Back in November 2017, Singapore hosted her first international plus size pageant, Miss Top of the World (TOTW) Plus Size. While it was glorified as a great way to challenge the Asian beauty ideal, it didn't sit quite right with me. Perhaps it was ironic that a contest so discriminatory and shallow could bring about an impact for body positivity. In Miss Universe, contestants catwalk down the stage to the beat of a looped fanfare jingle and a 2-line introduction of themselves. From boring resume credentials to having performed CPR on a choking puppy, does anyone actually remember what was said about these girls? I know I am not the only one too mesmerised by long legs, charismatic smiles, and their magical ability to twirl in killer heels – the real reason we watch Miss Universe. The introductions could have been replaced with better music and it wouldn’t have made much of an impact, pageants will still be a superficial competition. Replacing the mass of long-legged beauties with chubbier ladies doesn't make a difference either. Pageants are still an exclusive competition with no diversity – it's strictly no chub rubs in Miss Universe and no visible hip bones in Miss TOTW Plus Size. Besides, young girls who value being skinny won't know how to appreciate a beauty pageant that celebrates a body type that's different from their ideal and people who fat shame won’t voluntarily watch plus size women catwalk. TOTW Plus Size celebrates the bigger women who have been discriminated all their lives and it enables them to envision a future that is both heavy and happy. However, portraying only a specific type of women is the fundamental flaw of pageantry. If pageants are meant to prove that girls who don't fit the cookie-cutter mould are beautiful, we should have one for the short girls, one for the handicapped girls, one for the acne-scarred girls, one for the hairy girls, one for the flat-chested girls, and so on. Ultimately, plus size pageants prove that we have lost our way in the body positivity movement. An exclusive representation does not equate to an inclusive culture. Our perception of beauty is nature and nurture. While we are attracted to a few common features that our brain registers as genetically sound, our preferences for looks are still uniquely shaped by our culture and upbringing. Even my close girlfriends and I have differing tastes in men – according to them, none of the guys I’ve dated were handsome. No matter how tight we are, the four of us have always had a different idea on who we found visually appealing. Trying to convince each other otherwise would merely be trying to impose one's opinion of beauty on everyone else. Despite our varying beauty standards, my clique and our plus ones get along because what matters more is how kindly these boys treat my breasties and vice versa. This should be the standard we hold everyone accountable to: how well we treat each other and not just how good we look. Short or tall, fat or skinny, these are polarising traits that one will always find more aesthetically pleasing than the other. What matters is that we give everyone a chance to show their personality and we treat them with the same respect, regardless of how they look. Hopefully, we can create a world that is fun even for the ugly people. Yeah, I said ugly. We say that “everyone is beautiful” in an attempt to comfort those with low self-esteem or those who feel ugly because society expects it of us. While we go around babbling those words, I can't help but feel like we’ve butchered the original meaning by leaving out the other half of the quote. The saying, “everyone is beautiful in their own way,” evolved from, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Everyone has a different opinion on beauty. Essentially, that comforting line means that everyone perceives beauty differently. There is someone out there who will think you are beautiful. It may not be the person you like or the people around you but it could be someone else. It could even be you. You are the ultimate beholder of what you see in the mirror, what you perceive yourself to be. Telling every girl that they're beautiful, like pageants do, breeds confidence that is rooted in exterior beauty. The truth is, not every girl will be valued for the way she looks. Some will be adored for their personality, wit, creativity, or smarts. Convincing everyone that they look beautiful is idealistic but if we’re aiming for the moon, we might as well try to create a kind world instead of a ‘beautiful’ one – a kind world that values what lies beyond fleeting beauty. Also read, “I Kept Hearing Voices Of People Criticising Me, And I Could No Longer Tell What Was Real”.

Just like any other post on Facebook or Instagram, everyone is free to express their own views, thoughts and opinions. However, one has to understand that one's two cents worth may not be accepted by everyone else. Clearly, when travel blogger, A Girl and A Bald Traveller, complained about Singaporeans being conformists, Instagram whores, and culturally ignorant, the nation did not take it so well. The original blog post has since been removed by the author, but we managed to retrieve a copy of it which you can read here. TL;DR: Unlike himself, the writer thinks Singaporeans aren’t well-travelled enough; we only visit mainstream places because we think 'visiting India or Bangladesh means possibly getting raped' and 'everyone in Africa has aids'. Singaporeans are not as sophisticated or culturally diverse as the writer because we choose to visit 'typical' Instagrammable places like Niagara falls and Eiffel Tower, and only because it's popular on Instagram. When Singaporeans heard the news of our passport being one of the most powerful, we “lord it around on Facebook groups congratulating each other how lucky we are that our passport is so impressive”. And yet “how many Singaporeans have made use of their ‘powerful passport’ to visit any of these 180 countries?” While the duo has visited various African and European countries, Singaporeans wield our Singapore passport like an average mortal swings the Thor hammer – a useless weapon in our hands. So why do we still deserve to celebrate our passport?

Having A Powerful Passport

The Singapore passport represents something bigger than travelling. Our visa-free escapades don't just enable us to see the world, but also the world to see us ­– our passport boasts the nation’s progress and political stability, which are definitely worth celebrating. It is the ability to whip this little red book out in a duty-free shop and command some form of respect simply because we are Singaporeans.

According to the duo, those who visit Bangkok and Johor aren’t maximising the passport’s full power because everyone else can easily access these places. Do you know that China grants visa-free travel for ordinary passports to very limited countries including Singapore? Or that Bangkok has an <a href=" immigration system exclusive to Hong Kong and Singapore passport holders? These are but a few perks that come with having a powerful passport. Perks that 'mainstream people' like me can actually enjoy. The power of Singapore’s passport is ever-present within Asia, yet because countries in Asia are considered mainstream and easily accessible to The Girl and A Bald Traveller, they have declared those to be of a lesser travelling experience.

