climate change, even those who usually wouldn’t give a damn about environment news. 

She had managed to rally the entire world to discuss more about climate change than anyone has ever done so and through a short speech—that’s more than anything the majority of us have ever accomplished. And if being melodramatic is what it took for her to fight for our future, I’d say it’s a win nonetheless. Not just for her, but for all of us who will witness the changes our action (or inaction) will cause in years to come.

Also read: Monica Baey’s Case Is An Ugly Reminder Of S’pore Society’s Nonchalance Towards Sexual Misconduct.

(Header Image Credit: The Atlantic)

“Hunky Hawker,” “Muscular Hunk,” and “Beefcake.” These are all names that Walter Tay has earned from his striking bodybuilder physique and suave looks, especially for someone who cooks carrot cake at a neighbourhood hawker centre. 

If you were to visit his stall at Kampung Admiralty, you’ll find his stall front display plastered with numerous article features of him and the stall.

Though this media darling seem to have achieved a ‘mini hawker celebrity’ status, with locals from all across Singapore and even expats travelling down to his hawker stall just to get his carrot cake (and a glimpse of him), he started out merely wanting to pay off his debts from failed businesses and a Ponzi scheme—A past that he isn’t proud of.

Father & Son at Kampung Admiralty Hawker Centre
Image Credit: Melissa Chan

Instead of serving up plates of carrot cake, Walter once served as cabin crew. At 21 back then, he was what you would think of a young cabin crew zealous about seeing the world. It was a well-paying job, and enough to fund his sports car and expensive watches—all symbols of wealth and luxury, which reflected the kind of life he was leading. 

But the fun didn’t last.

Stumbling Into A Ponzi Scheme

At 24, Walter left his high-paying job to become a full time sales agent for two brothers who pitched to him about a project that would yield high returns. Young and reckless, the project seemed like an easy way to strike it rich. He was sold that vision, and in turn, he sold that vision to many of his friends, encouraging them to join him. And they did.

All in their early twenties, many of Walter’s friends left their commitments for that vision. Some left school, some left their jobs, and they were also friends who left places that had a very promising future for them.

“They left whatever they were doing to join me full-fledged. They brought in money, they brought in connections, they brought in everything precious to them—I did as well. [But] at the end of it, all burn.”

The MLM company turned out to be a Ponzi scheme, which Walter only realised when he waded in too deep. 

“Once you’re midway through, it’s so hard to pull out. Because, you’re also telling the whole world that you are wrong.” 

As one of the earlier investors who roped in other investors, it also meant that he was, in a way, accountable to all the investments that his friends had poured in. 

Leaving And Burning Bridges 

Walter finally managed to pull out of the scheme two years later but by then, the damage was already done. It was time, effort, and money that his friends had invested into this after all. Beyond that, it was the trust that was broken. 

“So that’s why I really burned all my connections, all my friendships, all my relationships.”

A part of him wanted to blame the two brothers who sold the scheme to him, but he knew that the responsibility was still his for making that final decision. The guilt of having implicated all the people he was closest to sparked his drive to succeed and with that, he started a couple of different ventures. 

“I wanted to do something and then make it big [so that I can repay] the people who I owe so much to. But with that kind of attitude [of trying to make it big quickly], I only kept failing.”

While the results of some of his ventures, like a cosmetics business and a fitness competition, were relatively promising in its reach and recognition, financial feasibility was another matter altogether. 

Sliding Into A Slump

When you’ve lost all the people who meant so much to you, and you’ve chalked up a mass of emotional and financial debts from your own doing, it’s easy to fall into a pit of anger, regret, self-blame, and guilt. 

Walter was only in his mid-twenties then—a point where most Singaporeans would have either began to establish a stable career or at least starting to have their life sorted out. The negativity of failing the people who trusted him and of failing himself drove him into a dark place. He picked up smoking, and even with all those ventures he started, he couldn’t find meaning in them. 

Knowing that his problems became a problem for his parents also made him feel “very shitty, like my naivety and actions caused so many problems.”

Not an everyday sight indeed.
Image Credit: Melissa Chan

It was his mother who changed everything when she took the initiative to apply for the stall that would later become Father & Son. His father, who had been driving taxis as a retirement job for several years, returned to the hawker line for him as well.

With hard work (15 hour days) and a bit of luck, business picked up quickly. Thankfully, Walter was able to pay off the debts he owed from the business earnings, and from selling his car and watches. Some of these debts include ‘paying back’ some of his friends as well. 

“I tried to recover people's investments, especially those very close to me, or those who bought into the investment portfolio because of me. I want to repay them—it’s the 人情 (debt of gratitude).”

The whole ‘Hunky Hawker’ image was something he adopted later, which he unabashedly acknowledge having done so for the good of the business. Despite the praises that people have sung about his success however, Walter professed that he isn’t successful—not yet. 

“No Leh, I Don’t Think I’m Successful”

To others, his may be an inspirational story of success after hardships. But for Walter, success is when, and if he is able to nurture students to take over the stall, or even set up another branch of Father & Son in the future. 

Ultimately, it is also his wish to help contribute to the hawker culture, through baby steps like running his own hawker internship programme, which he is currently working on.  

Walter with his stall assistant, an intern, Ken, and Walter’s Father (L-R)
Image Credit: Melissa Chan

Although, the hawker life actually chose him before he chose it. A child to parents who dabbled in the hawker trade for 20 years, he resolved to not go into this trade after having helped out occasionally.

So, why the passion in not just running a hawker stall but also preserving its culture then?

“We grow up in this society that teaches us that we need to find a job which has very good entitlement, with high CPF, high holiday allowance, high this high that, but actually if you land a job with all these entitlements, you still might not be a happy person. I think it is what you do and how you find meaning in it.”

Finding Meaning Through A Simple Lifestyle

As a hawker, Walter’s life is a world of difference compared to the pleasures he enjoyed back when he was jetting around. On one hand, the Ponzi scheme is a part of his past that he is ashamed of, and the guilt from implicating friends a feeling that has and will continue to haunt him, it is also a lesson he is glad to have gone through, as it now motivates him to be resilient and to stay grounded.

“We grow up watching Hollywood movies and I thought the high life is what I wanted. I’ve had my fun. I’ve had expensive cars, I wore watches, I stayed opposite MBS. But it’s all fake lah. It’s all a show.”

Image Credit: Melissa Chan

At the end of the day, it is hawker life that humbled him. It is, to him, a lot more meaningful that the luxuries that he used to chase.

Hawker life is like being neighbours with the people there, and through each interaction he has with customers who return for another plate of carrot cake, he forms bonds with them that are deeper than those he would have formed in his life back then. 

He’d even want for his children to be trained in the hawker trade in the future, because “to be a successful businessman, you need to handle a lot. I think it’s a good life training.”

Also read: The Dew Behind #DUNSTOP – How He Lost 18.5KG And Inspired A Fitness Movement.

