Tag: wedding

First comes the proposal, then the wedding, and then the house. This was once the norm, but not anymore.

In Singapore, when you’ve been in a relationship for a reasonable amount of time, you can expect your partner to ask you one crucial question: “Want to BTO?”

Today, many couples apply for a BTO (Build-To-Order) flat before proposing. Marriage comes a little later, and it can happen before or after getting the keys to their home.

Logically, it makes more sense. It's pragmatic, as the wait for a BTO can be (dreadfully) long. The completion of BTO projects can take around 2.5 to 5 years. And let’s face it. Getting a house in Singapore is stressful. In fact, it’s downright terrifying.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or if you’re single, buying a house here is crazy expensive despite the various grants available. It’s also incredibly difficult because you’re competing with hundreds of other buyers bidding for the same flat you wish to get. And when you are getting something which you will most likely have to continue paying for for the next 20 to 30 years, you can expect everyone to 'fight' for their ideal choice.

This competitiveness for a BTO forces many young Singaporeans to commit themselves into a relationship when they may not exactly be ready.

THE PRESSURE TO FIND LOVE FASTER

Because of the amount of time it takes for you to successfully get the keys to your new home, it means having to find the person you are 'meant to be with' a lot faster.

I know of singles in their mid 20s who are still working on finding the right person to date, let alone have a relationship with.

Dating itself has become a more daunting task than before. From the get-go, we start thinking about whether we see a future with this person, because we no longer have time to spend on someone whom we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives with.

A lot of singles in their mid and late 20s go into their first date hoping that it’ll be their last first date. We’re no longer dating to date, but we’re dating for marriage. I’ve even heard a couple of my singles friends tell me, “I want my next boyfriend to be my last one.”

Sophia, 25 and single, shared how she goes into every first date subconsciously analysing everything about her date, to get a sense of whether she sees herself spending the rest of her life with him.

“First dates used to be about having a good night out while getting to know someone,” she shares. “Now I find myself thinking about stuff you’d usually only start thinking about after knowing someone for a couple of months like “Does he want kids?” and “How religious is he?””

As much as it stinks for people like Sophia, who thought dating would be “fun and enjoyable”, buying a house in Singapore means having to think about our future a lot quicker.

It's not a bad thing to date with the purpose of marriage of course, but it may not necessarily be a good thing to be bogged down by the practicalities of what is seemingly a talk for much later on. While applying for a BTO is a great way to get us to plan for our future early, it also, in a lot of ways, ruin romance.

IS OUR HOUSING SYSTEM A CURSE?

But it’s not just the singles who are stressed out. Couples are having to commit to the person they are with a lot earlier in their relationship. And while that’s not exactly a problem, it does provide immense pressure to someone who's not ready for that level of commitment, while facing their partner who is.

No longer do we have ample time in our hands to enjoy the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship. While there are the lucky few who stay with their school sweethearts for 10 years, a lot of us only find “the one” somewhere in our mid 20s.

But there are instances where despite having your lives planned out together, relationships simply don’t work out.

What happens when you have a BTO on your way, and you realise that you can no longer see a future with the person you are with?

I was surprised to find that there wasn’t a lack of post-BTO breakup stories within my circle of friends alone.

Alvin, 27, went through a breakup with his girlfriend of four years after they had successfully balloted for their home last year.

“She said that she didn’t see a future with me anymore and just needed some time for herself,” he shared. “It was later that I found out there was another guy.”

“I guess no matter how much you plan for something, sometimes life just kicks you in the nuts,” Alvin laughed.

A breakup was the last thing he had expected to happen, especially at a stage of his life where he thought he had his future all planned out.

What makes BTOs all the more scary are the implications that cancelling your application causes.

There’s no doubt that you end up forfeiting the money that you’ve invested, depending on how far along in the process you are.

You also lose your first-time applicant advantages, and if you want to apply for a BTO with your next partner, or as a single, you have to wait at least a year to be able to do so.

“It sucks that the implications of forfeiting a BTO are so costly, literally,” Alvin says. “But at least it’s taught me to take my time and not rush into settling down with someone.”

Samantha, 25, whose boyfriend also broke up with her after applying for their BTO together, believes that a BTO is an expectation created by society.