I still stand by those Asian states and countries. Bangkok, JB, Malacca, and Perth are still my go-to places for a quick getaway because of the sense of familiarity I get even while in a foreign place. I fall into the ‘typical Singaporean’ template that The Girl and A Bald Traveller has thoughtfully conjured, except it is not my fear of ‘black’ people or of possible death that deters me from visiting Africa, India, or any lesser-known places mentioned by them. The ‘boring places’ I go to offer what I look for in my holiday and the exotic ones don't. A ticket out of Singapore has always been a chance for me to run from responsibilities and recharge. I've been on holidays that left me feeling more drained than rested. The tedious research, booking of flight transfers, packed schedules, and navigating around a foreign place stresses me out more than work itself. So, escaping into somewhere more familiar (or mainstream) is exactly what I need.

Prostituting Ourselves To Instagram

If travelling was about Instagram, wouldn't a popular feed be filled with pictures of places less travelled? Wouldn't those posted on the duo's site, photos of 'rare' and 'unique' places, garner more likes than a photo with Taiwan’s floating lanterns?

"Simply put. If it's not "Insta-worthy", it's not "Singa-worthy"."

Instagram isn’t just a platform to show off a lifestyle, it is also an informational platform. Before I visit a café, I check out their Instagram location tag to see their food, how the café environment is like, and what everyone else would recommend. It is an unbiased and collective opinion on the place. Before travelling to Taiwan, Bangkok, or JB, Instagram and Facebook help me get a rough idea of what I would like to eat, see, do, and even how to get there because of the photos and captions I see. Simply put. If it’s not insta-worthy, it’s not as easy to research on. An exotic country like Belarus and Ukraine will be a whole new experience to me, but getting there and planning my itinerary is not as easy as it is for the ‘boring countries’. Understanding their roads and deciding on my choice of transport is not as simple, especially for someone who is constantly getting lost even in Singapore.

The travel blogger has also admitted that most of the available resources for exotic travel are from sites owned by foreigners. Their blog can offer some help though (if you aren't put off by the writing style). Of course, I'd like to see the places that have been named in the article one day. As pointed out by the duo, I do agree that travelling and exploring a lesser-known place is a lot more inspiring. But at the moment, I’m not interested in investing brain juice on a vacation that is supposed to help me unwind. Living in Singapore is like a rat race – work is exhausting, school is stressful. Maybe just like me, most Singaporeans choose the 'mainstream countries' for vacations simply because it is easier to plan for and less stressful to visit.

If you can get past the triggering sarcasm and backhanded insults, The Girl and A Bald Traveler actually brought up really good points. And if you can ignore his arrogant remarks and sweeping statements, you might even find their blog a useful point of reference for those exotic countries you might visit in the future. But I'll just stick to my 'Instagram-worthy places' for now. Also read, Don’t Like To Travel? That’s Completely Fine. (Header Image Source: @eesonsnaps)

I’m a lot closer to my friends than my family. There’s so much more that my friends see and know about me. It isn’t because I grew up being looked after by my grandparents, relatives, or helper. I was never sent to child care centres either. My parents brought my brother and me up all by themselves. It wasn’t that I grew up in a broken family either. My parents were always loving to each other and to us. Our middle-income family lifestyle also meant a high regard for simplicity, humility, and maintaining family ties. We appreciate what we have and we appreciate each other, yet I feel a disconnect with the very people I’m supposed to be closest to – and it’s not because we don’t spend time together. Occasionally, my father will drive us across the causeway for cheap eats, shopping, or a massage. My mother’s regular home cooking is also a reason for us to huddle together for dinner every day after work. We spend a lot of time together but there’s hardly any conversation aside from my mum’s gripe about the market prices of meat and vegetables. I don't share about my day and I don't ask them about theirs. It just feels weird, unnatural. When I see social media posts of my friends enjoying movie nights, ice skating, or trips to USS together with their family, I wished my family was like that too. It isn’t where they went that I am envious of, it is the laughter and light banter in the background. It is the quality time together that I long for. Was there something we could have done in the past that would have made us closer now? Why don’t we do fun family activities together? Is it because all of us grew up too quickly? I know, it’s already a privilege to have a family. An unexciting family of four, stable and boring, but safe. Some people don’t even have anyone to call ‘family’. I appreciate what I have but if only I could draw close to my supposed nearest and dearest without feeling so awkward.

My parents’ love for my sibling and I is undeniable, but so is the ever-growing gap between us.

When I had trouble catching up on my studies, I hid it from my parents. When it came to matters of the heart and having my heart broken by the guys I dated, I turned to friends instead. When I was lost and confused about life after graduation, I turned to Google for advice. My parents didn’t deserve to be disappointed, and I never felt comfortable to share. Call it pride, call it fear but it was never a natural way of my life to talk about my feelings and emotions with my parents so openly. And now that I’m a working adult with my own social circles and partner, there are more distractions and lesser reasons for me to talk with my parents. Perhaps we were just that stereotypical Asian family who avoided complicated topics and shunned from anything related to sex. When I asked why I was growing hair at my nether regions, my mother would tell me that it is because I didn’t wash my vagina clean enough. When I had my first period and asked why we (girls) had periods, my dad said it’s just something that makes you an ‘official woman’. They never elaborated more than that and I never probed. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I’m so gullible today. However, the ‘Asian culture’ was stronger during my parents’ days and yet they still remain close to their siblings. Even though we all live separate lives, every family gathering filled our home with warmth and energy, there was always laughter and chatter. Perhaps this is the legendary kampong spirit that everyone talks about. What happened with my generation then? Perhaps it’s because life was much simpler then. In place of movies or video games, entertainment was playing marbles or fives stones with siblings or the neighbours’ kids. Social gatherings meant you had to interact with people instead of being on your phone.