(Header Image Credit: Melissa Chan)

Who would have thought you’d need to be taught how to put on a condom in school? For most Singaporeans, the first time we would ever learn about the birds and the bees are in the sex education talk we get in primary and secondary school. Even so, our young minds were too amused by any mentions of 'penis' or 'vagina' to pay attention. Ask any millennial what they remembered from this talk and they will likely tell you that it was 'some random stranger preaching about abstinence and warning you about the dangers of unsafe sex'. With not much absorbed from these supposedly very important lessons, it's a wonder that Singaporean millennials know so much about sex. Having no distinct memory of ever sitting for a sex education talk myself, I spoke to some of my fellow millennials to see how much they actually remember. They, fortunately were able to enlighten me about the most awkward 60 minutes of secondary school. And after hearing what they had to say, I’m glad I’ve been able to suppress this from my memory. Though some of what they said did get me wondering, “how did I ever forget this??”

“‘Don’t have sex or you’ll get pregnant and die!’ - something that I took away when they taught us about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) in secondary 3” – Aisha, 25

Complementing the messages of preventing STDs were lessons on using condoms for safe sex. Naturally, watching a grown adult roll a condom down a banana stood out for many.

“When learning how to wear a condom properly with the use of a banana as example, they told us, ‘always remember to the pinch the top!’” – Natasha, 27

sex education
Image Credit: NBC via Imgur
It’s great that we have a sex education program in place at all. In countries like China, sex education is almost completely non-existent and experts say that this has contributed to the<a href=" rise of HIV and abortion cases amongst the Chinese youth. While I'm grateful that such statistics isn't that much of a worry in Singapore, many of us still find our sex education program to be pretty sh*t. 

SINGAPORE’S ABSTINENCE-ONLY APPROACH

The Ministry of Education (MOE) values abstinence as the best approach in the prevention of STDs and unwanted pregnancies. But this is unrealistic. Teens are having sex, and it’s silly for anyone to think otherwise. That makes it all the more crucial that teens are provided with necessary information to help them in make informed choices. Instilling fear of STDs and AIDS in them isn’t going to work. 

“I remember that a lot of the focus was not really on the process, but on the DANGERS of unsafe sex. Telling teenagers ‘DO NOT HAVE SEX, YOU WILL GET HERPES’ just makes them scared to seek help if they need it.” – Melissa, 28

The more you tell a teenager not to do something, the more s/he will do it. Rather than trying to prevent the impossible i.e. teenagers having sex, and living with the idealistic mindset that teens will abstain till marriage, schools should address the obvious straight-on. It’s time sex education lessons started giving students answers to questions that they shouldn’t be looking for on Google.
sex education
Image Credit: GIPHY
Let's be honest. We learnt a lot more about sex and protection through the videos and stories we see and read online than through our sex ed. But that isn't necessarily the best way to go when the resources available online may not always be 'healthy'.
“It was a lot of out-dated scaremongering and it didn't maturely teach teenagers how to practice safe sex at a point in their lives where they would be naturally sexually curious, if not already active.” – Nikki, 25
It is a problem and we need to rethink the way we teach sex education because it is invaluable knowledge that will impact the rest of our lives. Abstinence and encouraging safe sex are good messages, but there are many bigger concerns that teens will come to have when they become sexually active. 

LET'S TALK ABOUT CONTRACEPTION

Aside from teaching teens how to put a condom on a banana, our sex education barely touches on birth control and contraception.
“The school was so obsessed with talking about the dangers of sex that they didn't give us practical advice, like informing us about the various forms of birth control and where to get them.” – Sophia, 23
As a teenage girl myself once, I knew close to nothing about contraceptives. I had only heard about condoms and learnt about the existence of birth control pills through movies and television. When I reached a stage in my life when I had to use it, I jumped to Google to gather all the information I now know about contraception. I wish my school would have given me a “Contraceptives 101” crash course (or even a sex education talk worth remembering). Let’s take the image below for example. It shows us the various methods of contraception. Even looking at it now, I can’t say that I am entirely sure how some of these contraceptives work. Can I Google it? Sure. But I shouldn’t have to.
contraception methods
Image Credit: healthinfi.com
In Northern and Western Europe, students learn about contraception as part of their sex education program and where, no surprise, the rate of unintended pregnancies is low. But not only does learning about contraception prevent unintended pregnancies, it arms teens with the knowledge that will help them be less vulnerable and more prepared in the face of unforeseen circumstances. For instance, if a teen who hasn’t been taught about emergency contraception ever finds themselves in a vulnerable position after unprotected sex, they’re more likely to feel confused and scared than someone who has learnt about them.

REAL-WORLD SITUATIONS

As parents to a teenage daughter, my parents became extra paranoid about the people I hung out with once I hit puberty. And by people, I mean boys. The compelling need to protect daughters from danger has been ingrained into people’s minds for centuries. There’s a chronic fear when it comes to raising daughters that no one openly talks about, but we all know it’s there. Conversations like these are often kept hush-hush. But how can we hope to eliminate a fear without talking about it? There have been many cases over the past couple of months that have opened up a can of worms over the concept of consent before or during sex. “If a girl doesn’t say no, does it mean yes?” “But they’re in a relationship, still need to ask permission meh?” “The girl knew what she was getting into the moment she started making out with him.” Be it the Eden Ang controversy, or the<a href=" RP graduate who got flamed online for her blog post describing an incident that occurred between her and her then-boyfriend, these “discussions” have warranted that we re-evaluate the way we think and talk about sex. Talking about abstinence doesn’t help when you find yourself in a situation beyond your control. And knowing about the consequences of unsafe sex (STDs) wouldn’t matter when it’s too late to prevent it. Concerns that sex education should also touch on include dealing with undesirable situations. For example, teaching girls and boys about consent.  The United Kingdom has recently reformed its sex education program to include lessons on consent as well. Being able to ask and clarify before making an advance, saying no to unwanted advances and understanding the verbal and visual cues of consent are all important in creating a safer space for teens not just in schools, but outside school grounds as well. Talking about the issue with their peers and discussing and clarifying their concerns with educators can help teens understand what a healthy relationship looks like.
“Boys should know to ask for consent and to cope with their sexual urgencies and girls should be empowered to say 'no' if they don't want to have sex.” – Victoria, 26
Sex needs to be openly discussed. By keeping this conversation confined behind closed classroom doors and separating girls and boys during this talk, we’re only reinforcing the message that sex is “bad” and “wrong”. If we teach sex education the way we teach students Math, for example, we’ll be creating a safe space where students wouldn’t need to shy away from seeking help if ever they find themselves in a predicament. And if teens today find themselves feeling confused or conflicted like we once did, all they'd need to do, is ask. While the act of sex may be done behind closed doors, the conversation shouldn’t have to be. Also read: Let's Talk About Sex: 15 S'poreans On Whether Sexual Compatibility Is Important In A Relationship
You may have forgotten everything you've studied, but some things will always stick with you even after you've graduated and gone on to adulthood. The memorable chill out sessions with your buddies, the delicious yet cheap food from the canteens, and the many student discounts. Ah, fun times. Something else you'll never forget: the infamous ghost stories in your school. The ones that have been passed down through generations. Those that seniors love sharing at orientation camps, because nothing helps the freshies bond a little faster than instilling some fear in them before a night walk right? With Halloween around the corner, we’ve compiled a list of ghost stories in Singapore’s polytechnics and universities, as told by students and alumnus, so you can 'relive' your poly or uni experience through these legendary tales.