“Instead of asking, 'Proposed already ah?', people ask, 'BTO already ah?' which I think indirectly gives couples a lot of pressure to get a BTO.”

It seems like we assume getting a BTO guarantees a relationship. But there rarely is ever a guarantee on anything.

“A lot of couples rush into getting a BTO because they think that might give them some ‘security’”, she shared. “But that shouldn’t be case, you should apply for a BTO because you’re secure about your relationship.”

SOMETIMES YOU JUST WORK THROUGH IT

It’s normal to feel unsure about your relationship and stumble onto rough patches along the way. The stress that comes with the BTO doesn’t help either. What was meant to be a significant part of a couple’s life has become a stressful endeavour instead.

Couples who have successfully gotten their house have had their own share of rough patches along the way. But these couples found a way to set things on track to start building their future with their partners.

Mabel, 28, who has now secured her home through Sales of Balance (SFB), wasn’t sure if she was ready to commit to her boyfriend of 3 years before they applied for it in May 2018.

“I didn’t know if I was ready to commit,” she shared. “Because it’s not only about committing to a house, but committing to the rest of my life ahead of me.”

“Whenever we spoke about applying for a BTO, a part of me wanted it, but the other part was also scared.”

Today, Mabel and her fiancé have the keys to their house, and will be getting married in a few months' time.

“When I told my fiance about my fears, we talked about it and decided to make it work together,” she continued. “I saw his efforts in trying to make our relationship work and I just wanted to do the same.”

For Alexa, 25, applying for a BTO was a natural next step in their relationship. When they applied for their BTO, they had been together for two years and knew they were ready for the commitment.

Yet, it was after they were successful in their ballot that Alexa’s relationship hit a rough patch.

“That ‘ready’ feeling became very different as we went through a seriously rough patch that really made us think if we should move forward,” she shared.

Like anyone else in her position, Alexa didn’t want to go through the hassle of withdrawing their application.

“There was definitely a lot of pressure because this was an investment we had gotten ourselves into.” she continued. “This really showed me that the BTO system can really be a burden.”

While in many ways, having a BTO on the line does encourage you to make things work with your beau and give your relationship another chance, it doesn’t allow you to consider your relationship rationally.

“We had to tell ourselves to consider the future of our relationship as if there was no BTO involved,” says Alexa. “Because we knew that if we let the BTO decide our future, we wouldn’t be happy.”

Fortunately, Alexa and her boyfriend managed to get past their rough patch and are eager to start their life together today.

DON’T JUMP THE GUN

It’s normal to have the urge to jump on a bandwagon that everyone around you is on. We all want to have a great home by the age of 35. We all have an ideal ‘plan’ of where we want to be by the time we’re in our late 30s.

Despite being single for the past two years, Jason, still has no qualms about rushing into a relationship at 27.

“I get that in Singapore, settling down with someone takes a lot more time. But I would much rather wait until 35 and get my bachelor pad than get a BTO with someone I'm unsure about,” shares Jason. “Singlehood doesn’t scare me, being with the wrong one does.”

BTOs should be a mere stepping stone into the future you want to build, it shouldn’t be the foundation of it.

“Your future shouldn't depend on getting a BTO,” says Alexa. “It’s better to be 30 and single than to be with someone you’re unsure about.”

Also read: Hustle Together, Stay Together - These Singaporean Couples Prove That Office Romance Can Work

Among the trending news of sexual harassment, victim blaming, and politics, Naomi Neo has also gotten engaged and married. Weddings are usually a congratulatory affair, but many people were more concerned that Naomi's marriage might be a mistake – after all she's only 22. Even before announcing her pregnancy, “confirm shotgun” were the first thoughts many had upon watching her YouTube videos. Of course the hasty timeline and her wedding dress was a cause for suspicion; but pregnant or not, people would still shame her for being too young to settle down. 50 years ago, it would have been the opposite – getting married at 16 was a norm and those who weren’t married by 25 were shamed. I guess we have higher education and the government’s family planning campaign to thank for this reversal.
Photo Credit: <a href=" Archives of Singapore
Growing up, we were warned not to get into a relationship lest it affects our studies. Most of us teens don’t heed this advice, but we subconsciously buy into the teaching that success and love is mutually exclusive. Anyone who tries to prove this theory wrong is doomed for failure and expected to suffer a painful lesson in divorce. Those who tie the knot too early are labelled as people who lack ambition, wit, self-control, or maturity. We believe only those who abstain from young love can truly find success in life. After all, most teens and young adults are still discovering themselves. We can’t be sure about the person we’re marrying when we aren’t even sure of who we are. Although, 50-year-olds can be equally lost and confused – It’s called a mid-life crisis. Are we suppose to keep marriage on hold until that passes?