As much as it feels distant, the thought of losing my parents still scares me. Besides the pain of never seeing them again, I worry that losing them would also mean losing the only thing that holds my brother and I together. We were raised by the same parents and only two years apart, but we couldn’t be more different. We have led two very separate lives and we barely look alike – we were never close, not when we were young and not now. I knew a girl in my secondary school who had a brother I wished I had. He was a senior in our school and he’d always walk her home. Even when my friend stayed back for CCAs or simply to hang out with her friends, her brother would wait in school until she was done. I wanted that protective and cool brother who would not only be my guardian angel if someone shoots rubber bands at me but would also teach me how to fire these rubber bands back with twice the power. Instead, most of the interactions I had with my brother involved us fighting between ourselves. Now that we’re older, my brother makes an effort to communicate and connect with me despite working and living in another country most of the year, but it never feels right. We speak in different languages and our conversations lack depth but I still hope that eventually my brother and I will find a connection we never had. I just hope my brother believes it, too. After all, blood is always thicker than water. Also read, 12 S’poreans Reveal The Most Endearingly Embarrassing Habits Of Their Mums.

"I don't usually do this but can I kiss you?" Would you find it weird if your boyfriend asked you for permission before he kissed you? That’s what my friend Edd had asked me a while ago. I can’t remember what our first kiss was like, but if he did I probably would have nodded, or just smiled and went in for the kiss myself. “What if it was a dude you weren’t so sure about yet, like you are interested but you’re still not 100% sure if you’re going to date him for real?” Even with dates, I’ve always been forthcoming with my kisses – ugh, am I just too easy? But I was already romantically invested in those dates I kissed and it just felt like a natural progression of our feelings and affection for each other. Something that holding hands or hugging wouldn’t quite capture. It was straightforward to me. If I like you romantically, I would want to feel closer to you, and that would translate to physical intimacy. But as simple as it is to me, it isn’t for Edd – perhaps it’s just more difficult for guys.

Romantic Interest And Consent

Having missed one too many shots at a happily ever after, what went wrong? Edd seemed to have an extremely different perspective of how physical intimacy played a part in relationships. Edd would hit the home run as soon as it was appropriate because physical intimacy is the ultimate shield from the dreaded friend zone. Touch was also his way of showing that he’s interested. Now I started to understand why the girls in Edd’s life seemed to flee. Men give love for sex, women give sex for love – things might have changed in this modern era but I believe this quote still holds true. Women still needs to feel an emotional investment and connection for sex to count as love-making, or else we might interpret it as a quick touch and go. There are better ways to demonstrate your interest on the first date instead of diving straight into the deep end of sex. Because his advances never worked well, Edd wondered if getting consent helps. But, “I don't know if it's because of the toxic macho culture I've been exposed to, I've been led to believe that women find it kind of weak for a man to ask for a kiss or for sex.” Gone are the days where men have to be the archetypal, dominant head of the household. Those typically masculine qualities do help make a man seem more attractive but there are many other equally or even more important traits that women seek for today, like humour and stability. Yes, asking for permission may come across as shy and insecure, but it is better than scaring women away for being overconfident or too physically forthcoming. Contrarily, I wouldn’t think any less of a guy’s masculinity if he asked to kiss me. It shows me two very valuable traits: that he’s polite and respectful – he cares enough about how I would feel and respects me enough to check before treading on into ‘sensitive territories’. I’d definitely tell my girls about it and giggle about how silly or cute it was of him to ask, but that all depends on how interested I already am in him.

How Fast Is Too Fast?

I went around the office to find out the ‘best’ time to kiss or engage in coitus. After making my colleagues feel paiseh with clearly too many personal questions in the middle of a work day, and doing some more research, I concluded: there’s no answer. There is just no right or wrong when it comes to love and no model timeline to physical intimacy. Everyone’s got their own ‘pace’. No one has the right to impose rules on when to start getting intimate in a relationship either. Neither should we compare or worry about how fast is too fast. What’s norm for someone else may not be for you and if you’re not comfortable, then what’s the point? The chemistry between two individuals is different for every duo. You may feel like long lost lovers with one person but with another, it could take several dates before it feels ‘right’. As vague as it sounds, there are signs you can always count on to determine if this moment is ‘right’ for cozying up to each other.

Reading The Signs

Brush your fingers against mine, inch closer so our shoulders touch, let your hands linger a little longer around my waist after we take a photo – if I don’t flinch, that’s when you know I’m ready for interlocking fingers and warmer hugs. Any verbal consent would only kill the mood and take away the excitement! Kisses are a little trickier, you have to be sensitive to the energy around you. It could be that extra few seconds of lingering after you bid her farewell at the void deck, or the way she looks at you intently, or in the most obvious case, if she doesn't turn away when you inch your face close to hers - not in a creepy 'I want to eat your face way' of course, just purse your lips a little, close your eyes... If you find a way to slide your tongue into the game, then you’ve unlocked the next phase: making out.

Then, there’s sex – the fine line of consent separating rape and love-making. It doesn’t have to be as awkward as “would you like to have sex with me?”. A simple “you wanna do it?” between breaths works too. Else, consent comes in many non-verbal ways too: if she doesn't brush your hands away from her private areas, when she presses her body against you or initiates even more intimate behaviour, it's a good sign. Obviously in this case, if a girl says, "no," or "I don't want," she's not playing reverse psychology. As modern and liberal as we have evolved to be, most of us (Asians) are too shy to speak our minds in fear of rejection or ‘throwing face’. This is especially so for women – most of us still wait for men to make the first move. I’m guilty of being passive aggressive myself, keeping my dissatisfaction and preferences to myself hoping that my partner would magically read my mind but obviously, no one’s Professor X here. In fact, our blockhead boyfriends will appreciate that we lied on their shoulders or gave them a peck on the cheek first.

Where Do You Draw The Line?

I think it’s still safer to know someone better before getting intimately involved. Once you do, it can be hard to tell if you really like the person for the wholesome meaning of a relationship or if you’re just sexually attracted. And it is such a waste to mess up a chance at a happy ending just because you went in for that kiss she wasn’t quite ready for. Regardless, be confident and don’t be swayed by what others think is too fast or too slow. Find your own pace, read the cues, and go with the flow. *Name has been changed for privacy reasons Also read, Wet, Weird, And Adorable – Millennials Recount How They Lost Their First Kiss.