Republic Polytechnic

Image Credit: iZahar

Eerie Presence/Sally at E2 Building

Most RP students will agree that there’s just something about the E2 building that makes it very eerie. Maybe it’s the lack of natural light or the maze of dimly lit corridors, but people have always felt like someone or something was watching them when they walk along the corridors there. In one of the most popular tales, there's supposedly a little girl called Sally who haunts the E2 building. They say that Sally's a lonely child and if you say her name three times at Level 3, she will appear and ask you to play with her.

Haunted Toilets

There have been multiple accounts of ghostly sightings at the W6 and W3 toilets (just to name a few). Some say that there is always one cubicle that’s locked from the inside even though it’s empty, and it cannot be unlocked. Others say you can hear weird noises like the running of the tap or even a girl crying from inside the cubicle even though there’s no one.

Grandmother and Grandson

It’s against the rules for students to stay overnight in the Club Rooms but a group of students decided to spend the night in their club room after finishing up some work. At night, they locked the room and turned off the lights so that the security guards wouldn't see them. In the middle of the night, they heard a knock on the door but they just hid because they thought it was the security guard going on his rounds. After awhile, they heard another knock. This time, it was louder. Then, they heard the voice of an old woman asking, "did you see my grandchild?" Legend has it that it was the grandmother who had lost her grandson there and that till this day, the grandson is still lurking around the RP Fountain.

Singapore Polytechnic

The Red Bridge

Image Credit: Gigcasa
As the oldest poly in Singapore, you’re sure find many terrifying tales of it, each with its own variations. The most infamous story is of The Red Bridge at the School of Business and CASS. They say that back then, a girl had jumped off the bridge and when she landed on the ground, her blood splattered up onto the bridge. The blood stains could never be washed off completely and would always reappear even after being painted over, so the school decided to paint the whole bridge red to mask the stains. Some people have also warned against walking at the sides of the bridge as the girl’s spirit will attempt to pull you off the bridge and join her in her realm.

The U-Shape Toilets

There are some U-shape toilets around the main library and many students have felt strange vibes whenever they use those toilets. It’s said that in one of the orientation camps, a freshie got possessed in one of the U-shape toilets when he stopped there as part of their night walk route. Despite his small build, he had the strength of almost 10 persons and even the biggest guy in the camp couldn't restrain him. They only managed to chase the spirit away when they called a medium down to help. Rumour has it that this incident is also the reason why SP ‘banned’ night walks.

Temasek Polytechnic

Image Credit: picturomatic

Design School Toilet

There’s one toilet in the design school that’s said to be haunted. Once, a girl went to shower in that toilet alone late at night. While showering, she heard someone kicking open the first cubical door. The person, or ghost, then kicked open the second cubical door, and as it did each door, it counted down in Malay. When it was reaching the girl’s cubicle, which was the last one, the ghost went, “Satu Laaagi”, which translates to mean “one more”. Some sources said the girl fainted, others say she hightailed out before the ghost reached her.

The Little Boy at School of Engineering

It’s normal for orientation camp leaders to patrol the camp area at night, but in one particular night, two camp leaders experienced something not so normal. They saw a small boy running in the distance on their patrol and decided to chase the boy to find out why he was there. They kept chasing the boy and shouted at him to stop but the boy didn’t. When the camp leaders were climbing up the stairs at the engineering block, the boy started playing hide-and-seek with them. Eventually, the boy disappeared. Sensing that that was odd, the camp leaders reported the sighting to the security guard. The security guard then came with a guard dog to comb the building but they didn’t find the boy. However, the dog kept barking at one particular corner. All of them felt that something wasn’t right so they quickly left the area and pretended nothing happened.

Ngee Ann Polytechnic

As the second oldest poly and rumoured to be built atop a cemetery, Ngee Ann Polytechnic is also known to have many paranormal hotspots.

Freak Accident at the Engineering Workshop

Rumour has it that a girl got her hair stuck in a machine, had her scalp ripped off, and died in one of the engineering workshops. Some people claim that you can still hear her screams when you walk pass the workshop at night.

Blocks 50 to 53

They say that beneath the hilly terrain of blocks 50 to 53 lie the bunkers that were used back in the day, and it’s the reason behind the countless stories of hauntings at these blocks. For one, the railings at block 52 or 53 are said to be painted red for the same reason as SP’s Red Bridge – someone had committed suicide there and the blood stains could never be removed. As for the notorious block 50, you’ll notice that the lift only brings you to the sixth floor even though the block actually had seven floors. The staircase to the seventh floor is blocked too, so it’s believed that if you do get to the seventh floor, you’ll start seeing things like people burning incense, and bad luck will follow you. The female toilet on the third floor of block 50 is also known to be extremely haunted. In one scary tale, five Student Union members visited that toilet late at night only to anger the ‘residents’ there.
Image Credit: Unintentional Encounters @ NP
They were there to recce the place for the upcoming camp’s night walk. Four of them had the third eye and sensed a very strong presence the moment they were at the door, so they went in while the one guy who didn’t have the third eye waited outside for safety reasons. The foursome initially saw just one spirit and tried to ask for its permission to use the toilet as part of their night walk, but it didn’t go well and one by one, more spirits appeared in front of them. Time passed as the students tried to appease them, but the situation got worse. It was only when the one guy who waited outside came in to check when they grabbed the opportunity to run out. During the debrief session, the one guy said that he couldn’t see the foursome in the toilet mirrors at all even though they were directly across the mirrors. It was then that they realised, instead of the 7 or 8 spirits that they thought they saw, there were actually so many other spirits surrounding them that their reflections were completely blocked from the mirrors. The next morning, they made offerings to the spirits and placed them outside the toilet to pacify them.

School of Business and Accountancy’s Camps

According to a BA alumnus, the BA camp committee is known to be very ‘siao on’ with their night walks, even using real obituary photos as décor and splashing animal blood on them, which led to many unexplainable incidents on their night walks. One such is the use of this very old photo of an ah ma (grandmother), which has been passed down from batch to batch to use as a night walk tradition. Seniors have reported incidents where people have fainted when they walked past or saw the photo. One guy even bled when he fainted and hit his head after seeing this photo. In another night walk incident, one of the committee members, a girl, was dressed up as a mannequin and campers had to brush her hair to pass the station. As the girl was wearing a used wig, it made her itch and she felt uncomfortable. During the debriefing, she thanked the team for assigning someone to be there behind her all night to help comb her hair, scratch the itch, and ask if she was alright. But there was no one there with her the whole night.

