Tag: long term relationships

We used to think that once you pass a certain mark, like 2 or 3 years into a relationship, it will last forever. But in a time where things like work (or DOTA) can take precedence over replying a text message from our other half, it can be tough to maintain a relationship. We realised how common it is for relationships to fail despite the years. Just within our social circles, we've friends who had to abruptly close a major chapter of their love life – just like that, 6, 8, and even 9 year’s worth of time can become nothing more than just bittersweet memories. It made us wonder: can a relationship really last in this era? We sought out to find the answers, and we found them in photos of our longtime couple friends. Here are the photos that captured the essence of love and growth, of when they first started dating compared to them today.

"We Treasure The Smallest Things"

Nicholas & Jasmine – 9 Years Together The biggest "challenge" has to be keeping the relationship and romance going and constantly nurturing it, as it is easy to get so used to each other that we take things for granted. The smallest and simplest things in relationships that get overlooked are often the main reasons for deteriorating relationships. We both do our best to make sure we are aware of this and we treasure one another. Communication is something we both hold dearly as our foundation. We're able to be honest with our feelings and come to an understanding to resolve problems together. The smallest actions like kisses and hugs count too. Or showing appreciation by making each other our favourite drinks, or watching our favourite movie when either of us feels down make a difference.

"He's Always The Bigger Person, And She's Appreciative"

Samantha & Jeremy – 7 Years Together To Samantha, a big part of keeping the relationship going is because of him: “He's so gracious, patient and accepting of my shortcomings; especially my possessiveness and temper. If I dated myself, I would have dumped my ass a long time ago.” When there are unhappiness and quarrels, it's very difficult to come to a compromise. It’s difficult to find a solution and makeup when both of us are upset. We both know it and he’s usually the bigger person who puts emotions aside and initiate for us to make up.

"We Trust Each Other, And Never Carry An Argument Overnight"

Cherie & Shao Yong – 6 Years Together If we can wrap up the essence of our relationship, it is trust and communication. On trust: we don’t give each other any reason to doubt. We are completely transparent with each other and this builds up the robust level of trust we have in each other. We are comfortable enough to not interfere or restrict each other's own social life too. On communication: whenever don’t meet, we make it a point to still call each other every night to talk about our day or even just to say goodnight. Whenever we argue, we make sure that we only move on after we have accepted each other’s feelings and made peace with it. We never carry an argument overnight.

"It's Normal For Us To Fight, But We Forgive And Move On"

Matthew & Li Ying – 4.5 Years Together Throughout the years, we've learnt to deal with each other's annoying habits. For example, I have learnt to deal with Li Ying being a grammar Nazi and correcting mistakes mid-sentence, while she has learnt to wait for me to take the perfect photo of food before we can eat. So there’s a lot of acceptance, patience, and understanding. It’s normal for us to fight a lot, but at the same time, there is a lot of forgiveness in our relationship.

"We Choose To Love Each Other Even When We 'Hate' Each Other"

Mieko & CJ – 8 Years Together The fact that we have been together since he was 20 and I, 16, we've gone through so many milestones together: studies, NS, work, and eventually the unexpected appearance of baby Dayna. We definitely have had many arguments and major fights, and it resulted in a lot of heartbreak. We can’t specifically pinpoint any particular reason or factor that kept us going through it all. However, it truly boils down to loving each other the 'right' way – being able to love each other even when you ‘hate’ each other. Love is a choice, and choosing to love someone is not easy. It's a choice we make every day, through thick and thin.

"Two Headstrong Personalities, But We Compromise"

Ryan & Jia Yi – 8 Years Together Honesty and compromise play a big part in our relationship. We are both very headstrong personalities and if we hadn't made conscious efforts to compromise with each other, we honestly wouldn't have made it this far. Also, one of the major hurdles we had (and I'm sure many couples have) was the assumption that the other party would automatically understand our needs and desires. We're not mind-readers and we’ve learnt to make efforts to tell each other why we're upset instead of just begrudging each other for not "getting it".