Wet, slobbery and passionate kisses, we’ve been on the roof top of JEM for the last 15 minutes. It feels like an hour. Straddled on top of you, it was exciting and arousing for you a lot longer than it was for me – I kept going because I loved you. When you unzipped your pants, I didn’t think much of it, but in a sharp whisper you asked to go to third base. Whether I shook my head or stared blankly at you, I can’t recall.   Hoarse pleas of “we can’t stop here,” whispered repeatedly from the lips I was so passionately kissing moments ago – something about the way you begged made it impossible to say no. But my body reacted before I could consider giving in, erupting into rapid, shallow and irregular breaths as I turned away from you. Shaking like a scared puppy on your lap, you zipped up and held me tight.   Swaying gently, you stroked my hair. You must love me. There’s no doubt about that. I felt your excitement ease but it was my turn to swell – pink and puffy from the friction of my cotton panties against your jeans, my skin burned whenever I used the toilet. Is that normal? He was the sweet boy that everyone adored for his masculine physique, good nature, and fun-loving personality. I felt small and well protected with him. He understood what it meant to love the invisible man in the sky, what it meant to be ‘touched by the Bible’. He really wasn’t my type. I’ve always had a penchant for the bad boys who were good only to me. It wasn’t like I actively sourced them out to change them, they were just somehow drawn to me. Maybe because I had the morals of a conservative Christian but lived within the loopholes of the bible, the grey areas that divide different Christian groups. Safe but still fun. He broke the streak of bad boy personalities and became my perfect match – His tenderness was best friends with my guilty conscience and his love a dictator of my soul. I know what you said, you wouldn’t love me any less if we didn’t do these ‘things’, yet when I asked if we could stop, the forlorn look in your eyes said otherwise. It made my heart ache as much as my jaws. I wonder if you knew the contrast of bliss and disappointment on your face was too much for me to bear. It reminded me that I had the power to turn that frown upside down but I chose not to. I am selfish. I am a terrible girlfriend.  You pulled up your pants before lifting me off the ground in one swift motion as I whispered a pathetic trail of apologies. Your embrace, tender kisses and ‘It’s okay’ didn’t offer any comfort. You planted a final peck on my cheek, ready to leave. “I’ll do it. I want to do it. Just not in my balcony. Even with the curtains, it’s too in the open. My sis might come down and see us. Let’s do it in the toilet instead.” I caved in again and hated myself for it. Back on my knees, I played your disappointment in my head on repeat, willing my tongue and lips to graze all the right spots for just a bit longer. For just a bit longer, I need to ignore the palpitations that made my body shake. I love you, I mustn’t be selfish. I stood up. Somehow my usual tricks couldn’t convince me to finish the job tonight. My eyes burned as hot as the welt on my knees that sunk between tiles. I looked at you, no longer worthy of your love but hoping you’d give it to me anyway. For the second time tonight, you pulled your pants up and I followed you out of the toilet. As you packed up your things, I leaned against the wall some distance away. You hugged me, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and wiped my tears away. The gentler you were the louder my guilty conscience – I blew it. I blew my second chance. When he cheated on me, I didn’t wait for his apology to forgive him. The day I found out, he joined my family for dinner where my dad talked extensively about the hotel we were going to stay at for our getaway in Malacca – Holiday Inn, that’s where he f**ked the girl. Against my friends’ counsel, I stayed with him because I believed our love was strong enough to overcome his infidelity. I threw myself into the art of forgiveness, always tiptoeing around his crime. I didn't even stop him from going to the club after that, determined to show him that my trust hasn't wavered. I think I fixed us but I forgot about my own broken heart. Even when he reassured me that his affair wasn’t my fault, I sucked him off anyway to make sure he wouldn’t find solace in another girl. I could never shake off the fear when I had to reject his advances. The certainty of my yeses and noes were marred because my consent and dissent swayed to the rhythm of his persuasion. Just like Ariel, I traded in my voice for a chance at love, except she got Eric and I turned to foam. I am objective enough to take responsibility for this feeling of violation. I was never clear enough. I only hoped he read my mind or inferred from the few times I broke down in the middle of making out. The relationship was toxic for more reasons than this, but I clung on because there was just enough love and attention to keep me going. When we finally ended things, I was a tragic mess but my friends rejoiced, knowing that I will eventually see what they have been seeing. I often questioned why I never ventured beyond third base – what stopped me from being that girl who gave sex for love and lost it anyway? You. We often spoke in revere of chastity and you confessed how my purity was one reason we’re together. I should have known then that your stand on virginity was personal and not religious. You loved me for a lot of things but my abstinence was a big factor – I wanted to keep you interested. I deal with the wreck of my relationship, knowing I am not the only girl who walks around with a chip on her shoulder. This story is for the girls who will never be able to fully express their feelings of being violated because we enabled it, because there was never verbal or physical abuse, only the silent threat which we convinced ourselves would happen if we didn’t do so – we have no right to feel victimised.

Story is adapted from an original recount shared to us.

Also read, Millennials Share Their Biggest Relationship Mistakes So You Wouldn’t Make The Same Ones.

Valentine's day is fast approaching –  Get ready for bouquets galore and the spam of sappy Instagram posts. On this particular day where we celebrate love, it's easy to see love as a magical fairy tale. But relationships aren't all that perfect. There are lovey-dovey moments and then there are times you wonder why you even love the monster you are dating. To keep things real this Cupid's Day, we asked millennials to share some of the most dramatic fights they have had with their partners. Clearly, some people watch dramas and others live it.