National University of Singapore

Headless Ghost (Bukit Timah Campus)

Not only were there signs put up warning students about the ghost of a headless woman roaming the campus, it was even reported in a Singapore newspaper, Sin Chew Daily. It’s said that the headless woman is dressed in all white and would wander the upper quadrant of Federal building. Other spirits have also been known to haunt the building corridors, making lights flicker and chairs and tables to move by themselves at night.

South Buona Vista Road (Kent Ridge Campus)

Image Credit: Haiqel Adanan
Those in the Kent Ridge Campus would know of the female ghost haunting South Buona Vista Road. In one particular story, three friends were driving back to NUS along South Buona Vista Road late at night. All three friends (who were in three separate cars) and their girlfriends saw a young woman running out of the forest onto the road. They slammed on the brakes, then all of them heard a loud bang. They all thought the first car had hit the woman, so they got out to check. But they couldn’t find anyone. They even looked under the car and at the surrounding forest area but couldn't find anything. When the first driver was reporting the incident, the policeman froze at the mention of ‘South Buona Vista Road’. He warned them, "if I were you, I'd go to the nearest temple or church or whatever you believe in, and go cleanse your cars and wash your hands and faces. This is not the first or second time this was reported."

Wailings at Kent Ridge Halls (Kent Ridge Campus)

Some say that you’ll hear the cries of a female spirit searching for her lost child in the old Kent Ridge Halls building. It’s believed that the hall office even got a Chinese shaman in to stop these wailings, who then instructed a door to be built to open up to the place of this spirit’s lost child.

Urban Legends or True Stories of Misadventures?

We may not have Pennywise or Chucky in Singapore, but we do have plenty of ghost stories in schools to go around. Are the rumours true, or are they just tales created out of paranoia? We will never know, but one thing's for sure: you should never ‘clown around’ when it comes to such paranormal matters. Do you have other horror stories of your school? Share them with us in the comments! Also read, 8 Confession Stories That Are Like RL Versions Of Taiwanese High School Dramas. (Top Image Credit: <a href="
Is it possible to have a friend 60 years older than you? In today’s digital era where Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook are the average millennial’s best friend, you’ll be hard pressed to find millennials connecting with their family members ‘offline’. As millennials ourselves, we know how hard it is to feel and be close with our parents, much less our grandparents. And as our folks age, we do too. We start living our own lives and they start to lose touch with our generation. The many commitments and distractions don’t help either, and most of us are skeptical at the thought of bonding or being friends with our parents and grandparents. However, a very unlikely pair has proved us wrong. Meet 14-year-old student, Riddhi Rai and her best friend, 77-year-old retiree, Louise Bell.

When Riddhi Met Louise

Riddhi and Louise were complete strangers when they met at a social experiment Channel NewsAsia ran. Titled “Back to School”, this four-part series followed Riddhi, Louise, and 4 other pairs of strangers as they spent 10 weeks together.

Watch Episode 1 of Channel NewsAsia's Back to School <a href=" The experiment gave invaluable insights into 10 average Singaporeans' lives and proved that despite the huge age gaps, friendship is possible. While the episodes presented very interesting and endearing interactions between the Secondary school teenagers and their elderly partners, we wanted to find out more about what went on behind the scenes. We spoke to Riddhi, Louise, and the production team. Here’s how they succeeded in making friends out of strangers who are generations apart.

Breaking The Barriers

Like most teens, Riddhi has no clear direction in life yet. She doesn’t fit in with peers in her school either, and prefers her world of fan fiction and indie music.

As for ex-headhunter Louise, most of her time is spent on church activities and picking up different interests like crochet (to help with her Parkinson’s) and acro-aerobics (to keep herself fit).

Naturally, it took a bit of time to warm up to each other over the palpable age barrier. “She was shy, tall, and thin,” Louise recalled, “she reminded me of myself when I was younger, and I knew that I’ll need to be patient if I want her to open up.” Similarly, Riddhi felt nervous and a little bit awkward to be meeting someone she knew nothing about. Then, things got a lot easier when the pair found out that they’re both bookworms. Speaking to Louise over the phone, I could picture Louise smiling as she shared a fond memory of when they were getting to know each other, “Riddhi even brought me around her school library and we picked out books together.”

Becoming Friends

Despite the challenges in accommodating to each other’s needs, Riddhi and Louise grew to not only embrace, but help each other in their weaknesses.

In an Escape Room game, Riddhi went out of her way to lift Louise up as Louise was having a bit of trouble with her weak legs. It was there that Louise saw a different side of Riddhi: that she isn’t that shy after all.

As for Riddhi’s lack of confidence, Louise managed to break down the walls and got her to be more vocal about her inner thoughts and feelings.

As the pair did more activities together, producers saw how they started to inspire each other. “There’s still a bit to work on and I really hope to help her be more confident about herself,” Louise shared about her wish for Riddhi.

More Than Just Companionship

Having set out to test the success of intergenerational friendship researches done in US and Japan, the producers were “quite apprehensive about whether a simple friendship could make a difference, but the results showed a definite improvement.”

Not just for Riddhi and Louise, but the seniors from the other pairs also showed significant improvements in fitness, memory and mood, while the teenagers got a massive boost in self-esteem and a better attitude towards life. The pairs also formed real friendships and saw the other generation in a significantly better light. “She taught me to be more responsible and punctual,” Riddhi said. “(And) she opened up my eyes to how teenage girls today are like,” Louise added. Now, besides writing stories, reading books, or going for piano lessons, Riddhi would hang out with Louise. And Louise is more than happy to spend quality time with Riddhi, “Riddhi would actually call me and ask me if she can spend the day with me. I’d cook for her and we’d just talk about anything under the sun as we ate.”

Best Friends Forever?

Now that the 10-week ‘project’ has ended, how do Riddhi and Louise see each other? While Riddhi sees Louise as a good friend whom she can share problems with, Louise thinks of herself as Riddhi’s surrogate mother without the parental control, “I think Riddhi trusted me as an outsider, that’s why she shared her worries with me. It’s easier to share your problems to outsiders than to your own parents.” What is the secret to their surprising bond? “Listen, listen, and listen,” Louise emphasised, “seniors must take the first step to reach out, and don’t rush to impose or impart your knowledge until the young ones are ready to listen. Be patient.” And for the young ones, “Don’t judge someone just because of their age,” Riddhi shared. Watch the 10-week journey of Riddhi, Louise, and the other senior-teenager pairs on Channel NewsAsia’s Back to School <a href=" This story is written in collaboration with Channel NewsAsia. Also read, These 14 Heartwarming Stories Show That A Mother’s Love Is Like No Other.
After over 20 years of rushing assignments and mugging for papers, you’ll heave a euphoric sigh of relief that you’ve finally graduated. Then come the questions from friends, lecturers, and family: “So what’re going to do next?” or “Have you applied for jobs yet?” For some, you’ve got your ideal path charted out for yourself – good on you! But for many, those questions are as dreadful as the “why are you still single” questions at every family gathering, because honestly, you don’t really know. In the case that you’re stepping out into the ‘working world’, you do have interests of course. You’re keen to learn and grow in a job somewhere, somehow. Yet, you’re filled with doubts. Whether you’ve just graduated and feeling lost, or (like me) have been unsure and hopping from one job to another, know that that’s fine. There’re many Singaporeans who’ve gone through this phase as well, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re flaky. We reached out to 5 Singapore millennials, who shared their journey in finding themselves and their career path.