"We Stay Cheesy With Verbal Compliments"

Pat & John – 9 Years Together Just like other couples, we've been through many milestones together. Completing NS, buying a house, proposal, and wedding planning are just some. But one of the biggest challenges for us was riding the waves of my (Pat's) anxiety issues together. Throughout my darkest times, John stuck by me. He fought along with me, and for me. One of our common love languages is words of affirmation. Verbal compliments and appreciation can go a long way, and after dating for 9 years, we're still cheesy as ever.

"We Laugh At Each Other, And We Laugh Together"

Celine & Ivan – 4 Years Together There's a lot of love and patience between us. We understand each other’s personalities and accommodate not just to each other but also our families. We do silly things together, laugh at each other and laugh together. We learn together and grow together as individuals and also as a couple.

"We Address Our Problems As Best Friends And Lovers"

Shane and Nikki – 18 Years Together We’ve gone through so much together from secondary school and university to surviving army days. We’ve gotten married and built up our first home, and now, celebrating the birth of our first child. We've always been best friends so our friendship laid a strong foundation for the relationship, and we are able to communicate really well with one another on so many grounds. It’s important and helps us address our problems together instead of running away from them.

Keep The Faith Alive

Granted, love isn’t just rainbows and butterflies. While it takes a large amount of effort and work to sustain a relationship, these couples have proven that it still is possible. And the benefits you reap from a happy, lasting relationship is worth every fight for. On the other hand, if you’re searching for someone to fight alongside you on your life journey, you can try your luck <a href=" Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours.
These days, you can no longer assume a couple will get married just because they've been together for a long time.  We all know of people who've had to say goodbye to long-term relationships--1 year, 2 year, and even 5 year relationships.  The sad truth is there are times when you just don't figure into someone else's future. Perhaps it's because they're not ready to take the relationship to the next level; perhaps you've grown apart, and the love you once shared fizzled out. In real life, things just doesn't pan out the way they do in the movies. We reached out to 6 Singaporean millennials and asked them to share why they ended things with their long-time lovers. Here are their heartfelt stories. 

1. “He started saying things like women belong in the kitchen”

He started passing snarky comments like how women should be in the kitchen, making food for the family, or how we should be seen with a broom in our hands. It may seem like nothing, but over time, I started to realise how misogynistic he was as a person. What’s worse, he would say it in front of my brother, and my brother started making such remarks himself. Not cool. He had a great personality, likeable with friends and respectful with family. But I just couldn’t see a future with a man who’s so misogynistic. – Sammie, 25, 2 year relationship

2. “She went on a full day hike with a guy she knew I didn’t like and only told me afterwards”

She decided to go on a full day hike alone with this guy, and I was not informed. Furthermore, she didn’t reply or answer any of my messages and phone calls. She only told me about it when she got home at the end of the day. Her rationale for not telling me was "I knew you would be pissed if I told you." She knew full well that I didn’t like the guy, because I knew he was quite a player.  Going on a hike with that guy without my knowledge, ignoring me the entire day and confessing to me only after – I had no idea what to make of it. Yes, I would have gotten upset if she had told me beforehand but I wouldn't forbid her from going if she really wanted to. I really didn't like that she used my feelings against me. That was the start of the end. – Neo, 30, 2 year relationship

3. “He wanted a trophy wife - a pretty, young thing”

I once dated a significantly older man. He was mature, charismatic, independent, and free-spirited. He taught me a lot about how to see the world and how to love. Strangely, he wanted the polar opposite in a partner: a trophy wife – a pretty, young thing. I really liked him but definitely couldn't see a future with him. We never talked about our status as a couple. Throughout the relationship, I would tell myself that I deserved more than someone who was so non-committal. We went out for close to a year, and I figured he was seeing other people throughout that time. I knew it wasn’t going to work out because I am not the ‘trophy wife’ type. I couldn’t fully let go of him until I realised that I liked him because I saw in him who I wanted to be. That made me come to the realisation that having someone around to curb your loneliness and to project your dreams on is not the same thing as love.  I’ve since grown to be the things I used to like in him: independent, confident, open-minded. I've seen him on the street once with another girl but didn't flinch. I just felt sad for him because I don't think he has one thing that I have: the ability to truly love someone 100%. – Tammy, 26, 1 year relationship

4. “He ‘don’t know’ if I’m in any part of his future plans”