1. Mad Chase

"My boyfriend and I would always take the same bus home together but after a big fight, he left without me. I was seething with anger so I just sat in the school canteen in silence. When I registered what had happened, I ran out of school hoping to reconcile with him. When I was reaching the bus stop, I saw him board the bus and leave. I couldn't convince myself to give up, so I kept running. When the bus rounded the turn I knew I had no chance. My knees softened and I sat down at the overhead bridge to cry for a long while. I realised my friends and a couple of seniors had watched the entire scene pan out from the bus stop. I was beyond embarrassed." – Jade, 23

2. Push Comes To Shove

My girlfriend and I had a huge spat after I heard that she cheated on me. I let my anger fuel my words and we couldn't talk things out properly. She went home, but I really wanted to clarify certain things with her so I decided to look for her at her house. I showed up at her doorstep but her lesbian friend who has a crush on her stopped me at the door. I tried to push past her but she held her ground. I shouted so that my girlfriend would be able to hear me from her room. “She doesn’t want to see you!” Her friend shoved me and my back rammed against the wall along the corridor. I pushed her back and she tumbled into the living room. I was fuming at this point so when she charged at me again, I punched her in the face. My girlfriend must have sensed something was wrong because she finally came out of the room to catch us throwing punches at each other. I had to deal with the police for a few weeks after that. Needless to say, the relationship ended on terrible terms." – Terrance, 30

3. LDR Woes

"I was in a long distance relationship and we were going through a really rough patch. Both of us were really busy and the time difference made it impossible to catch up as often as we hoped – the frustration led to us arguing a lot but we always reconciled. But this once after our fight, he ignored my texts and calls for the whole day. I cried myself to sleep thinking, “this is it, he’s breaking up with me.” In the morning, I woke up to my sister giggling followed by a warm peck on my cheek. He didn’t reply me because he was on the plane back to see me. The fight itself wasn’t dramatic but the making up process was the most movie-like experience I had." – Sasha, 24

4. Dramatic Exit

"I had just stormed out of my boyfriend’s house and ruined the 'low maintenance' image his parents had of me. It was 1am and I was crying so hard that I had to sit by the curb to catch my breath. I wasn’t hoping for him to chase after me, but a while later I saw his car. I was still breathlessly sobbing and feeling too prideful, so I just let him drive by. I told me that I would rather walk than see him but he insisted on waiting for me at the void deck of my house. Meanwhile, he had to answer calls from my parents about my whereabouts because I refused to pick up their phone. We were texting hostile but empty threats about breaking up and it went on for a long while before I sent him my live location to work it out face-to-face. He found me sitting at another road he had apparently drove pass. We yelled at each other till we ‘fixed things’. I even tried to storm off again but he pulled me back. After that, I cried into his shoulder till I literally passed out. My boyfriend carried me back to the car until I calmed down before he sent me home to deal with my parents." – Karla, 21

5. Stop and Stare

"After yet another fight with my ex, I demanded that he unlock his house door for me so I can leave. To my disappointment, he did so without any hesitation, and I stormed off. But instead of going home, I loitered around his neighbourhood, hoping for him to realise how wrong he was and come look for me. After aimlessly walking around, I finally settled on a bench at one of the void decks nearby where I bawled my eyes out. I probably looked like a wreck because many passers-by stopped to ask if I was okay. One uncle even left me a packet of tissue and told me, “男孩子全部都是坏的啦，小妹不要想太多， 你还小以后的日子会更好。” (all boys are bad, don’t think too much, you’re still young things will get better) My ex texted me an hour later and because I was still pissed, I sent him on a hunt around his neighbourhood before he finally found me." – Crystal, 26

6. Underage Drinks

"At 14-years-old I was in a relationship with a boy 5 years older than me. We were really immature and were always breaking up and getting back together. I didn’t know how to physically cope with those emotions back then so I turned to alcohol. Once, my friend snuck out some of her mother’s whisky which we drank by her condo’s pool. At some point, I fell asleep on the table, faced down. When I vomited, I was so wasted that I continued sleeping in my puddle of semi-digested food and liquids. Miraculously, my friend manage to get me to the public toilet, although she said I was crawling most of the way. (Bear in mind we were both 14-year-old 'kids' and it was in bright day light) She quickly ran up to her house for clothes and a towel to clean me up before she called my ex-boyfriend for help. Since he was still serving his national service with the police force, he had to cab down during his lunch to carry me from the toilet to my friend’s house. We got together again before breaking up for good a year later." – Rebecca, 24

7. He Said She Said

"I can’t even remember what we were arguing about but it was loud. We were hanging out in Starbucks with our friends and even they couldn't stop us from yelling at each other. The argument became so heated that we stood up and continued shouting. Everyone there were staring at us when she ran out of Starbucks in tears. The girls chased after her while the boys stayed with me. I was seething at her for being so incredibly unreasonable, but in the end, I eventually looked for her and gave her a hug first." – Zhi Wei, 22

8. Cuddle Power

"She was my first girlfriend and I didn’t understand why girls always want to 'talk about things'. We were walking home from supper and I was super angry about something petty but I didn’t want to “talk about it”. I wanted to send her home and find somewhere to cool off on my own but she was having none of that. When I tried to continue walking, she hugged me and tried to hold me back with her weight. I am almost 190cm tall and she was smaller than the average Singaporean girl. It would have been funny if I weren’t so angry. I gave her a damn annoyed look and pried her hands off of me. Normally my cold stare was enough to make her stop her nonsense, but she was super stubborn that day – wrapped her hands around my waist and kept trying to stop me from walking. Her hugs were so tight and persistent I didn’t stay angry for long. I succumbed and we sat by the road side to talk about my feelings – sounds sissy, but it made her happy." – Timothy, 23

Pick Your Battles

Nobody wants to fight, but it is an integral part of building a long lasting relationship. It is how couples learn about and adapt to each other's boundaries. But don't fight for the sake of winning of course, pick your battles wisely. How have you and your SO fought? Are you the drama-mama or the kind who chooses to avoid talking until both parties cool down? Also read, 8 Confession Stories That Are Like RL Versions Of Taiwanese High School Dramas.