“Time is so important, so do something you truly find satisfaction in.”

I don't think I had any idea of what I really wanted to do after graduation. I went into procurement, HR, and corporate services on my first job, which wasn't something I expected to be doing at all since I studied Sociology. I then moved on to PR, and today I’m an editor at an online publication. Switching between jobs is something pretty common among peers, and it's not because we're 'soft' or anything. We're just taking more time to find a path that truly suits us. I have switched to different work scopes myself, as I was finding a field I could truly excel and find satisfaction in. Personally, I leave the moment I feel like I'm stagnating, because time is so important. And after going through three jobs, I kind of know where I find the most job satisfaction and which path I can embark on.

It’s Alright…

Don't be afraid to try different jobs, but always know what you're looking for in the long term and work towards it. Don't waste yours, or anyone else's time. – Melissa, 27, Graduated 2013, on the 3rd job

“Everyone’s got a different mindset, so don’t get pressured by others”

Since I graduated with a degree in Banking and Finance, I've changed three jobs and am on my fourth now. I was a bank teller for a year and a service ambassador for another. Afterthat, I taught at an enrichment centre – I used to give tuition during my poly days and I love kids. It was a fulfilling two years before I joined Singapore Airlines as a stewardess. I am a mortgage broker today and my job is to find the best private home loan for homeowners. One of my reasons for switching jobs is to seek new challenges in life. I also felt that I needed to explore different careers before settling on one. I feel that everyone has a different mindset. My parents, spouse, friends, and colleagues have all been very supportive and they would encourage me to go for what I want instead of staying stagnant. However, there were interviewers I met who'd comment on how I changed jobs too quickly and that my experience in different industries varies too much (to be useful).

It’s Alright…

Take your time to find the right career. Your first job may not be your last. Learn as much as you can from every job. Lastly, don't get pressured by anyone, just follow your heart. – Patrina, 27, Graduated 2014, on the 4th job

“If You Are Unsure, Just Try Everything.”

I wanted to be a Radio DJ when I started studying Mass Communication in poly, but my interest pivoted to advertising while there and that stuck until when I was in uni. I got an internship in events management when I left uni, and stayed on in events for about 3 years in 3 different companies. I eventually left in 2016 to pursue something entirely different: standup comedy. I am currently freelancing as an AV crew and emcee, but it’s more to feed myself while I pursue standup comedy. Ultimately, I see standup as my long-term goal. My parents weren’t too pleased with my hopping around from one job to another. They'd say that prospective employers will think I’m not loyal or capable enough to stay in a company. And I do agree. I’ve had bosses who would tend to comment things like, “aiya, all these young kids now like that one la” whenever a (millennial) colleague leaves the company. I think it’s normal for older generations to ‘compare’ and stereotype because we all do. Concurrently, I do think there are people our generation who are pampered.

It’s Alright…

If you are unsure, just try everything. Within my limited scope of experience, I feel there are only two types of people who won’t succeed: Lazy people who blame everything on everyone else. And close-minded people who are unwilling to accept change or criticism. Go into every job with an open mind. You never know where it will lead you and what you may suddenly find interest in. As the Chinese saying goes, "船到桥头自然直", which translates to mean ‘when the boat reaches the harbour, it will naturally go straight’. In other words, everything will be alright. – Eugene Soh, 26, Graduated 2015, on the 3rd job

“You’ll Learn More About Yourself Along The Way”

I only vaguely knew what I liked but had no concrete idea of what I wanted to do after I graduate. Not counting the first internship, I'm on my third job after graduation in 2013. From the different jobs that I have done, I learnt a lot more about what I enjoyed and what I wanted to dedicate myself to. And honestly, once you experience the joy of doing something that you truly like, it changes how you view work. I did Sociology in school, started working in the community sector, and now I'm on my second job in the arts industry. And even now, there are still many things that I want to try.

It’s Alright…

Remember that who you are isn’t only reflected by how well you do at work. There’s a lot more that makes up who you are as a person. So it’s okay to not know what you want to do. Just keep trying new things and you’ll learn more about yourself along the way. – Michelle, 27, Graduated 2013, on the 3rd job

“You Will Eventually Find Your Path”

I wanted to become a pre-school teacher when I was young. I even took an early childhood education cert before my Diploma in Business Admin. But after a 3-month internship, I realised it wasn’t something I could do for a long time. At first, I didn’t know what I wanted to do so I just did whatever gave me a better salary. I was practical. But I always find myself getting bored after a year or less. After Poly, I jumped from being a Distributor Support Representative to a Sales Coordinator to a Bank Assistant in an IT dept to  doing admin work at another bank. I finally found my career path on my fifth job, in events management. It’s a job that constantly challenges me to innovate and improve, and that gives me great satisfaction, especially when I hear feedback from all the happy clients I work for.

It’s Alright…

You don’t have to worry or think too much about switching jobs. What you’re studying now may not apply to what you’re going do in the real world and work experiences are way more important. Your first job may not be what you like to do and you may end up feeling lost. But it’s just part and parcel of our life. Eventually, you will find a job you like – I did. – Kristin, 29, Graduated 2009, on the 5th job

“Don't Be Afraid To Explore”

One thing for sure, you shouldn’t be afraid to dabble in different things. At the end of the day, if you’re going to be spending all those hours working to survive, make your time worthwhile – do something meaningful for you. Admittedly, we are a generation blessed with a lot more opportunities and possibilities than our moms and dads. So, what better way to take advantage of that than to go forth and explore! Also read, Baristas From 6 Singapore Cafes Spill The Beans On The Weirdest Customer Requests.
Singapore is known to be a racially harmonious country, but are we really? Slightly over a week ago, we posted a video where an Indian girl shared about her experience with racism in Singapore. Hundreds of comments came in, with many Singaporeans sharing their own run-ins with racism in our country. Recently, there was also a huge hoo-ha surrounding a Facebook post by local actor Shrey Bhargava, in which he expressed his disappointment and disgust over being told to perform as “a full blown Indian man” and to “make it funny” at the Ah Boys To Men 4 casting. He said the incident made him “feel like a foreigner in my own country”. The post caught the attention of Shrey’s friends and followers, with many agreeing that minorities are often typecasted into moulds the majority has set. The post garnered even more attention when Singapore blogger Xiaxue posted her thoughts on it. She explained how “movies are chockful of stereotypes” and said Shrey should “stop being so hypersensitive and uptight”. Many Singaporeans also took to their social media to weigh in on this whole ‘Minority VS Majority Race Thing’. This is all worrying proof of how divided we are right now. Take for example the Geylang Serai Ramadan Bazaar. What should have been a happy celebration over the Ramadan period has become the subject of heated racial debates. What is happening, guys?