Throughout the 5 years I was with him, we hardly spoke about our future plans. He would brush it off whenever I brought it up. I didn’t harp on it as he hated discussing this topic, and heart-to-heart talks in general. He felt like it was a bit too deep for him. At one point, I decided it was about time we had a proper discussion. I asked if he had any plans to settle down and he said he had no plans of doing so anytime soon. I reasoned that it didn’t have to to be now, but perhaps in two years time. He said it was too early for him and that he didn’t want to plan for marriage. He always hated talking about marriage and I didn’t know why. He said that I was pressuring him. I wanted to settle down by 30, but he had no timeline at all. I asked if I was in any part of his future plans, and he just said, “I don’t know.” He was 28 when that happened. In two years, he’d have been 30 and we would have been together for 7 years. If we had just started dating or even when I was 25 (and him, 26), I would understand if it was too early for talk about marriage. But I think at the age of 27, I need to map out my future already. The thought of having to get to know someone else all over again sucks, but it beats continuing a relationship with someone I don’t even know if I’ll be able to settle down with. – Zaf, 27, 5 year relationship

5. “We wanted different things in the relationship and in life”

We started talking about the future, and the conversation became about what we were looking for in our future lives together. I realised we wanted different things and that we were two different types of people. I'm an extroverted person. I gain my energy from social interactions and from conversations. He needed personal space and a quiet woman who does her job in the background. It wasn't until we were talking about buying a house that I felt something was wrong. He wanted the kind of wife the Chinese call "small woman (小女人)"; someone who'd listen to him. I wanted a life where we would support each other in our respective areas. He always had this air about him, like he thought he knew better because he was older. The moment he said what I wanted was too idealistic, and that what he wanted was realistic, I knew it wasn't going to work out. – Phyllis, 24, 1.5 year relationship

6. “When I felt disgusted at the thought of kissing him, which was really weird”

I think it’s true when people say NS is a true test of a relationship. We had been together for over 2 years and he was serving his NS. We had much less time together, and during the times we did meet, I spent most of the time watching him sleep at home. I began to get irritated by the smallest things he did and didn’t do. It was a dilemma for me because I wanted more from him, while at the same time knowing it wasn’t fair for me to demand much from a guy who’s already so tired when out from camp. I started to question if I was with him because it was comfortable or because I actually loved him. I didn’t want to be an ass and leave him while he was still serving, but when I started feeling disgusted whenever we kissed, I knew I no longer had the feelings I used to have for him. – Belinda, 26, 2 year relationship

No Future Together

We all have our own reasons for ending things with our partners, no matter how long we were with them. From the stories above, it seems like it all boils down to one common factor: not being able to see a future together. After all, what’s the point of staying in a relationship if either of you can’t imagine spending your lives with the other? Not only will you waste your youth, you’ll be wasting precious time and passing up chances to meet the <a href=" right one’. Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours!
When you're in love, everything is beautiful. Even the weirdest habits and tiniest idiosyncrasies seem cute to you – the way they snort every time they laugh, the hair growing awkwardly out of one of their moles... Heck, even a deathly fart from them can make you laugh. That said, what keeps a relationship alive is the actions partners do for each other to keep that fire burning. We asked 15 millennials about the sweetest thing(s) their partners have done for them. Here are their stories.

1. "He was my glorified hair band"

I was really sick one day and he came over to make me feel better. Really sick like stomach flu, fever, diarrhoea, vomiting – the whole enchilada. It took him about 40 minutes to drive all the way from Bukit Batok to Pasir Ris just to be my glorified hair band, holding my hair and rubbing my back while I threw up. And the thing is, this happened at 4am in the morning! At the time, I didn't want him seeing me in the state I was in – the pathetic whimpering, the contents of my vomit and all. But he said even if he didn't see me at my worse then, he would in the future. He even cracked a joke, saying we must buy a flat that's not so 'ulu' and with a 24-hr clinic nearby. That night, he was my bed warmer, tucking me in, holding me close and patting me to sleep before bringing me to the clinic in the morning. – Samantha

2. "He walked around to 'test' my balloon"