New year, but the same desperate scamper for a university placement. After securing your spot in school, there’s an even crazier fight for a room in the hall of your choice. Staying in hall is the ultimate convenience, you are the closest you can possibly be to those dreaded morning lectures. In time to come, the late nights and endless fun with friends who literally live next door will become one of the highlights of your university life. But friends and fun aside, there're a couple of infamous hall stories that may totally change your perspective of university halls – let's just say that hall life is an eye-opening experience. We spoke to friends who've stayed in hall and here are some promiscuous stories they shared. Stories that will make outsiders go 'OMG', but are nothing but common occurrence for fellow hall residents. If you're planning to stay in hall, brace yourselves!

1. Splashing Good Time

You would think that the deepest conversations happen in classrooms, or when someone gets drunk. For hall residents, some of their deepest and most meaningful conversations happen in their shared bathrooms. Bathing used to be a private affair, until you live in hall, where the bathroom becomes a new social setting with it's own set of unsaid rules. Couples have also been known to 'triple date' in the men’s bathroom. Imagine this: girlfriend scrubbing her boyfriend’s back while he grumbles about the latest soccer match with his two bros in the cubicles just beside. Of course that’s as much physical intimacy that’s accepted in shared bathrooms. Don't cross the line!

2. Lost and Never Found

Hang your clothes out often enough and someone might mistake your laundry line for a pasar malam store without a tenant – free clothes up for grabs! During your stay at hall, you may notice a few of those tiny pieces of cloth you wear closest to your body go missing. Congratulations, you have attracted the attention of the residential panty thief. Keep calm and call the police, although few have been caught despite even though several reports have been made.

3. Budget Innovation

Instead of using the clothing line where your laundry is vulnerable to the unpredictable weather and an easy target for the residential panty thief, dryers are a better option. But at $1 per use, most broke university students wouldn’t use the dryer until they have accumulated a reasonable pile of laundry. Thankfully, some hall ancestors have discovered a hack that costs nothing and dries your laundry faster. Meet the microwave. Not only is it good for heating up your late night snacks, they dry your clothes efficiently too! More importantly, it's free. But in all seriousness, drying your lingerie where people heat their food probably isn’t hygienic. Can you imagine taking out your freshly-microwaved underwear only to have it smelling like chicken rice?

4. Eye Sore

One of our friends shared a horrific experience where she witnessed her hall mate masturbating through the open window of his room. Another shared how he would always avoid looking out of his room windows because girls in the opposite block would change without drawing their curtains. While everyone makes a conscious effort not to impose on someone else's privacy, let's not make it hard for other people! Let the poor dude look out his window for his 30 seconds eye break without worrying about being called a pervert. Catching a glimpse of someone naked by accident shouldn't be a norm.

DRAW. YOUR. CURTAINS.

Needless to say, no one wants to deal with the awkwardness that ensues witnessing one of your friends naked, or having them see you naked accidentally. So unless you enjoy baring it all to anyone and everyone, close your curtains, draw your blinds, and shut the doors before you start stripping.

5. Door-to-Door Sales

Knock knock. Who's there? Just your door-to-door salesperson selling herself by the hour. According to some ex-hall students, those who live in residences with a higher population of foreign students often get offered sex at their door. As sad as it sounds, this is one of the limited ways foreign students can support themselves financially. Legally, they're not allowed to work and it's not easy finding consistent gigs that will pay cash under the table.

Wise Words

A word of advice from hall residents is to research on the hall’s ‘personality’ before you sign up. It’s weird how a building has a defined character, but check out their respective Facebook pages and you’ll discover the hall’s spunky personality and dominating trait – sporty, quiet, clubber siao, artsy fartsy, and more. You wouldn't want to be trapped in a sporty hall when your head gets more ball action than your hands. Here’s a tip for applicants with no inside connections: For halls that are more popular among freshmen, the committee tends to ignore applicants with a private Instagram account because they’re considered not ‘opened’ enough. While it is arguably unethical and not every hall has this practice, why risk it? Make your accounts public! Also read, What It Means To Have A University Degree In 2016.

They say your first love is the most romantic love story you'll live. That's because it will be the first time you get butterflies in your tummy, feel your heart racing, and have your breath taken away. And these intense feelings of romantic love are one of the best feelings in the world. As we tread on into 2018 and look back on the memories we’ve made and the old photos we've kept, some of us recall the nostalgic memories we had in our love lives. Like how we first fell in love, or had our first kiss. Curious, we asked some friends about how they ‘lost’ their first kiss. Here are their stories of youth and innocence.

1. Pushed Against The Wall

“I had a huge crush on this senior in secondary school. We would always be bantering during our Co-Curricular Activity (CCA) practices, and our peers would tease us about being ‘steads’ as well. I wasn’t sure if he liked me back but I was too shy to ask. One day when we were waiting for our CCA practice to start, we bumped into each other near the school toilet. There wasn’t anyone there at that time. We started chatting and teasing each other as usual, then he suddenly pushed me against the wall with both my hands up and his face right in front of mine. I was so nervous my heart was going to explode. Then he kissed me and it was such a glorious feeling.” – Emily, 26

2. Too Much Action

“I was dating my first girlfriend in secondary school and was sending her home after our third or fourth date. We were flirting and lingered at her void deck for a bit, then I decided to just go in for the kiss. I think she had been waiting for the kiss for really long because the moment our lips touch, I could feel her gasp as she pushed her tongue in, vigorously. I thought my first kiss would be a sweet and romantic one but it was so wet and sloppy, I avoided kissing her for a while." – Ken, 31

3. Centrifugal Force

“I was in secondary three and he was my senior in school. He was my first love and we had been dating for awhile. We were taking the bus back after school one day when it happened. Just when the bus was making a sharp turn, he pretended to lean over because of the centrifugal force and kissed me.  It may have been just a peck but it gave me tingles all over my body. It was even more thrilling because we were still in our school uniform. Luckily, we didn’t get caught.” – Brenda, 27