Non-Halal Items At A Ramadan Bazaar

The Geylang Serai Ramadan Bazaar have been around for a long time. Spanning the entire month of Ramadan, the annual bazaar is more than a glorified festival or pasar malam. The bazaar is meant to be a celebration of the traditions and heritage of the Muslim community, tying in Muslim beliefs like giving back to the community, abstaining from anything Haram (forbidden by Islamic law), and spending time with loved ones. This year's Ramadan Bazaar boasts 1,000 F&B stalls – a large number, which had the team at The Halal Food Blog raising their eyebrows. With that, they went through the tedious effort of checking out every stall at the bazaar <a href=" suss out what’s halal and what’s not. What they found: “it seems like just around 50% of the stalls could be verified as Halal or Muslim-owned. The other half were either not Halal/Muslim-owned OR when we asked, they were not able to justify whether or not their stall was Halal.” There were stalls that put up makeshift signs that say “Halal” or “Halal Foods”. Upon probing, they were told by the stall attendants that it’s “no pork no lard”. The blog post stirred the sentiments of the Muslim community. Some find it disrespectful, because it taints the very existence of a Ramadan Bazaar – why is there non-halal food in a Ramadan Bazaar? For some, it boils down to giving basic respect to the Muslim community, whether it be by giving priority to Muslim tenants, or by being transparent about whether their food and beverages are halal or not.

Conversation With A Muslim Friend Of Ours

Racially Sensitive Remarks

The other issue plaguing the bazaar is even more troubling as it touches on issues of Chinese privilege and of Malays being a minority. It all started when local influencer Ellie posted Instagram Stories about the bazaar with captions like “Food sucked. Don’t go to (the Ramadan Bazaar)”, and “Sucked Balls”. Twitter user Dil (@punkylemon) responded with screen captures of these IG Stories, coupled with a tweet saying “What makes you think the ramadan bazaar is for your privileged chinese ass.”

Image captured from @punkylemon’s Twitter profile

With over 3,000 retweets, it seemed the public consensus was with Dil; Ellie was being rude and disrespectful to the Bazaar and/or the Muslim tradition. Dil followed up with several related tweets.

Images captured from @punkylemon’s Twitter profile

Ellie, who goes by the moniker ell4d on Twitter and Instagram, has since removed the Stories in question and has posted a public apology.

Image Credit: @ell4d’s Twitter profile

There are those who sided with Dil on “Chinese privilege”, as you can see from the following tweets.

Image captured from @asyikinyusoff’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @jobot935’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @punkylemon’s Twitter profile

Tweets on the other end of the spectrum came in too.

Image captured from @hadi_abd92’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @SIYUAN20’s Twitter profile

Image captured from @KereneRawrhs’s Twitter profile

What’s wrong? What’s right?

Is the bazaar getting too commercialised for its own good? Now that more non-Muslims are flocking to the bazaar for the food and festival vibe, are Muslims bothered by it? As a Muslim in Singapore, how affected are you when non-Muslim Singaporeans make remarks like those mentioned above? Instead of deciding for ourselves, we asked our Muslim friends and here are their thoughts.

Natasha: I think it’s insensitive to make such remarks but I try to think of it positively.

Ain: I do get annoyed, but when did we become so intolerant of one another?

Maira: I don’t really care about such comments, but generally people should watch what they post.

Siti: I’m not offended, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

We all have our own personal beliefs, but in this racially hypersensitive time, we think all of us should be more aware of what we say to one another. What do you say? Also read People Leave, But You Don't Have To Be The One Left Behind (Top Image Credit: theodysseyonline)
Many of us are guilty of taking the best things we have for granted--like the love of our mothers. The ones who cleaned up our poop-laden diapers; the ones who were more worried about our PSLEs than we ourselves were; the ones who nag at us tirelessly because of love. If you think about it, the sheer number of sacrifices our mums have made for us is incredible. There are so many things our mums have done for us that perhaps, no one else ever will. This Mother's Day, we called for Singaporean millennials to share what they appreciate most about their mums. Of the hundreds of heartfelt entries, here are 14 deeply heartwarming stories that truly epitomize the deep, unconditional love of our mothers. * Stories have been edited for brevity and clarity.

1. “She held on till she knew I was in good hands, before she passed on”

I lost my mum in January. She is the strongest woman I've ever known. She spent her last 18 years on kidney dialysis, went through several surgeries and I can't even count the number of times I almost lost her at the hospital. She gave my siblings and I the best she could, despite the fact that we were very poor since young--giving her best not in terms of material riches but in her love and care. She is my mentor and my lighthouse. The doctor said she would pass away in January this year, but she held on to life just so she could come back home in an ambulance to witness my boyfriend's proposal to me. She passed peacefully the day after and I know she had been waiting for that moment, to know that I will have my other half to take care of me. My mom will always be in my heart. – Lim Edna

2. “She splurged on an apple for me when she managed to earn a little more”

She was a strict mum who brought up 10 children. The most memorable incident was the day she managed to make a little bit more cash from her sewing jobs and bought me an apple. She said to me, “Tin, make sure you finish the whole apple, don't waste." She even polished off the balance when I couldn’t finish the whole apple, saying to me that we “must treasure every single food we have.” My mum passed away three years ago at the age of 92. Till today, I still miss her a lot. – Susan Chua

3. “She surprised me in hall just to have dinner with me”

During my finals period, I stayed in hall for 3 weeks straight just to prepare for my examinations. I was feeling super stressed out not because I didn't study, but because I had anxiety. My mum surprised me when she came down all the way to Boon Lay on a weekend night just to visit and eat dinner with me because she missed me! I felt super touched because I missed her as much as she missed me. I was so glad to be able to catch up with her over dinner. She reminded me not to over-stress my mind and body, and also to drink lots of water to stay hydrated and healthy. I felt like I was the luckiest daughter on earth because that meet up definitely made me feel so much better. – XinYun Peh

4. “When I was heartbroken, my mum was equally sad”

I was really heartbroken for several days over stupid things back then. Seeing me so heartbroken affected my mum's mood also. My mum is not someone who is good at expressing her feelings towards us, so she dropped me a text telling me how much she loves me and that she wouldn't want to see me sad. It made me realise I should do my part as a daughter and give my parents the best of everything. I really appreciate all the support my mum secretly gave me without me realising. – Jocelynn Lee

5. “Her nagging saved my life--twice”

I really appreciate my mom's nagging. Being the scatter-brain that I am, her constant "reminders" are just what I need. In fact, there are times when her nagging turned out to be my life-savers. Once, when I was cooking, I almost dropped the knife and cut my foot because I mindlessly placed the knife at the edge of the basin after using it. Another time, I almost lost my iPhone after buying food. It was only when I remembered my mum's nagging that I managed to avoid both scenarios. Now that I am living alone, I miss her nagging even more. Every child thinks it's annoying when your mum nags at you but especially in an Asian society, where we seldom say "I love you" to express our love to each other openly, it’s our mums’ way of showing their love. – Xiao Ling