The other day at i Light Marina Bay, he won me a huge, super cute teddy bear balloon. But it kept deflating, so we thought there was a hole on it somewhere. I got really upset, so he went to exchange it while I waited. It took him so long! Turns out he went to exchange it 5 times! He exchanged it, and then walked around to ‘test’ the balloon. The first four times, the air escaped, and he kept going back to change it because he knew I would be sad if I got a defective balloon. – Nur'Ain

3. "He makes my safety his priority"

He sends me home whenever we go out, regardless of the time and place. We're both working adults with a decreasing supply of energy, so workday dinners are both a sweet and tiring affair. There was once when he was so drained from a full day of work events that he fell asleep standing on the train! I kept telling him to go home, but he stubbornly refused through his sleepy eyes and all. It's a simple gesture, but him sacrificing his precious rest time just to make sure I always get home safe is really sweet. – Melissa

4. "He sings me sweet lullabies"

Ever since the song 'All Of Me' was released in 2013, it has been my favourite jam and I find the lyrics very sweet and meaningful. At the end of our nightly phone calls, he always sings that song to me to lull me to sleep (it works by the way!). I think he may have gotten lazier over time though, because nowadays, he only sings the chorus. But the fact that even after more than 5 years of dating, he still sings me to sleep? I think it's very sweet! – Zaf

5. "She splurged on me"

On Valentine’s Day, she surprised me with a pretty expensive watch. I have a watch I usually wear when I go out, but it was spoilt, so I stopped wearing it. We are both saving up to get married, so I was surprised that she splurged on that watch for me. It’s sweet to me because she makes my needs a priority despite having to save up for our big day. – Julian

6. "She thinks of my family"

She always thinks of me and my family whenever she goes overseas. She brings snacks and bits back for them, even if it’s a short trip. I remember how one time, she bought durians for my parents (I hate durians by the way) because she knew they like eating them. The fact that she has me and my family at the back of her mind when doing things is what makes it very sweet. – Ming Da

7. "She made me a lucky charm"

I was going for an important English exam and she made a good luck charm for me: a handmade paper-craft that could be tied to the key chain I use. She knew I was unprepared and all tensed up, so it was her way of helping calm my nerves. She probably took a whole day to make it, and that's a heartwarming thought. – Vincent

8. "We look good for each other"

When many couples are together for a long time, they tend to get comfortable and stop doing what they used to for each other. However, she’s different. To me, the sweetest thing is that she always dresses up to look pretty whenever we meet. It’s not that she doesn’t look good when she doesn't dress up, it’s more about the effort she consistently puts in. I really appreciate it and I do the same for her – this way, we always look forward to seeing each other. – Lawrence

9. "It's in the little things"

There is no one sweetest thing, but rather many little random acts which are all equally sweet. For example, during dinner, she always puts food on my plate first. And because we have different work schedules, sometimes we may not get to see each other for a few days. But almost every day, she will text to say 'good morning', and this is 6 years plus into our relationship! These little gestures actually do mean a lot, even if they don’t seem like much. – Kelvin

10. "He got the hint"

He surprised me with flowers during Valentine’s Day this year. This is the first time ever, because I told him I didn't like flowers last time, so he never gave any. A month before Valentine’s, I told him that actually flowers are quite nice, just that they will probably die quickly in my hands. So on Valentine's Day, he came to fetch me from my place and there he was, waiting in his car with the flowers and he used Facebook live to capture the moment. – Naomi

11. "She sacrifices her sleep for me"

I work as a photographer for weddings and events and often come home late after shoots. The sweetest thing shes does is cook supper for me, which sometimes is really my dinner. This is in the middle of the night, when she is already about to sleep, and she has to wake up early for work the next morning . – Clement

12. "She still gives me morning calls"

We've been together for more than 4 years, and she still gives me morning calls to wake me up for work. There are times when I have to wake up really early as I shoot weddings, and she'd be my very reliable human alarm clock. She would set her own alarm to wake up at 4am in the morning to call me, just to ensure I don't oversleep and be late for my shoot. This is even when she has her own work commitments from 10am to 11pm that same day. – Ivan

13. "He makes me feel safe"