“I can afford it and having children was something I wanted to check off my list,” Germaine casually replied when I asked her why she married fresh out of law school instead of working first. This 24-year-old is a mother of two and none were born out of wedlock. That still didn’t stop friends and relatives from gossiping initially.

“You’ll regret it next time.”

“You’re missing out on life.”

 “You’re wasting your youth!”

These are the ‘words of wisdom’ you hear as a young newly wed. Germaine took it in her stride, but my ex-colleague, Ryan, and his wife struggled. Ryan was often forced to defend the ring on his finger whenever he went for social gatherings. Having to explain his choice to marry at 22 caused more anxiety than joy. To avoid the repetitive conversation with strangers, the couple has since decided to keep their rings at home. While many are against marrying marrying young, it seems like it is the most practical option for Singaporeans. There is a 3 to 5 year wait between applying for a BTO and actually getting it. Also, a couple gets a larger grant if the collective income between the two of them is less than $2,500 a month. This is normally possible only if one party is working. However, most still prefer to wait till their late twenties or early thirties before they wed.

Screenshot taken from the comment's section on Naomi Neo's wedding video
Personally, I have always wanted to marry only after building up my career and exploring the world. No matter how serious I was in my previous relationships, marriage was too far in the future to warrant a conversation. Admittedly, marrying young might make me feel a little FOMO. I don’t want to miss out on dinners and spontaneous vacations because of a mortgage loan. Marriage also means being filial to another set of parents – even if I love them, there’s going to be twice the nagging and twice the superstitions to adhere to. So if majority of my friends are saving marriage for later, so will I. Except, I met ‘the one’ last year. He happens to be 6 years older than me and marrying young is definitely in my cards now. I confronted my anxiety about being wifed before 25, stripping the feeling down to its source. The problem is this: when I wed, I will be 'that girl'. The girl who is impulsive, the girl who lacks wisdom, the girl who doesn’t know better, the girl who "confirm pregnant". Or I will stand accused of being a gold digger, settling early for his money. And even though I am happily married, I will bear my wedding ring like a mark of shame.

Are We Just Reckless And Naive?

Getting married isn't a decision made overnight. No matter how young the couple is, a lot of thought would have been put into their future: their first home, the wedding preparation, and family planning. Sometimes, the conclusion derived from discussions and all that 'thought' is simply to marry young. Even with shotgun marriages, there is always an option of aborting the baby or giving it up for adoption. Tying the knot is always a choice and it's not because we don't know any better. (Header image source: @naomineo_)
One of the biggest milestones in a relationship is getting married. Leading up to the big day, we all worry about many different things from picking out the most auspicious wedding date to making sure you have the cutest wedding hashtag. And since you will be blowing your bank for that one special day, you will want everything to be perfect. For one, your pre-wedding photos. Instead of splurging to fly overseas for the shoot, why not make your pre-wedding photos extra special by doing something outrageous(ly fun)? Here, we have trawled the web and found some of the most epic, themed pre-wedding photos. Shot by local photographers, these pre-wedding photos may inspire you to up the ante when it comes to your own pre-wedding photo shoots.

1. Funeral – Joel Lim Studios

Image Credit: <a href=" Lim Studios

Morbid as it may seem to some, this couple went ahead to celebrate their love for each other with what they do for a living - funeral services. Their funeral-themed pre-wedding photos sure give a new meaning to the wedding vows “till death do us part”.

2. Police & Thief - One Eye Click

Image Credit: One Eye Click

According to One Eye Click, "the bride and groom are both police officers and met while in the police force. One thing they really loved doing is to poke fun at each other, which was fun to witness."