4. Naughty Prefects

“I was a prefect in Secondary school, but the ‘asshole’ kind who became one to escape from being punished for breaking rules myself. It was after school and there weren’t many people left. I was just chilling in the prefect's room with the girl I was dating, who was also a prefect. We happened to be alone and took advantage of that. I went in for the kiss and we ended up making out in the prefect's room. Best evening of my entire school life.” – Dan, 24

5. Kindergarten Lovers

“I was crying a lot at our kindergarten ballet rehearsal and wouldn’t stop no matter how my teachers tried to console me. Then this girl I liked and always played with, Sarah, came over to comfort me. She kissed my lips, hugged me and stroked my hair. She probably saw her parents do it or something, but can you imagine two toddlers doing this? Needless to say, the kiss and hug did stop me from crying.” – Eugene, 27

6. The Very Shy Girl

“I was dating this very shy girl in secondary 3. She was so shy that she would literally run away whenever she was awkward or when she didn’t know how to react. I remember asking her to be my girlfriend at Thomson Plaza and she just ran out of the mall because she didn’t know how to react. I gave her my first kiss on this very long escalator at Dhoby Ghaut. I couldn’t stand waiting anymore so I just took a step down below her, faced her, held her chin, and gave her a peck on the lips. She looked so stunned and because I did that at the beginning of the escalator, we rode down the escalator looking at each other in absolute silence. When we exited the gantry, she just walked away without saying anything and I went my way.” – Daniel, 26

7. Brace Face

“I was kind of seeing this girl back in poly. Nothing serious yet but we were going out on dates. One night, we were walking somewhere romantic and she leaned in to kiss me. We tried to continue kissing but our braces got in the way. Our teeth and braces kept ‘hitting’ each other so we gave up.” – Jordan, 30

8. Three Girls, Three Guys

"I was at a club in Taiwan with two girlfriends. In a club full of locals, guess who we danced with? Yep, Singaporeans. Not even sure how we managed to end up with Singaporeans. There were three of them too and I remember them saying it was their ORD trip. My friends and I (all at 18) lost our first kisses to those three guys, whom we don’t even remember their names of. And we didn't just kiss one guy. We were all so tipsy, I think we made out with 'each other's guy'. We took turns kissing each of them. It wasn't weird then but thinking back, on a sober mind: what the heck were we even doing?!” – Min, 21 Also read, Millennials Share Their Biggest Relationship Mistakes So You Wouldn’t Make The Same Ones.

There were always thoughts of changing my face, my identity, and becoming somebody else entirely. I thought of myself as a female a lot and all through my teenage years, I wished that I would wake up in the right body one day. It took me a long time before I realised that I may be transgender.

Battling My Inner Conflicts

Looking back, I’ve always known. I just couldn’t put the words to the undercurrent of discomfort, couldn’t make sense of the thoughts and feelings I had. There were so many previous beliefs and assumptions that I had to discard before I could understand what it all meant. For one, a highly heteronormative view we all have is that your gender must be concretely tied to your sexual orientation, that a man must be sexually attracted to a woman and vice versa. However, I’ve learnt that your gender (male or female) does not have any bearing on your sexual attraction. I may be biologically a male who identifies as a female, yet still primarily attracted to women. For me, it doesn’t exclude an attraction to men as well.

“I would spend my entire life trying to suppress these feelings of being in the wrong body.”

Then, there’s religion. If I had accepted the religion I was brought up with, I would spend my entire life trying to suppress these feelings of being in the wrong body. As the Good Book says in Deuteronomy 22:5, "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." Having brought up to internalise these beliefs as the norm, it was that much harder to accept myself and my thoughts.

Coming Out

“I confessed... to my fiancee.”

Coming out was a long and hard process. I spent a year thinking about how much harder life would be, about getting accepted by society, presenting as female, and what all of that would entail. In the end, I knew that I had to at least try to become the person I wanted to be, even if it’s an uphill struggle. I finally came out as a transgender woman four years ago, at 21. While I have been fortunate to not face much discrimination from the public, it wasn’t that easy back at home. Firstly, I was engaged to my girlfriend. She was the first person I came out to as transgender. And as difficult as it was for me to come to terms with myself, it was equally hard for her to acknowledge that her long-time boyfriend is coming out as a female. The only thing she said back then was something like, "I'll... do my best to understand." After a challenging 6 months, she accepted me as transgender. We eventually made a commitment to support each other, be it emotionally, financially, or physically – even if it meant scrutiny from others. We are now adjusting to this ‘new reality’ and also continuing with our plans to get married. For all of that, I am grateful. With her support, I came out to some of my closer friends as well.

The Hardest Hit

However, I never intended to come out to my parents, unless I had absolutely no choice. I had already been treated with scorn when I told my highly religious parents that I am an Atheist, and sat through three hours of a pastor (a friend of my mother’s) explaining to me why I ought to give God a chance. I had already been called a disgrace and the family disappointment when I left junior college to study theatre arts at LASELLE. I had already been called ‘disgusting’ when I confessed to them about being bisexual. What other painful remarks would they make if I told them I am transgender? I didn’t want to know.

"In my mother’s eyes, I was a rebellion against God. In my father’s eyes, I was a rebellion against him."

The truth came out when my mum discovered that I was taking estrogen pills. Needless to say, they didn’t take it well at all. My father constantly reminds me that my "life choices" will eventually ruin me and almost daily, my parents will remind me that because I am born a male, I will always be a male. My father also loves to say that I'd end up, in his own words, "不像人，不像鬼", which loosely translates to mean that I’d end up neither a human nor a ghost – implying that I’d never truly be female and never fully a male. They don't seem to understand that all those words are extremely hurtful, furthermore so as they come from family. And (I think) they sincerely believe that they are leading me back to the path of righteousness.

Living An Authentic Life

It was a long time and many nights of crying alone before I finally accepted the fact that my family would never be able to accept me wholeheartedly. Eventually, I stopped bothering.