One night, my sister told me she could feel a ghostly presence in my room. I was so scared I couldn't sleep and I sobbed. That's when my then boyfriend (now husband) called me and asked what he could do to make me feel better. I didn't reply and continued crying, until I heard him strumming on his guitar. He started singing praise and worship songs in an attempt to calm me down. He assured me that God would be there to protect me no matter what and that he would keep on singing until I fell asleep – and that's exactly what he did. – Dorothy

14. "He made me a dream catcher"

One of the sweetest and most thoughtful things my partner has done for me is learn how to weave a dream catcher. I used to have a lot of nightmares and on one of our anniversaries, he made one for me. Hanging the handmade dream catcher above my bed, he told me it was to catch all my bad dreams. Just imagine a man weaving a dream catcher! And this is coming from a man who doesn't even usually do handicraft work. – Patrina

15. "He waited 3 hours for me"

A few years ago, when I was doing my internship, I was suddenly dragged into a last minute meeting that lasted past 9pm. I was supposed to meet my boyfriend at 6pm at a mall nearby for dinner, but I couldn't tell him I was in a meeting because I didn't have my phone on me. When I left, I expected to go home alone but he was standing outside my office waiting this whole time! I was really touched because I was so drained from the long day, and him being there just made everything better. These acts of sweetness mean so much more to me than grand gestures and extravagant gifts. – Venessa While these may not be the grandest of gestures, one thing's for sure: the littlest of actions can brighten up the day of the one you love. What are some of the sweetest things YOUR partners have done? Let us know in the comments! *Some names have been changed for privacy reasons. (Top Image Credit: Douglas Lin)
In the liberal world we live in today, the already fine line between a platonic friendship and a romantic one can sometimes get even more blurry and indistinct. We all have our doubts at times, about whether friends’ intentions towards each other are truly as innocent as they seem, or if each person's constant seeking of the other’s company indicates something else altogether. Fret not, for there are crystal clear ways to determine if the friendship you have is simply platonic, or if it points to something way more than that.

1. Prolonged eye contact doesn't bother either of you

When you're in a purely platonic friendship, you can hold each other’s gaze for a long time without feeling shy or flustered. Remember the feeling you get when your crush looks you in the eye? Making eye contact with your platonic friend will feel absolutely nothing like that and this should be your biggest cue that what the both of you share is nothing romantic. Perhaps you might accidentally catch each other's eye while doing something mundane, like taking out the rubbish. However, neither of you will quickly look away and the two of you could even jump straight into a staring contest and no sparks will fly.

2. Their safety is not your utmost priority

It's not really your concern whether they get home safely or not, period. If they do, then good for them. If they don't, then well, someone else will be there to pick them up or drive them home. That person is not you and you can safely say that you do not want to be that person. If you receive an SOS call or text from someone in the middle of the night and you jump up in excitement and leave the house at the drop of a hat, that person is someone you want to date. If you receive that same SOS call and you switch your phone to silent mode, that person is probably just a regular friend. You would, however, ring that friend up the next day to check if everything is alright. That's the kind of concern you would show a platonic friend.

3. You don't notice what they wear

You can see each other dressed in sexy, smashing outfits and not bat an eyelid. In fact, you might hardly even notice. Chances are, even if your friend parades around in their birthday suit, your attention will not be diverted from that exciting drama you're binge-watching. If the thought of seeing your friend in the nude or some sexy underwear doesn't turn you on even a bit, it's friendzone time.

4. Distance doesn't matter

Both of you can sit within a centimetre from each other, and not end up making out or having the urge to eat each other’s faces. If your heart doesn't skip a beat when you get up close and personal with your friend, it's one of the biggest telltale signs that there'll be no romance in the air anytime soon for the both of you. Of course, if the both of you are separated by real distance measuring oceans and seas, the ache you feel will not be one of lusty companionship, but from the fact that your life has become more boring without them around.

5. They do not occupy your waking and sleeping thoughts

You're not on each other’s minds first thing in the morning or last thing at night. You do not wake up thinking about what they will wear today or how they will smell. You also do not go to sleep at night fantasizing about your possible future together or the children you will eventually have. Or the house you will share. Or the delicious meals you will whip up together. Instead, you think about them when your partner stands you up. Or when you're in need of an eating buddy. And it probably stops there.