6. “She gave up her beauty and youth for her 3 kids”

My mummy is selfless. Even when she’s only left with $20 in her pocket, she will not mind sparing some for her kids. After looking at photos from when she was a teenager, I asked her why her skin wasn’t as good and why her teeth wasn’t as white now, and her answer just broke my heart. She said, “I’m too busy taking care of the three of you." She was so beautiful in her youth, and definitely still is, inside and out. I'm so afraid to see her grow old. Even though I don’t really express it to her, I love her so much. – Chendol Chun Li

7. “She wakes up at 5am to make us breakfast everyday”

One thing I really appreciate is how my mummy always goes the extra mile to prepare breakfast for us before school every morning at 5am. As a housewife, she could always wake up any time later but she makes a conscious effort to choose our happiness over her sleep everyday. After JC, when I spent the weekdays at home, I would see her waking up to prepare breakfast and going to sleep only after my brother leaves for school. It was only then that I realised that she would wake up early just to make breakfast for us. I was so touched and it made me realise that I should truly appreciate the small things she does for us. – Rennie Lee

8. “She carried me from the east to the west to see a doctor”

When I was young, I had a weak constitution. Even after going to several clinics, I didn’t recover. A neighbor recommended this doctor, and we had to travel from the east to the west to see him. She carried me on the bus and had to walk quite a bit. Through it all, she wasn’t in good health herself. Every night, she had to apply plasters all over her body to help her with her bodily ailments from working at rubber plantations. She suffered worry-filled, sleepless nights. I am so grateful to her. If it wasn’t for my mother’s persistence and patience, I may not be able to grow up healthily. – Tan Keith

9. “She rejects allowance money because she wants our kids to have the best instead"

My mum worked day and night just to make sure my brother and sisters have a good education. After reaching home from work, she had to do all the household chores. She also tries her best to tutor us even though she is not highly educated. Now, she has 10 grandkids from 3 of us and she has taken care of all of them. She has never wanted allowance from me for taking care of my 4 kids because she is always afraid that we do not have enough. She wants our kids to have the best instead. Besides ensuring their stomachs are filled, she even helps to ensure they do their homework and study for their exams. I really can’t thank her enough. – Grace Lim

10. “She never gave up on us despite her own pain”

An affair resulted in an ugly divorce between my parents, and my mum got custody of us. However, things went downhill from there as they sold the house and she rented a small room to stay in with my brother, while I had to find accommodation on my own. She could have chosen to just throw in the towel because of such a deep betrayal and hurt but she didn't. Instead, she held the family together the best she could through all her anger and pain. Even when she was going through the divorce, she never failed to go to the wet market weekly to cook for us and ensure we got fresh and healthy food. We've had terrible moments and emotional times but nothing will take away the fact that I have seen her steadfast, and I’ve received the unconditional love only a Mother can have for her children. – Kristyn Chan Siang

11. “She was so freaked out she carried me to the clinic for the second time”

Once, during my O-levels period, I had a severe gastric problem. I came home crying and my mum was concerned about what had happened to me. I had a paper the next day, so I wanted to study but I couldn't. The pain was intolerable. After several attempts at convincing me to see the doctor, I finally gave in. My mum carried me because I could barely walk. She then went around pleading the people in the clinic to let me go first. After I got an injection, my mum carried me back home. On the lift, I fainted. The next moment, I woke up to hear her crying and telling me to wake up. She was so freaked out that she carried me to the clinic again and asked for a referral to the hospital. But I didn't want to go, and rested at home. She slept beside me the entire night to take care of me, despite having had just 3 to 4 hours of sleep that day. The very next day, she brought me to school for my paper and even told the teacher to take good care of me. – Sherzy Tan

12. "She let me chart my own path”

Since I was old enough to start having memories, my mum would allow me to make my own choices in life. She listens and gives me advice but won't impose her views on me. Instead, she brings a new perspective to issues when I confide in her and she gives me the freedom to chart my path even though from her own experience, I was expected to fail. It would have been easier for her to cushion me than bear the heartache of me failing but she believes that failing is part and parcel of learning. When I have problems with difficult people, she encourages me to show empathy and compassion. I am often impressed by her magnanimity. I am most appreciative to have a wise mother who has shaped me into the independent woman I am today. – Hazel Seng

13. “My step-mum loved me like her own”

I grew up in a household where I had two mums living under one roof. My mum is my father’s second wife, and my step-mum was the one who looked after the house. She loved me like her own daughter. After I delivered two cute monsters, she loved them unconditionally too, as if they were her own grandsons. I’m so proud to tell people that I have a wonderful mother like her in my life. – Jas Li

14. “I am not a ‘model daughter’, but she still sings praises of me to others”

I was once an obedient and bright child. Then, I transitioned into a young delinquent. But even when I had dashed all her hopes of raising her "dream daughter", she never once gave up on me. I frequently got into trouble with authorities, slacked off on the books, and spent my time idling around with bad influence. From attending prize award ceremonies where she could be proud of my academic achievements to being called down by the school for my truancy, and waking up one day to find that I had run away from home... It was a lot of tears and heartache. Since then, I have learned from my ways and am still trying to make it up to her up till today. I am still a girl that does not fit her standards of a "model daughter". She would definitely not want me to have my tattoos and ostentatiously coloured hair if she had a choice. Still, she continues to shower me with her love everyday and sings praises of her kids in front of others. – Charmaine Wong

Appreciate Your Parents

Our mothers sacrifice their whole world for us, but don't forget our dads too. With Father's Day just round the corner, spend some time thinking about how you can show Dad some appreciation too! Also read, 12 S’poreans Reveal The Most Endearingly Embarrassing Habits Of Their Mums.
It’s throwback time! Let’s wind the clock back, all the way to our primary school years. Remember how you’d observe the P6s - how tall and old and worldly they seemed. Or even peering at our seniors as a lowly Sec 1 kid, having just lost your place as top dog in the school. Now that you think about it, they were a mere three years older but it still seemed ages away. Growing up, we’d plot our futures - financially independent with a house… married with your first kid… I for one, definitely wanted a dog. We’d have it all together. And we’d do it by the distant, arbitrary age of... let's say 27. Now, fast forward to present day. Whether you’ve just hit the big 2-1 or are edging toward the dreaded realm of the mid-twenties, suddenly 27 doesn’t seem so far away.  And suddenly, you realise you’re not going to wake up one day and be an adult. Things aren’t going to magically fall into place. In fact, you have no idea what you’re doing.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

It’s an interview question staple. And if it’s not 5 years, it’s 10. Having grand vision for ourselves indicates ambition, drive, a sense of self and what we want out of life. It’s been drummed into us that we need to know where we’re headed and a timeline to our eventual success. We need a master plan - or so society claims. There are benchmarks we need to meet - the steady relationship (let’s not even discuss the impending CNY doom a.k.a interrogation about our love lives), the dream job, a flourishing family. And if you haven’t checked these boxes, well… you done f#*ked up, haven’t you? The pressure to be perfect is intense - it’s okay if you crack a little. This isn’t even factoring in our obsessively curated social media feeds, just another method in which we stack ourselves up against the flawless and highly photogenic lives of family and friends. While we’re so busy trying to plan our lives down to the minute details, we forget that sometimes there are elements of life that are simply beyond our control. As the (instagram sourced) saying goes - life happens; coffee helps.