3. Chemistry - Back Alley Creations by Jootz See

Image Credit: Back Alley Creations by Jootz See

“(I)odine! (Lu)tetium! (V)anadium! and a little bit of (U)ranium! - The special mixture of elements to concoct the chemistry of love between” two Professors!

4. Good Deal - Moomedia

Image Credit: Moomedia

“A girl knows a good deal when she sees one!” Wrap your loved one up like this to make sure you bag that deal!

 5. Jurassic World – Moomedia

Image Credit: Moomedia

“You are safe with me!” Taken in Mongolia where the beauty of Mother Nature is in abundance, this playfully cute photo drew inspiration from our childhood favourite: Jurassic Park.

6. Yogascape – Multifolds Photography

Image Credit: Multifolds Photography

When you have a couple who wants to do something out of the norm and who (we’re assuming) are yogis, what better way to celebrate their union than to capture them in their element - Yoga?

7. Pokemon - Camistry Lab

Image Credit: Camistry Lab

When you find a rare one like her, you have got to catch'em no matter what! Taken during the PokemonGo craze, Camistry Lab thought it will be fun to infuse our childhood favourite in this couple’s pre-wedding photos.

8. Engineer – Renatus Photography | Cinematography

Image Credit: Renatus Photography | Cinematography

As a male engineer, finding your other half can be challenging due to, well, the sheer lack of women in the industry. If you do manage to find love with a female engineer, it only makes sense to immortalise that in your wedding photos. Just remember, safety first!

9. Maple Love Story – Coffee & Tea Dreamzcoffee

Image Credit: <a href=" & Tea Dreamzcoffee via Singapore Brides

He was a 'warrior' and she was a 'priest', and if you've played MapleStory (Maple), you'd know that it is the perfect pair. Having met in the game and partnered up to complement each other in training (for Maple), this couple's 'Maple Story' blossomed into a real-life love story.

10. Beer Company – Raymond Phang Photography

Image Credit: Raymond Phang Photography

Shot by one of the most esteemed photographers in Singapore, Raymond Phang is known for his outrageously creative, conceptualised pre-wedding photos. As is the case for this photo, where the couple went back to the place of their first date and also played on the bride's “interesting encounters” when she takes alcohol.

11. Batman & Catwoman – One Eye Click

Image Credit: <a href=" Eye Click via kaodim blog

Love superheroes and local culture? Why not capture both, like this unique fusion of Batman, Catwoman, and... our local hawker centre.

12. A Very Teochew Wedding – The Peeping Thom

Image Credit: The Peeping Thom

Who says it's not cool to go traditional? Go all out and pay tribute to your roots like this very Teochew couple!

13. Star Wars – The Art of Mezame

Image Credit: The Art Of Mezame via Geek Culture

This Singaporean photographer is known for his style of combining fantasy and reality, creating larger-than-life works of art that resemble movie scenes. Possibly one of the geekiest pre-wedding photos you can find, these photos are truly out-of-this-world. (get it?)

14. Diablo – The Art of Mezame

Image Credit: The Art Of Mezame

Being huge fans of Diablo, the couple engaged someone they knew could turn their vision of being the characters they loved into reality. The results are faultless – think full Crusader and Demon Hunter regalia, complete with shield, mace, and crossbow props, and smoke machines for effect. If you’re wondering how they accomplished this ambitious shoot, check out their behind-the-scenes video.

15. The Last Two Of Us – The Art Of Mezame

Image Credit: The Art Of Mezame

You wouldn’t normally put “zombies” and “wedding” together, but that's exactly what this couple did. In what was described by The Art of Mezame as one of their most fun and satisfying shoots, The Last Two Of Us includes pop culture references such as zombies to carry the theme "Survive till death do us part".

Share The Love!