6. You do not have any expectations of them

In your vocabulary bank with friends, the word “expectations” doesn't exist. You do not need to spend a lot of time with each other, although when you do spend time together, it can be a ball of a time. You do not become emotionally needy or overly reliant on them. In other words, you can do with or without them. Not seeing or communicating with each other for one month should not spell the end of the world for either of you.

7.  Jealousy is never in the equation

You don't get mad jealous when you see your friend with a member of the opposite gender. They could be having the time of their lives flirting in front of you, or being touchy-feely with each other. Better still, they could be so engrossed in each other’s company that you completely fade into oblivion. Yet, you don't feel the same constricting sensation in your heart you get when you see your crush dating someone else. You do not feel that stab of jealousy you get when you see the object of your affections so much as look in the direction of someone other than you. When your friend dates someone else or stares lustily at another, you frankly just don’t care.

8. Skinship does not interest you

You don't feel any urges to be physically close to your friend. You do not time your walk down to the second so you end up sitting beside your friend when a group of you go to the movies together. You do not stand as close to your friend as possible, so that your arms will touch. You do not map out your route so that every time you sit down, you are sitting beside your friend. In fact, you actually value your space around them and feeling their touch on your skin or your touch on theirs doesn't interest you one bit. In fact, the thought of it might even put you off breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, or all three meals.

9. Good mornings and goodnights are not on your agenda

You do not say good morning and goodnight to your friend every day without fail. Neither do you want to. Those words are saved for someone you actually want to be intimate with. They connote such a sense of intimacy that even on the rare occasions you do say it to your friend, you wince and cringe. You and your friend talk about other things, more important things, like if the waffles at your favourite store have been sold out.

10. You don’t put them on a pedestal

You look at your friend and you see, well, a human being. You don’t see a goddess, a prince charming or anything to that effect. To you, your friend is just a friend, plain as day. Nothing more, nothing less.

1. They're Open To Criticism

"When you can comfortably start a conversation knowing that the other person won't be petty or defensive. Just honest opinions shared." - JELLOSTAIN

2. Talking About It Means Talking About It

"When we disagree on something, we talk about it instead of yelling at the top of our voices at each other." - ishouldbeworking00

3. They Fight Clean

"When mad, she didn't just say sh*t to hurt me. She would just focus on the issue. It makes so much difference." - Reluctanttwink

4. You're Always Excited To See Them

"You never dread seeing them. If you want to hang out and do things with your SO, that's for sure a 'green flag'." - sexualfannypack

5. You Make Each Other Better People

"Commitment to helping you be a better person, while also being open to any assistance in becoming a better person themselves." - mstarrbrannigan

6. You Are NOT Their Everything

"As weird as it sounds, being completely independent of you. There is a stable life outside of you, but still choosing you as a priority. If they don't have other friends or hobbies and want to spend every minute with you, it is kind of concerning." - dirtywiggles

7. They Lift You Up

"If they make you feel good about yourself." - DoobaDoobaDooba

8. No Stupid Games

"Instead of playing games, they follow through. Call when they say they are going to call. Show up to things they said they'd go to, and on time. They make you a priority." - 1robotsnowman

9. No Egos In Bed

"We can have honest discussions on what we like and don't like in bed and whatever kinks we have." - badassmthrfkr

10. They Respect You

"Takes your side in public and tells you when you're wrong in private." - motelcheeseburger

11. They're Not Too Good To Say 'Sorry'

"Ability to apologize and admit that they were wrong, acted irrationally, etc." - AM0XY

12. What's Yours Isn't Necessarily Mine

"Not entitled to my money. My girlfriends seem to think I'm required to spend money on them, even though they are financially independent. Don't get me wrong, I offer to pay for dinner, spend lots on Christmas and birthdays, and I do buy them things, but every time I don't, they get like 'you don't love me' or some sh*t. My current girlfriend doesn't do this, and I'm so f*cking happy." - Vermillion9861

13. The Love They Give Your Pets

"Loving your pet as much as you do." - shadoue

How did you know your partner was/is a keeper? Add to the list! Submit your story to [email protected].