Failing forward

We’re all scared of failure, and rightly so. No one wants to go after something only to fall short. But when we equate something not going right as outright failure, we’re telling ourselves it’s all essentially wasted time. We believe that settling into a particular university course will dictate our career for the next 40 years - never mind that we had to pick our degrees fresh out of JC knowing very little of ourselves and the world. God forbid we swap majors or deviate from the career path it sets out for us. Or if a long term relationship ends, the fact that it didn’t end in marriage makes it a failure as well. In doing so, we end up negating all the things we’ve learned along the way. Through trying a bunch of things and changing your mind every now and again, you’re not wasting time, you’re getting to know yourself a little better. Life is a series of trial and error, and what you’re doing is learning.

People change

So now that we’ve established that feeling a little lost does NOT make you a failure, here’s something else to chew on. If you’re wondering what the heck you’re doing with your life, perhaps it means you’re in a sort of limbo. Maybe you’re in the process of realising what you once wanted for yourself no longer holds true now. Give yourself permission to be fluid and flexible. People change, circumstances change and so will your ambitions. Here’s why not knowing is a good thing - you channel it into fuel and let it feed your drive. Because no one ever really has it all figured out, and operating under the illusion that you do and you have your path laid out before you kills that hunger.

What do you want?

Screw knowing what you’re going to do with your life - it’s time to tweak this existential spiral of question. Think about what you’re doing today instead. It’s great to have a clear plan and an end goal in mind but if you don’t, well that’s just fine too. And the best bet to give yourself one is taking baby steps. Ask yourself “what do I want” - not some grand, hazy notion to come to pass in 30 years time, but in everyday things. What interests you? Who are the important people in your life? What do you like about yourself? What are things you might want to change? A little bit of introspection never hurt anyone. Explore how your values govern how you make decisions. The core truths will emerge, the ones that will carry you through career changes, relationship upsets and low key existential crises. So f#*k not knowing what the f#*k you’re doing with your life, because life will always be plagued with some element of uncertainty. Work on yourself instead, because security in who you are is one of the best navigational tools in your arsenal. Top Image Credit
When I was a child, I believed I was born in Singapore. Like many of you, my earliest memories are of growing up with my Singaporean family, in my Singaporean flat. When I was 11, while struggling with my Chinese homework, my mother screamed, “Why are you so bad in Chinese when you’re from China?!” That was the day I found out. That was the day I learned that I was born in China, and adopted by the family I thought was my own. I am an adoptee, taken from the family that didn’t want me, and raised by a family that treated me like a second-rate child. I am an adoptee. And this is my story.

Unwanted and Discarded

In 1979, China introduced the One-Child Policy, which allowed families to have no more than one child or face the possibility of fines, sterilizations, and abortions. Since the Chinese have a strong tradition of patriarchy, with an emphasis on continuation of the family name, boys were favoured strongly over girls. As a result of this policy, many Chinese girls were killed at birth, or given up for adoptions. Am I thankful to be one of the latter group, and not the former? I suppose so, and my adopted mother certainly made it exceedingly clear that I should be. We often have an assumption that adoption is a last resort, that only couples without the ability to have children of their own end up adopting. That wasn’t the case with me. My parents were perfectly capable of conceiving, and they did just that with my older brother, and later, my younger sister. I was an adoptee growing up with siblings that were not adopted, and it sure as hell felt like it. My mother decided to adopt me from my poor family in rural China, for reasons not completely known to me. It might have had something to do with the abortion she had had shortly prior to my adoption, her conversion to Christianity, a simple act of charity, a combination of all of these, or none of them. Whatever it was, she has had to repeatedly make the point to me, from age 11 to this very day, that I owe her.

Childhood

I was never a bright kid. I struggled with homework and exams. My mother tried to help me with my homework, but always only ended up scolding and beating me. She would hurl insults at me, calling me demeaning names, and when words weren’t enough to express her contempt, she hit me in the head with her bare hands. One time, she grabbed my little head in her hands and smashed it into a wall, and stopped only when my maid came to my rescue. I never fought back, never even spoke a word out of place. How could I? It would have been so disrespectful. A part of me always felt like I must have deserved the abuse. I must have been really stupid and useless, because my siblings received no such treatment. I had no idea if they were really much smarter than me in school, but from how I was treated at home relative to them, they had to be. It wasn’t until I learned of my adoption that everything started to make sense. The bias, the chores that I had to do from young that my siblings never even had to touch, I thought it was all because I did badly at school. I resented myself for being stupid, and fought tooth and nail for my parents’ approval. My mother said I should look at ITE courses because I’d never make it anywhere else, but I ended up getting a spot in a Polytechnic Psychology course, and later, a local university. It felt good to prove her wrong, but even after all that, my mother’s disdain for me never ceased.

Meeting My “Real” Family

When I was 13, I went on a trip to a certain village in rural China to visit my biological family. It was a strange experience, meeting complete strangers who were bound to me by blood, an entire family I had never known. At the same time, though, it was exciting. There was a certain thrill to finally meeting a family whose members actually looked like me. But that’s where our similarities ended. Before my university graduation, I returned to China once again to attend my younger brother’s wedding, and learned more about how vastly different my life could have been. I was frowned upon by the friends and relatives of my biological family, all strangers to me, for being unmarried and child-less at my ripe old age of 22. In the village, marriage was almost never on the basis of love. It was just a way of incurring more wealth, and forging better relationships between families for financial purposes. Others were match-made like my second sister and younger brother to their respective spouses. As for my elder sister, she took a different path - met a city boy, fell in love and then got married after. As of now, my elder sister has a bratty son, while my second sister has two kids with serious attachment issues. As I’m writing this, my younger brother has had two kids, and I wonder how he’s coping. And here I am, still living with a family that looks down on me. It’s like I have two families, but at the same time, none.

And Here We are

Today, I’ve come to realize that I will never match up to my siblings in the eyes of my adopted parents, and that’s alright. My family still treats me like a second-class daughter. My younger sister, as always, has no respect for me whatsoever. My unemployed mother constantly demands money and branded goods from me while asking nothing from my siblings. My parents scold me for staying out with my boyfriend, but make snarky comments towards me when I’m at home. I feel bound to my family through years of conditioning, yet feel none of the warmth and love that people say I’m supposed to. I still long for something I’ll never have, to feel like something I’m not – to be a real daughter. <a href=" Image Credit