Planning for a wedding is no walk in the park, but finding the right one to spend the rest of your life with is equally tricky. So when you do, you really should celebrate your love like the way these couples did above. What are some crazy ideas you have planned for your own wedding shoot? Let us know in the comments below. Also read, 12 Things Singapore Couples Do That Singles Buay Tahan. (Header Image Source: Back Alley Creations by Jootz See)
Recently, a popular local social media influencer <a href=" under scrutiny for her sponsored wedding. More specifically, for not being upfront about the sponsorships she got ranging from venue, food, and luxurious wedding favours to the 27 dresses made for her bridesmaids. There were guests who reportedly felt ‘cheated’, as they felt that sponsorships “cheapened the wedding (and) made it insincere.” And should they have known that the wedding was heavily sponsored, they would have given a different amount in the Ang Baos. Others reasoned that giving Ang Baos is “about celebrating with (the couple) and wishing them well,” and shouldn’t be co-related to wedding sponsorship. This made us wonder: what is the meaning of a wedding and the act of giving Ang Baos then? We reached out to 7 Singapore millennials to weigh in on this: how important is it to have lavish wedding banquets to millennials today? Also, are sponsorships an issue, and how critical is it to get a ‘big’ wedding Ang Bao. This is what they shared.

What Is A Wedding To You?

A big-ass party to end all parties. A day to signify the commitment between two people who will love each other even though they want to tear each other's heads off and feed each other rat poison once in a while. – Aaron, 33 An event to witness a covenant and sacred union between two people. – Cai Ping, 27 It could be pride, to tell people that you’re taken, or to flaunt family wealth, but I think a wedding is a way to show off that you have ‘made it’ in life. – Eugene, 26 Not just the celebration of the union of my partner and me, it’s also a way for me to thank my family and friends for being supportive of us and for seeing us to this stage of our lives. – Samantha, 25

Big Weddings, Small Weddings, What Do You Want In Your Ideal Wedding?

It may be a once in a lifetime event but spending a lot doesn’t necessarily mean anything. You just have to make it special. – Eugene, 26 It’s not very practical to hold such a big event for just a one day thing, unless I'm rich or am marrying into a rich family where fame and dignity plays a part. I don't need anything fancy. Ultimately, it’s the meaning behind the wedding that matters most – the marriage itself and the commitment to one another. – Cai Ping, 27 It’s not important to have a lavish wedding at all. Too much money goes into these things which could be spent better – like on a gaming console. I'd rather just invite my immediate family, relatives who actually matter, and my closest friends to a curry restaurant. And it'll definitely be something affordable. I know a guy who spent a shit ton of money for his wedding at a really famous hotel. Today his relationship with his wife is in ruins and he is in jail, going bankrupt while his mother is paying off his debts with her own retirement money. – Aaron, 33 A wedding is too tiring for both the couple and their families, and so much money is spent on it too. I’d rather have something small and affordable with just family and close friends. I'd spend more on travelling or honeymoon instead. – Juanning, 23

Why Do YOU Give Wedding Ang Baos?

I give Ang Baos because of local customs and practices. But the more practical side would be to help the couple cover costs. – Juanning, 23 I give it as a nice gesture because it’s the wedding of people important to me. As for the ones I don't care about, I won't even go. But I think wedding Ang Baos are given out of tradition more than anything else today. – Eugene, 26 I give them as a token of appreciation. Kind of like when you go to someone's house for a party but instead of cookies or alcohol, the token comes in the form of cash. – Aaron, 33

How Important Is Getting Big Wedding Ang Baos To You?

Expecting a big Ang Bao from guests to offset an expensive dinner that you chose to have is like inviting people to your housewarming and getting them to paint your house for you. I want whoever who come to be there out of pure sincerity and not harbour a discontent of having to pay $88 (or more) just to watch me kiss my wife. – Eugene, 26 It isn't important at all. It should come from the heart and how much someone can afford to give. – Kenny, 26 The Chinese believe that the bigger the Ang Bao, the bigger the blessing. But realistically, Ang Bao money is a financial help for newlyweds to ‘pay off’ the wedding and things like house renovations. However, when I plan my wedding, I'm prepared to not break-even from the guests’ Ang Baos. – Samantha, 25

Sponsored Weddings – Yes Or No?