“I’d just smile and agree with them instead of arguing because it’s so much easier than fighting, and far less painful.”

Today, I’m not living as female as yet because I'm not fully comfortable with the way people may respond. To strangers, I'm still entirely male. However, being transgender for me has mainly been about living the most authentic life I can under the circumstances of Singapore’s extremely anti-LGBT laws. Learning to accept my own body, and coming to terms with the fact that it will never be an idealised female form was the most difficult, but I am so much better as a person now. I am calmer and have a clearer sense of who I am. Most importantly, I feel so much more comfortable with being my true and authentic self in front of my loved ones. Life is not about pain, suffering, and renunciation, and it should never have to be seen as such. Despite all the obstacles I’ve faced and am still facing, these words from my favourite author, Ayn Rand, pushes me to live a fuller life every day: “Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.” – Clara, 24 Also read, “I Kept Hearing Voices Of People Criticising Me, And I Could No Longer Tell What Was Real”.

Caution: This article contains potentially triggering content. “Hey, do you remember Anthony*?” “Yeah, why?” “He’s gone…” I was in my early twenties then, still finding myself in the corporate world, and my poly classmate had just taken his life. I remember how confused I was when I saw that text message, and the shock that followed when my friend confirmed that Anthony is really gone. I wasn't particularly close to Anthony, but I knew him nonetheless, and I teared when his loved ones delivered their eulogies during the funeral service: “He was always so jovial and giving.” It was this sentence that hit me hard, because he was exactly that kind of person in poly—happy and jovial—yet, depression took him. Similarly, I can only imagine how painful it must be for the family, friends, and fans worldwide when Linkin Park’s lead singer, <a href=" Bennington took his own life. People were shocked at the severity of his depression.

This is what depression looked like to us just 36 hrs b4 his death. He loved us SO much & we loved him. #fuckdepression #MakeChesterProud pic.twitter.com/VW44eOER4k

— Talinda Bennington (@TalindaB) September 16, 2017

Depression has no face. There are no red flags, no clues, and no measurements to identify someone with depression because each person suffers from and deals with depression differently as well. To understand more about what people with depression actually go through, we reached out to 8 Singaporeans who have fought (or are still fighting) the illness. Here are photos that will give you insights into their lives when they had depression. *Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

1. Jar Of Goodness

“When we're depressed, we often forget the good things about ourselves. We think we're useless, weak, hopeless, and ugly. That's Depression speaking. And Depression lies. I keep this 'Jar of Goodness', which is filled with positive quotes to remind myself that Depression is wrong. I keep it to remind myself of the truth, the good people see in me, and the good I see in myself." – Nawira

2. Tattoos

“Depression has gotten the better of me more often than not. It comes gradually but also suddenly. I got these tattoos as they are of the dreams I have and the things I love. It's also a reminder that all things, good or bad, are temporary.”

– Marc

3. Lotus Flowers 

“I shut everyone out when I’m depressed and I become irrationally terrified of speaking to anyone. I also have suicidal thoughts pretty much every day. The only thing stopping me from doing anything stupid is the thought of how it’ll affect my mother. I’m still finding ways to cope with depression right now. One of the ways is finding my way back to religion. I’ve started wearing prayer beads and got myself this lotus bell jar. The lotus is an amazing flower. It is so pure despite its muddy beginnings and that’s where I hope to be one day. Since it features so strongly in Buddhism, it’s also extra significant for me.” – A

4. Pain

“My belief was 'only pain can overcome pain'. During periods where I couldn't evoke feelings like happiness, sadness, or even anger, the pain was the only way for me to feel less empty. The sight of blood was somewhat satisfying to me too as it was the equivalence of a release, as opposed to suppressing the fear of being a liability to people around me. The scars above the cut have been there since I started physically harming myself in secondary school, but I didn't realise what I was going through exactly, until I got diagnosed last year.” – V

5. Alcohol

“Antidepressants aren't a panacea. They just prevented me from getting worse, or so I thought. Trying weed and other drugs only made me more depressed especially after the 'high' wore off. So I turned to alcohol. It was the only legal substance that made me feel better. I battle with depression every single day and on certain days, I'd turn to alcohol. I know it's not the cure, but it has helped me deal with my thoughts.” – S

6. Constant Self-Reminders

“I would create my own wallpapers with different motivational sentences every 2 weeks. It was to remind myself of the kind of thoughts I should have. It helped me through all my bad days and has saved me from full-blown panic attacks. On good days, reminding myself what to think of before bad days come, helps a lot.” – E

7. Counseling

“These receipts of my counselling sessions were a significant part of me for awhile. The many sessions of counselling helped me get a hold of myself. It introduced new perspectives to me and changed my mindset. Coupled with medication, the many consultations with my psychiatrist helped me recover when the depressive part of bipolar disorder kicked in. Importantly, the moral support from friends and family made my recovery a much smoother one.” – Allan

8. Trapped 

“I tried to kill myself and was stopped. I was on the ledge on of an unoccupied block of flats when Hafiz, my boyfriend, found me. When I saw the desperation in his eyes, I just couldn’t do it. I was then admitted to the psych ward for treatment. If only people knew the horrors of the psych ward: the 5-point restraint, the thought of being in a mental institute, the many guards to your ward, and the injections just to calm you down. Seeing other patients go through that made me angry despite recoiling in horror, and there was nothing I could do. Because who would believe mental patients like us when we're seen as crazy? Who would listen?" – F

Don’t Undermine The Seriousness Of Depression

From a friend who had depression, “depressed people almost never look depressed, they may even look the happiest to cover it up.” Sufferers often keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves because they don’t want to be a liability. And with everything bottled up, it’s easy to slide into darkness. Let us pay a little more attention to our loved ones. Be aware and listen more. Don’t let the impalpable and unnoticeable beast, Depression, win. Also read, “I Kept Hearing Voices Of People Criticising Me, And I Could No Longer Tell What Was Real”.