Sponsorships are helpful for the couple in terms of finances and I believe that everyone would want to be sponsored if they are able to. So I don't think there's anything wrong. – Yun Jie, 21 I get that people may see sponsorships as making a wedding seem inauthentic or insincere, but if it helps cut costs then I don't see anything wrong. Real weddings, fake weddings, they're all weddings. The actual fake wedding is the one where you see them divorce a year later. – Aaron, 33 I don’t see what the issue of having a sponsored wedding is. So many other celebrities and influencers have had sponsored weddings. I think people are just sour about others getting sponsored weddings because most people give Ang Baos based on the ‘market price’ for that wedding location. And knowing that the couple isn't paying for things, makes them feel like they paid more than they should. – Juanning, 23 Sponsored or not, I think we should be genuinely happy for the couple and be honoured that they thought of us and want us to celebrate an occasion this important to them. – Samantha, 25

What’s Your Say?

Many of us fall prey to the thought of The Dream Wedding. We pin dream wedding suits and dresses and add extensive ballroom decor into our wedding checklist. We send our partner photos of our friend's wedding so they can 'take note'. Today, weddings have become such grand affairs, it seems as if not having an elaborate banquet affair is irreverent to the notion of a wedding. With so much debate surrounding a long-standing tradition of marriages and weddings, how important is a wedding to you? Share your take with us in the comments! Also read, 12 Things Singapore Couples Do That Singles Buay Tahan.
A wedding is only as good as its hashtag. Well, maybe not, but they sure are fun to think about in light of the 100 other details you need to take care of for your impending wedding. Wedding hashtags show the couple's personality, are functional, letting you see the photos your guests have taken, and of course, are the creative embodiment of two become one. Common among young couples, there are even <a href=" hashtag generators out there to help you come up with an innovative hashtag for your big day! In need of some inspiration for your own wedding? Here are 15 of the smartest, most creative hashtags we found that deserve a special shout-out.

1. #JincomPATible

Taking the ‘Jin’ from Pei Jin and the ‘Pat’ from Patrick, this couple came up with this. “Jin” is Hokkien for “very”, so the hashtag reads to mean “very compatible”.

2. #LimmingTheDream

A play on the groom’s surname “Lim”, these lovebirds are now living the dream.

3. #TheAudBentureBegins

The adventure of AUDrey and BEN begins.

4. #OnceInALifeTham

Those who’ve been following the founder of online fashion store Vaingloriousyou, Tricia Ong, will know this one. “Tham” is used to replace time because it’s the groom’s surname.

5. #ChewgetherFioever

The groom’s surname is Chew, and he will be together forever with Fiona.

6. <a href=" Feel the love of Philipp and Lavon.

7. #HansGotCharmed

John Hans tied the knot with beautiful Charmaine, so you could say #HansGotCharmed.

8. #Jun男Mel女

The groom’s name is Jun Long and the bride’s name is Melissa, while “男” is mandarin for guy and “女”, for girl. “Mel” from Melissa can also be read as “Mei”, which is mandarin for pretty. Pretty clever word-play for “handsome guy and pretty girl”!

9. #ThisChanSoHeng

Chan is the groom’s surname and Heng is the bride’s. ‘Heng’ is Hokkien for lucky, so it loosely means the groom is so lucky.

10. #MellyYouSoon

Bride’s name is Melissa (Melly), groom’s surname is Soon – marry you soon.

11. #theWANforNAB

SafWAN is the Wan and only for NABilah.

12. #FongLingInLove

Borrowing the “Fong” from Wei Fong and “Ling” from Wei Ling, this hashtag is a cute play on the phrase “Falling in love”.

13. #YuanMarriedLiao

The groom’s name is Si Yuan and bride’s surname is Liao. Very Singaporean, we like.

14. #HappyLeeWithPris

Groom's surname is Lee, bride’s name is Pris. And they lived happily ever after.

15. #KOKlovesBJ

KOK (Hwa) loves B(ao) J(i). Solid hashtag. Good one bro!

What’s Your Hashtag?

Know of other creative wedding hashtags? Share them with us in the comments! If you’ve been seeing your friends get hitched one by one and wonder if you’re going to end up #ForeverAlone, don’t worry because you can meet others in the same predicament as you <a href=" Also read, The Breakup Reasons These 10 S’poreans Gave Their Ex-es Will Make You Say ‘WTF’